Chapter Five
TATE
How can I be ecstatically happy for Olivia, but miserable for myself at the same time?
These two emotions should not exist at the same time within myself.
But I’m doing my best despite it all. Everyone has arrived for the wedding now.
Most aren’t staying at the villa as that’s reserved for family, but Olivia is in full bride mode.
She’s so beautiful that my heart aches when I catch a glimpse of her.
Gone is the little girl that followed me everywhere, the girl that wanted to be just like me when she grew up.
Now she’s going on to make her own life.
I only hope she makes so many different decisions than me.
The rehearsal is taking place back in the garden, with a dinner afterward under the dusky evening sky.
Dressed in my second-best suit, I descend the stairs, only to find Sully waiting anxiously.
Shifting from foot to foot, he looks so adorably flustered that I can’t help but smile.
Everything about Sully is genuine and vulnerable.
“Hi,” I say from the second to last step. Our eyes are even now and his gaze locks on mine so heavily that a shiver dances up my spine.
Sully holds out his hand. “Be my date, tonight?”
I stare down at his hand. “Sully…”
“Just for now,” Sully says, but his smile is pained. “For tomorrow too. Okay?”
I swallow around the sudden lump in my throat. “Okay, Sully.”
Our hands fit together perfectly. Sully tangles his fingers with mine, his thumb rubbing gently across my knuckles. I want to argue with him that this is a bad idea, that he has no idea what he’s asking.
Rows of chairs are lined up just inside the garden on the back of the property. Sully squeezes my hand tightly, kisses the apple of my cheek, then helps me navigate to the seat at the front reserved for family.
“I’ve gotta do my part, but we’ll spend the rest of the evening together. Okay?”
My eyebrows furrow as I stare up at him. “Sully, what’s—”
“Just,” Sully interrupts me with a grimace. “After, okay?”
I nod and watch him disappear back toward the rest of the wedding party.
My heart is beating out of my chest as I wait for the rehearsal to commence.
So many years ago this was me. Olivia was a teen at my own wedding, excited at the prospect of one day having her own fairy-tale nuptials.
I’m so glad she’s found a good man in Bailey.
Maybe she’ll be the lucky one of us to get it right the first time, make less mistakes than I did.
At this point, I’m not even sure I know how to make a relationship work.
I love my job, love what I do, and I’m not sure a person that can deal with me constantly being away exists.
But my god, it sounds like a beautiful dream.
Without meaning to, I start to imagine that life with Sully.
What would it be like to come home from a long shift to find Sully waiting for me on the couch with a glass of wine and a smile?
Could I take time away from my job to watch some of his games, support him when he feels like he’s not important enough to be seen?
Music starts as my stepmother begins to walk down the aisle.
She sits beside me with a hesitant smile, patting my leg in that familiar way she has since I was a kid.
The groomsmen and bridesmaids are next, but my eye is caught on Sully as he comes down the aisle with the maid of honor.
His size dwarfs her and I can see the hunch of his shoulders to make himself seem smaller.
At least when he’s with me, he doesn’t have the need to make himself smaller. I hope he doesn’t.
When they split apart, my gaze still snags on Sully standing at the front of the makeshift altar.
Flowers over the arch sway in the breeze, so does Sully’s perpetually messy blond hair.
The music swells and I know I’m supposed to turn around but I can’t.
Sully’s eyes pierce through me and my skin feels two sizes too small.
I can hear my heart racing in my ears, the blood pulsing to my head as vertigo overtakes me.
I should be watching Olivia, not stuck in a magnetic stare-off with Sully. But my god, I can’t look away.
A small, gentle smile tugs at his lips as our gazes remain locked.
I can’t help but return his smile. Sully has that effect on me.
Feelings I haven’t felt in a long time brew to life inside me, my chest warming as we continue to hold each other's gaze. I blink and there’s cheering, the rehearsal suddenly over as Olivia is kissed by her soon-t0-be husband.
Everyone leaves toward the villa for dinner, but I’m rooted to my seat by a force I can’t explain.
Sully slowly makes his way toward me, all broad shoulders and smiles.
He holds his hand out to me again and I take it without a second thought.
When his skin touches mine, it feels right, feels like maybe that’s where my hand has always belonged.
Sully tugs me toward him until our chests brush, forcing me to look up at him.
“Tate,” Sully says softly. His voice sends a shiver down my spine. “Be mine tonight?”
I drop my head against his chest. “You’re killing me.”
“Killing you with romance?”
I laugh lightly. “Just a little, baby.”
Sully pulls away, wraps an arm around my shoulder, and guides me back toward the dinner area.
I lean into his side, comforted by his presence.
Just a handful of days ago I was dreading this entire affair, afraid that all the emotions inside me would consume me, ruin my ability to feel any sort of joy for my sister.
But with Sully at my side, it’s all been so much easier.
The long table is full of delicious-smelling food.
Sully pulls my chair out for me, making a flush work its way up my neck and into my cheeks.
He sits beside me, curving his arm around the back of my chair again.
“Do you think you’re going to the next Super Bowl?” someone from across the table asks Sully.
Sully shrugs as he makes me a plate of food. “It would be nice if I get another ring my final year, but it’s not up to me. Maybe with Bailey on the roster.” Sully grins and sends a wink Bailey’s way.
Bailey groans and shakes his head. “So much pressure.”
“Big-time QB!” someone else shouts.
Sully looks happy to have the conversation diverted from him so that he can focus loading up his own plate. I lean into his side until he turns his gaze to me.
“I didn’t know this was your last last year.”
Sully chuckles. “I kind of told you earlier. I just want something else, too tired to keep putting my body through all the demands of the game. Want something else now.”
“A family?” I whisper, mouth suddenly dry.
Sully’s eyes sparkle and he goes back to his plate of food.
The food is delicious as usual, but my brain can’t focus on it.
All I can think about is the solid weight of Sully beside me, the weight of his future that he so badly wants to control, and about all the pressure I put on myself that’s never been necessary. A mess of my own making.
The stars come out as the dinner goes on, wine flows, and laughter fills the air.
Two glasses of wine have me feeling just a little warm, enough so that I lean my head against Sully’s shoulder as he carries on a conversation across the table.
His fingers draw dizzying loops against my biceps and my eyes fall closed at the tender touch.
Oh, to be touched with loving intent after so many years of no touch at all.
“Tate?” Sully whispers against my ear.
“Hmm?”
“Let’s go upstairs.”
Sully manhandles me to standing, then tugs me inside without any argument from me.
The lighting is dim as we ascend the stairs, navigating away from my room on the second floor, instead taking the three flights up to his room.
I’ve not been in here yet. Something inside me cracks and reforms when Sully’s hand shakes as he opens his bedroom door.
Placing my hand over his, I finish pushing the door open, tugging him inside by our still joined hands.
“Sully,” I whisper softly between us. Moonlight slashes across Sully’s face, and I notice for the first time that the wrinkles beside his eyes are deeper than usual. He looks sad, no, not sad, he looks distraught. “Sully,” I say again just before wrapping him up in my arms.
His arms curl around me as he tugs me against his body. I let him hold me, knowing that he needs the comfort that my body oddly gives him.
“You feel so right in my arms,” Sully admits, tone defeated.
I squeeze my eyes shut at his painful words.
Oh. This is no good. I navigate through the dark room, push Sully onto the bed, and go about undressing him.
My fingers trail the bare skin that appears as I lift his shirt up.
His breath stutters out of him, making me puff up with pride that I could have such an effect on this beautiful man.
When I start to unbuckle his pants, his hands come up to grab mine.
“Not tonight,” Sully pleads, as if afraid not wanting sex will put a stop to our evening. My sweet man.
I leave one hand on his belt buckle, then use the other to brush the hair from his eyes. “Alright, baby. Alright.”
Sully closes his eyes tight as I continue to undress him.
I press a soft kiss to his strong thigh, smiling when the muscle bunches beneath my lips.
Once he’s left in just his boxer briefs, I hurriedly undress myself, and join him in the bed.
I wiggle under the covers until he follows, then tug the covers over our heads so we're in a world of our own.
“When I was a little boy, I was convinced aliens were going to abduct me in my sleep.”
Sully is frozen for one solid moment, before laughter shakes his entire body. His hand raises to wrap around my neck and he presses his forehead to mine. “Why would you be worried about that of all things?”