Chapter 41 #2
Tyler stands, waiting on the porch when I pull into my driveway, and joy at seeing him floods my senses so suddenly, I feel unsteady, dizzy with it.
The first thing I notice is he’s wearing a charcoal suit and tie, his facial hair neatly trimmed.
A lopsided grin plops onto my face, memorizing just how handsome he looks right now.
Tyler steps from the porch to meet me at my car, and the closer he gets, I see his brows are pinched and he’s not returning my smile.
“What’s going on? You’re all gussied up and your resting stress face is back.”
Tyler’s lip quirks, but just as quickly his jaw ticks and the frown returns. I’ve only ever seen Tyler solid and steady, but right now he is neither of those things.
“Jo, before we go inside, I need to say something.” As he speaks, he takes me by the elbow to guide me back toward the house.
When we’re at the porch, I climb to the top step and he’s two below, bringing us nearly eye to eye.
He draws in a slow breath. “We have to tell Abby. Today, preferably. I can’t keep doing this.
It’s gutting me knowing my daughter”—he jabs a finger toward the house—“is right there and she has no idea. This isn’t fair to me or to her. ”
I don’t move, rather I let his words settle over me.
“But listen to me, Jo.” Tyler’s voice breaks.
“I have to get this right. There’s no room for error here.
I missed years of her life and that alone is enough to bring me to my knees with regret.
There are no screw-ups from here on out. Please tell me how to do that.”
His words, his voice, the way it breaks, cracks my thawing heart and I reach for his arm.
“Tyler,” I say gently, “there will always be mess-ups. To some extent, every parent fucks up their kids. None of us will escape this life without needing therapy. Your parents are great, but they’ve fucked you up a little.
” Tyler’s eyes narrow, and I squeeze the arm my hand is resting on wanting to hug him and shake him both at the same time.
“Listen to me. You want to know how to be a parent? You’re already doing it.
” Then in a whisper, I repeat, “You’re already doing it. ”
Tyler’s thrumming his thumb on his thigh, his tell-tale sign he’s nervous.
We stand there for a long moment, both letting the other’s words sink in. “So, how do we do this?” I finally ask.
“You mean how do we explain that night, or that, despite my absence, I’m Abby’s father?”
Before I can answer, a quiet gasp comes from the door, and Tyler and I both turn. To my great horror, Abby stands there, one hand covering her mouth, eyes brimming with tears.
“I knew it,” she whispers as her face crumples and she bolts down the hallway. I dart after her with Tyler following close behind.
This is not how I wanted this to go down, but here we are, facing it, nonetheless. We pass Jay’s room, and thankfully he has his headset on. At Abby’s bedroom door, I pause and turn to Tyler.
“Follow my lead. Based on that reaction, I honestly don’t know where her thoughts are right now.” Tyler nods, and I lead him in, shutting her door behind me. Abby’s head is buried in her pillow, muffled sobs coming from her. I sit on the edge of her bed to rub gentle circles on her back.
“Abby?” She doesn’t acknowledge me, so I say her name again, this time more firmly. “Abby, we have to talk about this.”
Eventually she rolls over, dragging herself to a sitting position. Her face is red and splotchy, and when she looks up, it’s not at me, but at Tyler.
“I wanted it to be you.” Her voice cracks. “For a while I convinced myself it was you, then I decided I was stupid.”
“Abs, nobody thinks you’re stupid,” Tyler says softly. “Your mom and I never could decide the right time or how to tell you.”
“One day, you were just here, and honestly, the way you kept popping up was kinda weird.” She lets out a soggy laugh, and Tyler and I exchange amused smiles. “But I think from the beginning I knew who you were.”
Then her face scrunches and in a flash, she hurls herself off the bed toward Tyler, arms wrapping around his middle sobbing into his shirt. Tyler folds her into his arms, and my own tears fall freely now.
Abby pulls back to look up at her dad. “Are you here for good?”
Tyler nods. “I’m not going anywhere. You have my word.”
I walk over to smooth Abby’s hair, smiling up at Tyler. But my hand stalls when Abby says, “So, I’m still confused. Were you two dating and lost touch, or what?”
My eyes go impossibly wide, and Tyler clears his throat.
Our prolonged silence has Abby looking between us, brows pinched like she’s working through a puzzle. “Oh god,” she says, dramatically gagging. “I don’t need to know.”
I run to my bedroom and grab the note, and Tyler and I sit with Abby on her bed, fumbling through the most G-rated version we can cobble together.
There’s lots of stammering, and talking over each other, but finally we get out enough explanation for Abby to see how unavoidable this whole thing really was.
“So, what do I call you?” Abby asks, peering up at Tyler with matching eyes.
“What do you want to call me?”
Abby looks toward Jay’s room, and back to Tyler. “I’d like to call you dad, but what about Jay?”
Tyler’s eyes connect with mine over Abby’s head, and there are no words to describe all the emotions swimming in his hazel depths.
We both assure her we’ll figure Jay out, and until we do, she’ll continue calling him Tyler.
It’s only hours later, curled up in bed with my book, the thought strikes me. Tyler never did explain to me where he was today.