Chapter 42
“Yeah, Austin. It’s all lined up. You and Penny have reservations for three nights at the Bellagio.” A pause for him to ask a few more questions. “Yes. The driver will pick you guys up at the airport.” Another pause. “Yeah, man, you’re all good. Listen, I need to go. Everything is in the email.”
Austin and Penny leave for an awards show in an hour, and Austin’s anxious about traveling with Penny pregnant. She’s not even three months along, but he’s worked himself up over it. I get it, though. This is new for him, and in his shoes I’d probably be the same way.
But today I’ve got a lot to do. There’s the meeting at the bank in ten minutes, then Jo asked me to come over to talk.
A week ago, a text saying can we talk would have tightened the knot of tension in my chest but today when it popped up on my phone, that knot loosened, leaving me able to breathe easier.
There was already a lot to discuss, and after my visit with Chad yesterday, there’s even more.
I responded, asking if she could meet me at my place instead, and she replied with a thumbs up.
I make my way into the bank feeling confident about this decision.
The entire process is relatively quick, and I leave with keys in hand ready to talk with Jo.
On the way I make the call to the movers, relieved my time in that god-forsaken apartment is coming to a close.
There’s nothing about that place I’ll miss.
I park on the street, and in my rearview mirror I see Jo pulling in right behind me.
We get out of our cars at the same time, my thumb drumming a steady rhythm against my thigh.
I don’t know how she’ll respond to the news about Chad.
Yes, she said she wanted this, but when I was lying in bed last night, the terrible karaoke from the bar wasn’t the only thing keeping me awake.
All I kept thinking was, I did it again.
I jumped in and fixed something without giving the person a chance for themselves.
I need to get this conversation with Jo right.
But when she offers a soft smile, the nerves ease and we climb the steps and go inside.
When I take a seat on my couch, Jo doesn’t sit on the other end like I half expected her to.
She sits right beside me, pulling one leg up while the other dangles off the couch.
She’s close enough for her scent to invade me, and for a second, I forget how to think.
I notice her thumbs twirling over themselves, and reach over to cover her hands with mine. Looks like she’s nervous too.
Her eyes meet mine and I quirk a brow.
“I think we need to talk. And let me get it all out before you speak or I’ll lose my nerve.”
She pauses, takes a breath, then powers through.
“When I overheard you mention leaving, I panicked. I still don’t know what that was about, and instead of letting you explain, I shut you out.
Fear took over and I did what I always do.
I ran.” Jo snorts out a laugh and adds, “I mean, not physically. The only reason I’d run physically is if someone is chasing me. ”
“I know what you meant, love. You ran emotionally.”
Jo nods and goes on, eyes fixed on something just past my shoulder.
Like if she looks at me too long, she might not be able to say the things she needs to.
“I’m the poster child for fight or flight mode, Tyler.
I thought by shutting you out, I was protecting myself from pain.
But all I did was hurt you. I hurt Abby and Jay.
And I hurt myself. Last week I was miserable. ”
“Believe me, the feeling was mutual, Jo.”
She finally turns sky blue eyes to me. “I’ve done this over and over my whole life. I convince myself I don’t need anyone because that feels safer than trust. The only people I really trust are Penny and Lisa.” She pauses. “Well, honestly, our whole little group, but that’s the extent of it.”
Jo takes my hands in hers, eyes roaming my face before meeting mine. “And now you. This week I realized I trust you. I pushed you away because you matter so much to me Tyler…too much, maybe. But I’m tired of letting fear be the loudest voice in my head.”
I stay silent, letting her get it all out. I want her to have every second she needs.
“I know I hurt you,” she whispers. “I know I screwed up. All I can do is hope you’ll forgive me for how I acted.
The day I overheard your phone call I should have paused long enough to let you explain.
Believe me, one thing I learned last week is hurting everyone around me solves nothing.
But I want to do it differently now. I want to stop waiting for it all to fall apart.
I want to believe that someone could stay… and maybe that someone is you?”
My chest rises on a breath while I study Jo’s breathtaking face.
Even more beautiful because she’s brave enough to be vulnerable with me.
What courage it must take for someone as strong as this woman to expose herself to me like this.
What a treasure she truly is to me. Now, though, it’s time for me to be honest with her.
“Jo, I need to show you something.”
She nods, and I go to the nightstand to retrieve the paperwork Chad signed.
Returning to the couch, I hand it over to Jo.
She opens it, eyes scanning the page while I wait anxiously for a response.
She’s quiet, brows furrowed, and for a moment I fear she won’t see this for what it is.
A promise. A way to say I’m not going anywhere.
“What is this, Tyler?” Her voice trembles and one hand goes to her mouth.
“I wasn’t leaving in the way you thought I meant.
When Kate was researching the principal, I also asked her to find Chad.
That’s where I went, to pay him a visit.
Honestly, I had no idea how you’d react to my plan—but for us to have a future together, I had to face him man to man.
” I huff a humorless laugh. “He’s a piece of shit, that guy.
Not sure I can call him a man. He signed away his rights to Jay. ”
Jo’s mouth turns down and her eyes well up. Shit. This is all coming out wrong and I’m fucking it up.
“You did this without talking to me first?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a breath to try and steady my pulse. Why did I think leaving Jo out of this decision made any sense at all? Her children are her entire world, and I stepped in and made this decision for her.
“I thought I was helping. You wanted a clean slate from him and now you have it.”
She reads over the paper again, eyes moving over each line before landing on his signature at the bottom. “While I wish you’d told me you were doing this, I’m surprisingly not mad.”
“No?”
Jo shakes her head and I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, relief crashing over me.
“No. You gave me closure. I feel like this dark cloud has lifted and I’m free from him.”
Her cheeks lift as her face splits into the most devastating smile and I know I have to lay it all out on the line.
“Jo. I’d want you in every lifetime, in every version of myself, in every parallel universe we might exist in. We can make this work. I know we can.” I motion between us. “Our kids are a bonus.”
Her chin begins to wobble. “Our kids?”
Taking her face in my hands, I force her gaze up to meet mine.
I need her to see the truth in my eyes. “Listen to me. I want to spend forever with you. I want you as my wife, I want Abby as my daughter, and if I can have your blessing, I’d like the option to adopt Jay.
It doesn’t have to be soon. Whenever you’re ready and you think he’s ready.
I want to be a family with all three of you. ”
Fresh tears fill Jo’s eyes and she shakes her head. “You want all three of us?” she asks quietly.
“Yeah, Jo. I do.”
“I’m messy. You know this, right? And you’re…” She stops and motions around to the pristine room we’re sitting in.
“Yes, love. I know this.”
“Well, I’m also a lot. I’m loud. I have no filter.
I love big but I take a minute to accept love in return.
I jump to the worst conclusions and then overthink them until my mind feels like a tilt-a-whirl.
I’m rarely on time, and you’re Mr. Punctual.
If you can’t handle all of me, you don’t get any of me.
So I need you to think long and hard about if this is really what you want. ”
“Done. Already thought of this. Tell me the worst parts of yourself, and watch me stay.”
She exhales like she’s been holding that breath for years, and when she leans into me, I don’t hesitate. I pull her to me and press a kiss to the top of her head. But then she pulls away, suddenly.
“And how do you know you’re not confusing a sense of obligation for these feelings?”
This woman. She is bound and determined to talk me out of loving her, wanting her for the rest of my life.
I scrub a hand down my face and shake my head, more amused than frustrated. “Josie. You really think I’d do all this”—I point to the paper in her lap—“track down Chad, talk him into signing rights over, plan a whole future in my head, because I feel obligated?”
Her lips press together like she’s trying not to cry again.
I lower my voice and take her hand in mine.
“I don’t see you as a responsibility, love.
” My voice cracks, and I take a beat to gather myself.
“I see you as everything. You will always be everything to me. I want to be with you simply because I can’t imagine living a day of my life without you in it. ”
Standing I go to pick up my old copy of A Farewell to Arms. The very one I was reading the night the most amazing woman walked into my life. When I get back to her, I drop it in her lap.”
Jo’s brows pull together. “You said this was private.”
“Open it.”