Chapter 11
CHAPTER
ELEVEN
KOA
“So you’re just going to avoid home forever?” Preston asked over the video game he’d been playing with Koa for the last hour.
It was usually one Koa was pretty good at, but tonight he’d lost every single game. He wanted to focus on the players on the screen, but instead, the image of Mia cuddling his nephew was engraved in his mind.
“Not forever. Just until Mia moves out,” Koa replied as he got tackled on screen yet again.
“That sounds like a stupid plan,” Preston deadpanned as he chose his next play. “But you keep doing what you’re doing, and I’ll keep winning.”
Koa could feel more than see his friend’s smile in the low light of Preston’s living room. After his lifeguard shift that day, he’d come straight to Preston’s tiny one bedroom apartment. The white walls and minimal furniture, but giant TV, screamed bachelor pad.
“What else am I supposed to do?” Koa asked wanting to fling his controller across the room in frustration. Not only was he unable to get Mia out of his head, if he kept losing like this, Preston would never let him live it down.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe ask her out?” Preston said before jumping up to celebrate his onscreen touchdown.
“That’s rich, coming from you.” Koa didn’t need to speak aloud that his friend hadn’t been on a date in years.
“This is a chosen lifestyle. I’m not mooning over my housemate and clearly miserable. I’m single and happy,” Preston replied flippantly.
Koa couldn’t deny that. Preston did seem happy. Koa didn’t know why Preston didn’t date, he didn’t like to talk about his past much, but he did know that it was a choice Preston had made. One that seemed to be working out for him.
Maybe that’s what Koa needed to do. Decide to not date. Ever. That seemed better than what he was enduring at the moment.
“You know I can’t ask her out,” Koa said as he set down his controller. He was done losing for the night.
“Can’t or won’t?” Preston replied, changing the game to one-player mode. He knew Koa was done without a single word being exchanged.
Koa leaned back onto Preston’s couch. He couldn’t.
It wasn’t that he wouldn’t. That would be cowardly.
He couldn’t, because he knew in his gut Mia would go back to the mainland one day.
She had been born and raised there. Even for women who said they wanted to make Maui home, it just didn’t happen. At least not in Koa’s experience.
“Ugh,” Preston said as he took a beating now that he was playing alone. “It was a lot more fun when I was kicking your okole.”
Koa ignored his friend.
“Have you asked her?” Preston asked, setting his remote aside.
Of course, Preston knew who and what was consuming his thoughts.
“What would I ask?”
“If she’s staying?” Preston held up a hand as if he knew what Koa’s defense would be. “Not every woman is Talia.”
Preston cocked his head as he considered his friend. “Are you still in love with her?”
Koa shook his head immediately. If he was honest, he’d started falling out of love with Talia during their engagement.
Something had felt off, as if he’d known that she was going to leave him at the altar, but in the end he’d stayed with her.
Was ready to commit to her. And then she’d blindsided him in a way he’d never experienced. A blow that undid him.
“So you’re afraid of being hurt?” Preston asked.
“Not afraid,” Koa responded immediately.
Preston raised an eyebrow. “What would you call it then?”
Koa paused. What would he call it? He’d call it being cautious. Being smart. He cracked his neck this way than that, knowing he was lying to himself.
Because he was afraid. Afraid of being hurt again.
He blew out a breath. Cowardice wasn’t who he was. Koa never allowed himself to operate from a place of fear. He’d always prided himself in facing his fears. And yet since Talia…
“You know what’s crazy to me? You asked out all those girls from the luau, all the tourists leaving in the next couple days…you did that easily. But now? The reason you can’t ask out Mia is that she could possibly be leaving. What does that say to you?”
Koa leaned back further, not liking how much sense Preston was making.
“You already like her. More than you did any of those other women. More than you have anyone in a long time. You aren’t afraid that she could leave. You aren’t afraid that she reminds you of a girl you once knew. You’re afraid of how much you already care about her.”
That was deep. Too deep.
Koa blinked before standing.
“Smart man,” Preston congratulated.
Koa shook his head. He wasn’t going home because of what Preston said. He was going home because it was late. Late enough that Mia would be in bed. It was a school night after all.
Koa started toward the door before stopping. “What are you afraid of?” he said, turning to look at his friend.
“Everything,” came Preston’s answer.
Preston turned his attention back to the TV, and Koa knew that was all he was going to get from him that night.
Koa didn’t understand it. Preston wasn’t afraid of anything at all. They rushed into burning buildings. They’d gone skydiving countless times. There wasn’t a food Preston hadn’t tried.
Preston must have meant that he was afraid of everything when it came to finding the right woman.
That, Koa could understand.
He pulled into the driveway of his dark home. He missed coming home at a time when the lights were still all on. When the dinner Tutu prepared wasn’t already cold. All because he wasn’t willing to risk the chance of running into Mia.
Was Preston right? Was Koa avoiding Mia because he already cared for her?
But that felt impossible. He’d only known her for a few weeks.
He had laundry that had been waiting to be washed for longer than he’d known Mia.
And those first few chance meetings had been a rescue, then the horrible badmouthing, then the alright presentation in her classroom—not really the moments that love was built on.
Even after she’d moved in, they’d only actually interacted a few times because he’d avoided her like the flu.
Sure, she was pretty. She, like Talia, resembled his childhood crush.
The fact that his childhood crush was an animated book-loving princess who fell for a beast was a little embarrassing but the truth.
If Koa was honest with himself, Mia was even more gorgeous than Talia.
But he’d met gorgeous women before. He’d kissed gorgeous women before.
But he wanted more from Mia than just to kiss her.
And that didn’t make sense. This draw to her, he couldn’t understand it. And that’s what scared him more than anything.
She lived in his house. She’d probably leave the island Koa would always call home. She was honestly out of his league. So many reasons this could all go wrong.
Koa got out of his truck.
And yet, now that he knew it was fear holding him back, he wanted to see her. Face his fear the way he always did.
He quietly opened the front door, but sure enough, every light in the front of the house was off.
He was too late to face his fear that night.
Would he have the courage to face her the next one?
Koa turned on the small light over the kitchen sink before going to the fridge to pull out the leftovers he knew Tutu had saved for him. He saw a Tupperware full of stir-fried veggies and shrimp as well as a Ziploc bag full of rice.
He got out a plate and filled it before placing it in the microwave.
It was probably better this way. If he’d seen Mia tonight, he would have done something rash, like asking her out just because it scared him.
And that was nearly as stupid as not asking her out because it scared him.
If he was going to ask her out, it was going to be because he wanted to.
Yes, she intrigued him, the way he felt about her was most intriguing of all, but he wasn’t ready to go out on a date with Mia.
He’d been in casual-dating mode up until three weeks before.
Could he really just flip a switch and now date because he wanted a future with a woman?
Part of him thought so, but if he wasn’t sure, he wasn’t ready. And to ask her out when he wasn’t ready wasn’t fair to Mia or himself.
He opened the microwave before it could beep, trying to stay as quiet as possible. He thought about eating with just the small light in the kitchen he’d already turned on but decided against it. He flipped on the dining room light just as a beautiful apparition appeared.
Mia gasped as Koa took a step back in alarm.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were out here,” Mia said.
Koa tried and failed not to let his eyes rove down the length of her body.
She wore little night shorts with lace at the edges and a tank top that molded to her body.
Koa’s racing heart told him just how much he liked her sleep wear.
He blinked, forcing his gaze to her face as she crossed her arms over her chest.
The last thing he wanted to do was make Mia feel uncomfortable. That thought and that thought alone kept him from letting his gaze wander once more.
“I just got home, and I’m warming up dinner,” Koa said and then cleared his throat because his voice hadn’t sounded at all like himself.
“It was good,” Mia said.
Koa raised his eyebrows.
She pointed to the plate at the table.
Right. Dinner was good.
He needed to get his mind working at its normal pace.
Mia lifted her arm to tuck some of her long brown hair behind her ear, and all bets were off. He’d done the same thing just a few nights before. His stomach flip-flopped remembering the way her skin had felt. What would she do if he touched her now?
He cracked his neck before taking his seat at the table, occupying his hands and thoughts with the food in front of him.
“How was your day?” Mia asked as she filled a glass with water.
Koa had hoped she’d see how flustered he was and leave him alone. No such luck.