32. Lila
THIRTY-TWO
LILA
I am a grown woman. A few days ago, I put on an incredible Fourth Fest—so I’ve heard. Today, I’m at a pristine lake with stunning mountain views, surrounded by my closest friends. Tomorrow, I’ll give my presentation to hopefully secure an important job promotion in my hometown. I have a lot going on.
Yet, all I can think about is the fact that Grant’s walking around without a shirt on. The shoulders on this man should have their own fan clubs. He’s a raging distraction and completely oblivious to it.
Well, okay. From Wren’s many unhelpful compliments, he can’t be totally oblivious. Still.
I can be strong. I’ll just have to look at him exactly never.
“This is gorgeous,” Grant says.
I make the mistake of facing him. He gestures at the water and the three mountains that loom in the distance. Caldera Lake is so clear, it’s practically a mirror reflecting the scene down to the last rock and tree.
I lean closer to him. “No leeches, right?”
He leans even closer. “Every lake has leeches. ”
My whole body shivers as if they’re already on me. “Why is the wilderness like this?”
We set up Tess’s sunshade and lay out our gear—beach blankets, a cooler full of drinks and snacks, at least a dozen bottles of sunscreen, and an assortment of inflatable loungers to float around on. August’s hopping on one foot while Tess slathers any skin not covered by his swim shorts and long-sleeve rash guard.
“But why couldn’t Ian come?” he asks, squinting as she rubs lotion on his face. “You said it’s a friends day. He’s our friend too.”
“I know, buddy.” Tess tries for a smile. “Maybe another time.”
She doesn’t sound very hopeful.
“Look what Griffin got ready for you!” Hope pops around the corner of the shelter with a purple hippo float that’s even taller than she is.
August’s grin reveals a missing tooth. “I want to ride that!”
“Gotta wear your life jacket, my guy,” Griffin says.
I know the man wasn’t actually born wearing jeans and flannel, but it’s weird to see him in board shorts and flip-flops. Like coming across old pictures of The Rock when he had hair. It doesn’t look right.
Grant, on the other hand, looks amazing in his board shorts. But no. I need to show some restraint here.
August wiggles into his red life vest, but as soon as he steps off the beach blanket onto sand, he pulls back. “Too hot.”
“I’ll help you.” Tess grabs both his hands and hops him down the beach, lifting him in the air in giant, giggling jumps.
Hope takes a few cautious steps across the sand. “I should have brought my water shoes.”
“I’ve got you.” Griffin tosses her over one shoulder and churns sand as he runs down the beach until they both splash into the water. My sister shrieks the whole way, but man, is she happy.
Wren grabs the purple hippo. “Looks like it’s you and me, pal.”
She darts down to the water, throwing herself onto the hippo when she reaches the lake.
“Are you ready?” Grant asks.
Not really. To be honest, the last time I came out here with them was at least five years ago, and I don’t remember actually getting in the water. I spent my time oiled up in the sun or huddled in the shade with a book. But I made it this far—might as well go the last fifty feet.
I pull my knee-length cover-up over my head and toss the teal fabric onto the rest of my things. A gusty groan comes from Grant’s direction. I try to look shocked, but really, I’m just glad my retro red two-piece is as distracting to him as he is to me.
“Sorry.” He grins at me, ruining the repentant act. “You look incredible.”
“This old thing?” I put a hand on my hip. “I only wear it when I want to stun mountain men.”
“Done and done.”
I start to head out across the sand but backtrack to the blanket as quickly as August did. “It really is hot.”
And rocky. It’s probably as close to a sandy beach as we can hope for, but it’s covered in pebbles, too. My poor feet ache already.
Grant moves in front of me, facing the lake. He squats down, looks at me over his shoulder, and gives it an inviting pat. “Hop aboard, princess.”
“Really?”
He drops his eyebrows in silent challenge. “Don’t make me order you to get up here.”
His stern threat zings through my belly. I’m tempted to see just how in charge Grant can be, but a lake busy with families probably isn’t the place for that kind of test.
I step closer and set my hands on his shoulders.
He dips even lower into his squat. The thighs on this man…whew.
“You’ll have to jump up.”
I can see about three ways this could go where we wind up in a heap in the sand, but I jump anyway. Miraculously, his hands close tight around my thighs, and I rearrange my hold so I don’t choke him. Cargo secured, he strides across the beach to the lake.
I pat his chest. “I wouldn’t mind being chauffeured around like this all the time.”
“You’ve got a deal.”
He wades slowly into the water but doesn’t put me down.
“Are you going to let me go?” I ask.
“Nope.”
It is pretty cozy. I actually like?—
I shriek when the cold water hits my feet and calves, but he keeps stalking deeper. I cling even tighter to him, as though the heat from his back can offset the chilly water. Thankfully, the shock doesn’t last. Soon, we’re shoulder-deep, swaying in the waves.
“This isn’t bad.” Understatement, but I’m stuck to his back like a level-five clinger. Not a lot could be better.
His fingers lightly squeeze my thighs. “I’m fond of it.”
We watch Tess and Wren tread circles around August’s hippo float. He’s grinning and shouting something about pirates. Hopefully the distraction is working.
“What do you know about that Ian guy?” I ask softly.
“Only what’s publicly available. I met him a couple of times through his old guiding business, but we don’t know each other. Seemed like a good guy. ”
“I hope he’ll fight for Tess and August.” She needs somebody who’ll step up and show her that he wants to be in their lives, no matter what.
“If he’s smart, he will.”
I think for another minute about this supposedly famous climber. “Think he’d be willing to be involved in a future event as a special celebrity guest?”
I can already imagine scenarios to put his fame and expertise to good use. Maybe we could partner with Horizon Hikes somehow.
Grant laughs. “Pre-injury Ian would have done it in a second. Now? Hard to say.”
“Sunshine doesn’t have many celebrities to choose from. We’ve got Leo Dalesandro, but I don’t think he lives in town.”
“Leo Dalesandro’s from here? The NFL center?”
“Yup. Although, he got injured, too.” That bone-snapping injury was the talk of the town for a solid month. “Maybe our celebrities are cursed.”
“Probably best not to include the curse on your tourism website.” He aimlessly moves us around in the water, taking in the views. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“I hope so.” I’ve done everything I can expect to do short of giving the presentation.
“You’re going to do great. Just be yourself, and I know you’ll get it.”
“If I don’t, I’ll look like a dummy in front of everyone.” The whole town knows I’m trying for this job, and half of them expect it to be handed to me with a bow on top. I don’t know how I’ll show my face in Delish or Perk Me Up if they opt to give the job to someone else.
Grant turns his head but can’t look at me when I’m clinging to his back. “Hey. You refer to yourself as ‘dumb’ a lot. Maybe I’m wrong, but I have some guesses why. Don’t let him stay in your head. He doesn’t deserve the real estate.”
I lay my cheek against his shoulder. I’ve let Josh live in my head way too long. He’s the kind of “genius” that needs everyone around him to look stupid in comparison. Even with me, he had to come out on top over the smallest things. I hate that the self-talk I learned from him is still hanging around in my brain.
“You are smart, dedicated, and capable. You’ve got this down, princess.”
“Thank you.” I rest my chin on his shoulder and hug him tighter. “I’m nervous. It has to be perfect.”
“You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be…genuinely Lila.”
I hold out two whole seconds before bursting into laughter. “That was so cheesy, it hurts. How do I like you so much?”
“I’m serious.”
Oh, I love it when he gets firm with me. My tough cinnamon roll.
“I know you think you need to have this perfect veneer for social media, the job—maybe even around town.”
Hmm. I’m rethinking my praise for his toughness. He doesn’t have to see me quite so clearly.
“May I suggest people will love you more for who you are on the inside than anything that isn’t really you?”
This annoying, wonderful, beautiful, persistent man.
“You may suggest it,” I concede. I rest my head against his. “I thought I learned that lesson last year when I left Josh. But then I moved back here, and it felt like everyone had such high opinions of me…I don’t want to let people down.”
“If being yourself lets people down, they were never worth your time in the first place.”
“Do outdoor store managers double as therapists or something?”
He chuckles. “It probably drives us to therapy. I’ve seen some things.”
“Like what?”
“Walked in on my brother making out with his future wife in the stock room.”
I giggle against his back. “Did you learn anything?”
He slips his hands higher around my thighs. “You’re naughty.”
We’re quiet for a while, my hands wandering along his upper chest and collar bone. I’ve never thought about chest hair a whole lot, but I have to say, I like it. I think I’d like anything on him.
“Only a few days before you go back to Texas.” We’ve avoided dealing with this reality for a while now. It’s a lot easier to bring it up now that we’re not making eye contact.
He holds my legs tighter to him. “True.”
“Do you ever think…maybe you could be happy here?” Can he even hear me over my pounding heart? “Sunshine’s kind of grown on you, and we have a lot of mountains for you to climb. Maybe some of the people here could grow on you, too.”
If he can’t hear my heart, surely he can feel it hammering against his back.
“Princess, you have grown on me. More than you know.”
He reaches around to pull me into a front carry position with his arms bracing me at my back. I keep my legs and arms around him because now that I’ve asked, I don’t want to let him go. It doesn’t seem possible we could be so right together only to know each other for a single month. How is that fair?
As I suspected, this is much more difficult when I’m staring into his eyes. They hold too many apologies for me to cling to hope .
“My parents called yesterday.”
I do not like this preface.
“They offered me the CEO position.”
My heart that’s been beating so wildly cracks. I try to tape it up with empty reassurances, but it’s splintering too fast. My patch job is just temporary anyway—any minute now, it will crumble.
“I’m happy for you.” It’s a whisper, but it’s true. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
He watches me for long seconds like there’s no right answer. “It is what I wanted.”
I nod once, shoving down the ache in my ribcage. I cup his face in my hands and smile as bright as I can. “Then you go and lead that outdoorsy business. You love the company so much, you’ll make a wonderful CEO. I want you to have the life that will make you happy.”
And I do. I want all the happiness and love possible for Grant, even if I can’t be the one to give it to him.
Realistically, this doesn’t have to be goodbye. We could try to visit each other. Weekends, holidays, vacation—the world is our long-distance oyster. But I can’t think about flights and travel times when I’m nestled in his arms.
He leans in to kiss me, soft presses of his lips that feel achingly like the goodbye I don’t want to hear. But then his hands splay against my back, bringing me closer. His kiss becomes more insistent, deeper. I run my fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck, holding him to me as if I never have to let him go.
Grant’s kisses are a thing of beauty—the perfect slide and caress of mouth, lips, tongue. I could let him direct me all afternoon, but I like to be in charge sometimes, too. We wrangle just a little, and I take control. Slow the kiss down. Indulge in the tiniest bit of torture. I nip his lower lip, and he groans against my mouth.
One of his hands comes up to skim through my hair and cup the back of my head. It’s a good thing because I feel like I could float away on the waves. I’ve lost my in charge of the kiss privileges, but it’s still a win.
“All right, all right!” Hope shouts. “This is a family lake!”
Grant releases me enough to break the kiss—but no more. I don’t know which of us looks more smug. Clearly, we’re both winners here. Or, maybe the kiss battle was a tie. We could always go in for a tie-breaker…
“Family lake!” August shouts.
Grant and I laugh and allow a breath of space between us. I turn to August. “Better?”
He makes his fingers into a vee and points them at his eyes, then at us. I fall into a fit of giggles.
“We have a five-year-old chaperone,” I tell Grant.
“It’s probably for the best. I can’t be trusted today.”
“Can you be trusted tonight?”
His eyes heat. “No.”
“Do you want to come over anyway?”
“Always.”