33. Lila
THIRTY-THREE
LILA
I chose my blouse in “power purple” for the presentation. The color gives me an extra boost of confidence, even if silk is overkill in a room where only Mayor Martinez is dressed above business casual. But it works—I slip into a zone of unruffled poise as I go through my notes.
I explain my plan to expand Sunshine’s local events calendar and make the town more readily available to host other organizations’ events. I illustrate broad ways we could enhance our infrastructure to add more visitor-friendly services. And I cover the importance of highlighting our best selling point—close proximity to all things outdoors.
The mayor and half a dozen council members nod along, even though I’m guessing they already know all this. It’s not so much that they never thought they needed someone focused on tourism before, it’s that they never gave it the budget. I need to make what I think I can achieve—and what that, in turn, can do for our community—so vital they beg me to expand my hours.
Finally, I get to my website mock-up and a potential town-centric social media account. Sunshine’s current website isn’t much more than the chamber of commerce pages, their events calendar is a year out of date, and their social media presence is nonexistent. I click through the pages I made highlighting local events, small business spotlights, and local clubs and organizations.
Then, I open my favorite tabs: Stay , Shop , and Dine . I probably went overboard, highlighting more of my favorite local lodges, restaurants, and stores for this imaginary website than necessary, but it was the easiest part for me.
Finally, I click open Play . This breaks down into smaller categories like Bike, Hike, Swim, and Float . Plus the sidebar I added last night in a burst of inspiration.
“Sunshine is an ideal location for mountain biking, rafting, hiking, and snow sports. We can increase tourism by making our attractions better known. But what about people who have very little outdoors experience—like me?”
I’d rather sit on another ant hill than admit my deficiencies, but Grant’s right. I need to be myself. Whether I get this promotion or not, I need to be comfortable in my own skin. That includes accepting I’m not Queen of the Outdoors. And I don’t have to be.
I click open the sidebar. “I pulled together a variety of entry-level suggestions from businesses like Horizon Hikes, Get in Gear, and Wildwater Rafters featured under a heading I’m calling Beginner-Friendly Activities to Get Even the Most Indoorsy Person out in Sunshine .”
Because if it can work for me, it can work for anyone.
I stop by The Painted Daisy on my way home. My poise and confidence have fizzled somewhat, and now I just want to see my sister. And maybe a slice of Blackbird’s pie .
Hope is all smiles the second I walk through the door. “Well? How did it go?”
“Good, I think. Maybe even great? Some of the council members are hard to read. Mayor Martinez was enthusiastic.” The actual interview portion was more like a Q&A at the end, but I think I handled everything well. Even the ones I’d pin as skeptical seemed to appreciate at least one thing I put forward.
“Did he give you a timeline for when he’ll call you?”
I shrug, even though I’m already tempted to check my phone. “In a few days. They need to consider everything.”
She looks at me like I’m covered in leeches. “You know this is just a formality, right?”
“No? They advertised the position and have an applicant pool.”
“None of the other applicants put on the best Independence Day celebration this town has seen. After that, the job was yours.”
My mouth hangs open for a second. “You don’t know that.”
“How do you not know that? Griffin’s mom is on the council, and she told me the only real concern is if they can afford you.”
I’d been relieved to see Kat McBride in the council audience, but I would have been a whole lot more relieved if I’d had this information at the beginning of the week. “Nobody told me that. My hair’s been falling out from stress.”
Of course, I spent half the week after the Fourth Fest sick in bed, so I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to find out.
“I’m sorry. I thought you knew they weren’t going to find anyone better than you.”
I laugh, but it’s half sob. It’s been a while since I’ve truly had that kind of confidence. I’ve been freaking out for weeks that I needed to be some kind of expert in the wilderness to get the promotion, and now she tells me it was a lock the whole time? “You mean I’ve been doing all this outdoorsy stuff for nothing?”
I know it’s wrong the moment it’s out of my mouth. Every activity I did, no matter how reluctantly, helped me improve my plans for Sunshine’s website, social media, and calendar of events. They gave me more ideas for expanding our local services and how we might attract new residents and businesses. I wouldn’t have had the idea for half the presentation I gave today if I hadn’t stepped outside my cozy comfort zone.
“I don’t know if I’d call it nothing,” Hope says. “You came away with a pretty good souvenir from that first hike.”
My heart squeezes. If I hadn’t signed up for that five-day nightmare, I wouldn’t have met Grant. Trying to picture the last month without him…it’s impossible. I wouldn’t be in the same place I am today. By far, I wouldn’t be as happy. Even if that happiness comes with a giant question mark.
“I just wish I could keep my souvenir.”
“You’ve still got a few days left. Mom’s going to try to get you guys to come to dinner, so be prepared.”
“I figured.” I just want to hide out with him until he has to leave on Sunday. Make a blanket fort and tuck ourselves away from reality like we did last night. Pretend none of this has to end.
Maybe I should face the fact that pretending never worked very well for us. Starting now.
“I need to tell you something.” I shore up the last reserves of ego boost left in my purple power blouse. “Grant and I didn’t come back from that trip a couple. I ran into Josh as soon as we got to town, and he was doing like Josh does, and Grant stepped in as my fake boyfriend. Or, I stepped in as his fake girlfriend. It’s fuzzy. Either way, the key word there is fake . I’m sorry I lied to you. ”
She blinks at me for a second. “You tried to fake date Grant? What in the rom-com scenario?”
“I know. Josh was being so humiliating, and I thought the lie could be contained to just him, but then Mom was there, and it spiraled.”
“Huh. When did you realize it’s real?”
I love that it’s not even a question for her.
“For me? It was gradual. For him…I wasn’t sure until maybe a week ago. And now…” I draw in a deep breath as though my lungs can never fill enough. “I don’t want to let him go.”
She rounds the counter and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “So tell him.”
“I did.” Pathetically, and while I was hitched to his back, but it counts. “But he’s got his family business back home, and I can’t compete with that.”
I can’t be the kind of person who asks him to give up his life’s dream for me. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not that selfish.
“Lila, you had to compete for Josh’s attention, but I don’t think there’s any competition when it comes to Grant. Josh wanted everyone to look at him. Grant never takes his eyes off you.”
He sees past the ideal image I try to put forward in a way no one ever has before. I can just be myself, and he’s still right here with me. The good, the bad, and the violently ill. “I’ve never felt so seen. It’s annoying…and so immensely comforting. I want to be seen by Grant all the time.”
“Like naked seen?”
Hope and I turn to find Wren standing in the pass-through. Of course. The open doorway is a brilliant marketing move and an ongoing source of irritation.
“Not exactly what I was going for.”
She smirks. “Your blush says I was right, though.”
Wren Krause is also an ongoing source of irritation, no matter how much I love her. I release Hope and smooth the wrinkles in my blouse.
“I should go change. I’m meeting Grant for a late lunch, and then we’re going to…” Possibly indulge in my blanket fort plans, but I’m not ready to be that transparent yet.
Except, apparently I am that transparent. Wren slow nods and Hope utterly fails to hide her smile.
“Enjoy each other’s company all weekend?” Wren prompts.
I turn my nose up, but I’m pretty sure it’s too late to try to save face here. “I was going to let him decide.”
They both break down into giggles.
“Oh, yeah,” Wren says. “It’s time to get biz-zay.”
She hits me with finger guns like a sassy desperado. I exhale a laugh. Screw it. I’d rather be honest than save face.
“Yes.” I stand a little straighter and square off with my mouthy friend. “I’m going to spend the rest of the weekend with my hot mountain man doing whatever we please because if this is all the time I get with him, I’m not going to waste a minute of it.”
They give my little speech a standing ovation. These two can be so exasperating…but I wouldn’t want them any other way. I leave on a high note of wolf-whistles and applause. Striding down Maple Street, I feel like I could hike to the top of McKenzie Peak and actually enjoy it.
Halfway back to my apartment, an idea hits. Buzzing with excitement, I take the stairs two by two and rush through my door to sit on the edge of my bed. I pull out my phone and sift through pictures until I find the right one.
A rare selfie I took on the hike. One of the Three Sisters mountains is behind me, the sky is unbearably blue, I have zero makeup on—and it’s absolutely real .
I type up a caption for my Instagram.
Seven months ago, I thought I’d lost everything. I ended my relationship with my fiancé, I lost my job, and had nowhere to live. I moved back to my hometown of Sunshine, Oregon to start over at thirty. I’m rebuilding my life, little by little. My content might change its focus, but in my heart, I’m still me—genuinely Lila.