Chapter Eight
Finn sat in one of the sitting rooms, staring at a book without really reading it. The words blurred together as his mind wandered to the man currently stuck in what Darragh had called “the most tedious meeting in existence” with the harbor masters about shipping regulations.
Three days. He’d been at the castle for three days, and Finn knew he was in real trouble.
Not the kind of trouble where he’d insulted anyone or broken priceless artifacts - although he’d come close the day before when he’d nearly knocked over a vase while gesturing too enthusiastically during a discussion about grain storage.
No, his issue was worse than that. His was the kind of trouble where his heart did stupid things every time Darragh walked into a room.
He liked Darragh. Really liked him in a way that made his chest tight and his thoughts scatter.
The king was funnier than Finn had expected.
Yesterday morning, Darragh had done a devastating impression of one of his advisers that had Finn nearly choking on his breakfast. He was kinder, too - Finn had watched him spend an hour with a visiting merchant family whose warehouse had burned down, arranging temporary storage and waiving fees without hesitation.
And Darragh was so confident in himself, in a way that made Finn feel like he could breathe properly and be who he was without hesitation for the first time in years.
They’d spent the last three days talking about everything and nothing.
Politics and carpentry. Finn’s childhood adventures with his brothers and Darragh’s relationship with his sister.
The proper way to maintain a roof versus the proper way to run a kingdom.
The conversations flowed naturally, punctuated by laughter and comfortable silences.
And then there were the moments that weren’t just friendly…
Finn could feel his face heating, but he couldn’t help it.
There was just something about the way Darragh’s hand would brush against his when they walked through the gardens.
Intangible - Finn couldn’t describe it - but he could feel it.
How Darragh stood just slightly closer than necessary when they looked at maps together in the study.
The glances that lingered a beat too long.
The warmth in Darragh’s eyes when he smiled at Finn.
Finn wanted to reach back. To close those last few inches between them. To be honest about what he felt instead of holding back. But every time he considered it, his wretched doubt crept in.
No matter what Darragh said or how Finn framed his personal thoughts, he couldn’t stop worrying about ruining everything at some crucial formal event. What if his complete lack of diplomatic training became a liability? What if he let Darragh down when it mattered most?
“You look like you’re contemplating something very serious.”
Finn jerked his head up to find Jericho standing in the doorway, grinning at him. Relief flooded through him.
“Jericho.” Finn dropped the book and crossed the room in three strides, pulling his brother into a hug. “What are you doing here? Did you have business at the castle?”
“I did. It was called visiting my favorite brother.” Jericho returned the hug, then stepped back to look at Finn. “You look good. Different, but good.”
“Different how?”
“Less tense. Like maybe you’re not trying quite so hard to convince yourself you don’t belong here.” Jericho settled into one of the chairs and gestured for Finn to sit. “So. Three days with the king, so far. How’s it going?”
Finn relaxed back in his chair, feeling some of the tension he’d been carrying ease just from having his brother there. “It’s going well. Really well, actually.”
“The castle is buzzing about it.” Jericho’s eyes were bright with the promise of gossip. “I figured you wouldn’t have heard, which is why I’m here. Most people seem pleased that you’re making the king happy. Apparently, he’s been in better spirits this week than he’s been in months.”
“He told you that?”
“I didn’t speak to the king directly – besides, I got told he’s been in meetings all morning.
But I’ve heard it from at least six different people.
The kitchen staff is delighted because he’s actually eating proper meals instead of working through dinner.
The stable hands mentioned he’s been whistling.
And one of the advisers - Thomas, I think - told me that Darragh hasn’t complained about a single meeting since you got here, which is apparently unprecedented. ”
Warmth spread through Finn’s chest. “He’s been good to me. Better than good. He’s...” Finn trailed off, not quite sure how to explain what Darragh was.
“You like him.” It wasn’t a question.
“I really do.” Finn ran a hand through his hair. “I told you before I left Winrone. That’s the problem.”
Jericho shook his head. “Only you would say that. How is liking someone a problem? Isn’t that the point of this whole week? To see if you and the king could work together?”
Finn had the urge to pace, but he ignored it.
He had no idea how long Jericho was staying, and he trusted his brother to give him good advice.
He always had. “It’s a problem because liking him makes the stakes higher.
If I didn’t care, it wouldn’t matter if I messed up.
But I do care, and I’m terrified of letting him down. ”
“You’re still worried about formal situations?”
“Of course I’m still worried.” Finn turned back to his brother.
“No matter how much he enjoys my company, and I know he does, Darragh needs someone who can help him with all the other kingly stuff. Someone who can make polite conversation with visiting dignitaries and be seen as someone worth respecting. I can’t do any of that. ”
“You could learn.” Jericho leaned back in his seat. “I’ve got faith in you.”
“Thank you.” That was an unexpected kindness.
He and Jericho had a more joke-filled relationship growing up.
“But in five months? Before the World Council summit?” Finn shook his head.
“I don’t want to go on about it, but I can’t help being worried either.
What if I embarrass him right when he needs to make a good impression? ”
Jericho studied him for a long moment. “Can I ask you something?”
“Always.”
“Do you think the king is stupid?”
Finn blinked. “What? No, of course not. He’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”
“Then why do you think he’d choose someone who would embarrass him?” Jericho stood and crossed to crouch beside Finn’s chair. “Darragh knows exactly who you are, Finn. You told him yourself, and he chose you anyway. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
“Yes, that he values honesty, which we already knew.”
“It tells you he sees something in you that you don’t see in yourself.
” Jericho put a hand on Finn’s shoulder.
“Everyone with working eyes knows that Darragh is really keen on you. The advisers have stopped suggesting other candidates entirely. The castle staff is already adjusting to the idea of you as king consort. The only person who doesn’t seem convinced you belong here is you. ”
Finn looked over Jericho’s shoulder. “What if I’m not enough?”
“What if you’re exactly what he needs?” Jericho countered as he used Finn’s shoulder to push himself upright again.
“From what I’ve seen and heard, the king had dozens of polished and politically perfect people to choose from, and he chose you.
A person, who just happens to be my brother, who’ll challenge him, work with him, and be the first one there with a hammer when things break.
” He squeezed Finn’s shoulder again. “That’s you, little brother. ”
“I’m not that little. You’re only eight years older.”
“And yet infinitely wiser.” Jericho grinned. “Case in point - I was smart enough to nominate you for this position.”
“You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”
“Never.” Jericho’s expression turned more serious. “But truly, Finn. What’s really holding you back? Because it seems to me like you and Darragh could have something good here, if you’d let yourself have it.”
Finn looked at his brother. “It’s that darn summit. All those important people from other kingdoms, and me standing next to Darragh, probably saying the wrong thing or using the wrong title or…”
“Or maybe you’ll surprise everyone by being exactly what Safe Harbor needs,” Jericho interrupted. “A king consort who doesn’t play political games. Who says what he means and means what he says. Who reminds everyone that competence matters more than polish.”
“That sounds like something Darragh would say.”
“Then maybe you two are more compatible than you think.” Jericho sat back in his chair. “Do you know what Father told me this morning before I left?”
“What?”
“He said he’s never seen you look as alive as you did when you were arguing with me about coming here.
That sort of alive that comes from having something in your life that mattered enough to fight for.
” Jericho met his eyes. “I think this matters to you, Finn. I think Darragh matters to you. The question is whether you’re brave enough to admit it. ”
Before Finn could respond, there was a knock at the door. One of the castle staff - Michael, Finn had learned his name yesterday - poked his head in.
“Lord Finn? The king’s meeting has concluded. He asked if you’d join him for lunch in the garden.”
Finn’s heart did that stupid fluttering thing again. “Tell him I’ll be there in a moment.”
Michael nodded and disappeared. Finn stood, suddenly aware that his shirt was wrinkled from sitting, and he used his hands trying to smooth them out.
“Go on,” Jericho said, standing as well. “Go and have lunch with the man who’s clearly smitten with you. Try not to overthink it.”
“I don’t overthink things.”
“You’ve been sitting in here for the past hour mentally catastrophizing about a summit that’s still months away. That’s the definition of overthinking.” Jericho pulled him into another quick hug. “Just be yourself, Finn. That’s who he wants.”
Finn returned the hug, grateful for his brother’s presence. “Thanks for coming to check on me.”
“Of course. Though fair warning – I do realize it’s only a matter of time before I’ll have to make an appointment to see you and bow when I come into the room.”
The image was so ridiculous that Finn laughed. “I’ll throw something at you if you ever bow to me.”
“I look forward to it, Your Majesty.” Jericho dodged the cushion Finn threw and headed for the door, still grinning. “Seriously, though. Stop worrying and start living. You deserve this.”
After Jericho left, Finn took a moment to check that his shirt was going to be as wrinkle-free as it could be, and ran his fingers through his hair. His reflection in the window showed a man who looked nervous but also...hopeful.
He made his way through the castle corridors, nodding to staff members who greeted him by name now. Three days, and already the place felt less foreign and a lot less intimidating.
The garden lunch spot was in a courtyard Finn hadn’t seen before.
It was smaller and more intimate than the formal gardens, with a fountain in the center and climbing roses covering one wall.
Darragh was already there, having shed his formal jacket and he’d rolled up his sleeves.
He looked tired but smiled when he saw Finn approaching.
“Sorry about the meeting running long,” Darragh said. “Harbor regulations are somehow both crucial and mind-numbingly boring.”
“Did you reach a decision?”
“Several, actually. None of which I want to discuss over lunch.” Darragh gestured to the small table set with food. “Tell me what you did this morning instead. Something interesting to clear my head.”
Finn sat down, accepting the glass of water Darragh poured for him. “Jericho came to visit.”
“How is your brother?”
“Good. Full of gossip about how the castle is convinced you’re smitten with me.” Finn watched Darragh’s face as he said it, curious about the reaction.
Darragh didn’t look embarrassed or caught off guard. Instead, he met Finn’s eyes directly. “The castle would be correct.”
Finn’s breath caught. They’d been dancing around this for three days - the glances, the touches, the obvious attraction - but neither had said it so plainly.
“Darragh…”
“I know we’re supposed to be taking this week to see if we’re compatible as potential partners in a political arrangement,” Darragh continued.
“But I think we both know this stopped being just political somewhere around day one.” He set down his glass.
“I like you, Finn. Not as a convenient solution to my adviser problem. I like you.”
Finn’s heart hammered against his ribs. “I like you too.”
“Then what’s stopping you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You pull back every time we get close to...this.” Darragh gestured between them. “Every time I think we’re about to cross that line from potential to actual, you retreat. So I’m asking you straight. What’s stopping you?”
Finn looked down at his hands. “I don’t want to let you down.”
“You keep saying that.” Darragh’s voice was gentle. “But you haven’t explained what you think that would look like.”
“The summit. Court events. Formal dinners with important people.” Finn forced himself to meet Darragh’s eyes. “I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake that reflects badly on you right when you need to prove Safe Harbor belongs at the table with other kingdoms.”
Darragh was quiet for a moment. Then he stood and walked around the table, pulling up a chair next to Finn instead of across from him.
“Can I tell you what I’m afraid of?” he asked.
Finn nodded, surprised by the question.
“I’m afraid of waking up in ten years next to someone who doesn’t really know me.
Someone who sees the crown instead of the person.
Someone I can’t talk to honestly because they’re too busy trying to be what they think I need.
” Darragh took Finn’s hand, and Finn didn’t pull away.
“That terrifies me more than any diplomatic incident ever could.”
“But…”
“I’m not done.” Darragh’s thumb traced across Finn’s knuckles.
“You’re worried about the summit. I understand that.
But here’s what I know. I’d rather face that event with someone honest by my side, someone I trust completely, than with the most polished diplomat in the world who I can’t stand to be within a yardstick of. ”
Finn stared at their joined hands. “You really mean that.”
“I really mean that.” Darragh squeezed his hand. “So maybe stop protecting me and let me decide what I’m willing to risk.”