Chapter Four Levi
3 YEARS AGO
The last time I saw my best friend Anant, I was lying in a hospital bed, all sorts of exciting tubes lodged into my body. The doctors said I drowned and died for a couple of minutes before a good Samaritan found me and performed CPR. It had been two weeks since the hospital and I felt like I was finally back to normal. Whatever normal meant for me.
I’d hoped that my brain switching off for a bit would slow down my thoughts, but they were as loud as ever. Thoughts of Adam, work, the stars, and the political landscape all melted together, creating one big clump of jumbled details.
“I want you to meet someone,” Anant said. “Remember the girl I told you about? The one I met in L.A?”
He told me about a lot of girls, it was hard to keep up with them sometimes. I furrowed my brow. Anant hadn’t prepared me for company. If I knew he invited someone else, I wouldn’t have come. I was only there to get sloppy drunk with my best friend, not make small talk. Small talk sounded exhausting at the moment.
“Relax,” Anant said, reading my mind. “You’ll love her. We’ve been on a few dates, and I think this might be serious.”
And as if on cue, a girl with curly black hair and rich dark brown skin walked in. She was tall and she was in a tiny green skirt that showed off an impressive pair of legs. I glanced at Anant who looked a little flushed. He took a quick swig of his water and stood. I watched them kiss, hardly believing he managed to convince a girl like her to go out with him. She was unbelievably hot.
“Ahh, I see,” I murmured to myself, despairing about the fact that he had a beautiful woman he liked to sleep next to whilst I was stuck in an endless cycle of empty hookups. I knew I was attractive and finding someone to fuck was incredibly easy but the sleeping around thing was getting old.
“Levi, this is Kez. Kez, this is my best friend, Levi,” Anant said as she took a seat next to him.
Kez smiled widely, showing off bright white teeth. “Pleasure to finally meet the famous Levi Bellamy,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Only the bad things, I hope?”
Kez laughed, nodding. “Oh, all awful.”
Once we were done with the food; Kez looked at both of us guiltily. “I hope you don’t mind; I invited a friend to join us for a drink?”
I honestly didn’t care. I was there to drink, not make small talk and if they were decent-looking it wouldn’t hurt to have them here.
Yet, when Cole Armas appeared in front of me, all my thoughts evaporated into the sky. He was tall, and he clearly spent a good amount of time in the gym—undoubtedly hot, not my usual type.
I mostly went for people who I knew would beg on their knees for a single kiss. Cole Armas didn’t look like the kind of guy who had ever begged for anyone or anything, but there was something about him that made my mouth go dry and wet all at once, suddenly wanting things I’d never wanted before.
It was the middle of summer, and he was wearing a white T-shirt and black jeans. An exclusive edition Audemars Piguet watch sat on his wrist, and veins trailed down his arms in hypnotic patterns. I scanned his hand, no ring. Perfect.
Light green eyes landed on me, flashing. I perked up, there was something behind them, something sad—no, not sad—empty.
Oh, colour me intrigued.
“Hello,” he said in that familiar charming private boarding school accent, eyes still focused on me like he was trying to cast some kind of spell. “I’m Cole. Cole Armas.”
Possibly gay too?
My stars were aligning.
But that name. “Wait,” I said. “Cole Armas as in A-EYE Armas?”
He tilted his head. I was vaguely aware of Kez and Anant watching us, but I didn’t care. I just want to speak to this stunning man in front of me.
“That depends on who’s asking.”
I smiled, feeling slight embarrassment creeping in which only made my flush deeper because I didn’t get flustered. I did the flustering.
“A future employee?”
Since I’d left my last job, I knew I had to find a new one and A-EYE had been asking me to interview for months. I had a meeting with them in a few days.
Cole lifted a dark eyebrow. “What? Are you interning or something?”
I grinned, undeterred. “It’s a VP position actually.”
“You look twenty,” he said, taking the seat next to me.
I was only twenty-four, but I could easily pass for younger. Cole didn’t look older than me, if at all.
I leaned into him slightly and I got a hint of his scent. Tobacco and vanilla. I needed to find whatever he used and soak my sheets and myself in it.
“Thanks. I’m Levi by the way.”
This time, Cole’s lips turned up in a smirk. “Can I buy you a drink, Levi?”
“Thought you’d never ask,” I said, suddenly here to both drink and make small talk.
We went home together that night and Cole fucked just the way he looked. Beautifully and dangerously. I hadn’t let anyone fuck me in a while but there was something about Cole that made me want to submit and take whatever he wanted to give me.
When I woke up the next morning, I was covered in bruises and marks. Terrifyingly, I realised that my mind had gone quiet. It was easy to fall for Cole—too easy really. He was like a black hole, and I was a star, consumed whole, free-falling inside him.
***
It’s been over two years since Cole, and I started dating but I can’t always read what he’s thinking. I know there are secrets he keeps from me, and I don’t mind as much as I used to but sometimes, I can’t figure out what’s going on inside him. It has my brain obsessing over every little detail. Like now, as I lie next to him in bed, thoroughly fucked and sleepy.
“So, what do you think?”
Cole turns to me, eyes questioning, a small frown on his forehead. “About what?”
I hate that he’s making me spell it out. “Kai,” I say, keeping my voice as light as possible.
I’ve been thinking about him since before Christmas, back to that afternoon he walked in on Cole and I kissing, the way his neck flushed. There is something so delicate about him. Before Cole, he was the kind of guy I would have enjoyed ruining for everyone else.
And tonight, at the bar, he didn’t know where to look, trying his best not to watch Cole and I. When Cole kissed me, his mouth had fallen open slightly, like a little guppy.
“Am I supposed to think something?” Cole asks.
I roll my eyes. “He was eye-fucking you.”
Cole’s mouth falls into a line. He noticed it too. Good.
“He was eye-fucking you too, Evie,” he says matter-of-factly.
I nod. “I know. He was eye-fucking us both. It was cute. He didn’t know where to look.”
Cole frowns again before he turns to me fully, gripping my chin. “Should I be worried?” he asks quietly. “Because he seems far too nice for his body to be found drifting in the Thames.”
Something about the way his eyes flash makes me think he’s not joking. I kiss him lightly. “Down boy,” I murmur against his lips. “I’m not saying I want to sleep with him. I just thought it was cute. I only have eyes for you. You know that.”
Before him, I was never the kind of guy for serious relationships. I preferred my hook-ups to be casual and quick. Preferably no sleeping over so I didn’t have to make anyone breakfast, but Cole turned me into a one-person kind of guy after one night only.
But Kai is adorable. I find it hard to believe someone hasn’t made it their life’s mission to keep him under lock and key.
Cole pushes me back onto the bed, caging me with his hands before kissing me deeply. “But if you must know,” he says between kisses, “I think he’d look really good under you. I think he’d make really pretty sounds whilst you fuck him.”
I let out a quiet moan, clawing at Cole’s muscled back. “And where are you in all of this?”
He pulls back and smiles dangerously, running a thumb along my bottom lip. “Open,” he instructs.
I do as I’m told and quietly think the Levi of three years ago would laugh watching this, but it’s always been easy to do what Cole tells me to do from the beginning. It was like he knew exactly what I needed without asking, quietening my mind so easily.
He slips his thumb into my mouth and my tongue swirls around it reflexively as he leans down and whispers against the shell of my ear, “Stuffing his pouty little mouth with my cock, of course.”
I grin as my entire body flushes with heat, bucking up my hips, just to feel any bit of friction I can get from him.
Working past 5 p.m. should be ruled illegal. It’s almost eight as I leave the meeting room after a conference call with the New York office. My head is aching, my brain is tapped out for the day, and I just want to get to dinner with Cole. I send him a quick text as I make my way down the hall.
Levi: Just finished my meeting. I’m exhausted. ?
Cole: We can cancel and just head home. I’ll even watch that ridiculous real estate show with you.
I laugh quietly to myself. Cole hates watching reality TV, but he indulges me sometimes.
Levi: Nah, I’m hungry. Dinner then Realtors of O.C.
Cole: If you insist.
I slip my phone into my pocket but just as I lift my eyes, they land on Kai. He’s sitting at his desk, and he’s frowning, concentrating very hard on something on his monitor. I feel an inadvertent smile creep up on my lips as I watch him.
Kai is the definition of a pretty boy. His skin is smooth like he’s never suffered a day of acne in his life. He has curly hair that’s closely cropped, and the bone structure of his face is astounding. If he had any idea of how pretty he is, he’d be a model not crunching numbers in a depressing office.
My feet carry me to him before I can stop myself. I lean against the edge of his desk, and he almost jumps out of his chair when he notices. His eyes inch wider, his mouth falling open slightly. I grin, fighting my ridiculous self-satisfaction at his reaction towards me.
“Levi.” He makes my name sound like a question.
“Still working?” I ask. Silly question because he obviously is.
He looks at his monitor then back at me, blinking once and then again, like he’s waking up. “Uh, yeah,” he says. “But I should probably head home. It’s getting late.”
I’m speaking before I can stop myself. “Are you hungry?” I ask.
He looks like a deer caught in headlights then his mind is working, like he’s trying to decide whether he’s hungry or not.
“A bit?” he makes it sound like a question again.
I really can’t help my laugh. He said I smile like I’m in on some kind of joke but that’s not true. Kai is not a joke, he’s simply fascinating and it’s bad when I’m fascinated by anything. I’ve been like that since I was a kid. At seven, I developed an obsession with the sky, and I would spend days researching why the Milky Way is white until Mum grew worried and made me see a therapist because I wasn’t sleeping properly.
“Great,” I say. “Join us for dinner?”
“Us?”
“Cole and I,” I clarify.
Kai bites his bottom lip. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose...”
I wave a hand and pull out my phone, clicking on Cole’s name.
Levi: Kai is joining us for dinner.
Cole: Sounds good
I hold up my phone. “You wouldn’t be imposing.”
He still looks unsure, and I wonder what he’s unsure of exactly. The fact that I am technically his boss? Cole? I take a shot in the dark, “Believe me, you aren’t imposing. It wasn’t a serious dinner, plus Cole likes you.”
His eyes widen and bingo. I understand why he’s a little apprehensive. Cole’s usual expression drifts from mildly interested to openly hostile.
Kai loses some of the tension in his shoulders before he finally nods. “Um, okay. Let me just pack up.”
I push off his desk. “Meet you downstairs in ten?”
He nods and I head back upstairs, satisfaction burning inside me.
Cole is already seated when Kai and I walk into the Japanese restaurant. I kiss him hello as his eyes look over both of us, an amused glint in his eyes. I take the chair next to Kai, sitting right across from Cole.
Just then, a waitress appears with menus in hand. She pauses before dropping them in front of us, her pale skin flushing. I watch her do the maths, trying to figure out what sort of dinner this is.
Are the three of us just friends?
Which of us is dating?
Her eyes settle on Cole, glazing over slightly. She bites her bottom lip and tucks a blond strand of hair behind her ear.
“Hi, I'm Ivy,” she says brightly, eyes focused on Cole. “Can I get you guys some water to start?”
I’m used to everyone who possibly can, hitting on Cole. He looks like he stepped off a Ralph Lauren ad campaign and if we weren’t together, I’d lustfully stare at him too.
“Sure, thank you, Ivy.” I shoot her my brightest smile and she visibly blushes.
We get ordering out of the way and slip into an easy conversation about work. Kai and his team have their meeting with Jones at the end of the week and I can tell he’s a little nervous but he’s brilliant. If it works out, it will make A-EYE more money which is all they seem to care about anyway.
Cole asks him about his family, and he only mentions his mother and his sisters, nothing about his father and I wonder what the story is there. As the food arrives, he seems to relax into the conversation. It’s surprisingly easy and his personality shines through his shyness that fades away as each minute passes by.
Kai’s mother is an English teacher, and he tells us how she bribed him to read as a little boy. He and Cole get into it about the books they love. Cole has an entire library of crime thrillers and horrors at home.
Kai makes a face when Cole says that.
“But the twists are always so predictable,” he groans. “I think I can tell who the killer is within the first fifty pages. Fantasy and sci-fi are way better.”
It’s Cole’s turn to make a face. “Fantasy is predictable too. Just long senseless journeys to some place with a name you can’t pronounce, prophecies, and dragons.”
Kai rolls his eyes. “That’s just Game of Thrones.”
I don’t read much anymore. I tend to hyper-fixate and read it all in one sitting which was only useful when I was trying to finish my university assignments the night before a deadline.
When I was a kid, to get my mind off things, I’d spend endless hours playing Mario Kart and Mortal Kombat. When I was a teenager, it was copious amounts of weed and loud music. Then before Cole, it was way too much alcohol, sex and drugs. Now, it’s American reality TV and Cole.
I completed my master’s in politics, Economics and Philosophy at twenty and sometimes I consider going back for a PhD. I know my professors would love it if I did—I was always meant to be their scholarly prodigy, but I couldn’t be that. Half the time I didn’t feel all that smart, I just felt like I was losing my mind, and I couldn’t find it in me to disappoint them.
I pull myself out of those depressing thoughts and focus back on Cole and Kai, still going on about books.
“How about this,” Kai says with a grin aimed at Cole. “You give me your favourite book and I give you mine and see if we can change each other’s minds?
I watch Cole as his tongue runs over his lower lip before his mouth spreads into a dangerous smirk. “You’re on.”
Kai smiles like he’s won something, and I feel myself relax as they continue to talk. It’s easy to fall in love with Cole again when I see him like this, so at ease and laughing.
When Ivy comes over again, she leans over Cole, just enough to give him a perfect view of her cleavage. It’s so obvious and shameless that I’m half impressed because if I were her, I’d probably do the same. Unfortunately for her, however, Cole’s attention is solely focused on Kai.
When she clears the table, Kai follows her with his gaze for a moment then turns back to us. “Does that get annoying?” he asks.
“What?” Cole asks, completely oblivious.
“She was trying her best to shove her chest in your face,” Kai says. “You must have noticed.”
Cole’s eyes land on the waitress, then back on me, as if confirming and I grin. “She was. She’s been trying to get your attention all night. I wouldn’t be surprised if she slips you her number with the bill.”
Cole lifts his brow then shrugs a shoulder. When we first met, he identified as straight. I was the first guy he ever slept with and I’m still the only guy he’s slept with. Ivy would have been his type before me.
“Can’t believe you didn’t notice it.” Kai shakes his head with a smile. “This is funny.”
“What is?” Cole asks innocently.
“Just that I’m here, having dinner with you two. I just know a few people would be ridiculously jealous.”
This piques my interest. “How come?”
Kai’s eyebrows rise on his forehead. “You two must know?”
Oh, I know, I just want him to say it. I blink innocently. “Know what?”
“Just that you are the topic of so many conversations in the office.”
Cole’s eyes cut to mine and it’s almost like I can hear his thoughts and none of them should be repeated out loud in public. “Oh?” he turns back to Kai. “And what are those conversations about?”
Kai rubs the back of his neck. Somehow the casual air that existed between us a few seconds ago suddenly feels charged. The way Cole is watching Kai and keeping him in place without doing much almost makes me feel sorry for him.
Of course, I have an idea of what people say about Cole and I. My assistant has offered me all of the details during our morning catchups over tea, even the ones I’d prefer not to know.
Kai meets Cole’s eyes and offers a single-shouldered shrug. “Usually, it’s about how good you two must look together.”
How good you two must look fucking, he doesn’t say.
Cole grins, letting go of my knee and releasing Kai from his burning gaze. He tilts his head slightly as if weighing what to say next.
“You’re with us now, Kai,” he says. “Do we look good?”
Kai’s eyes meet mine briefly and he licks his lips. It’s quick and I can tell he didn’t mean to, but he doesn’t cower, instead, he just sits a little straighter, shifting his knees.
“Uh, yeah, you look good.”
It’s like the electricity in the room has been charged up several watts and we can all feel it. Around us, the restaurant fills with clinking glasses and a buzz of quiet chatter.
“Glad the office approves,” I say after a second, diffusing the palpable tension between us. I turn to Kai, a brilliant idea coming to me. “By the way, a friend of ours is having a birthday thing this coming Saturday. You should come.”
It’s Anant’s birthday in a few days and in usual Anant fashion, he has decided to throw a party everyone will remember for years. I don’t know why I’m asking Kai exactly, but he has me acting a little out of character. I meet Cole’s eyes, but he doesn’t seem bothered that I extended the invite.
“You can bring a friend if you’d like,” I add to make it less intimidating.
“Um…” Kai starts. The tips of his ears are a little red.
“No point in saying no to him,” Cole says. “He always gets his way.”
Kai opens his mouth and then closes it. “Okay, sure, I’ll come,” he says. “Can I bring Jenna?”
“Jenna?” I ask.
Is he seeing someone? He mentioned he didn’t have a partner at the Christmas party, but it’s been a few weeks now. Maybe he met someone. That would make sense. Still, the idea makes me shift in my seat uncomfortably.
“She’s my best friend and housemate. She’s dating Marie.” He looks at me when he mentions Marie and something inside me untangles. I grin. “Sure, she’s more than welcome. I’ll have my assistant send you the details.”
When Cole walks back into our room, his hair drips from the shower. A white towel hangs low from his hips and when he sees me watching him, he lifts his eyebrow, a half-smile dancing on his lips.
“See something you like?” he asks.
I cross my legs on the bed and adjust my glasses. I’ve been wearing them since I was four, but I usually wear my contact lenses during the day.
“Always,” I laugh.
He shakes his head, walking over and planting a soft kiss on my forehead and I feel myself melt. If I knew having a ridiculously hot boyfriend would feel like this all the time, I would have found Cole sooner.
“How did you find dinner?” he asks, slipping on a pair of shorts for bed.
“Besides the waitress shoving her boobs in your face, I’d say it was pretty good.”
Cole laughs. “Feeling territorial are we, Evie?”
“No, but she was really hot,” I say. “I kinda respect the audacity, to be honest.”
“You weren’t jealous of Kai having my attention.”
I shrug but he’s right. Cole focusing on Kai through dinner pleased me more than it probably should. I should be mad at him for barely paying attention to me. And as much as I try to reach for that emotion, I can’t seem to. All there seems to be is excitement.
Cole narrows his eyes. “You like him, don’t you?” His voice is not accusatory, more curious.
I think about it for a second. I do like Kai. I like how smart he is and how surprisingly funny he is when he’s comfortable. I like that he likes us. I like the idea of untangling him. But I also know it’s crossing a line. I know thinking about him on his knees is messed up especially since I have Cole. Something builds in my throat, realisation hitting me like a freight train.
Oh, what the fuck, Levi?
“I guess yeah,” I say, looking at Cole. “Who wouldn’t?”
As if he can read my mind, he walks towards me and tips my chin up. A smile dances on his lips. “I should be pissed you have a crush on someone who isn’t me.”
I open my mouth to argue it’s not a crush but that’s exactly what it is. How else do I explain inviting him to dinner with Cole tonight and then inviting him to Anant’s birthday? Kai isn’t just one of my weird fixations. He’s a crush and I feel like an idiot for not realising it sooner.
“Are you?” I ask him hesitantly because if he is then this stops now.
His lips capture mine, kissing me deeply, enough to bruise. “What do you think, baby?”