Just Between Us

Chapter Eight Kai

14 YEARS AGO

Zoe had cut her Barbie’s long blond locks into a severe bob with kitchen scissors and Zara was looking at her with strong disapproval in her big brown eyes.

They both constantly begged me to join them for tea parties and whilst I had better things to do than play with my little sisters as an eleven-year-old boy, Kenny had told me to watch them when he went out earlier. Barbies were not my idea of fun, but at least he was out of the house.

It was noon when I heard the latch of the door downstairs, and I froze. Voices flooded the small hallway, their deep timber reverbing through the thin walls of the flat.

Across me, Zara’s eyes lit up. “Daddy's home!”

I put a finger to my lips. “Yes, but let’s wait for him up here, okay?”

Both Zara and Zoe nodded enthusiastically, their five-year-old brains too unaware to ask me why.

An hour later, I heard heavy feet come up the stairs before the door to my sister’s room swung open. A man I vaguely recognised walked in, dressed in old beat-up Levi’s and a white shirt with a beer stain. Even from where I sat, I could smell the stench of cigarettes and cheap beer.

“Oh, hello girls! It’s me, Uncle Ian.” He walked over to Zoe first, squatting to her height. I froze, watching my sister try for a smile but her shoulders tensed. “Can I join?” Ian continued.

“Please leave,” I said quietly. “We don’t want to play with you.”

His eyes zeroed in on me, full of something I recognised all too well from Kenny—disdain.

“Who the fuck told you that you can speak to me like that?”

“Bad word!” Zara cried. “You shouldn’t say bad words.”

Ian’s face broke out into that smile again. “Oh, I’m sorry girls. I apologise. I’ll leave you to it then.”

He disappeared but I was still stuck in place, listening to him enter the bathroom before going downstairs again.

Later that afternoon, before Mum was back, Kenny cornered me in my room. He was tall, with thinning dirty blond hair and bloodshot blue eyes.

“I’m always so nice to you, Kai but then you disrespect my friend?” he phrased it as a question and before I could answer, I felt a sharp sting on my cheek. There was enough force behind it to knock me over. I looked up at him, his tall body looming over me. A sick grin traced his lips then he kicked me.

Once. Twice. Three times.

I opened my mouth to beg him to stop but nothing would come out. Begging only made it worse.

“Don’t do that again or I tell your mother to send you away,” he spat before turning and leaving my room, slamming the door behind him. That wasn’t the first time, and I knew I’d gotten off light.

Next time, I wouldn’t be so lucky.

***

It’s a Wednesday night and I’m at my mother’s place for our regular dinners. I try to see her as much as I can but with work getting crazier since the year began, we haven’t had much time to catch up.

“Help me chop the carrots?” she asks, handing me a bunch of carrots without looking at me. I smile, it’s so wonderfully normal being here. I need a bit of normal right now.

“So, how is work?” She glances at me, dark brown eyes wide. She is forty-five now and her brown skin is smooth, only marked by a few beauty marks and some crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes but she’s still beautiful, a spitting image of my sisters.

“Work is good. I think the project we’ve been working on will get approved so that’s been exciting. We just need to iron out a few details and present it in a few weeks.”

Her eyes widen a little. I can see the pride in them, and it makes me warm. We’ve always been close but there are things I know I could never tell her. She’s worked too hard to take care of us. I’ve buried that part of our lives deep down even though I know it will come back to collect what I owe one day.

“You make me so proud to be your mother, Kai,” she says, her smile growing. “Always have.”

I lean over to give her a quick kiss on her temple and get back to chopping the carrots.

When dinner is ready, we sit at the table and gossip about Mum’s old friends and family. There’s a divorce, a baby and cheating scandals that are worthy of the kind of reality T.V. Jenna and I would shamelessly binge-watch.

“Anyone special I should know about yet?” she asks after she’s done telling me about a wedding she went to a week ago.

I cough once.

It’s been two days, and I still haven’t given Levi and Cole an answer. I want to say yes and each time I almost do, something stops me. A voice telling me I don’t get to want this, that somehow it will end badly.

“Nope. Still unlucky in that department. I did go on a date though…” I say and tell her about how awful James was.

Her face visibly falls when I mention the dealer comment. “I’m so glad I’m not dating in this generation,” she laughs, shaking her head. “With the apps, and the Tinders, and whatever else is out there.” She waves a hand.

I burst out laughing. “Where did you learn that?”

She gives me a level look. “I teach English to teenagers, sweetheart. I’m down with the times.”

I keep laughing, shaking my head but my stomach twists a little.

My real father walked out on her when she fell pregnant with me at twenty. She married Kenny when I was five and whilst he was always decent enough to her and the twins, he became an alcoholic once he lost his job and never bothered to find a new one. It hasn’t been easy for her either.

It’s around eight p.m. when we’re clearing up and my phone buzzes in my pocket. When I pull it out, a message from a number I don’t recognise appears on my screen.

Unknown Number: Hello, Kai. It’s your old man.

Unknown Number: Have you missed me?

Unknown Number: I know I’ve missed you.

The phone clatters to the floor, making my mother let out a yelp.

“Sorry,” I mutter, picking it up. It feels like hot ash in my hand. I stare at the message again, eyes wide. I feel paralysed looking down at it. It’s been years since I’ve heard from him. Nine to be exact. I thought I’d long buried him but here he is, in my phone, mocking me. I see his face, that dirty blond hair and my stomach threatens to wretch all of its contents.

“Everything okay?” Mum asks.

I glance at her and nod quickly. “Yeah fine. Sorry. It just slipped.”

She nods and turns away, but my eyes stay trained on my phone. Kenny should still be in jail. He got ten years which means he’s got at least another year to serve. Where did he even get my number? Maybe he asked the twins for it. I know he speaks to them once in a while.

I swallow, swiping on the message and deleting it as quickly as I can.

“Uh, I have to go,” I say.

My mother glances at me. “In a rush?” she asks.

I shake my head. “No, I just uh promised I’d pick something up for Jenna and I don’t want to get home too late.”

It’s an obvious lie but my mother never pushes. She nods and gets on the tip of her toes to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you for coming over, sweetheart,” she says. “Your sisters will be home in two weeks, by the way. Maybe we can all do dinner.”

“Sure,” I say. “Good night, Mum.”

As I make my way to the train, my head won’t stop racing. It’s freezing and the cold feels nice against my burning skin. I need to think of something other than Kenny’s face. I know he only sent that to scare me but why now? What does he want?

I have that answer inside me. I always have.

The night they took him away, he promised he’d be back for me. He promised he would–

No.

This is what he wants. He’s only doing it to scare me. He’s locked away and he can’t come and get me. Not yet at least.

I need to think of something else. I need to get his smirk, his scent, and his words out of my head.

With shaky hands, I pull out my phone and click on Levi’s name. I look at our text thread, gnawing at my bottom lip. This could be a horrible idea, but I still write out the message, I still press send because I need something—anything to forget Kenny.

Me: Hi. Can I come over?

Levi’s response is almost immediate.

Levi Bellmay: Of course. :)

I don’t know if I should be here but that message from Kenny has tipped me off my axis. I’m barely thinking straight, I barely want to think at all and when Cole opens the door, I get my wish. My brain screeches to a peaceful halt when I look him over. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in sweatpants, and I think my heart forgets to beat for a split second.

“Kai,” he starts.

“Hi,” I say, sounding a little breathless.

My mouth goes dry when a self-satisfied smile spreads across his lips. “Come in.” He moves aside, letting me into that expensive entrance hall with all their pictures and golden lighting. I don’t look at them as I follow Cole to the kitchen that leads into the living room.

Levi is seated on the plush L-shaped cream couch that looks like a cloud. He’s in blue cotton pyjama pants and his hair is slightly wet from a shower.

I try my best not to look as flustered as I feel but we all know why I’m here. “I’m sorry, I know it’s pretty late but—”

“Don’t apologise,” Levi says with a smile, standing from the couch. “We’re glad you’re here.”

I wonder how he does that, how he always manages to be so reassuring.

I nod. “I thought about what you said on Monday and you’re right, I want you both too. I want this.” I pause. “And don’t worry, I don’t want anything.” It feels like the right to say. Levi and Cole are obviously in love and have a life that I couldn’t even dream of. This is just sex which is exactly what I need according to Jenna. Outside of them being extremely attractive and what I’ve learnt from the internet, I barely have an idea of who they are. That’s a good thing. “So, you don’t have to worry about this getting complicated for me. It’s just sex.”

They exchange a look and then Levi smiles and walks up to me. My heart catches in my throat and when he leans in, I all but disintegrate into pieces. “Good,” Levi he whispers. “Because I’ve been dying to do this since Saturday.”

His lips brush against mine teasingly and he smiles before pulling me into an all-consuming kiss. I’m just getting used to the feel of his tongue against mine when Cole grabs my throat, and his lips are on mine. “You want us to fuck you, Kai?” he asks against me.

I swallow, nodding quickly. It’s all I want. We’re standing in this living room where I sucked Levi’s dick like my life depended on it. Tonight, I want so much more.

Next to me, Levi laughs. “Oh, you’re in so much trouble.”

Saturday night was only a glimpse of how perfect both Cole and Levi are. I know Jenna busts my ass in the gym sometimes but looking at them both makes my heart stop and start again. It’s like I haven’t had a drink of water in months all of a sudden.

Levi is on me first, his mouth connecting with mine with the same hunger and desire from earlier. I kiss him back just as deeply, my hair raking through his hair, not letting myself overthink it.

“God, you have no idea how much we’ve wanted this,” he rasps out.

It sends a shot of thrill through me, and suddenly, my mind pulls me back to Saturday night, Cole daring me to get on my knees for him. Only, this time I don’t need a dare. I sink to my knees anyway. Levi raises his eyebrows, his full lips slightly parted. I look beside me to Cole who is smiling, almost appreciatively, like he approves. I don’t know what it does to me, but it pushes me forward.

I pull Levi’s bottoms down slightly and his cock springs free and he’s hard already. His dick is cut, and it’s longer than it is girthy, but perfect veins trace up the shaft. I swallow the saliva pooling in my mouth, looking at it under the dim light from the side lamps of their bedroom.

Saturday was the first time I’d sucked someone off in a while, but it was easy to get the hang of it. I steal a gaze up at Levi as I wrap my mouth around the head, gripping him tight with my fist then I take him in fully.

“Christ, Kai,” Levi hisses through his teeth when I pull off and sink again, fighting through my gag reflex. He tastes like salt and soap and skin and somehow it makes me want more. I hum around him, closing my eyes and speeding up my pace. Saliva spills out the sides of my mouth and onto my fist which continues to pump. The sounds from Levi’s mouth driving me forward.

Just then I feel a hand in my hair rake through my curls and grip tightly before pressing me down. Cole, I realise. There isn’t much force to his grip, but it keeps me down, forces me to deepthroat Levi without coming up for air.

“That’s it, Kai,” he says. His voice is smoky and hypnotic. “Let Levi fuck your face. This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

I feel tears run down my cheeks, mixing with the saliva and the saltiness of his precum on my tongue but I don’t stop. I realise just how much I want to impress them, so I swirl my tongue, letting Cole push me down. When he lets go, I move away for a second, coughing, but I barely have time to take in enough air when Levi grabs my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“You look so pretty like this,” he says. My face must be covered in tears and spit, but I give him my best smile. “You’re gonna let us turn you into our little slut?” he asks.

I nod. I want that.

“Use your words,” Cole says. He’s moved behind Levi, and he traces a kiss down Levi’s neck. They are so hot, and my own dick is leaking with precum in my pants. I want to touch myself whilst I watch them and that thought sends a flare shooting off inside me.

“Yes,” I breathe.

Levi lets me go. “Then show us.”

It’s like a dare and I’m not about to lose. I take him back into my mouth. He’s long enough for me to use both hands so I do, swirling my tongue against his slit as more precum leaks. I know he’s close and when he moans loudly, it only drives me forward. I want to prove to both of them that I’m worth it, and that they aren’t making a mistake by letting me have this.

“Fuck, Kai, I’m gonna—" he tries to pull me off, but I don’t let him.

My mouth fills with him and I swallow it all down, enjoying the taste of him and swirling my tongue against the tip until he hisses from the sensitivity, and only then do I let him go.

Tears stain my cheeks and my knees sting from the grey carpet below me, but before I can focus on that too much, Cole is pulling me up and kissing me, tasting both Levi and I.

“On the bed,” he instructs.

He really doesn’t have to ask me twice.

It’s a haze of hands and limbs because somehow, I end up with my back on the bed, shirtless and staring up at Cole who is still fully dressed.

Levi is beside me, and he grins wickedly, eyes slightly glazed over and satiated. “Fuck yourself open for us,” he whispers.

I stare at him for a second, not sure I heard correctly but when a bottle of lube lands on my torso I realise what they want me to do.

Oh.

I try to not let embarrassment colour my face. Every time I’ve bottomed for a guy, it’s been in the dark with fumbling hands and less-than-sexy preparation. Right now, the room is dimly lit but I can see everything, they can see everything.

“Shy?” Levi asks, his voice teasing, eyes still in on some joke I’m not privy to.

I open my mouth but stop myself. I wanted this. I want this. To be controlled. To be wanted by two hot guys. And those two hot guys want to watch me. I can do this.

I shake my head, taking the bottle and shoot Levi my own smile. “Nope.”

“Good boy,” Levi leans down and pecks the corner of my lips.

That springs me into action, and I completely forget the fact that I am stark naked in front of them for the first time as soon as my icy-lubed fingers find their way to my hole. It has been a while, but I don’t waste time teasing, circling one finger in slowly, keeping my eyes trained on Cole as I bury a finger down to my knuckle.

Cole watches me, looking completely unaffected by it all, like he’s watching the news but that only drives me forward. I’m nothing but an over-achiever and I want to know what makes Cole Armas tick.

“Fuck,” I let out a quiet breath as I slide another finger in, my head falling back, and my back arching. My own neglected cock rests on my belly, and I want nothing more than to take it in my other hand and stroke it.

“Don’t stop, you’re doing so well,” Levi says next to me.

I’m getting desperate, scissoring myself open as my hips circle into thin air, begging for some sort of friction. My hand reaches down without thinking but Cole’s is there to stop me.

“Rule number one, Kai, from now on you don’t touch yourself unless we tell you to,” he says quietly. He watches me like he’s daring me to argue.

“Ever?” I ask breathlessly.

He grins and leans down to kiss me gently. “Ever.”

Shit.

Just then, I see him coat his fingers with lube and then he’s moving one in, sliding it against mine. The initial burn makes me cry out, my back arching but it soon dissipates and the pleasure of my own fingers along with Cole’s makes me see stars, not sure whose grazes against that sweet spot first.

“You gonna come like this?” Cole asks, as I feel another finger, making me curl into himself, head falling back once again in desperation. I’m no longer moving my fingers; everything feels like it’s electricity from my toes to my head.

“Please fuck me,” I whisper.

Next to me, I hear Levi chuckle. “You should fuck him, Cole. He’s asking so nicely.”

“I’m ready, please,” I say again. I sound painfully eager, but I want him, both of them, I don’t care. I just need to feel something, the friction of it and the kind of pleasure that borders on pain.

Cole smiles this time and pulls out his fingers. I follow and I hate the emptiness I feel.

“What’s the rule?” Cole asks.

My head is swimming, so it takes me a moment, but I get it. “No touching myself.”

The idea is painful but also thrilling. I could touch myself if I wanted to, but I want to listen to them. I want their instruction, like their rules for me.

“And your safe word?” he asks, slipping off his t-shirt.

I’m met with an expanse of a muscled chest, and perfectly chiselled abs that lead to where I want to go. He has no tattoos but he’s perfectly muscular, a perfect body for a perfect face.

“Vanilla,” I say.

His eyes flash. “Good. Remember it.”

Where Levi’s cock is long, Cole is both big and girthy. He’s hard, the tip leaking with precum already and I can’t decide whether I want him in my mouth first or not. I want to stare but he doesn’t give me a chance because he lines himself up perfectly with me and I gaze up at him, biting my lower lip hard enough to draw blood because I know this won’t be a slow easy fuck and I don’t want it to be.

“Oh, by the way,” I say, swallowing. “I tested myself and everything is fine.”

Cole and Levi exchange looks. “You tested yourself because you knew you were going to get fucked?”

I bite my bottom lip and nod because it’s true. I did it as soon as I got home on Monday.

Levi laughs quietly next to me. “Slut,” he whispers and kisses me deeply again. Something tells me I should hate that name, but I love it. “Well, we’ve only been with each other in the last two and a half years so we’re all good too if that’s what you want.”

That means they’ve never done this before. I’m the only one. I look up at Cole again, and desire flares behind his eyes. I shift, my eyes fluttering.

“Fuck me,” I whisper. “Please.”

Cole laughs quietly, shaking his head but he pulls me closer and lines himself against me before sliding in. The initial burn makes me cry out. It’s torturously slow, splitting me open. He moves slowly, letting me adjust to the stretch.

“Oh, fuck, you feel so good,” he says, like he can’t quite believe it, as he slides into me until we are skin-on-skin.

I moan, my back arching off the mattress from the stretch. I feel gentle fingers run over my scalp and my eyes meet Levi’s. He looks down at me, lips slightly parted before he moves his eyes to Cole and smirks.

“Cole, please,” I whisper. “Just—”

He chuckles before burying himself deep inside me with a loud smack. My head snaps back onto the pillow, a quiet cry spilling from my mouth. He grips my thighs tightly, keeping me in place and at his mercy as he pulls out and slams back in again, coaxing another choked cry from me.

Letting me adjust is as gentle as he allows. He slides himself back in quickly, fucking into me at an unrelenting pace, his cock stretching me open and abusing my prostate. “Look how well you’re taking me,” he grunts out. I revel in the way he sounds—as ruined as I feel.

White hot sparks fly in and around me. I let my eyes close, taking everything he gives me, the sting, and the blinding pleasure of him hitting that sweet spot over and over again until it’s almost too much. My forehead is damp, and my cock sits untouched, leaking, begging for any bit of attention.

I clench around him and when he groans loudly, I open my eyes, watching his muscles ripple and contort. His eyes are wild, something carnal blazing. “Kai,” he breathes. “I need you to open your mouth when I tell you to, okay?”

I can barely hear or see. My body is made of only electricity and heat, but I nod quickly, letting out a quiet yes. It happens quickly, I feel Cole pull out abruptly and the emptiness makes me cry out.

“Open,” he instructs.

I do, and he’s on me in a second, straddling me. His cock slots into my mouth and warm come rushes down my throat. I choke slightly but I quickly recover, sucking him off through his orgasm, watching his green eyes flutter and his head fall back to reveal the glowing column of his neck. Something ticks inside me as I watch him, something that must be like when an addict gets their first hit. I take all of him, his hips fucking into my mouth until he’s done, not caring whether I can breathe or not.

When he moves off me, I’m hot all over, but the cold sense of disappointment quickly settles in when I realise how hard I still am.

“He’s so mean for not letting you come, isn’t he?” Levi asks, before kissing me deeply. His teeth nip at my bottom lip and before my brain can catch up, he’s on top of me and I feel him slide inside me. It stings a little, but he kisses me through it, the fullness of it making me moan against his mouth. He chuckles quietly and then his hand wraps around my cock, and I know I’m being loud now, but I can’t help it. His hand feels so good. I don’t think I need much to come.

Levi smiles, his eyes holding me in place. “There you go,” he murmurs against my lips as he pushes inside me. The pace is less punishing than with Cole, but he isn’t taking it easy either. I focus on the bursts of pleasure from his fist and sink my head into the dip of his neck.

“Levi,” I sob but can’t remember where I was going with it.

My orgasm comes like a wave, and I burst between us, feeling like I’ve been shot from the earth and landed somewhere on the moon. Blood rushes to and away, everything too sensitive to take in.

“You’re going to make the perfect slut for us, Kai,” Levi whispers into my ear before he snaps his hips, slamming into me over and over again. He isn’t gentle. He fucks me just as hard as Cole did and all I can do is let my body relax against his and I let him have his way.