Chapter Nine Levi
3 YEARS AGO
Loud music pumped from the speakers, the bass shaking the glass windows. Adam’s neighbours were not going to be very happy with him. One of his model friends, Milenna, I think, glanced at me, blowing out cigarette smoke to the side.
“Want a cigarette?” she asked with a thick Eastern European accent. “You look terrible.”
I felt terrible but I shook my head. Cigarettes had never been my thing. What I needed was to vomit or sleep, maybe both.
I stood, making my way through the open-plan living room where all our friends stood around, drinking and laughing.
“Levi!” a familiar voice called. Claire swung her arms over my shoulders and grinned widely. We’d dated once until she smashed my phone because I didn’t answer her call. “It’s been so long. I miss you.” She leaned in, going for a kiss but I pushed her away gently, my head swimming.
“Sorry, Claire.” I moved past her and made my way into Adam’s room, opting for the ensuite bathroom to get away from the noise and maybe vomit.
My pupils were dilated in the mirror, my skin sallow. I looked like shit. I felt like it too.
Just then, the door swung open behind me, and Adam walked in. My shoulders relaxed; it was nice seeing a familiar face.
“Are you okay?” he asked, blue eyes looking at me through the mirror.
I nodded. “Yeah, just took it too far, I think.” I’d been taking it too far for a while now.
Adam’s hand rested on my waist. “Do you want to lie down?”
My brow creased as I turned to face him. Adam was attractive in the way male models are. High cheekbones, a lithe body and bright blue eyes.
He moved closer, right in my space, eyes flashing. I tensed under his touch. “You know I’ve always thought you and I could be happy,” he said. “I think I could make you happy, Levi.”
“What?” I croaked, my head swimming.
“Don’t you think I can be good for you?” His voice was quiet and husky. “I'd be so good for you. You could do anything to me, and I’d take it.” He was closer now, our foreheads almost touching. I wanted to push him away, but I knew I was way stronger than him and if I pushed him right now, he could hit his head on something. The last thing I needed was my best friend’s bloody body on the bathroom floor.
“Adam, I don’t think this is…” I trailed when he began to unbutton my jeans. I flinched, realisation dawning on me. “Adam, no,” I said thickly.
His blue eyes stared back at me. “Let me help you,” he whispered.
***
When lunch comes around, I get the brilliant idea of going downstairs to find Kai. He’s at his desk, dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. I take him in for a moment. He’s lean but it’s clear he works out, probably thanks to Jenna. His eyes are round and brown, his eyelashes long and noticeable. A smattering of freckles sit around his nose, and they are probably more prominent in the summer when his colour deepens.
Kai looks up as I approach his desk. He seems surprised for a second, but he quickly composes himself and glances at Connor who is also looking at me like he can’t quite believe I’m there. I suppose it’s fair, I’m never on the second floor and honestly, it looks way more fun down here. I could do with a round of darts during the workday instead of endless dry meetings with men who think they are smarter than they actually are.
Sometimes I think I should receive a medal for the number of times I manage to stop myself from correcting them because thanks to the punches I received in locked rooms during boarding school, I know that no one likes a smart-ass.
“Levi,” Kai says. “Is everything okay?”
I go for my most charming smile and shrug. “Everything is great. I have a free lunch and want to know if you’d join me.”
Kai glances at Connor for a second who looks slightly unsure of what to do.
“Oh uh,” Kai starts. “Connor and I usually—”
“Usually have lunch together but if you’d like to speak to Kai alone that’s completely fine,” Connor finishes for Kai pointedly.
I grin. It’s nice that Kai didn’t want to ditch his friend for lunch with someone who is technically his superior. In this world, most people would kill for that kind of offer. Never mind the fact that we’ve had sex.
Flashes of Kai’s head resting in the dip of my neck, his mouth letting out quiet moans as I fucked into him flash before my eyes. I see him under Cole, clawing at his back, begging for release. My eyes zoom in on him and I think we’re seeing the same thing judging by the slight flush of his neck.
“No, nothing like that,” I say easily. “I’d love to join you two then if that’s okay?”
“Totally okay,” Connor says.
My eyes fall on Kai. “Kai?”
He nods quickly. “Yeah, sure, that’d be great. Shall we?”
I can see his mind whirring, wondering why I’m down here. To be honest, I’m wondering too but I’ve wanted to see him after last night.
When he showed up at our house, I could hardly believe it. A part of me was resigned to him rejecting us completely after we told him what we wanted but there he was lying on his back in our room, looking absolutely wrecked under the golden lights, ready to do whatever we told him to.
But he left so quickly after we were done, and maybe this is my way of checking up on him. One point to this new version of me who cares to know how his hook-ups are doing after I’ve seen them naked.
Marie also joins for lunch and around the table everyone launches into a discussion about running clubs taking over the city. Both Kai and Marie complain that Jenna has been trying to get them to go to one.
“It’s like a cult,” Marie comments.
“And they all have those fancy watches that track every breath you take, and every sip of water you consume,” Kai adds.
“You two don’t get it,” Connor says. “It’s a way of living a healthier lifestyle and you meet some cool people along the way.”
“It’s just a way to find new people to sleep with,” Marie rolls her eyes. “Apps are out. Running clubs are in.”
Across me, Kai lets out a quiet laugh, his eyes crinkling. Our eyes meet for a second and I hold his gaze, my mouth spreading into a smile. His eyes sparkle and I have to stop myself again from picturing him with my dick in his mouth. This is the most excitement I’ve felt in this office.
“How do you feel about running clubs, Levi?” Marie asks, pulling me out of my less-than-appropriate thoughts.
“Uh, sorry, what?”
“About running clubs,” she repeats. “If you want to join one, I’m sure Connor here can take you.”
“Oh, I’m more of a solo runner,” I say. Turns out running feels almost as good as doing a line of coke. Almost. “And by the way you’re making it sound, I’m glad I’m not on the market.”
“Yeah, no one could ever compete with what you go back home to, anyway,” Marie says lightly then her eyes widen. “Wow, I should not have said that.”
Connor lets out a nervous laugh, eyes darting to me, and Marie looks like she wants to sink into the floor. I grin. “You’re right, but I can’t tell him that. His head will get too big.”
Marie visibly relaxes and I catch her giving me a thankful smile as the conversation drifts back to safer territory.
When we’re done, Kai comes up next to me. “That was nice of you,” he says quietly.
I glance at him with innocent eyes even when I know what he’s talking about. “What was?”
Kai shakes his head, that smile still dancing on his lips. I stop walking and turn to him, assessing him carefully. Nothing seems out of place. If anything, he seems at ease.
“Are you okay?” I ask, my voice slightly lower.
He shrugs. “Any reason I shouldn’t be?” He smirks and somehow that gets my blood rushing to all the wrong places again. “See you later, Levi.” And then he breezes past me and back to his desk. I watch after him, a stupid smile on my face. This is the most fun I’ve had in a while.
After work, Anant joins me for a quick run. When we’re done with our loop, we stop for a cup of hot chocolate at a mobile café near the park. The sky above has turned a deep blue, a few stars breaking through the light pollution to twinkle. People mill around, walking home from work or on their evening walks with their dogs.
When the barista hands us our cups, I take a tentative sip, enjoying the warmth that sits on my chest when the liquid runs down my throat.
Anant and I made quick friends in high school. There was a careless attitude to him that I was desperate to emulate and during our school holidays, we would sneak into my parents’ back garden and get high, not bothering to talk at all.
Despite his carelessness, some things haunted him too—the fact that he’d never live up to his parent's expectations mixed well with my inability to feel good about myself. We made a great miserable pair.
“So,” Anant begins, taking a sip of his hot chocolate. “How is my best friend in the whole wide world doing?” A cloud of condensed air escapes him. It’s February and the air is still icy enough to sting your face.
I laugh, shaking my head and for a moment I consider telling him about Kai but there is a part of me that wants to hold on to it without anyone knowing. I know Anant would never judge but I’m not sure how I’d explain it. This is the last thing I ever thought Cole and I would do. We’ve always been borderline obsessed with each other. I don’t think I’ve found anyone else attractive in the last two and a half years.
I shrug. “Good,” I say easily, deciding to keep it vague. “How did you like your birthday, by the way? Kez did an amazing job as always.”
At the mention of Kez, his brown eyes brighten. It’s hard to believe three years ago he was on first-name bases with D.Js and bouncers in Ibiza.
“Ugh man, I think I had way too many shots which is something I never thought I’d say but I had a good time.” He scrunches up his nose. “Adam was there though which is weird because I’m sure Kez didn’t ask him to come.”
I feel myself go still. Seeing Adam at Anant’s party speaking to Kai bothered me more than I’d care to admit. Of course, he would go for someone like Kai—anyone would—but it still brought on memories I’d rather keep buried in a place I’ll never be able to find again.
I’ve never told Anant about what really happened between him and I. I hardly think it’s necessary, but annoyingly, his name still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. It has been three years, but I still clench my jaw, stamping down the darkness that swirls inside me.
I take a sip of the hot chocolate that’s turning cold at an alarming rate. “Was he?” I ask easily.
He lifts a perfectly threaded dark eyebrow. “Are you ever going to tell me why you hate him so much? One day you two were close and the next it was like you don’t even know the guy.”
I shrug my shoulders. “It’s not important.”
Because it isn’t. He could drop dead in the middle of the street, and I wouldn’t give a damn.
Anant looks at me for a long moment. “Look, if you don’t want him around, if he did something fucked up, I can tell everyone to drop him. I don’t care.” He pauses. “Hell, I’d kill him myself if he did something.”
Anant does hold enough social power in this city to do that, but I don’t need him to. I nod resolutely. “I know but it’s fine. Promise.”
He gives me one last long look before downing the rest of his drink. “All right, I’m going to head home. Thanks for the run, mate.”
I give him a mock salute. “Always a pleasure.”
He takes off in the opposite direction and after discarding my cup, I make my way home, taking the long route through the park.
My calf muscles have begun to protest against my pace and the cold, but I focus on my breathing, trying to keep any thoughts of Adam at bay. Only, when I force him out of my mind, Kai pops up.
I’m not na?ve enough to not realise that this could be dangerous for both Cole and I, but it seems I want it badly enough to take the risk.
I love, maybe even need the dynamic I have with Cole. I love the way he makes me feel like I am the most important person alive with just one look. I love what he does to me—what I do to him. I love that he silences every dark thought I have, but I’d be lying if I said that the way Kai looked at both of us last night didn’t flip some switch inside me. It made me want things I haven’t wanted in a while and it’s like the old me is rearing his head again, raring to see someone fall apart, to see them beg, to see them cry just for me.
Last night, Kai was willing to do whatever we wanted him to do. Sometimes, when you are having sex with more than one person there can be that initial awkwardness of figuring out where everyone is supposed to be. Yet, it wasn’t like that with Kai. Sharing that with Cole was intoxicating. I want to see just how far we can take it—how far we can take him.
I’m not sure what that means exactly, but maybe I don’t need to overthink this like I do most things. After all, it’s just sex. Cole was always the exception to my patterns, but Kai won’t be, and that means I can enjoy this until I get him out of my system.
I know I will eventually.
I usually do.