Chapter 20
Where the hell is she?
The line at the door finally dwindled enough for me to take a break, and Cassie is who I want to take that break with.
Scanning the packed bar, I search everywhere for dark hair and that sexy as hell costume.
The way she looked when I first laid eyes on her earlier has been fucking with my head all night.
I’ve lost track of how many times tonight my mind has wandered to her in that bustier, breasts spilling out.
And the way her hands felt on my throat, dragging down my chest leaving sparks of fire in their wake.
Christ, I’m in so much trouble.
Two weeks. The thought surfaces like it has all day, uninvited. And here I am losing my mind over the sight of Cassie in a costume.
Get it together, Liam. Be present in the here and now.
Shaking my head, I push through the crowd, nodding at people I know, ignoring lingering looks from a few women I pass.
I catch Sheila’s eye and mouth, Cassie?
She frowns so I mouth it again and her face clears in understanding. She points to the back exit leading to the alley and my stomach drops.
It takes longer than it should to reach the door. What was I thinking, holding a costume contest that would attract this many people? A group of zombies block my path, and I have to weave my way through them until finally I reach the door. Through the small pane of glass, I see her.
And she’s not alone.
Some guy, he’s vaguely familiar, is standing too fucking close. He’s all smiles, looking like the perfect boy next door, and Cassie is laughing at something he’s said. I know her laughs, the fake ones and the ones that come straight from her belly. And this one is real.
My hands curl into fists at my side.
I should walk away. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll turn around, finish my shift, and mind my own damn business. Cassie is allowed to talk to other people. Hell, she’s allowed to flirt. But the possessive urge clawing up my neck says otherwise.
“We are just friends.” I say the words aloud, to remind myself of the fact. But the words leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I have no right wanting anything else when I’m still tangled up with a ghost.
But I’m already pushing open the door, fishing in my pocket for my smokes and lighter.
I even wore one of those stupid nicotine patches today, but right now it’s not enough.
The cool night air hits me just as the guy is telling Cassie something about a student.
That’s right. He’s a teacher. I’ve probably seen him when I’ve gone to things for Josie’s kids.
And Cassie is nodding along in genuine interest.
“Liam!” Cassie looks my way when I step out, and something crosses her face. It’s a look I can’t quite read, but then it’s gone, replaced by a too bright smile and she waves me over.
“Liam, do you know Sam?”
Sam extends his hand, a friendly smile still plastered on his face. “Hey man, great night. I’ve never seen the bar so packed.”
I wait a beat longer than necessary before I take his hand, squeezing hard and bite out a curt “Thanks.”
His smile falters but he quickly recovers. “I was just telling Cassie about some of the costumes my students wore to—”
“That’s great, man. Really great.” I’m being a dick. I know it and they both know it.
Cassie’s eyes narrow and I can feel her looking at me.
Probably trying to figure out what the hell my problem is.
If she knew, would she understand? Would she get why I can’t stop falling apart, because in a matter of days it’ll be two years since everything fell apart?
Two years since I learned that no matter how much I love someone, I can’t protect them.
No. There’s no fucking way I can say any of that.
“Sam also told me about a fall festival at the brewery in Creekwood. It’s next week.” she says, her tone pointed, like she’s daring me to be rude again. “It sounds fun.”
“Yeah, it’s great. I go every year,” Sam adds, oblivious to the tension crackling between Cassie and me. “You both should come. There’s food trucks, hayrides, a few bands will play, the whole nine yards.”
“I’m sure Cassie would love that.” My words come out clipped.
Cassie’s mouth falls open, and I know I’ve pissed her off. But I can’t seem to reel myself back in.
Sam clears his throat and rocks back on his heels, finally picking up the vibe. “Is there a problem, man?”
“Nope. No problem. I came out here for a smoke, so you two don’t let me interrupt.”
Cassie opens her mouth to speak but I’m already backing away, cigarette between my lips.
Closing my eyes, I lean against the brick and try not to listen in on their conversation. But it’s no use. I hear every word. Sam asking Cassie for her number, something about grabbing coffee. But then she hesitates and they fall silent.
“Can I think about it? Life was messy for a bit and I’m just getting my feet under me.”
“Yeah, of course. Well, here’s mine. If you decide to, you can text me.”
I hear him call out the digits, and the door opens, voices and music spilling out from the bar, and then it’s just Cassie and me. Footsteps crunch on the gravel, and I peel my eyes open to face the music.
“What the hell was that?”
“What the hell was what?” I take a long drag on my cigarette, and blow it out from the side of my mouth, away from where Cassie stands.
Cassie snorts a derisive laugh. “Don’t play stupid, Liam. You were a dick.” Well, at least we both think so. “And Sam seems like a nice guy.”
“Maybe I just don’t like the guy.”
“Do you even know him? Tonight you talked to him all of thirty seconds. And in that thirty seconds, all you were was an ass.” Cassie’s voice rises as she speaks, letting all her anger and frustration bleed through. When I don’t respond, she stalks closer. “I think he’s nice.”
She’s so close now all I’d have to do is reach out and pull her to me, bury my face in her hair and tell her I need time. Give me more time.
“He asked for my number. He wants to take me to coffee. Maybe more than coffee.”
“Yes. I heard. Why didn’t you give it to him?”
Cassie swallows and looks up at the sky for a beat before her gaze lands back on me, searching. “Can you give me one reason I shouldn’t give it to him?”
Time stretches as the question hangs between us, unanswered. My eyes track back and forth between her golden ones; the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen.
There’s so much I want to say. So many things I’ve avoided mentioning because it’s too fucking hard.
What I want to say is hell yes, there’s a reason.
I think about Cassie constantly. From the time I wake up till the time my head hits the pillow.
She’s who I picture when I’m getting myself off in the shower and when I’m listening to whatever sappy love song happens to be playing.
What I want to say is that watching her with Sam made me want to put my fist through a wall.
And her dating someone him? I feel like I’m being torn apart from the inside out.
But loving someone almost destroyed me once.
I don’t know if or when I’ll recover. Plenty of nights I still wake at three am, drenched in sweat, sheets twisted around me from nightmares no amount of time has managed to stop.
Those middle of the night moments are the worst, dark pressing in from every side.
Then I look at Cassie, her face hopeful and vulnerable, waiting on me to say something, anything. My sweet beautiful friend who has been through so much already, deserves more than what I’m able to give. She needs someone who’s whole. Someone who can hand over their heart, intact.
Someone like Sam, with his perfect face, good manners, and uncomplicated life.
“No,” I say on a breath.
“No, what?”
“No, I can’t give you a reason.” The minute the words leave my mouth I want to suck them back.
Hurt flickers across Cassie’s face, but then it’s smoothed away with the precision of someone who knows how to mask pain. And that thought fucking kills me.
“Okay then. Good to know.”
She yanks on the door to go back inside, but I stop it with my foot, catching her wrist without thinking.
“Angel, wait.”
“Don’t angel me, Liam.” She jerks from my grasp, crossing her arms over her chest, chin tilted in defiance, unyielding. “You don’t get to be jealous if you’re not willing to do anything about it.”
“I’m not jeal—”
“Bullshit,” Cassie cuts me off. Her eyes burn with something fierce and bright, and I can’t find the will to look away.
“I felt the vibe. You were all but marking your territory a minute ago. But we’re friends, just friends, right?
” She says it with a sneer. “That’s what we’ve been for months now.
So act like it. Be happy for me. Sam seems like a nice guy. ”
“He does,” I manage.
Cassie shakes her head and lets out a breath. “Well, I’m going inside to find him. I’m giving him my number and letting him take me to coffee.”
And before I can form a response, she’s turned, flung open the door, and disappeared into the crowded bar.
But I don’t follow her in. I can’t watch Cassie give her number to Sam.
Can’t watch him light up like he just won the fucking lottery.
I finish off my cigarette, hoping it’ll do something to calm my nerves.
Cassie, Julie, an anniversary I’m not ready to face down.
It’s all a jumble of thoughts, my mind spinning like a top.
I can’t think straight. Can’t separate what I feel now from what I felt then.
Rolling up my sleeve, I rip the patch from my arm and ball it up, throwing it on the ground. Then, because I’m not a total ass, I pick it up, walk to the nearby dumpster, and toss it in.
Wildlife and plastic, and all that.