Chapter 31
Bang, bang, bang.
Disoriented, my heart pounds in my chest as I struggle to get my bearings. I know right away I’m on Josie’s couch. Glancing down, I see Josie and Abby curled up together on the makeshift bed we made on the floor. Lisa is in the recliner, her mouth open slightly, soft snores coming from her. Smudge is curled up on her lap. The memories of the previous few hours flood back to me just as I realize the banging sound is someone at Josie’s door.
“Penny, it’s Cassie! Please open up!” Panic surges through me and I fumble for my phone. But when I touch the screen it stays black. Shit. It’s dead. I have no idea what time it is or if Austin ever replied to my text.
Groggily, I drag myself to the door and swing it open to reveal a red-faced, nearly hysterical Cassie. Instantly, I’m wide awake. I briefly clock that Liam is with her, but I don’t have time to question that right now.
“Something’s happened.” It’s not a question. I know from the look on her face that this is about him.
“It’s Austin.” Cassie’s voice trembles, her breath coming fast and uneven. “I thought he’d changed, but…” She trails off, shaking her head.
I grab my shoes, not bothering to put them on, and hurry after her and Liam to his truck. Right when I get to the passenger door I realize I forgot my phone, so I run back inside and grab it. Josie has one eye cracked open, but I wave her off.
“I’ll text you later,” I whisper.
The second we pull into my driveway, my stomach takes a nose-dive.
Shards of glass sparkle under the moonlight across my driveway. Liam curses under his breath and veers onto the grass to avoid driving over them and risking a punctured tire.
Then I see it. The neck of a whiskey bottle lies amongst all the shards.
No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening after weeks of Austin doing better. I know he’s struggled, but he was doing so well. I don’t know if I’m more afraid of what happened—or what I’m about to find inside.
I start to step out but Cassie grabs my arm. “Your shoes!” I’m glad she caught me because I’d have torn my feet up with all the glass on my driveway. As I hurriedly slip on my shoes, Cassie quickly explains that she was at the bar with Liam and Jackson when someone burst in, raving about seeing Austin James at the liquor store. Panicking, she rushed home and noticed the lights on in the apartment. When she tried to talk to him, he was hardly coherent, just rambling about not wanting to turn out like him .
I sprint up the steps, taking them two at a time to reach the apartment, but I stop short at the mess in front of me. A broken kitchen chair lies sprawled on the floor and there’s a fairly large hole in the wall, that I suspect was from a fist. All in all, it could be much worse. Then I look and see him, and my heart sinks. The flame of anger that was beginning to spark in my chest instantly goes out.
Austin is lying, curled in bed, his body drawn tightly into the fetal position. I approach tentatively, my voice soft and gentle. “Austin? Baby, it’s me.”
He stirs, opening one bleary eye. “Penny?” he croaks, his voice hoarse.
He looks utterly broken lying there, so when he raises one arm, I lower down and curl up against him, the front of our bodies pressed against each other. He reeks of whiskey and sweat, and I don’t give a damn. His body begins to shake, so I raise up on an elbow, seeing silent tears streaming down his face. He flinches when I touch his arm, but I continue grazing my fingertips up and down, whispering soothing nonsense to him until little by little he seems to relax.
“It was him, wasn’t it?” I whisper.
His jaw flexes, and after several seconds he nods wordlessly. I don’t push him, I just lie back down, still facing him. I’ll give him all the time he needs.
After a few moments, he starts to tell me everything. Apparently, his dad saw the picture of us together and pulled his usual bullshit. He took his mom’s phone to call him, and because Austin never stops waiting and hoping for something from his mom, he answered.
He takes a shaky breath, his eyes focused on something in the distance only he can see. “It’s like I freeze up. My brain’s screaming at me to end the call, to hit one fucking button and make it stop. But I never can. Every time, it’s like I’m that kid again, standing there letting him spew hatred at me.”
Austin’s voice cracks as he continues, pain and anger lacing every word. “He knows exactly where to hit,” he says quietly. “This time, he said I wasn’t even good enough to make it on my own, that I had to go and fuck a studio owner just to further my career.” He pauses, jaw clenched. “I was holding it together until he dragged you into it. That’s when I lost it.”
So many thoughts swirl in my head, so many things I want to say, but he’s in no state to hear them tonight. It’s clear from the pain in his voice that he’s holding on by a thread. Instead, I head to the bathroom and grab a warm, wet washcloth and lie back down beside him to gently wipe his face. Austin’s body shudders, but doesn’t pull away. Noticing his shoes are still on, I carefully slip them off, making him as comfortable as I can.
He watches me while I silently strip down to my t-shirt and panties and slide under the blanket next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He relaxes and leans into me, and I rest my head against his chest. I can feel his heartbeat pounding wildly.
One heavy arm wraps around me and in a broken whisper he says, “I just want to be loved by him. What the hell is wrong with me that I still want that? Why is that too much to ask?”
His words slice through me, raw and filled with so much pain. I press closer into him as tears slide down my face, soaking into his shirt.
My own heart aches with his, and as the weight of everything catches up with me, the adrenaline fades. I’m dragged into sleep, wrapped in his grief, hoping that holding him is enough.