CHAPTER 46
GRAYDON
Fuck…me.
My head pounds with regrets.
My stomach rolls with bad habits.
And my body aches with horrible decisions as my eyes peel open, the sun blaring through the windows of my living room like a death ray, attempting to crack my skull in half.
“Fuck,” I grumble as I realize I’m on the couch, the cushions doing absolutely nothing to support my battered back. I carefully push myself up and run my hand over my eyes as I attempt to find some clarity.
I blow out a heavy breath and observe the scene.
There’s a glass of water on the coffee table, untouched.
A blanket at my feet.
And…
Shit.
Curled up on one of the chairs next to the couch is Maple, her head resting on a throw pillow and a blanket pulled up around her chin. Yesterday’s events come barreling to the forefront of my mind as I take in her peaceful face, slumbering in what seems to be a very uncomfortable position.
Hatred for myself billows in the pit of my stomach all over again because I came to the realization yesterday that I’m the problem. I’m very much the problem. As much as it pains me to admit it, Slutty Little Glasses was right—I’m a burden for her. I’m making her life harder.
This entire situation could get her fired from a job she loves.
And in the long run, I’m hurting her.
Destroying the life that she so perfectly crafted for herself.
All for what? To make myself feel better?
I push my hand through my hair, stand from the couch, and walk over to the kitchen, where I start a pot of coffee.
Leaning against the counter, I take Maple in, letting my eyes roam over her and commit to memory this peaceful moment where there is a slight smile on her sultry lips, her stunning face relaxed with nothing bothering her. She’s peaceful.
She’s perfect.
And if only she could be mine.
The coffee pot beeps, and I catch her stirring, so I turn my back, grab a mug, and fill it up. I’m going to need this liquid encouragement to do what I need to do.
I blow on the mug while I hear her move off her chair and approach the kitchen, her cute feet padding across the floor.
Before she can walk up behind me and loop her arms around my waist like she’s done in the past, I turn to see her enter the kitchen, her eyes still sleepy and her hair slightly rumpled.
Fuck, I want to pull her into my arms and bury my face in her neck.
“Good morning,” she says as she pauses at the kitchen island. Her voice is scratchy, as if she spent the night screaming my damn name, but I know that’s not the case. If it was, I wouldn’t be putting distance between us right now.
“What are you doing here, Maple?”
“I came to be with you.”
“And I told you, we’re not a thing.”
Her eyes narrow, and I can tell this is not going to be as easy as I thought.
“We’re not a thing? As in, we’re not dating?”
“That’s what that would mean,” I say, my voice remaining emotionless.
“Interesting,” she says as she props her hip against the island and folds her arms over her chest. “Because last I remember, you really liked me, so tell me where along the way this didn’t turn into a relationship.”
I blow out a heavy breath and drag my hand down my face. “Maple, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“Did you really just say that to me? Do you really expect me to just roll over, tuck my tail between my legs, and walk away from you after everything we’ve been through?
It doesn’t work that way, Graydon. I’m not going to just leave because you’re trying to save me from whatever story you’re building in your head. ”
“It’s not a story!” I shout, not helping my hangover. “It’s real life. The press is hounding you, it’s affecting your work, and this is…this won’t get easier.”
“And you think your feelings are just going to fade away as if I didn’t even exist?”
I stare down at my coffee mug, unable to look her in the eyes when I say, “Yeah, it’s not like it meant that much to me in the first place.”
Silence falls between us, and I can’t spare her a look because I know I’ll break. I know she’ll see right through the lie.
Honestly, the biggest lie I’ve ever told.
Because that’s not how I feel at all.
I fucking love her. I rely on her. I crave her.
I feel like I’ve found my person. Our souls have connected on another level.
Yet I realize the pressure my job has put on her, the dysfunction of my family, and the demand of my celebrity. I know that it’s a lot, and I know deep in my soul that she doesn’t deserve to be put through all of that.
She steps forward, closing the space between us until there are only mere inches between our chests.
“I didn’t mean that much to you?” Her tone isn’t sad, more inquisitive, like she just drummed up an entire plan in her head and is about to best me.
“It was good for what it was,” I answer.
“I see.” She moves directly in front of me and then, to my surprise, takes off her shorts, then her shirt, leaving her completely bare.
Fuck.
Her hand smooths up my chest, her fingers tickling over my heated skin. She makes me set my coffee down and brings my hand directly to her ass.
My mind screams at me to step away and not to fall for whatever she has planned, but my heart and my body are not listening.
“If I meant nothing to you, then why is your breathing different right now?” Her finger drags over my jaw.
“How come your skin is heated?” Her palm smooths over my pec, down my stomach, and right to the waistband of my shorts.
“And how come you’re hard?” She cups me, calling me out right before she steps away and then lifts herself up on the island counter.
My eyes betray me as they roam over her delicious tits and the way she’s pushing her chest out toward the ceiling.
“If this means nothing to you, then I guess you can just watch, right?”
What does she mean…
She brings her feet up to the counter and spreads her legs, giving me a front-row seat to her beautiful cunt. She brings her hand between her legs, and I watch as her fingers slide over her clit. Her head falls back, and she lets out a low, sexy moan.
“Fuck, yes,” she whispers as my cock stretches the fabric of my shorts, my muscles tensing. “It’s easier to make myself come now. You’ve shown me what I love. What I…need. No one’s ever made me feel so sensual before you.”
Her fingers circle over her clit, and I watch as she grows wet from the movement, my mouth watering, my jealousy increasing.
Her teeth drag over the corner of her mouth, and her nipples grow hard as she starts to ramp up her movements, her breathing becoming more erratic.
“If you didn’t care…” she says and then catches her breath, “then don’t touch me. Don’t even look. Turn away and let me come on my own.” Her eyes land on mine. “Go on, Graydon…oh…fuck.” She lets out a deep breath. “Look…away.”
She moves faster, her chest heaving, her muscles tensing. She’s so goddamn close that I should just let her finish.
I should prove the point and walk away.
But…
Fuck, I can’t.
I can’t watch her do this without me.
Not when my heart is tearing in two from the thought that she could give herself that much pleasure without me.
In a flash, I push my shorts down, release my cock, and bring it up to her.
I pull her close to the edge of the counter, line myself up and then lift her up, letting myself slip inside as I take her hand that she was fingering herself with and slide her fingers in my mouth, tasting her while I lift her up and slam her down on my cock.
Her other hand grabs the back of my neck, and she holds on as I pound into her relentlessly.
Her warm, wet pussy clenches around my cock, bringing me to the precipice of my orgasm in a matter of seconds.
“Fuck, Graydon,” she moans as she releases her fingers from my mouth and then digs them into my hair. “Harder. Make me come.”
I lose all track of what we were talking about, and my only focus is on our connection and how she feels, thrusting in and out of her. It’s a goddamn high, this feeling, her clamped around me. Squeezing, tightening, making me mad with need.
“Right there, so close. Give me all of your cock,” she says, setting my entire body on fire.
I growl, then thrust even faster, pounding into her, bottoming out on every pulse until she’s pulling on my hair and clamping around me.
“Oh my God,” she shouts and shatters over me.
Her orgasm is all I need, and I follow quickly after, stilling and spilling myself inside her as the best fucking feeling of my life takes over my body.
We both cling on to each other, letting our breath catch up…and our minds.
Fuck, what was I thinking?
I slide her off me and set her down on the counter only for her to hop off, grab her clothes, and walk away to the bathroom. I slip myself back in my shorts, then push my hand through my hair.
Jesus Christ. Why did I just do that?
Because I’m weak where she’s concerned.
Because I have zero control.
Because I’m a goddamn moron.
Here I am, trying to push her away, trying to put distance between us because that fuck at the zoo was right, all I am is a burden to her, and then I go and fuck her in my kitchen.
There is something seriously wrong with me.
After a few minutes, she pops out of the bathroom and heads over to the garage door, where she slips her shoes on. She gathers her things, then walks up to me.
I keep my eyes focused on the ground because I can’t look at her.
I can’t face her after what I just did.
Her hand lands on my chest, and she quietly says, “Push me away all you want, but it won’t negate the fact that I know how you truly feel about me, Graydon. I know deep in my soul that you love me just as much as I love you.”
My entire chest seizes from those three words.