CHAPTER 46 #2
“Yes, I said ‘love’ because I’m not afraid to say it, and I’m not afraid to claim it.
I love you, and I will spend every moment I have proving that to you.
Proving to you that this is where I want to be.
I will not abandon you, I will not leave you.
You are who I want to be with, and I don’t care about anything else that comes along with it because the only thing I care about…
is you.” She pats my chest and then loops her hand around my neck, tugging me down to her lips, where she softly kisses me for no more than a second, pulling away before I can even get a good taste.
When she moves away, this sense of loss falls over me, guilt pulses through me, and for a brief second, I consider grabbing her arm, pulling her into my chest, and telling her that I love her too.
But I don’t move.
Instead, I watch her walk out the front door, taking my heart along with her.
“I’m glad you called,” OC says as he walks into my place and hands me a pack of beer—nonalcoholic. “It’s all I had in my pantry. I bought it by mistake at the store.” He shrugs and then takes a seat in the living room, where Bennett is already sitting.
I stare down at the piss in a bottle and leave it at the front door. I won’t be opening those.
I take a seat on the couch in the living room, and I let out a deep breath.
After a few seconds of silence, I say, “I ended things with Maple.” OC gasps loudly, clutching his chest. “Or at least I think I did.”
“What do you mean you think you did?” Bennett asks in a rational tone.
“No, more importantly, why the hell would you break up with her?” OC asks.
“Yeah, that’s a good question too.”
I sink into the couch and feel all of the emotion spill from me as I say, “Because I was trying to save her the trouble of being with me.”
They pause and exchange looks before Bennett says, “But isn’t that something for her to decide?”
“She would never break up with me over it. She would endure the burden until it broke her. She knows too much about me. She’s seen too much about my personal life.
I know her at this point.” I drag my hand over my face.
“The only problem is, when I went to break up with her, she wouldn’t let me.
Instead, I fucked her on the counter, she told me she loved me, and then she left. ”
OC’s mouth falls open while Bennett shifts in his chair, looking uncomfortable.
“You fucked her on the counter?” OC glances at my kitchen. “How?”
“Dude.” Bennett smacks OC across the arm.
“Ow, that hurt.” He rubs his bicep.
“You get run over by hockey players for a living, and that hurt you?”
“Does it look like I’m wearing pads right now?”
“No, but that was barely a slap.”
“You’re right. It was a punch.”
“Are you really going to argue right now?”
OC still rubs his arm. “No, because I can be the bigger man and move on without a heartfelt apology.” He turns back to me. “So how did you fuck her on the counter?”
“Jesus…Christ,” Bennett mumbles.
“You know, for a moment, I thought inviting you here might be helpful, but clearly I was wrong.” I shake my head, wishing I had just kept to myself, but it ate away at me this morning until I called them over.
I was unable to take it anymore, especially since I haven’t heard from Maple since this morning.
Not that it should matter. I’m distancing myself…right?
“Don’t you dare.” OC sits up taller. “You called on the Gladdy Daddies, and we’re here to serve. So we can skip the kitchen-fucking question for now, but I would like your technique later. As for the other thing, how do you feel about her saying she loves you?”
“Terrified,” I answer, because even though I want to punch OC in the face for how annoying he is, I need someone to talk to about this. And unlucky for me, they are the best ones at the moment, besides Hutton, who was busy with family in town. “Because I love her too, and she called me out on it.”
“She did?” Bennett asks.
“Yeah, she did. She said she loves me, and she knows I love her too.” I slump enough on the couch that my head leans against the back of it.
“I don’t know what the fuck to do. Because yeah, I love her, and hearing her say she loves me, it just about tore me in two.
But what am I supposed to do with that? Let her continue to love me while she’s getting torn apart by the public? I can’t let that happen to her.”
“Has it happened, though?” Bennett asks. “Besides yesterday with the fake relationship bullshit.”
“There have been comments about how she’s not right for me.”
“That’s basic trolling that happens to everyone,” OC says. “The other day, I had several people tell me the shorts I wore out to the grocery store were not right for my body. What’s a guy supposed to do who has quads like mine?”
I stare at him, my expression unfazed as I say, “You know, I actually hate you.”
OC shakes his head. “No, you don’t. You love me. Not like you love Maple, but you love me.”
I’m about to shove my foot up his ass to really show him how much I “love” him, but then Bennett says, “So you are willing to give up the relationship you have with her because you’re worried that she can’t handle being with you, right?”
I nod.
“And you won’t let her make that decision because you feel like she knows too much about you, and she would never just leave you, right?”
I nod again.
“Okay, well then, just let her be. If that’s what you want, then keep your distance.”
“And when she doesn’t let me?” I ask.
“Then you’re going to have to test and see how strong you are when it comes to allowing her to protect herself…while she protects you.”
“Whoa.” OC turns to Bennett. “Dude, that was really profound.” Then he looks at me and thumbs toward Bennett. “Listen to that shit, that’s great advice.”
“I don’t even know what it means. How am I supposed—”
My new phone I got myself after Maple left this morning dings with a message, and I lift it up to see a text from Maple.
“Is that from her?” OC asks, craning his neck forward.
“It is.”
“What does it say?”
I swipe on the text and read it to myself.
Maple: I missed you at the zoo today. I had to do the dishes myself. Big Hermy wasn’t into getting fed by me, and every time I looked at the mural, I thought of you. I took a few pics in front of it for you. Miss you. Love you.
Does this mean that Phil let her return to work?
Two pictures follow the text, and they’re of her sitting in front of the mural.
The camera is at a ground angle, which makes me think she set it up with a timer.
In the first, she’s smiling and looking so damn adorable that I want to grab her through the phone and pull her into my chest, never letting her go.
The second is of her kissing the camera in front of the mural, and I feel myself sigh from the thought of those lips on me.
“Whatever it says, it’s breaking the wall he’s tried to erect,” Bennett says.
“I know that look. You can put it off as much as you want, man, but I’m telling you right now, you’re bound to give in, especially with that look in your eyes.
What you need to focus on is trusting the fact that she’s strong enough to handle herself through the ups and downs of what your relationship will bring.
That will be the challenge. I wouldn’t worry about her. I would worry about yourself.”
It’s silent for a moment, and then OC chuckles. When we look at him, he motions to Bennett and says, “You said ‘erect.’”
I point at the front door and say, “Grab your piss beer and get the fuck out of here.”
He nods and stands from the chair. “Yeah, that might be best. I’m adding no value to this gathering. I’ll be better next time. Carry on, men.”
I drop the weights on the weight rack and reach for my phone to skip the song blasting through my AirPods.
I’m not in the mood for some pump-up, techno beat.
Nope, I’ve been purely listening to slow songs, mostly covers by Boyce Avenue, but of course that’s not something I would ever admit out loud, especially not when I’m benching three hundred and fifty pounds.
When I pick up my phone, I see a text message from Maple. Fucking hell, the way she makes my heart flutter. I open the text and read it to myself.
Maple: Remember that kid who you took a picture with at the food trucks?
He came by the zoo today and asked to take a picture with me and then stayed to learn about the flamingos.
I let him help me feed them. It was incredibly rewarding and I had no idea that my love for you could transfer to so many people in so many good ways.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to call you mine. Xoxo.
Fuck.
I stare down at the text, reading it over and over and hating myself with every second that passes by.
“Thank you for giving me the opportunity to call you mine.”
That’s going to weigh on my chest for a long fucking time.
Bennett steps up to the plate, and OC picks up the pizza box in front of us and offers me a slice. I pick one up, and he takes the last slice as we sit in silence, watching the game.
He begged to come over, and I told him he could as long as he stayed quiet. So far, it’s been a rather enjoyable evening.
The guy is not half bad when he’s not opening his mouth.
Bennett takes a ball, and the announcers talk about his OPS and how he has the highest on the team. How, with every game, he keeps improving, showing up, doing the work, and all with a humble attitude.
Honestly, I’m not surprised.
Just from knowing him for a short period, I can tell that he’s a different kind of athlete, one of those that only come around every so often and have it all.
I take a bite of my pizza just as my phone dings with a text, and Bennett hits the ball to right center. He takes off into a run, rounding first and making it to second standing up.
“Jesus, he’s fast,” I say out loud, then wince at the thought of opening the floodgates for OC to talk.
But to my shock, he just nods and continues to eat his pizza.