CHAPTER 46 #3
Huh, he can take directions well.
Shocking.
I pick up my phone and look at the text. It’s from Maple. Of course it is. She’s been texting me every day since she left my place a week ago.
Maple: Hey, you. Miss you. Miss you calling me beautiful.
Miss seeing your face in the morning. Miss you washing me in the shower.
Miss you being your overprotective, grumpy self.
And I miss being in your arms. Hopefully this won’t be forever.
Still loving you from afar. Please respond, Graydon. I’m getting worried. Xoxo.
“Is that from her?” OC asks, breaking his silence.
“Yeah.” I sigh.
“She cracking your shield?”
“She already cracked it. I’m attempting to patch it up and doing a shitty job.”
“Have you texted her back?”
I shake my head. “No. If I do, I know I won’t be able to stop.”
“I don’t know, man. The pain I see in your face, maybe you should just give in. Not sure what the purpose of all of this is at this point. She’s not going to stop, and you’re only hurting yourself.”
Yeah, I know.
But I’m…fuck, I’m scared. The moment I give in, I know that’s going to be it. I’m going to be all in, and she’s going to be exposed to all of it. And I know she’s strong, but is she really that strong?
What happens when I go on away trips?
What happens when people start accusing me of cheating? Because social media is just that cruel.
There are so many unknowns that I just don’t know how to handle, and for the life of me, I wish my mom was here to help me.
I wish she could give me some solid advice, anything to help me decide what the fuck to do.
“For what it’s worth, not that my opinion matters, but I think you need to give in. Why deny yourself something wonderful like love in your life? Fighting alongside her is going to be so much better than fighting against her.”
He keeps his eyes on the TV and takes another bite of his pizza, and honestly, color me shocked because that’s the kind of advice I would hear from Bennett, but it came from—
“Dude, come on, that was some good shit, something you would find on a T-shirt. You have to give me credit.”
Annnnnnd…there he is.
Grumbling, I say, “Don’t call me ‘dude.’”
Maple: I haven’t heard from you all week and I’m starting to think that maybe…
maybe my love isn’t enough. I don’t want to think that way, Graydon, I want to believe that you can trust me, that you can understand where I’m coming from, that you can believe in the bond we have, but as the silence grows between the two of us, I’m wondering if I’m pushing you in a direction you just don’t want to go.
I don’t know how to handle this and I thought that maybe I could fix this, but I’m wondering if this isn’t mine to fix, that maybe this is for you to figure out.
So I’m putting it in your hands, Graydon.
If you want me, then you know where to find me.
Please know, this is not me abandoning you, or giving up on us, I’m just giving you the option to decide what you want, without pushing you. I love you, always will.
Fuck.
I drag my hand over my face and set my phone down, her words ringing through my head over and over again like a siren, warning me that I’m going to lose her.
Isn’t that what I want, though?
To set her free?
For her to finally give in and let go?
I lean back on my couch, my mind racing.
Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck I want anymore, but the thought of her not saying those words to me anymore…I love you…hell, that makes me feel so much lonelier than I’ve ever felt before.
Graydon: Did you see they took away my dad’s stadium privileges? And Coach Keenan is on probation? If the team doesn’t start winning, he’s fired.
Gretchen: I did. See what happens when you trust me?
Graydon: You sound just like OC, gloating.
Gretchen: Please don’t compare me to that shoelace.
Graydon: Shoelace. LOL. Why is that the perfect description for him?
Gretchen: Because it is. Okay, everything is set for tomorrow. I have Maple hooked up with her field passes and seats. After the game, you have to go up to her so we can get the shot we need for socials. But don’t answer questions. Got it?
Graydon: Uh…what are you talking about? I told you we broke up.
Gretchen: And I chose to ignore that.
Graydon: We’re not talking right now and I doubt she’ll be there.
Gretchen: She’s obligated to be there.
Graydon: She is?
Gretchen: Yes, and Welcott is expecting a spectacle tomorrow after the game for the start of the season, and I would suggest giving in because, well, you know, he chose our side, got rid of your dad, and is a few games away from firing Keenan.
Graydon: Gretchen, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to expose her that way. Especially after everything that happened.
Gretchen: Not your decision to make. She’ll be waiting for you, so don’t let everyone down.
Graydon: Gretchen…pick up your phone.
Gretchen: Yeah, not answering phone calls right now. See you tomorrow.
What the fuck?
I stare down at the text—she’ll be waiting for me.
Waiting for me while wearing my jersey, probably looking so goddamn beautiful that it will break me. Not that her text yesterday didn’t break me.
Ding.
I check my phone, hoping it’s Gretchen telling me never mind, but then I see Maple’s name.
Fuck.
Maple: I know I said I would let you be, let you decide how you want to pursue this, but Gretchen just told me I’m required to be at the game. I won’t bother you too much. I’ll let them take their pictures and then I’ll let you have your peace.
I growl in frustration and toss my phone to the side, driving my hands into my hair before standing from the couch. I pace the length of my living room, warring with myself as I try to find a solution to all of this, where she isn’t hurt, I’m not craving her, and everything just…works out.
There isn’t such a solution.
Which means I have to decide what I want to do.
Do I want to sit here and deny myself what I really want because I’m trying to protect the woman I love? Or should I trust the fact that she can handle what comes her way and go after her?
Because she’s not pushing me. She’s not bothering me.
If anything, she’s reminding me how much she’s changed my life these past few weeks…
hell, months. She’s reminding me about the joy, the lightheartedness, the free feeling of having someone walk by my side, hand in hand, carrying my burdens right along with me.
I glance over at my phone, where I can see her picture on the screen, my jaw tensing, my body yearning.
Fuck…I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do.