Chapter 4
Zac
It’s been three days since our night with Leland, and we haven’t heard from him since.
He let us bath him, hold him until he calmed down and then just like that, he was gone. He won’t answer phone calls or texts from us so we’ve been getting our information from Oliver.
“I can’t do this much longer,” Vince says, standing from behind his desk to pace.
I’ve been with this man for twenty years and have never seen him so tied up about something.
Something about Leland pushes us both to the edge.
To claim, to protect. There’s something haunted in Leland’s eyes and I’m dying to fix it.
“We need a plan. Fuck this waiting for him bullshit.”
I lean back in my chair, propping my feet on the desk. “And what’s this amazing plan? Stalk him like Toby did Oliver?”
Vince laughs. “No. I’d like to keep it within the law.” Vince’s phone rings before I can respond. He pulls it from his pocket, and with a raised brow, slides to answer and flips it to speakerphone. “What can I do for you, Oliver?”
Oliver sighs through the line. “I’m only doing this because Leland is my best friend and helped me see my mistake with shutting my guys out.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, already sensing something is up.
“Leland needs you.”
Vince stops pacing and my feet hit the floor with a thud. “What happened?” Vince demands.
Oliver sighs again and it sounds sad. “I don’t want to get into too much detail, it’s Leland’s story to tell, but he has some serious episodes of depression.
I just left his house and he hasn’t been out of bed in days.
There’s food containers and clothes everywhere.
He won’t admit it, but he needs you guys. ”
“We’re on our way,” I say, already shutting my computer down.
“It won’t be easy,” Oliver warns. “He’s going to be really mad that I called you.”
“Is it because of what happened the other night?” Vince asks, grabbing his keys.
“Yes and no. He doesn’t regret it, but there’s something that I don’t even know about from his past. Something that he’s keeping buried. I wish I could help more.”
“You did the right thing,” I assure Oliver, sliding into Vince’s car. He pulls from the parking garage, and straight toward Leland’s apartment. “We’re in the car now.”
“I left my key under his welcome mat.”
“Thank you, Oliver,” Vince says.
“Please take care of him,” Oliver responds, and I hear the tears clogging his voice.
“We will,” I assure him. “Is someone with you?”
“Toby is.”
“Go to him, Oli. Let him give you a big hug.”
Oliver giggles through his tears. “I will. Take care of my best friend.”
The call disconnects, and we’re pulling in front of the building ten minutes later. We go into the building, take the elevator to his floor and let ourselves into the apartment. The place is worse than what Oliver described.
“Damn,” Vince mutters under breath. “I’m going to get this cleaned up. Go check on Leland.”
With a nod, I make my way to what I assume is Leland’s bedroom. I find him curled completely under the blankets. “I said I was fine, Oliver. Go home to your men.”
I lean against the doorframe. “Not Oliver.”
Leland sits up in the bed fast, and throws the blanket off. His curls are wild on his head, and his face is puffy like he’s been crying. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Oliver was worried.”
“Well, you can fuck off.” Leland curls back onto the bed and throws the blanket back over his head.
“I don’t think I will.” I throw caution to the wind and kick my shoes off before crawling onto the bed beside him.
“What are you doing?” Leland’s voice comes out muffled and sad.
I get as close to him as I can before pulling him against my chest and locking my arms around him. “Cuddling.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to. Want to tell me what’s going on?”
Leland tries to push me away, but I hold tighter. “I don’t need you to try to save me. I need you to leave me alone. This was all a mistake. I was just confused.”
“Leland,” I say softly. “I know what this is. I suffer from depression too. Sometimes you just need someone to hold you.”
“I don’t need this and I don’t need you.”
“Can you at least try it?”
Leland shoves against my chest, and practically flies from the bed.
His eyes are narrowed and his breathing is rough.
Anger in this situation is good because he might tell me what the hell is going on.
Leland is one of the happiest people I’ve ever met, always smiling and laughing.
So something really bad must have happened in his past to make him spiral like this.
“What part of ‘get the fuck out’, do you not understand?” Leland starts pacing, roughly running his fingers through his hair.
I wince when his fingers get tangled on his curls and he just rips them out.
“I don’t want this. I don’t need this.” It’s almost like he’s talking to himself, so I stay as still as possible.
“It was all a mistake. I shouldn’t have ever gone there. It messed everything up.”
“What did it mess up, Leland?” I ask softly.
Leland turns to me, eyes wild and jabs a finger into his chest. “ME! It messed me up! I’m already fucked up! I should have never gone down this path!”
“Leland—”
“GET OUT!” His yell echoes around the room, and then he hits his knees with a thud. “Oh, God.”
I’m up and out of the bed, dropping to my knees in front of him. I jerk him into my arms and let him fight against me. When all the fight leaves his body and he sags, I squeeze him tighter. “Come lay with me, take a nap and we’ll talk about this when you wake up.”
Leland nods, and I help him to his feet, leading him to the bed.
I get him situated and lay down in front of him.
He snuggles into my chest, and I feel his silent tears soaking my shirt.
I rub his back and whisper soothing words to him until I feel him start to drift off.
I wait thirty minutes to make sure he’s sleeping soundly before I pull my arm from under him, kiss his sweaty forehead and make my way out of the room.
I can hear Vince in the living room cleaning so I start in the kitchen, unloading and loading the dishwasher. There’s too many dishes to fit so I start filling the sink with water and lean against the counter as I wait. I feel arms wrap around my waist and my shoulders sag.
“Are you okay, love?” Vince knows that I’ve struggled with depression for years, and seeing Leland like that broke me apart.
But I don’t think my depression is as deep as Leland’s.
Mine can usually be handled with medication and what Vince calls depression cuddles, but Leland might need more, something that we’re more than willing to give.
“Yeah. That was just…hard. He’s hurting, Vince. Deep down.”
“We’re going to help him. However he needs it, and no matter how much he pushes us away.” There’s so much conviction in Vince’s voice that tears spring into my eyes. “First, we’ll clean while he’s napping and then when he wakes up, we’ll see if he wants to talk.”
“He might not be receptive.”
Vince turns me in his arms and grabs my face. “Then we’ll be patient. You see the same thing I do. He needs and wants us, but something is holding him back. He won’t accept this until we get to the bottom of it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Vince gives me a soft kiss before going back to the living room to finish cleaning.
I feel a little lighter while I clean the kitchen. Vince has always been rock solid when it comes to me and my struggle with mental health. I’m hoping I can do the same for Leland.
I’m just sitting down on the couch with Vince when Leland’s bedroom door opens. He shuffles into the room in shorts and a hoodie. He glances around the room and his eyes drop to the floor.
“You guys didn’t have to clean. I would have done it.”
“We didn’t mind, babydoll. You needed the rest. Come sit and talk with us?” Vince holds out his hand for Leland to come to him, and I can see the disappointment written all over Vince when Leland sits in the chair across from us.
“I just got into my head. It isn’t a big deal.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I reply. “This is a big deal. Something that you can’t ignore anymore.”
Just like I thought, Leland’s face flames with anger. “I’m not ignoring shit. I’ve managed for over ten years. I don’t need you two barging into my life and trying to take over. I appreciate what you did, but you can leave.”
Vince holds up a hand when I open my mouth to argue and gets to his feet.
I follow his lead and Vince turns to Leland when we get to the door.
“We aren’t trying to take over. We just want to help.
And you haven’t been managing this for ten years, you’ve been running for that long.
We’ll be here when you’re ready to accept what you need from us. ”
Vince opens the door and it takes everything in me not to turn around and run to Leland when I hear him suck in a breath at what Vince said. It isn’t the time, though. Leland needs to come to terms with this on his own.
And hopefully that includes us.