Chapter 5
Leland
You haven’t been managing this for ten years, you’ve been running for that long.
I slam the bathroom door and roughly turn the shower on. I’m still fuming at that condescending asshole when I strip my clothes off and step inside. The water hits my tired muscles, and I hiss out a breath.
I knew I shouldn’t have gone through with this.
I should have walked the fuck out as soon as I saw Vince and Zac.
But no, I let them completely take me apart and put me back together.
It felt so good laying in their arms after that emotional roller coaster that night, but that’s done.
I can’t keep doing this to myself. All it’s doing is making me even more confused.
Sighing, I work shampoo and conditioner into my dirty, tangled hair, rinse and take my time washing my body.
I was fucking fine when I got home Saturday night.
I felt light and carefree, then I woke up the next morning with a sore ass and I buried myself in my bed.
I called into work for three goddamn days, so now I have to worry about my jackass of a boss. I’ll be lucky to even have a job.
Just one more thing to add onto the list to make my life fall apart.
Why can’t I just be fucking normal?
That thought plagues me as I finish my shower and brush my teeth.
I throw on clean shorts, a compression shirt and pace my apartment for hours.
Ten damn years, and those few months still haunt me.
Nope. I can’t let myself fall down that rabbit hole again, so I grab a hoodie, a pair of socks and my running shoes.
I leave my apartment, shove my earbuds in, turn my music up and start running.
It’s the one thing guaranteed to keep my head clear.
I feel my muscles relax, and my lungs expand fully for the first time since Saturday.
I let myself remember that night in full detail, from the way they could read me like a book, the spanking, the sex, and the way they held me afterward.
They told me how good I was, and how much they’ve been dreaming of this night.
When I left that night, I had full intentions of calling them the next day like they asked.
I was going to give this a real shot. Then I woke up Sunday morning and felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t bring myself to even try, so I wallowed in my own self fucking pity.
I know Oliver is the one that called them, and I can’t even find it in myself to be mad at him.
He did the same thing I did to him when he was being an idiot about his guys, but there’s a difference.
He actually wanted what Jace, Toby and Aiden could give him.
I don’t want to start a life with a couple that’s already been together for twenty fucking years.
I don’t want to start a life with men. I don’t want to be with a man.
I slow my pace and realize that I’ve run into the nicer part of the city.
When I look up at the tall apartment building to my left, my heart sinks.
I ran directly to Vince and Zac’s apartment.
I’ve only been here a couple of times, so why the hell would I take this route?
My anger flares again when I remember what Vince said and I go into the apartment building, waving at the doorman on my way by.
I step into the elevator and stab the button for their penthouse apartment.
My temper hasn’t subsided by the time I make it to their door and pound my fist against it.
Vince opens it with a raised brow. “Why are you knocking on my door like a cop with a warrant?”
I shove inside and whirl to face him. “Fuck you for what you said. You have no idea what I’m going through.”
Vince crosses his arms over his bare chest and that infuriates me even more. “Want to tell me what you’re going through then?”
“No.” I throw my hands up and start pacing. “It’s not that big of a deal. This is just something that I deal with every once in a while.”
“You’re downplaying your struggles.”
“Are you a lawyer or a goddamn therapist?” Vince doesn’t say anything, just raises that fucking brow. The brat tamer. That’s what Oli’s kinky ass calls it. “I don’t even know why I’m here.”
“You ended up here for a reason, Leland.” I don’t want to admit how much I hate that he called me by my name and not babydoll. “While you’re here, would you like to join us for dinner? Zac should be home soon.”
“You’re the only one here?” I swallow past the lump in my throat. Why does that make me so nervous? This man has been balls deep inside me. His cum dripped down my thighs, but I can’t be in a room with him without Zac. Because Zac is your safe place. I shove that thought away and meet Vince’s eyes.
Vince’s arms drop. “I’m not going to jump you if that’s what you’re worried about. I do have some self control.”
When he goes to walk away, I reach out and grab his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I…trust you. You just make me nervous.”
Vince’s eyes drill into mine and he nods like he’s come to some sort of conclusion. “Come sit in the kitchen while I finish cooking.”
I kick my shoes off and follow him into the kitchen. I slide onto the stool at the island and watch him move around. My eyes are drawn to the way his back muscles shift and how low his shorts hang on his hips. I try to drag my eyes away, but I can’t.
“It smells good,” I comment, trying to distract myself so I don’t get hard. My cock keeps twitching in my shorts, and I cuss the traitorous little bastard out in my head.
“Thank you. It’s chicken fettuccine alfredo with homemade sauce. Zac’s favorite.”
“How did you and Zac meet?”
Vince chuckles and turns to face me. He places his palms on the counter behind him and it makes a sexy picture.
“We played for rival football teams when we were kids. When Zac was fourteen, he moved to our school and I took him under my wing. At fifteen, we admitted that we were both gay and at sixteen, we officially started dating.”
“Was that hard?”
Vince nods. “During that time, it was really hard. Lots of bad stigma against gay men, and it made it even harder that we were jocks. Most of the football team expressed their concerns, and we were made to wait to change in the locker room when it was empty.”
“That’s fucking bullshit.”
“It was, but through it all, I had Zac and he had me. We fought like hell to get where we are today.”
“What about your parents?”
Vince smiles. “It was hard at first, especially with my father. He didn’t understand how I could be gay because ‘all gay men are feminine’,” Vince puts quotes around that last part before shrugging.
“It’s what the media shoved in everyone’s face, so he didn’t get it until he saw us together.
He eventually came around and had our backs when the coach tried to remove us from the team for “safety”.
My mom and Zac’s mom and dad were immediately okay with it. A little confused, but accepting.”
“Why aren’t you guys married?”
“Because we wanted to wait to commit ourselves when we found our third.”
The front door opens, interrupting our conversation and I’m relieved. I know what Vince is getting at about inviting a third into their relationship and I hate to tell him that it isn’t going to be me.
“Hello, love,” Vince says, and then turns back to the kitchen.
“I found our favorite bread at that little corner store.” Zac steps into the kitchen and his eyes widen when he sees me. “Hey, pretty boy.”
“Hey.”
“I didn’t expect to see you here.” Zac puts the bags on the counter and starts unloading them.
“He showed up a little bit ago. From the looks of him, I’m assuming he ran here.”
“You like to run?” Zac asks and smiles. “I love to run. Nothing clears the mind like your feet pounding concrete.”
It was the only way to clear my head until I met them. “Yeah. I’ve been running since middle school.”
“Did you compete?” Vince asks, sliding the food onto the island. My stomach rolls and I look away.
“For a little while.” Time for a subject change. “Vince was telling me how you guys met.”
Zac snorts and slides onto the stool beside me. “Did he tell you that he gave me no choice when it came to dating?”
Vince grins and starts plating up food. He slides me a plate with a wink and turns to Zac. “That’s not the whole story, love. I seem to remember you kissing me first and then I claimed you as mine.”
“Same thing,” Zac argues. “You just couldn’t get enough of me.”
“That is correct.”
There’s so much heat in this kitchen and it isn’t from Vince cooking. I slide my hoodie off and both their eyes turn to me. “What?” I ask before taking a bite and moaning at the taste. I can’t tell you the last time I ate, much less a homemade meal. “Damn, this is good.”
“Thank you,” Vince answers, and clears his throat. “Eat up.”
We eat in silence and Vince smiles so wide when I ask for seconds.
By the time I’m done I’m stuffed, and have to admit that I do feel better.
Zac starts clearing the dishes and Vince leads me to the living room.
I get comfortable on the loveseat so my food can settle before I run home.
Zac comes in minutes later and joins Vince on the couch.
“I’m sorry,” I say when I look at them. “I was rude as hell when I got here. I know you meant well by what you said, Vince.”
Vince acknowledges that with a nod and scratches his chin. “What can we do to help you through this?”
I shrug, getting uncomfortable. “Nothing. This just happens sometimes. I’ll take a few days off to deal with it and go on with my life.”
“That’s not healthy, pretty boy. Trust me.”
“Well, it’s the only thing I know to do. I’ve tried therapy and I’m on medication. Look, can we talk about something else?”
“We won’t push you,” Vince replies. “Yet. But eventually we need to know what happened.”
“It’s none of your business.” I push down my anger and get to my feet. “I need to go. Thanks for dinner.”
“Let me drive you,” Zac says, already standing. “It’s dark and the temperature has dropped.”
Figuring he’s the lesser of two evils, I nod and pull my hoodie on.
I can’t even look Vince in the eye as I follow Zac to his car in the parking garage.
He opens the door for me and I drop into the seat, blowing a breath out.
He doesn’t say a word as he slides into the car and pulls onto the street.
When he sighs, I know it’s coming. “I feel like we have a lot to do with what you’re going through, and that fucks me up.”
“What?” I gasp, turning to face him. “This isn’t your fault or Vince’s. It’s me and my fucked up mind.”
“Please don’t talk about yourself in that way. The reason I say that is because of what you said at your apartment. It didn’t happen until after Saturday night.”
I decide it’s time for most of the truth. They deserve that after the night they gave me. “It’s not you, Zac. It’s all me. Some…things hold me back emotionally, physically and mentally. My parents sucked. My dad was abusive and my mom, a high society drug addict.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Let me ask you a question. What made you request a fantasy? There were many ways you could have gotten the experience you wanted.”
In for a penny, in for a pound. “Because I was secretly hoping one of Oli’s guys would see it and set me up with you and Vince.”
“Why didn’t you just ask us? You were very fucking mad when we showed up.”
“That’s where the secret part comes in. My mind doesn’t always agree with itself. That first night with Vince brought up a lot of shit I thought I buried and shit that I didn’t even realize about myself.”
“I’d really like to help you through this, Le.
Since you were honest with me, I’ll be honest with you.
” Zac pulls in front of my building, puts the car in park and turns to face me.
“Vince and I want you. That hasn’t been a secret.
We’ve been wanting a third. Someone who could give me and Vince what we needed.
The night we met you, it was like it all fell into place.
There was this spark that we haven’t felt with anyone else, and we both agreed it was you.
I’m not telling you this to guilt you into fighting what you feel.
I’m telling you this so you know you’re safe with us.
We’ll take care of you in whatever capacity that means. ”
Before I blink, my lips are on his. I feel his shock and then his hand is sliding onto the back of my head, holding me in place.
I open willingly when I feel his tongue against my lips, and the kiss gets deeper.
So deep I feel like I’m drowning. I grip his shirt with both hands, trying to pull him closer.
My thoughts are screaming at me to keep going one second and to stop this the next.
Zac feels the second I start fighting with myself and pulls back, laying his forehead against mine.
“Go upstairs, go to bed. Get a good night’s sleep, and then text me tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I agree, my voice rough.
Zac kisses my forehead, lingering for a second. “Goodnight, pretty boy.”
“Goodnight, Zac.”
I slide out of the car and turn to watch him drive away.
I don’t go inside until his taillights disappear and can’t help the sinking feeling in my stomach that I let something important get away.