Chapter 12
Vince
I’m going to fucking kill someone.
Either the person that hurt Leland or his goddamn dad.
We drove to Leland’s apartment in silence but every so often I could hear him sniffle, which enrages me even more.
When we finally get upstairs to his place, Leland starts pacing the living room.
Zac and I take a seat on the couch to wait him out.
I still don’t want to push him, but eventually he’s going to have to get this off his chest.
“This is stupid,” Leland mutters under breath. “Why did I think I could have anything normal in life?”
“Leland?” I say softly.
“Stupid fucking bullshit. Maybe it was my fault.”
Nope. We’re stopping this now. “Leland,” I say a little more forcefully. His head snaps up to look at me, and it’s like he forgot that we were here. “It’s not your fault.”
Leland throws his hands in the air and then knocks off his hood. “How the fuck do you know? You don’t even know what happened.”
Zac and I exchange a look. Taking a deep breath, I decide honesty is the best answer in this situation. “The other day when you were sick, you were having a nightmare.” Leland’s brows furrow and then his face drains of all color. “Someone hurt you, didn’t they?”
Leland’s face hardens with anger. “Get out.”
“We can’t do that,” Zac says softly. “It changes nothing.”
“It changes everything!” Leland yells. “It will change how you look at me and how you feel about me. My own fucking dad kicked me out when I told him what happened.”
“That’s because your dad is a goddamn piece of shit,” I growl before I can stop myself. “He should have listened and been there for you.”
Leland laughs, but it has a weird edge to it.
“You mean when he wasn’t beating the shit out of me?
Or when I got stronger than him so he switched to verbal abuse instead?
Let’s not forget about my junky mother who used to tell me I ruined her life when I was born.
That it was my fault she was the way she was.
Or that I trusted another adult with my secrets about my family and he took advantage of me?
Oh, and let’s not fucking forget that when I told my dad, he told me I was disgusting and I was going to hell while I was crying to him. ”
“We can’t do anything to change your past no matter how much we want to,” I try to soothe. “But we can help you through this.”
“No. You can’t. I just need to be alone.”
I would bend over backward to give Leland anything he wanted. Except this. “Not this time, baby doll.”
“Why can’t you ever listen to me?!”
“He is,” Zac responds. “He’s listening to what you aren’t saying. Trust him. Trust us.”
Leland growls in frustration and sinks his hands into his hair. When he pulls on it in anger, I go with instinct. Instinct that’s screaming at me to take the decision to talk to us away from him because it’s too big of a decision for him to make.
“Come here,” I say and Leland shakes his head. “Come here,” I force more demand into my voice and Leland hesitates before walking to stand in front of me. “Let us help you, please.”
Watching the fear on Leland’s face is almost my undoing to reach for him, but he takes the decision out of my hands. He drops to his knees, wraps both arms around my thigh and squeezes hard. His entire body starts shaking, and I run my fingers through his curls.
“Daddy,” Leland whimpers, and my heart shatters.
“Talk to us, baby doll. We’ll catch you when you fall.” Zac starts rubbing Leland’s back and I use my other hand to try to soothe Zac by rubbing his thigh.
“I was fourteen,” Leland whispers. “I told my track coach what was going on at home, thinking I could trust him. At first, it was amazing. He would let me hang out with him after school and practice, take me to his house to eat dinner with his wife, and lie to my dad saying we had weekend practices so I wouldn’t have to be there.
” I close my eyes and take a silent deep breath to compose myself.
“I didn’t even notice he got too touchy until it was too late.
I had a hard practice with little sleep and not enough hydration.
My leg cramped up so bad that I threw up so he called practice off early, and took me to the locker room for a massage.
” Leland starts silently crying so I massage his scalp, not even thinking about breaking that connection for a second.
“During the massage, he slid his hand too far up my shorts. That’s the first time he touched me inappropriately and said it was an accident.
The next several times, they were fleeting touches on my crotch or ass, and I didn’t call him out. Why didn’t I call him out?”
“Because you were fourteen,” Zac says raggedly, “and he was an adult.”
“Not long after that, he pulled me into his office, and the mask came off. He told me if I wanted to stay on the team, I had to start doing things for him. He knew how much I needed track to keep my mind clear and to stay away from my parents. He told me how much he cared about me, and how much it would mean to him if I did these things for him. He pushed back from the desk and his dick was already out. I was frozen. I didn’t know what to say or do.
He told me to make a decision, so I did.
After a few times of just touching, he made me suck it.
Then one night, he took me to his cabin, got me drunk and fucked me. ”
“Oh, Leland.” I can’t take it anymore, and peel his arms from my thighs. I pull him into my arms and hold him tight. Zac plasters himself to our side and wraps his arm around Leland.
“It happened for a year,” Leland whispers. “He’d fuck me every chance he got, even in the house when his wife was there. It was my fault. I should have told him no.”
I lift Leland’s face up with my fingers under his chin. I need him to see my eyes when I say this. “None of that was your fault. He took advantage of you. He hurt you.”
“I should have said no,” Leland cries, burying his face in my chest.
“You were a kid,” Zac replies. “This is all on him.”
“The day I quit the track team, we had a huge argument in his office and I tried to kill myself. I stole a bunch of my mom’s pills and took them, but my dad found me.
The next time I was going to jump from the bluffs, but Oli found me.
” Leland starts playing with Zac’s fingers that are on his hip.
“That’s why I’ve been so scared of my feelings for you guys from that first day. ”
“You were scared we would take advantage of you?” I ask.
“In a way. But when I realized how amazing you guys were, I was scared of the feelings. I was scared to admit that I was bisexual and why I denied it so hard. I was scared to let myself trust again.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell Oliver?” Zac asks before I can.
“I couldn’t because he’d look at me differently.”
“I think you should tell him now,” I declare.
Leland sits up to look at me. “What? Why?”
“One, he’s your best friend. Two, he’d never see you any other way than that. Three, I think it will help you. How do you feel about telling us?”
“Like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I thought you guys would run the other way.”
When Leland starts crying this time, I pull him back to me and let him.
It’s bone deep sobs, the ones that heal you from the inside out.
It’s like he’s letting go of that time in life, from the rape, to his shitty parents, and the times he tried to hurt himself.
An hour goes by and he passes out from pure exhaustion still curled in my arms. Zac and I don’t say a word, just surround Leland and comfort each other.
Three and a half hours later, Leland sits up, blurry eyed and looks around the room. My legs have long since gone numb, but I refused to move him. “How long was I out?”
“A couple hours,” I answer, running my fingers down his cheek. “How do you feel?”
Leland shrugs. “Different? In a good way. Am I healed? No. But I don’t want this to hold me back anymore.”
“What does that mean?” Zac asks. Leland turns around on my lap to face him and grabs our hands.
“It means I’m done running. Does this still scare the shit out of me? Of course, but I want to try this with you guys. I want to stop letting the past control me.” Leland takes a deep breath. “And I want to tell Oliver.”
“I’m so proud of you, baby doll.” I kiss the side of his head and let my lips linger for a second. “How about I run you a bath, get you a glass of wine, and Zac can call Oli?”
Leland sighs. “A bath sounds so nice.”
Leland slides from my lap and into Zac’s. When I stand up, my legs almost give out and Leland starts giggling. “Don’t think I won’t still spank your ass,” I threaten.
That makes him laugh even harder, and I can’t even bring myself to be mad. His laugh sounds lighter and more free. Who am I to stop that? I hobble my old ass to the bathroom, take a piss and run his water for him. By the time the tub is filled and Leland walks in, my legs are almost back to normal.
“I’ll grab you a glass of wine.” I kiss his lips gently and go to the kitchen, grabbing the bottle that Zac brought here with us. I pour it and go back to the bathroom, and Leland is already soaking in the water with his eyes closed. They open when he hears me and he smiles.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
“Anything for you, baby doll.”
Leland takes a sip and sits the glass on the side of the tub. “Will you stay with me?”
I take a seat on the floor and lean against the side. “Of course.”
Leland is quiet for a long moment just soaking in the water. I know something is on his mind by the look on his face, but I let him decide if he wants to ask. He was so fucking brave earlier.
Leland clears his throat. “Is that why I like being degraded?”
“What do you mean?”
“Because of the awful shit my dad used to say to me, and what happened with Coach.”
“It’s very likely.”
“Why?”