28. Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Two
Three Simple Words
Luke
Y ou’re not him.
How could three words Kaden uttered in a sleep haze send me spiraling? ‘You’re not him.’ I’m not who? And is that a good thing or bad thing? Is he disappointed I’m not him? Is he hung up on someone and I missed the signs? I don’t think I misread what this is between us. I need answers but how do I even approach this? And will he tell me the truth?
Of course, he will. When has he ever lied to me?
Too many ominous thoughts running through my head all night, I haven’t slept a wink. I laid here holding him as tight as I could, wondering when it will be the last time I’ll be able to. When will he stop being mine ? Was he ever really mine? How and when did I become dependent on his presence in my life?
I want to scream in frustration, but I don’t want to wake him. I want to stay like this for as long as possible.
Fred senses my unease and comes to lie down next to my head, nudging my face with his snout. He really does know when I need his support.
It’s a little past six when Kaden starts to wake. He groans as if in pain.
“Good morning. How’re you feeling?” I attempt normal.
“Like I got hit by a freight train. I don’t think I drank enough to feel this badly. Did I pass out on you last night?”
“I don’t know about that. You did have four or five beers and at least half a dozen shots with Lanie and Faith. I think Connor may have snuck you one or two, as well. Seems like enough to get you more than a little tipsy.” I tease at his denial. “And yeah, my excellent snuggling skills had you asleep in no time.” I’m dying inside to ask him about who ’him’ is.
“I have to admit, you are a pretty good Snugglebug. One of the best, maybe.”
“Am I the only one?” I can’t resist the opening he left me.
Kaden pulls back and looks at me like I grew five heads all of a sudden. “What do you mean?”
I sigh deeply and face this head on. “Last night before you fell asleep you said, ‘you’re not him.' Who’s him?”
Kaden’s face goes pale as he looks away from me. It doesn’t give me warm feelings.
“It’s not what you think.”
“Then what is it?”
He gets into a sitting position, crisscross apple saucing his legs facing towards me. I follow suit and sit up. “Let me start with, I feel really bad for doing this and it won’t ever happen again.” Taking a deep breath, he continues, “I’ve been comparing you to my sort of ex since we met.”
My turn to take a deep breath. I drop my eyes to my hands in my lap.
“Hear me out.”
I nod, waiting to hear the rest. I’m attempting to not react poorly though my stomach is in knots.
“We met at the beginning of our second year of dental school. We had a lot in common and had the same study habits, so it was an easy friendship. Then my feelings grew into something more. Typical gay guy falls for his straight friend sad story, right?” He huffs and I can’t help but copy him.
“Towards the end of that school year things started to change. Tyler was staring longer, friendly touches on a hand or arm turned into more, hugs lasted longer. One thing led to another, and it turned into a full-blown relationship. The only problem was Tyler would never admit it to anyone. Behind closed doors we were like any other couple. In public, we were two guy friends studying, hanging out, normal day-to-day activities. That lasted almost two years.”
“I don’t know why I put up with it for so long.” He pauses, contemplating his own statement. “Scratch that, I do know why. Because Tyler kept reassuring me that he loved me, and it wouldn’t be forever. He wanted to get through school and then we could be together out in the open. He always came up with, what felt at the time, logical reasons why it had to be that way. He was my first boyfriend, believe it or not. I didn’t see the red flags staring me in the face. Like they say, love is blind, so I believed him.”
“You were in love with him?” I hesitate asking, not knowing if I really want to hear the answer.
“Yeah, well at least I thought it was love. I guess.”
“Why did it end?”
“A month prior to graduation Tyler was acting weird, being crude and short whenever we spoke. Then he started back peddling saying he couldn’t worry about being in a relationship right now, I was too distracting. He needed to focus on his INBDE exams and career. Then he could think about settling down once he’s established. For added effect his last words to me were, ‘you know I’m not gay, so I don’t know why this is a surprise to you’ in a text message only to rub salt in my wounds. I haven’t heard from him since.”
“And that’s why you were pushing me away when we first met. I was straight like him and that’s a bad thing.”
“I swore off all straight men after Tyler. In hindsight it wasn’t fair to you. I shouldn’t have compared you, or anyone for that matter, to him. Just because one guy is an asshole doesn’t mean they will all be like him.”
We sit in silence for a moment. I can see he’s deep in thought, though.
“Is that everything? Seems like there’s more to the story.”
He huffs out an annoyed laugh. “Engagement photos with his high school sweetheart showed up all over his social media accounts a couple months after graduation, ‘meant to be’ and ‘soulmates’ captions and all. Talk about kicking someone when they’re down.” Kaden shakes his head in disbelief. I can’t say I blame him. Tyler sounds like a fucking dick and I’d like to beat his ass for hurting Kaden like that.
“It fucked with my head. I withdrew from almost everything in my life for a bit. I barely got through the final month of the semester. Thankfully, I passed all my exams. When I found the posts of his engagement, it only got worse. If it hadn’t been for me joining my aunt at her practice, I probably wouldn’t have found a job right away.”
My loathing for Tyler grows exponentially as I hear about how badly it affected Kaden. I reach out, taking his hand in mine. He smiles at the connection.
“Honestly, Ender was the one to get me out of my funk. He was there every day comforting me.”
And that explains a lot. I can see where this is going already.
“While I’m bearing my soul to you, I might as well tell you everything. Ender and I were together. Well, not together as in dating, but in the intimate sense.” He looks nervously at me waiting to see my reaction.
As much as I want to be jealous or upset, he hadn’t told me already, I can’t. It sounds like Ender was there for him in a time of need. I can respect that.
I nod acknowledging his confession and squeeze his hand letting him know it’s not a big deal to me.
“It’s not happening anymore, right?” I ask, already knowing the answer at this point, I think.
“No. Definitely not. It only lasted a few months. I’m not sure how it ended, but we went back to being friends like it never happened.”
“I’m not so sure he feels the same way.”
Kaden looks confused.
“He looks at you like you hung the moon. And is obviously very standoffish with me.”
“That’s how Ender is usually. He hasn’t had the easiest life. Loser, drug addict parents. Always sketchy people in their house. Never any food. We all met in middle school. Ender spent most of his time at either mine or Connor’s house. He wound up moving in with Connor’s family the summer prior to junior year of high school. His parents didn’t even notice he was gone. Connor’s parents couldn’t stand seeing Ender suffer the consequences of his parent’s actions any longer. He started doing well in school. Was able to get some help with college funding. It turned out for the best for him. He still gets in his head and depressed somewhat often. We’ve learned to recognize when its coming and be there for him until it passes.”
Now I feel bad about judging him without knowing anything about him.
“I’m glad you had him be there for you, and you for him. I can see why you guys are all close now.”
“Yeah, my inner circle is strong.” He laughs.
“I hope I can be considered in that circle now.” I hold my breath for the answer.
“Not a chance.” Kaden says straight-faced. I can’t tell if he’s joking or not feeling the same as I do.
He doesn’t make me wait long. Leaning in, his lips feathering over mine to whisper, “You have a special circle all for yourself.”
His words stop my heart from beating for a moment before I crash my lips to his tackling him to the bed. The kiss is all tongue and teeth, ravenous like I need to consume him, have him inside me in every sense.
I’m overwhelmed with the emotions I feel for him. I withdraw from the embrace to look him in the eyes, forming the words I wasn’t sure I would ever have the resolve to say, “I want to feel you inside me.”
Kaden’s eyes widen, “Are you sure? We don’t have to.”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”
He kisses me again, this time much softer. We slowly shift positions, Kaden now on top of me. He takes his time removing both our boxers, not wanting to break apart. His tongue exploring every inch of my mouth, his hands doing the same to my body. His mouth joins his hands causing goosebumps to form all over my skin, sending chills to the tips of my fingers. My entire mind and body is burning with desire. It’s like he’s thrown gasoline on a flame inside me that I never knew existed.
He pauses his assault on my skin, reaching for the nightstand. Taking out the lube and a condom, immediately pouring the lube on his fingers. I spread my legs bringing my knees towards my chest like Kaden had the first time I had him under me. I feel the cold gel in my crease as the tips of his fingers circle my hole. I gasp at his touch. His hand wraps around my hard cock languidly stroking, both sensations combined making pre-cum expel from my slit.
Kaden begins to apply pressure, letting one finger slowly push inside me. He must have felt me tense up when he gives me words of encouragement, “Breathe and try to relax. It won’t hurt as much. If you want to stop at any point, say so.” He bends down and kisses my inner thighs. I make eye contact with him and nod letting him know I’m okay.
I take some deep breaths and try to relax all the muscles in my body. He rewards me with a flat tongue licking the groove between my groin and thigh that takes my breath away, followed by a whimper I am not in the slightest ashamed of for making. Kaden nuzzles that same area and begins applying pressure again with his finger, this time pushing past the muscle and slowly pumping in me. It burns a little even with lube present but soon turning to pleasure as he goes deeper.
Without warning I feel the warmth of his mouth swallow my dick as far as it can go down his throat. At the same time Kaden crooks his finger hitting a sweet spot causing me to cry out in pleasure, my back arching off the mattress, fingers clutching the sheets in their grasp.
Kaden removes my cock from his mouth with a grin, “I’d like to introduce you to your prostate, Bug.”
When I think I’ve caught my breath he hits it once, twice more. I’m practically sobbing with rapture when he adds another finger going full knuckles deep. He’s slowly stroking my cock and I’m already about to burst from the myriads of sensations shooting through every nerve in my body.
“Kaden please, get inside me now. I can’t. I’m going to come if you don’t stop,” I breathlessly force out every syllable.
“I don’t want to hurt you. One more minute, you’re doing so good for me, baby,” he says as he adds a third finger, scissoring them, stretching me further.
Once again, his approval does things to me that I have to grab the base of my cock and squeeze tightly, attempting to ward off coming until he gets inside me.
His fingers suddenly disappear from my hole, the feeling of emptiness makes my body weep from his absence. Leaning back, he grabs the condom and rips it open with his mouth. I watch him slide it on and generously apply lube.
I catch my breath as I feel his head in position and pressure once again when he slowly slides his way inside me. He leans forward affectionately placing his soft lips on mine as he pushes and withdraws from me, going in farther an inch at a time with each movement.
“Breathe. You’re taking me so well, baby. Let me in,” he whispers against my lips. His words feel as if they’re meant for more than in the physical sense. My vulnerability is at an all-time high and I’m not even scared. I trust him, whole-heartedly.
When I feel he’s about halfway in, I grab his ass and forcefully pull him into me until his trimmed scruff brushes against my balls. Kaden swallows the gasp that leaves my throat with a passionate embrace of our lips and tongues. His full length inside me feels longer, fuller than I’d imagined. His cock isn’t quite as long or thick as mine, but he is still big. If I’m feeling this good with him inside me, I can only imagine how he feels when I’m inside him.
He doesn’t move a centimeter aside from his mouth’s intense attentiveness on mine. My fingers entangle themselves in his curly locks pulling him as close as two people can be without becoming one entity.
Coming up for air, Kaden expresses his concern, “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
“I’m good. Never better, but I need you to start moving.” I capture his mouth with mine once again and he begins leisurely thrusting into me.
My legs surround him, heels resting on his ass while my hands explore every piece of his skin they can reach. Groaning and the faint sound of the lube doing its purpose the only noise in the room.
“Fuck.” He exhales quickly like he was holding his breath, “You feel so good, so tight.” He mumbles from where he’s tucked into my neck.
Kaden picks up his pace, new sounds of skin slapping against skin and vulgar expressions we utter joining the erotic harmony that alters my brain chemistry with its filthiness.
Above me, he braces himself with a palm next to my head giving his lower body leverage. His other arm hooks under my knee raising my leg a little higher, allowing him to go deeper as he relentlessly pounds into me.
Kaden’s intense gaze fixated on me does things to me I can’t explain. The pressure building in my cock nearly bursting, I wrap my fist around it making long hurried strokes. Tingling sensations shoot down from my spine to the tips of my toes.
“Kaden, come. Now.” I growl out the command seconds before my cum spews out onto my stomach and chest. Gratifying wails form in my chest and escape me. Kaden thrusts one last time deeper within me. His face dives into the crook of my neck as his body jerks and cock pulses inside me. A long, drawn-out groan from him is muffled by his lips against my skin.
His body collapses onto mine, both breathless and sweaty. My cum making more of a mess between our bodies.
Kaden’s lips caress my neck and earlobe, feeling his breath in my ear I hear him whisper, “I love you.”
The explosion inside my ribcage I can only assume is my heart combusting from elation.
Three simple words. That’s all it took to feel whole.