29. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
We All Need Someone
Kaden
D ear Goddesses, please tell me I didn’t say what I think I said.
Nice job scaring the fuck out of the one guy we actually like, Kaden.
It’s too soon. He’s going to freak out and leave. I have to explain it was the heat of the moment kind of thing. I didn’t mean it. He’ll understand.
“Uh, sorry. That’s not what I meant to say. I got carried away in the moment.” I nervously laugh while providing the worst excuse ever. I haven’t moved my head from where I dropped it on his shoulder when I realized what I said. I can’t look him in the eye right now. He’ll see through my lies.
“I love you, Kaden.”
Lifting my head slowly I see a tear falling down his cheek. “I didn’t say it to make you feel like you should, too. You don’t have to feel obligated,” I whisper, afraid I’ll break down from all the emotions flowing through me right now.
“I love you, Kaden.”
“You said that already.” A smile forms on my face at how cute he is right now. “Why are you crying, Luke?”
He looks confused. “I didn’t realize I was.” He goes to wipe the tear away. I stop his hand and sweep my tongue across his cheek taking his tears. They’re mine now.
He cups my face with both hands pulling me in, placing a delicate kiss on my lips. “I love you, Kaden.”
“I love you, Luke.” I don’t know what’s going on here, but it seems like something more. He’s staring at me like he’s seen a ghost.
I pull out of him and move to his side, removing the condom to throw it in the bedside trash bin. Luke is staring up at the ceiling now. I stand offering my hand, he takes it.
I guide him to the bathroom. Covering the toilet with the lid I have him sit while running a hot bath. He’s staring down at his hands in his lap now. Is he in shock? Does he regret this?
I kneel down in front of him while we wait for the tub to fill. “Luke, are you okay? You’re kind of scaring me.”
His gaze meets mine. Smiling sweetly, “Yeah, Kaden. I’m perfect.”
I swear, his smile can melt an iceberg. “C’mon, Bug. Let’s get you in the bath. I’m sure you’re sore.”
He stands and I help him into the garden style tub, following as he leans forward for me to slide in behind him. I wrap my legs around his front where he rests his arms and leans back against my chest.
“Want to talk about it?” I ask him cautiously, not wanting to poke my nose where it shouldn’t be.
He’s quiet for a minute, then another. I wait him out. I won’t push him to tell me something he’s not ready to talk about. I massage his arms and shoulders hoping to relax him if nothing else.
“I’ve never had anyone say I love you to me before.” He finally shares what’s haunting him.
“You’ve never been in love?”
“No. But I mean like ever, from anyone besides my aunts and Gabe. But somehow that doesn’t count. I never doubted their love.”
“I don’t quite understand, Luke.”
He hesitates, “My family isn’t full of the most affectionate people. We never said, ‘I love you.’ My mother hugged us every once in a while, but besides that any type of love was nonexistent.”
It takes me a minute to process what he said. “What about Jackson or Dakota? I’m sure they’ve told you they love you, right?”
“They grew up in the same family. I know they love me, I suppose. We never say it though. We don’t really talk about emotions or anything remotely close to it.”
“What about your dad? The same with him?”
“Yeah. I think my father’s parents are where it started, at least for my immediate family. My grandparents were that way with my father and Uncle Jack, Dakota’s dad. Once they had kids it just became a thing. They both treated us all like we were soldiers to follow the path set for us going back generations. Police officers in every one of them. Small town families full of police officers are a different breed. I think my mother and Aunt Jean, Dakota’s mother, started out differently, both showing the three of us at least some affection. About the time I was seven years old my father started telling them to stop babying us. Jack agreed and reinforced it with ‘they’ll never make it on the force acting like a bunch crybabies.’ God forbid a 5-year-old cry because he fell out of his treehouse and broke his wrist.”
Luke drops his head back onto my shoulder, inhaling deeply and letting it out in a big whoosh. “After that, I started spending every moment I could with my aunts. I would beg my mom to let me go spend weekends with them or on school breaks. I spent summers mostly with them. I think my mom knew why, too. I’ve had more happy memories with them than anyone else in my family. They’re a lot of fun and I never doubted their love for me. They made sure I knew it, too.”
“They sound like good people.” I smile kissing his cheek.
“The best. I don’t know where I’d be without them.”
“Have you ever spoken to your parents about it? Tell them how you felt as a kid and still do?”
“Every time I’d come home from spending time with my aunts I was in the habit of saying ‘I love you’ with them. I slipped and said it to my father a couple times.” He pauses, his hands tightening around my ankles where they were resting. “He would ignore me and walk away like he didn’t hear me. I didn’t dare mention it to them. It would make it hurt more.”
I snake my arms around his chest, squeezing tightly. “I’m sorry they made you feel unloved.”
He takes my hand in his raising it to his lips, kissing my palm. “I’m sorry I killed the mood.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m glad you shared this with me.”
“Trauma dumping right after you said, ‘I love you’ for the first time probably wasn’t what you were expecting from me.” Luke chuckles, shaking his head at himself.
“I guess I’ll have to keep telling you how much I love you until the trauma is a long-gone memory. I love you, Luke,” I say, kissing his temple. “I love you, Luke,” his cheek. “I love you, Luke,” his shoulder. “Almost gone or should I continue?”
Luke twists his body, facing me to the best of his ability in the small space, making water slosh around and onto the floor. “Never stop.” His mouth takes complete control of mine. The fervor behind it, physically and emotionally, feels like molten lava burning beneath my skin attempting to escape, taking my soul with it to bring it home. To him.
He’s in love with me.
One Week Later
P lease, make them stop.
“Ladies, please. You’re giving me a headache already and we haven’t even gotten to the diner yet,” I plead with Faith and Lanie to stop bickering. They hardly ever get on each other’s nerves, but Lanie leaving her clothes in the dryer overnight has Faith’s panties in a bunch for some odd reason.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you’re so annoyed by it. I got them out first thing this morning, didn’t I?”
Lanie’s weird way of apologizing does the trick or maybe Faith is finally done with her mood swing. “Fine. I’m sorry, too.”
“Do you still love me?” Lanie jokes, making sure her best friend knows she’s forgiven for her moodiness.
“That’s a dumb question. Always.” I catch Faith rolling her eyes in my rear-view mirror. I know the ice breaks a little more, seeing the corner of her mouth rise when Lanie reaches from the passenger seat to grab her hand.
I pull into the diner’s lot, parking next to Ender’s car where he and Connor are waiting for us. I can hear them bickering through the closed windows.
We’re surrounded by a bunch of children.
“I’m starving. Hurry let’s go.” Ender seems to be in a good mood today. He’s actually smiling, well sort of. At least for him it’s more of a smile than a frown.
We get seated and order right away. Connor and Lanie fill the air with chatter right away, as usual. Faith is on her phone looking annoyed, reading text messages. Even Ender is on his phone, but at least he seems content. Is that a real smile on his face, now?
“Guys, I want to make a reservation at Stonewood’s for a Saturday a week or two after they are opened. Who wants to go with me?” I interrupt everyone’s activities.
“I’ve already promised Jackson and Dakota I’d go with them and their aunts the weekend after they open. Can I take a rain check?” Lanie gives an apologetic smile.
I haven’t been introduced to the aunts yet, so I understand why I wasn’t invited with them. It caught my eye that Faith perked up from her phone for a split second when Lanie mentioned who she was going with.
“Faith do you want to come with me?” I bring my attention to her.
“Yeah, sounds like fun.” She puts her phone down and fully joins the conversation.
“You know I’m coming whether you like it or not.” Connor shares, unprompted.
“That goes without saying. Ender what about you?”
“You don’t think we’d be distracting them?”
I noticed he used ‘them,’ not Luke. “I think they would like to see us both there.” Luke accidently let it slip the other day that Gabe has been texting back-and-forth with Ender lately. He apologized, not liking that he was spreading other people’s business. I haven’t mentioned it because neither has Ender. He will when he’s ready.
Ender nods his head, “Okay, sounds good. Count me in.” He seems pleased with his decision. It makes my heart happy for him. He deserves someone special.
Our food comes with perfect timing when he starts complaining again about his stomach growling. The rest of the meal is filled with laughter with the closest people in my life, sans Luke.
Since our confessions, we have been spending a lot of time together. I’ve slept over at his place almost the entire week. He gave me an extra key by mid-week, figuring it was better than waiting at home or in my car until he got home. I’ve fallen asleep in his bed with Fred every night since. He and I have become best buddies. Luke doesn’t even wake me up any longer. Instead sliding in next to me, pulling me to him for snuggles. I have to admit he really is the best snuggler. Inevitably, we wake up not being able to keep our hands of each other. I’m not complaining at all. Being inside Luke is my new favorite thing.
His family dynamic was a little shocking at first, given how well-adjusted all three of them seem. I don’t know how I would’ve turned out if my parents weren’t as affectionate as they are to us. I see how Ender is most of the time. That kind of trauma, albeit emotional not physical, Thank Goddesses, still affects so much of you. It can change who you are as a person. I’m glad that behavior didn’t sink it’s teeth into Luke.
Reminder to thank his aunts.