Chapter 22
‘For the rest of your life,’ said Leon, ‘every time you see a Scotch egg you’ll think of me.’
It was five weeks since the brutal diagnosis, four and a half weeks since his release from hospital.
The initial shock had sunk in and their new normal – which was the very definition of abnormal – was something they were slowly adjusting to, even as Leon’s illness continued its inevitable progression.
‘Every time I hear “I’m Still Standing” I’ll think of you,’ Fen countered, because the song lived rent-free in his head, prompting him several times each day to become Elton John and sing the words aloud, whether he was actually standing or confined to the sofa, or lying in the king-sized bed with its view over the Avon Gorge and Clifton Suspension Bridge.
‘Good.’ Leon gave a nod of satisfaction.
‘My work here is done. Plus, every time you watch an episode of Schitt’s Creek you’ll think of me.
’ She’d introduced him to the show and he’d fallen in love with it; whenever his energy was depleted, the next episode had always been there, ready and waiting for him.
When they’d reached the end, he’d been bereft and she had got him into Fisk instead.
‘Every time I hear the name Ryan Reynolds I’ll think of you,’ Fen told him, because he’d watched the Deadpool films over and over too.
‘It must be nice to be Ryan Reynolds. He’s got everything.’ Propped up against a pile of pillows on the bed, Leon gave her hand a squeeze. ‘Except you.’
‘I know, poor Ryan. I hear he cries himself to sleep at night.’
‘And that makes me the lucky one.’
This was the way their conversations switched and turned, one moment teasing and flippant, the next heartbreakingly sad. From the way he was looking at her now, Fen knew they were due another twist. She mentally braced herself. ‘What is it?’
‘Staying here any longer isn’t an option.’ Leon gestured around the apartment. ‘It’s not practical.’
She’d been simultaneously expecting this and dreading it.
Up here on the two highest levels of the four-storey building, the views might be spectacular but the number of stairs had always threatened to become a real issue.
Leon’s lung capacity was depleted, and yesterday he’d been too weak and exhausted to climb the stairs without stopping every few seconds to catch his breath.
‘Would my place be easier?’ But she already knew it wouldn’t. The stone steps down to her basement flat were steep and tricky to navigate at the best of times, and Leon was already shaking his head. She blurted out, ‘Or how about Disa’s house? We could turn the dining room into a bedroom and—’
‘My parents want me to move in with them.’
‘Oh.’ This was something else she’d been dreading.
Each time Hilary and Greville arrived for a visit, they told her she could take a break and return once they’d left.
Leon was their beloved only child and his diagnosis had absolutely floored them.
Understandably, they were devastated, and desperate to have him back at Hetherton Hall so they could take care of their son in the time he had left to him.
‘I know.’ He didn’t need to explain. ‘But it makes sense. There’s plenty of room and no problem with stairs. They want me home with them so they can look after me. I can’t say no.’
‘Of course you can’t. It’ll be more comfortable. And I can still come and see you every day.’
He reached for her hand. ‘You don’t have to. Only if you really want to.’
‘Oh well, I probably won’t bother, then.’
‘Come here.’ He smiled and drew her in for a kiss. ‘You know what I mean. Can’t let the business slide. You need to keep it going.’
‘Don’t worry, I am. Have laptop, will travel.’ Apart from the occasional in-person meeting with clients, she was able to work anywhere and had taken to doing so whenever Leon slept or was watching sport on TV. ‘I’ll be bringing it with me.’
‘You could help me pack some clothes if you want. Jamie’s going to be taking me tomorrow.’
So soon? Fen’s heart sank; she desperately wanted to keep him to herself for a little longer.
But that was selfish, not to mention impractical.
Leon’s needs were paramount, and of course his parents wanted him home with them.
It went without saying that she and Jamie would carry on visiting him daily, but would his other Bristol-based friends still make the journey once he was living thirty-odd miles away?
As if reading her mind, Leon said, ‘It’s forty-five minutes in the car. Not too bad.’ He paused to cover his mouth and cough painfully. ‘But you don’t have to come every day, you’re allowed to take time off—’
‘You’re not getting rid of me that easily,’ Fen cut in. ‘I’m planning on pitching a tent outside your bedroom window.’
The coughing started up again; it had been steadily worsening over the past fortnight.
He pressed his hand to his chest and waited until his breathing was once more under control, then looked at his watch.
‘Time for more pills, then I’m going to have a doze before Jamie gets back.
Early night tonight. Give my love to Disa. ’
He looked pale and utterly exhausted. She didn’t want to leave him, but Disa had booked a table at her favourite restaur-ant, firmly informing her that she needed a break.
‘I will.’ Each time Fen put her arms around him, the extent of his weight loss shocked her afresh. ‘And I’ll see you tomorrow. Let me know as soon as you’re settled in and I’ll be there.’
When she let herself out of the apartment ten minutes later, Leon had taken his meds and was asleep in front of the TV.
Yet again, she reminded herself that what Hilary and Greville were having to endure was even more agonising than her own situation, however impossible that might seem.
Less than two months ago, she hadn’t known Leon even existed.
And now she didn’t know how she was going to live without him for the rest of her life. How much worse must it be for them?
Jamie had cancelled as many of his commitments as possible, but had had an unavoidable meeting in Bath this afternoon. Never mind, he was nearly home now, driving across the last section of the Clifton Downs and rounding the final bend on Sion Hill—
What the hell?
But it wasn’t just someone who looked like Leon. It was Leon, unbelievable though it seemed. When Fen had messaged him thirty minutes ago, it had been to let him know that Leon was fast asleep and she’d left a chicken casserole in the fridge for later.
Yet here he was, leaning against the railings of one of the houses maybe a hundred metres up from their own apartment. Jamie screeched to a halt, pulled up beside him and jumped out of the car. ‘What’s going on? What the hell are you doing?’
‘Didn’t I mention it? Training for my next triathlon.’ Leon was catching his breath, clearly relieved to see him. ‘Not going quite according to plan.’
‘You absolute lunatic. What’s this about?’ Jamie opened the passenger door and ushered him into the car. Leon’s striped shirt and faded jeans hung loose on his shrunken frame, but his hair was wet and he smelled of his favourite lime shower gel.
‘I needed to get to the shops.’
‘Are you out of your mind? You couldn’t wait for me to get home? What if you’d fallen over in the shower?’
‘But I didn’t. And I didn’t know if you’d be back in time. Still, you’re here now. Knew you’d come in useful one day.’
‘Where are we going?’
‘Just do as you’re told. Down here,’ Leon instructed, ‘then hang a left onto Caledonia Place.’
The woman who buzzed them into the jeweller’s had served Jamie last Christmas when he’d gone in to buy a gold bangle for his mum. Her eyes lit up when she saw him again. ‘Hello! Did your mother love her bangle?’
‘She did, thanks.’ He indicated Leon at his side. ‘But I’m not the one buying today.’
‘I’d like a chair if that’s OK,’ said Leon. ‘And an engagement ring.’
Jamie’s eyebrows shot up. He hadn’t been expecting that. ‘In the car, you said you wanted to buy Fen a pair of earrings.’
‘Yes, well, I lied.’ Leon lowered himself onto the chair the jeweller had swiftly placed in front of the glass-topped counter. ‘You might have tried to tell me it wasn’t a good idea.’
‘Have you asked her to marry you?’
‘Not yet. Going to do it tomorrow. Thought it could be a surprise. And if she turns me down,’ said Leon, ‘don’t worry. I’ll ask you instead.’
They left the shop fifteen minutes later, just before it closed. As the door was locked behind them, Jamie said, ‘Uh-oh.’
Ten metres away, an officious-looking traffic warden was standing beside the car, which he’d left parked on double yellows. It wasn’t in anyone’s way, but that had never been a convincing argument, he’d found.
‘Your vehicle, is it?’ The warden looked up as they approached.
‘It is. Sorry.’ Jamie unlocked and opened the passenger door for Leon, then helped him in.
‘My fault,’ Leon told the man, subsiding with relief onto the seat and shaking his head apologetically. ‘He had to park in a hurry and come into the shop to collect me because I couldn’t make it on my own.’
The traffic warden had recognised him, Jamie realised, and was determined not to be impressed.
But Leon was now coughing weakly into a handkerchief and appearing more unwell than ever, with a pale green sheen to his skin.
Looking up at the man, who hadn’t yet printed out the parking ticket, he croaked, ‘I’m really sorry,’ then turned to Jamie. ‘And don’t worry, I’ll pay the fine.’
Jamie said, ‘You don’t have to.’
‘Of course I do.’ Leon held up the small bag containing the ring box. ‘If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be asking my girlfriend to marry me tomorrow, would I?’
‘Are you serious?’ The warden was taken aback. ‘Is this the real deal?’
‘It is. Want me to show you the ring?’
The man shook his head and raised both hands. ‘Off you go. Try to park a bit less illegally in future.’ He looked down at Leon in the passenger seat and added gruffly, ‘Good luck, mate.’
When the warden had walked away down Regent Street, Jamie said, ‘Well done.’
‘I’ve never managed to talk my way out of a parking ticket before.’ Leon gave him an ironic high-five. ‘Turns out all you need to do is get stage four cancer.’
‘Every cloud.’
‘All we have to do now is wait till tomorrow.’ Leon grinned at him. ‘And for your sake hope she says yes.’