16. Graham
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
graham
The swinging door whacks me in the back as I stand in the doorway of the kitchen.
The heat in here is an intense contrast to the chilly October air. The smell of roasted garlic and melted butter fills my nostrils.
No one has noticed my arrival, too busy plating up dishes or shouting out orders. Booth is behind the pass, and even under the bandanna wrapped around his head, you can see his brow furrowed in concentration.
“ C’mon , this dish is dying on the pass here. Where are those fries? Kyle , I need that haddock boat in the next two minutes.” His calm, firm tone is heard easily above the noise of pans clattering and sizzling food.
He’s not a dick like most chefs I’ve interacted with. Sure , he’s authoritative and will put pressure on his team when they need it, but he’s earned their respect. It’s clear from the chorus of Yes , Chef s he receives.
I didn’t even think to check how busy Our Place was before I stormed in here, and it’s clear my brother doesn’t have time for my crap right now. I’m half turned to retreat, when he calls out, “ Hey , Gray . You good?” Reluctantly , I face him, just as one of the servers walks in to collect two plates of food. “ For table seven, Macy . Apologize for the wait.”
Moving farther into the kitchen, I scratch the back of my head. “ It’s no big deal, I should have called ahead first.”
Booth’s eyes narrow as he tracks the movement of my hand. “ Simon , take over the pass, would you? We’ve got two entrées left to send out and then I need someone to start prepping some more burgers and scallops.”
“ Yes , Chef ,” Simon , Booth’s sous, says as he switches places with him.
Before I can even protest, he’s untying his apron and washing his hands. “ Let’s go to the office.”
There’s no point in arguing, and let’s face it, I came here to speak to Booth ; to vent and run away from the humiliation of what just happened in my apartment.
We walk in silence to the office, and the moment the door clicks shut, I’m pacing and pulling at my hair. “ I can’t do it.”
With a slow nod, he takes a seat on the cracked leather sofa in the corner of the room. He’s quiet for a minute until he casually replies, “ Okay .”
“ Okay ? That’s it? You’re not going to ask questions?” I snatch my glasses off my face, my vision blurring while I massage the bridge of my nose.
“ And convince your stubborn ass? Unlikely . If you don’t want to continue with it, then call it off, simple. I can deal with Mom’s matchmaking antics.” He tilts his head and drapes an arm over the top of the sofa.
His reaction surprises the hell out of me, and I stand rooted to the floor. I expected him to fight me on this.
“ It was stupid of me to even propose this idea to her.”
All he offers is a limp shrug and one word. “ Okay .”
It’s obvious what he’s doing now. He’s forcing me to explain why, without even asking.
I swallow down the urge to hide my words. “ I really like her.”
A quiet Booth is something I’m usually begging for, but his silence pushes me closer to verbalizing my feelings.
“ I kissed her. Again . Or …she kissed me. But I stopped it.”
“ Why’d you stop it?”
Dragging my feet over to where he’s sitting, I drop next to him with a sigh. “ She called it ‘practice,’ and it reminded me it’s all fake. It’s going to be fucking torture pretending we’re in a relationship until the end of November . I keep coming on too strong and doing dumb shit.”
“ So you’re going to kick her out and stop helping the bakery?” he asks.
I blanch. “ No . That’s not fair to her. It’s not her fault I have this stupid crush. I’ll leave it up to her, but after today, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already packed her bags and left.”
“ At any point has she said or acted uncomfortable around you?”
Has she? I don’t even know if Quinn is capable of getting uncomfortable; she’s confident in her own skin and with her words. It’s one of the things I find so lovely about her. It’s also what scares me, because it proves how different we are.
“ No ,” I reply. “ We hang out a lot. Walk the dog. Eat dinner together. Watch TV . But we also…talk. It’s easy with her. And fun.”
“ Like an actual couple…”
I don’t bother responding to his comment, but he continues anyway.
“ Maybe you should speak to Quinn first. Mom hasn’t shut up about her since dinner.” He shoves a hand in my face when I go to argue with him. “ Hush , you robot. You like her, and honestly, I caught her looking at you a few times the other night like she’d forgotten it was all an act. I know you’re nervous to get back out there, and I fucking despise that Jenna turned you into someone who doubts themself. I’m not going to pressure you, and if you need to tell Mom , I get it. Let me just say one thing before you throw in the towel.
“ If there was any chance of her feeling the same, would you fight it or run with it? You can go on exactly as you are, doing things together as friends, but if the opportunity arises where you feel something more could happen, why waste it? It could turn out that the reward is greater than the risk. And you, my brother, deserve a hell of a lot.”
I look at him in confusion. Mostly because that’s the most he’s ever said without cracking a joke.
“ Christ ,” he groans. “ I thought you were the smart one. Patrick is the levelheaded brother. We know I’m the best look —ooof .”
“ I get it,” I snap, pulling my fist back from his stomach.
The little shit laughs. “ Treat this as a test drive. Show Quinn what a great guy you are—what it would be like to be your girlfriend without the official label. At the end of it, she’ll realize she wants the real deal. I’m tired of seeing you hide yourself away because of one woman. And hey, if you get a little smoochy-smoochy, you’re both winning.” He waggles his eyebrows.
“ You’re an idiot.”
“ But you love me.” He claps me on the back.
Could I do this until the wedding? Pretend to date her, with the end goal to make it real? Is there even the tiniest possibility she could return the feelings I’ve had since I first met her?
I like the way she makes me feel—wanted, needed, and valued. The exact way I want her to feel with me.
When I unpacked her boxes, I did it to make her feel comfortable in her temporary home. The look on her gorgeous face when she found all her things scattered around my apartment was one I wish I’d taken a picture of so I could cherish it.
She deserves to feel cherished.
Booth doesn’t need my reply to know I’m considering it.
We stand at the same time. “ You ran out of there faster than a greased pig, didn’t you?”
With another swift punch to his gut and a murmured, “ Thanks ,” I leave the restaurant. I make one stop on the way home, and with an apology in hand, I walk back into the apartment, armed to handle whatever Quinn has to say.
Only , she isn’t alone.
She and Jo are snuggled up on the sofa, the purple blanket I was so close to laying Quinn out on draped across their legs, both with a steaming cup in their hands. They’re so engrossed in whatever they’re looking at on Jo’s phone that they don’t hear me come in. Before they spot me, I bolt into Quinn’s room, where I find Curly snoozing on her pillow, and I lay the bouquet of yellow tulips next to the snoring hound.
Maybe today’s bouquet will be her favorite.
I decide not to intrude on their girl time just yet, wanting to give her some space, so I hop into the shower and rinse away the sweat from my run and, sadly, the scent of her from my skin. Once I’ve changed into a plain white T -shirt and gray sweats, I make my way into the living room.
Standing a few feet behind them, I listen as they gossip about all the different customers they’ve served this week, but pause when I clear my throat, and their heads snap toward me. “ Hi .”
“ Hey , Gray ,” Jo greets. I hear her, but my eyes are on the woman beside her. The smile on her lips looks subdued, nothing like the excited and wanton one she was wearing earlier.
“ Having a girls’ night?” I told Quinn she could have whoever she wanted over, and I meant it.
“ No , but we do need one soon.” Jo turns to Quinn . “ I came around to plan out our itinerary for next week.”
With my back to them, I grab a water from the fridge. “ What’s next week?”
“ I’m taking Quinn out to Acadia . You remember the year we found that hidden trail?”
The plastic bottle crinkles under my grip. My heart drops. “ Yeah , I know the one.” I know it, because it’s where I wanted to take Quinn to see the changing leaves. I had the perfect day planned.
“ When are you heading up there?” Sitting in the armchair across from them, I keep my face void of emotion, not wanting to show my irritation. It’s not Jo’s fault she’s being a massive cockblock.
“ Wednesday . Dex was driving through the park on the weekend, and he said the trees had all changed.” She turns to Quinn again. “ I can’t wait to see your face when we get there.”
Yeah , you and me both.
I remind myself that I like Jo , and my brother loves her.
“ Anywho ,” Jo sings and stands from her seat. “ I better get going, we’re Lottie -free tonight and might head to Shirley’s for a drink. Do you two want to join us?”
Quinn and I share a look. “ We’re good,” I reply at the same time she says, “ I’m gonna pass, have fun.”
We both know there’s a lot to talk about once we’re alone.
I walk Jo to the door. To Quinn , it looks like I’m walking our friend out, when in reality, I’m going to politely ask her to Back the fuck off.
“ You’re sick on Wednesday ,” I hiss.
She has the audacity to laugh in my face.
“ I need to take Quinn to the park.”
“ You need to?” she asks, crossing her arms and quirking a brow.
“ I want to. Please , Jo . I’ll do anything.” Jesus , I reek of desperation.
Something in my pleading tone or pathetic face must speak to Jo , because her features soften. “ Fine , but I want iced coffees delivered to the restaurant every day until the end of the year.”
“ You and your freaking iced coffees,” I grumble.
She peeks around the corner before stepping closer. “ Why don’t you just invite her? I don’t mind faking the flu, but wouldn’t you rather her know it was your idea, than be my stand-in?”
Yes ! I want to shout, but then I risk putting everything on the line, and I don’t think I can handle the hit of being rejected by Quinn . Especially after today. Slow and steady wins the race. At least, I sure fucking hope so, or it’ll be the last time I ever listen to my little brother.
“ If you’re not comfortable bailing on her, I get it, and I won’t ask you again,” I whisper.
“ I’ll tell her first thing Wednesday that I can’t make it. I just hope you know what you’re doing.” Without a backward glance, she disappears out of the apartment.
With careful steps back to where Quinn is sprawled out on the sofa, I approach her slowly, like she might pounce on me at any second. Though , if it’s anything like her earlier attack, I wouldn’t mind.
No . Listen to Booth’s advice, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.
“ Hey .” My voice holds steady despite my heightened nerves. “ Have you eaten?”
“ I’m not too hungry,” she replies with a jerk of her shoulders. “ I hope it’s okay that Jo was here?”
“ Of course. You can have whoever you want over.” Provided it’s not anyone of the male variety. “ My home is your home.”
Her eyes warm at my comment before dropping, her fingers now tapping at the side of the mug nervously. “ So …um, I guess we should talk.”
I settle into the armchair, needing some distance between us for this conversation. “ Ladies first.”
With a deep breath, she straightens her spine, like she’s trying to channel some confidence for what she’s about to say. “ I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Ouch . She must catch the twitch in my jaw. “ Not like that. That kiss was…something else. But it blurs the lines in our agreement. I think moments like that”—she waves to the empty space behind her where we were tangled up in each other just an hour ago—“needs to be saved for the public eye. Well , maybe not with as much zest. We might give someone a heart attack.” Her voice is uncharacteristically shy, a blush dusting the apples of her cheeks.
I’d much rather kiss her until we don’t know what day it is, but I’ll respect what she’s saying. I’m also too busy preening like a fucking peacock as my brain clings to the words: that kiss was something else.
I can do this. Keep up the sham. Help each other out. Not make it weird. And hope with all that I am, that she can see this being more.
If I could shift the odds in my favor I would do it in a heartbeat.
For now, I’ll have to bide my time and pray she likes me for me. Even thinking it sounds bizarre, but Booth is right. I have to stop allowing Jenna to control what I think about myself.
With my forearms resting on my knees, I nod my head as I stare at the upholstered rug now sitting in my living room. A bright addition to my home I didn’t know I needed. “ I agree. Let’s keep things uncomplicated.” I look up to find her already watching me. “ When we kiss again, it’ll be for good reason.”
Her hazel eyes flare and I’m certain she hears the hidden meaning in my words.
Two hundred and thirteen days of knowing and wanting Quinn Jackson . I can wait a little longer.
I just hope I don’t have to.