17. Quinn
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
quinn
I’m a very sunshiny person, I know that.
With great power comes great responsibilities. Over the years, I’ve found people expect a lot from us overly positive characters; always smiling, seeing the bright side of things, blah blah blah . The biggest one of them all, though: don’t show any other emotion.
People lose their shit when an innately happy person is sad or angry. They look to others when the ship is sinking.
So when Jo called me this morning—sounding like she’s been smoking cigars her whole life—to tell me she couldn’t make it this afternoon because of a sudden bout of tonsillitis, I was bummed. She couldn’t see the disappointment swarm my features, though I worried she could hear my crestfallen tone. It couldn’t be helped, plus, I could have sworn she told me her tonsils were removed when she was fourteen.
I’ve been looking forward to our outing, and it sucks we had to cancel last minute, but I’ve kept myself distracted by experimenting with some new flavors. Some people eat their feelings, well, I bake them. I go full Dr . Frankenstein with my recipes. I’ve just finished frosting some peanut butter and bacon cupcakes, when my roomie walks in.
Graham is a naturally guarded guy; carefully selecting his words and silently absorbing his surroundings. I enjoy studying him as he takes it all in, wondering what it looks like from his perspective. Higher up, probably.
At first I was sure he’d find the decor of the bakery ridiculous, but when he was showing me a mind-boggling Excel formula yesterday, he told me a lot of people around town—including himself—find the bright wallpaper and decorations inviting.
His gaze passes over the room, scanning the two tables of customers, and when they land on me, something sparks in his eyes. I shudder— shudder— from his innocent glance, as his eyes scan over me slowly from head to toe. If a look could strip me bare, his would do it.
I freaked out a little after our kiss. Hating both the idea of being rejected and him being embarrassed. The sexual tension and rapidly growing feelings I have for him have to be pushed to the side. If it got messy, I wouldn’t feel right living in his home and having him help me out, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want me as his date at his ex’s wedding.
My heart sank when he agreed we needed to keep things friendly, but I knew it was for the best. What shocked me, however, was his sudden boldness. At first I was sure I’d misheard him. When we kiss again. Not if. When . Nothing in his tone or expression gave anything away, but the air between us crackled when he looked me dead in the eyes and said that statement like a promise.
“ Hey , you.” I slide another tray of muffins into the oven, and slam the door shut with my hip as I greet him with a smile. “ How was work?”
He ducks his head, hiding that subtle smile. “ It was good. I’m actually all done for the day.”
“ Oh nice, what are you gonna do with your afternoon?”
Graham hesitates, his large frame shifting from left to right. I wait. He’s not being rude, and I’ve started to catch on that if you rush him, he gets more flustered. While he gathers his thoughts, I happily stare at his handsome face.
He’s always so put together. Beard neatly trimmed, hair styled back with just the right amount of product. I’d love to muss it up and see him look a little less put together.
“ I thought maybe you’d like to go on a walk.” His gaze meets mine now.
“ A walk?”
“ Yeah , you know”—he marches on the spot, arms swinging—“a way to move from point A to point B .”
“ All right, wise guy.” I giggle and lightly shove him in the stomach as I round the counter, and suddenly remember what it’s like to have my breasts crushed up against his firm body. I bet he looks glorious naked, and I know for a fact he is pack?—
“ So …” he drawls, dragging my thoughts out of the gutter. “ Would you like to come with me? I heard Jo wasn’t feeling well, and I know you were looking forward to it.”
“ Sorry , what?” My cheeks heat knowing I missed whatever he said because I was thinking about his… you know.
His deep chuckle warms them further. “ To see the leaves change. I’d like to take you, if you’ll let me.”
Without hesitating, I stomp my feet and squeal in excitement. “ I would love to!”
There’s a different spark in his eyes now, and it stokes a small fire in my chest I’m certain isn’t going to extinguish anytime soon.
“ Ooh , ooh! Did you see those ones?” I tap Graham’s arm incessantly, too busy pressing my nose up against the passenger window to see if he’s looking.
We’ve been driving through Acadia National Park for thirty minutes. Every curve and bend gives us a new view, each one better than the last. Apparently we haven’t gotten to the good spot yet, which I find hard to believe. It’s as if the sunset has kissed all the leaves in the forest and blessed them with an ethereal glow.
“ I’m seeing what you’re seeing.” Graham chuckles from behind the wheel.
After I closed the bakery, I met him at the apartment where we changed into our hiking gear. I had to hold back my whimper of appreciation when he walked out of his room in a pair of hiking pants that hugged his ass like their life depended on it. Graham has a bubble butt; one I couldn’t stop checking out as he loaded up his Jeep . Tight , high, and with the perfect curve.
“ You don’t sound half as impressed as me.” I poke him in his side, evoking a grunt. “ Oh my god, are you ticklish?”
“ No ,” he responds way too quickly, and rather than tease him, I lock that information away in my arsenal. “ It’s pretty spectacular, but remember, I’ve seen this view every fall for thirty-three years.”
“ I’d never get bored of it.” I sigh as I take in the whimsical scenery. “ How far are we walking today?”
“ Not far; about three-quarters of a mile.”
“ Will I be okay in my sneakers?” I’d misplaced my hiking boots, probably snowed under all my clothes and knickknacks.
With a quick glance down at my white sneakers, he smirks. “ Yeah , they’ll do. Not many people know about this trail. Patrick , Johanna , Dex , and I came out here one year, just before winter hit. We were going to hike our usual,” he says and points toward a sign that reads Honeybee Loop right as we pass it. “ But Dex wandered over to a fallen tree and we found what looked to be an old trail.”
“ What’s it called?”
Graham flicks his turn signal and steers into a small parking lot, overshadowed by huge evergreen pines that stand out against the auburn colors of the elm, beech, and oak. He pulls into a spot and turns off the engine.
“ That’s the thing, it didn’t have one. We contacted the local parks team, and they didn’t have any record of it. I’m guessing it was created unofficially by someone. It became our new hiking spot, and to this day, the park still hasn’t officially recognized it. So we took ownership and named it ourselves. Beaver Moon Trail .”
“ Beaver Moon ?” I twist my body to face him.
“ Yeah . It means the first full moon in November . There’s a lot of folklore around it. Most people see it as a time for preparation or transition.”
“ I love that. I’ll have to keep that in mind come November . There’s so much history to this place.” I peer up through the panoramic top of the Jeep , hypnotized as I watch the leaves pirouette toward us.
“ Just wait,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes.
Once we’re out of the car, Graham pops the trunk to get his pack ready as I take in the scenery surrounding us. I throw my arms up in the air, head tipped back as the late afternoon sun warms my cheeks. All of a sudden my foot snags on something, and I careen forward, but luckily he’s quick to catch me.
“ Whoa , you okay?” Graham keeps a tight hold of my shoulders and we both look down to see my shoelace is undone. “ Maybe your sneakers aren’t a good idea. How about these?” He steps to the side, revealing his open trunk. It takes me a second to work out what he’s referring to, but when I spot the bright yellow rain boots sitting front and center, I gasp.
“ You didn’t,” I whisper, my voice clogging with emotion. I’m vaguely aware of his hand pressing between my shoulder blades, guiding me forward.
“ I did,” he murmurs. Patting the open trunk, he smiles down at me.
Now I’m blown away for a totally different reason.
This smile isn’t like the muted, cautious one I’ve seen so many times. This one takes over his face, pushing his cheeks up to his bright eyes. Maybe it’s a good thing Graham doesn’t smile often. Or I’d find myself in a dumbstruck state twenty-four seven. Somehow he’s even more handsome and I feel honored that I’m the one to see him like this right now.
He kneels in front of me and slips off my shoes when I sit. Carefully , he rolls my socks over my leggings and holds up the boots between us. “ Ready to get these muddy, Maine style?”
A delighted laugh peels out of me and I wiggle my toes. “ Ready as I’ll ever be.”
It’s rare that I’m left speechless, yet here I am, stunned silent as I watch Graham slide the boots on. They’re the perfect fit, but not more perfect than this moment. To most people it would seem silly to get so emotional over a pair of boots, but not to me—or the sad little ten-year-old who was desperate for any sort of affection growing up. I wonder if Graham even realizes the weight this seemingly small gesture carries.
When I stand and walk in a circle around him, he follows each step with that same devastatingly beautiful smile on his face. I want so badly to kiss it. To imprint his joy onto my lips.
“ I can’t begin to explain what this means to me. This world doesn’t deserve people like you.”
“ It’s not that big of a deal.” As usual, he brushes it off, but I won’t have that today.
“ Well , sometimes being kind is difficult for people, so to me, when someone does something like this, it means a hell of a lot. I’m not used to nice things, so let me have this. ”
He goes to speak, probably wanting to downplay the act, but he thinks better of it. “ Okay .”
“ Okay !” I shout with a lot more enthusiasm and clap my hands together, which causes a flock of birds to evacuate a nearby tree. “ Oops .”
Graham huffs, humor replacing the doubt on his face. With his hand on the small of my back, he clicks the fob to his Jeep over his shoulder and directs us toward the tree line. He helps me over the trunk of a fallen tree, and I find a boardwalk-covered trail.
“ I thought you said it wasn’t an official trail?”
“ It isn’t. The boardwalks are all Dex . Like I said, it’s ours now, and when Dex gets a project in his head, there’s no stopping him. He did run it past the park staff first and they were more than happy to accept the free labor.”
“ I’m gonna need to ask him to build me a house.”
“ He’d probably say yes.”
There are patches of pale green moss along the boards, and the farther in we trek, the thicker the auburn foliage. Graham’s touch hasn’t left my back, probably because I’m too busy admiring the view around us to check where I’m walking, but I revel in the feel of his large hand splayed against my spine. Deeper and deeper we walk; every step more bewitching than the last. We’re just about to veer left on the trail when Graham brings us to a halt.
“ Why are we stopping?”
“ I want it to be a surprise,” he says shyly. There’s something like excitement flickering across his features as he pulls out a maroon beanie and fits it over my head.
“ Ugh , I don’t suit hats.”
He bops me on the nose. “ You suit anything. But this helps with the grand reveal.”
“ What’s the grand reveal?”
“ I can’t tell you that. It defeats the purpose of it being a surprise.”
“ Well , lead the way then, oh wise one.” He tugs the hat down over my eyes and I hold out my hand to him. After a few beats, he doesn’t take it, so I peel up the edge of the beanie to find him staring down at my open palm in indecision. “ You’re not going to hold my hand? What if I trip?”
His eyes dart up, and he clears his throat before weaving his fingers through mine. “ I’ll never let you fall, Quinn .”
Rays of sunshine filter through the wool as Graham leads us down the path, the warmth of his skin is calming alongside the zing of excitement that builds with each step we take. The sudden gust of wind startles me at first, and I presume we’ve walked into an open space. The ground beneath my feet changes from creaking wood to something smooth. I take in a deep breath, and crisp air sends a zap of energy running through my veins.
Eventually we stop and the left side of my body tingles as Graham steps closer. With our hands still intertwined, he leans down, his breath tickling my ear as he whispers, “ Are you ready?”
I squeeze his hand and nod eagerly. He peels the hat off my head, but I keep my eyes clamped shut.
“ Open your eyes, honey.”
Slowly , I open them. The low sun blinds me at first, but when my vision clears, I’m at a loss for words at what’s revealed.
We’re no longer surrounded by imposing trees; we’re high above them, like we’re floating. The view before me is endless. Infinite . Vast land stretches out in front us from where we’re standing at a rounded cliff edge. We must be one hundred feet up, giving us the perfect 360-degree view of the treetops below. An abundance of colors greets me wherever I turn, and it would be silly for me to describe them simply as reds, oranges, yellows, and purples. No leaf or branch looks the same. The fierce winds sweep over the tops of the forest, creating a fiery tidal wave.
“ Graham .” I clutch his hand harder. “ Have you ever seen anything like this?”
“ Never .” His deep voice ripples through the air.
I turn toward him and find him entranced, like he’s as completely enraptured as I am. Only , he isn’t looking at the view.
He’s looking at me.
I expect him to glance away but he surprises me when he holds my gaze, steady and sure.
He swallows deeply. “ I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life. In all my years of seeing this view, it’s never looked like this.”
Those feelings I’m trying my hardest to push down are attempting to break loose. How can we draw lines and set boundaries when he stares at me like I’m something special? And why would I want to? In the few weeks we’ve spent together, no one has ever treated me the way he does. He claims he’s just being nice, shrugs it off as nothing, when in fact, it means everything.
I’ve never needed materialistic things or money. Having been raised in a household where words were spiteful and used to inflict pain, actions have always held the highest value.
And Graham makes me feel rich.
Neither of us look away; the view momentarily forgotten. Like we’ve been doing it for years, he tucks me underneath his arm, and I rest my head against his chest. “ Thank you for the boots and for bringing me here.”
“ Do you like it?”
I sense him looking at me, but I’ve been held captive by the view again. “ I love it. Can we stay forever?”
Chuckling , he nods against the top of my head. “ Yeah , honey, forever. At least, until we run out of food.” I want to protest when he pulls away, but it dies on my lips when I spot the small picnic laid out to our left. For such a “last minute” change of plans, he sure is prepared. We lower onto the dark red plaid blanket, sitting among containers of food and a thermos.
The gifts and surprises he keeps on treating me with are just the cherry on top, but even without them, this would be one of the best days of my life.
“ Hey , Graham ?”
“ Yeah , Quinn ?”
I settle on my knees in front of him, and he pauses what he’s doing, hands hovering above the two plastic mugs he’s setting out. “ This day is one for the record books. It might just be one of my favorites.”
His shoulders relax, like he was waiting for me to say something negative, and I hate that he’s always anticipating the worst. He’s clearly planned out this entire day—despite having a few hours to prepare for it—yet, he still thinks so low of himself.
“ I’m glad I could be here for it,” he replies and gets back to his task. When he unscrews the lid of the thermos, the smell of apple, cinnamon, cloves, and citrus blows with the wind.
“ Oh boy, you’ve pulled out the big guns here. Changing leaves and apple cider, you spoil me.”
We get comfortable, sharing sandwiches, a slice of apple pie, and hot cider as we look out at the horizon. It’s a little chilly, but the late afternoon sun and spiced drinks warm us up. Once we finish eating, we prop ourselves back on our hands, side by side, and enjoy the view.
After a while, I have an itching to break the silence, if only to get to know Graham a little more. “ You and your family came out here a lot?”
“ Yeah ; camping, hiking, fishing, you name it. Our dad loved the outdoors, and wanted to make sure we all knew how lucky we were to have this,” he gestures in front of him, “on our doorstep. Dad was born and raised in Sutton Bay , and it’s kind of hard to imagine myself living anywhere else.”
“ He sounds like a really great man.”
“ He was.” Graham swallows but doesn’t stop talking, and although his expression is tainted with sadness, there’s no mistaking the love and adoration in his tone when he talks about his late father. “ He was a really smart guy, always listened to us, and made sure we felt valued and loved. All of us kids are very different, but he seemed to know exactly what we needed. I was, um, a quiet kid, to say the least.”
“ There’s nothing wrong with that. We don’t all need to be the same.”
“ Hmm . It made making friends hard and I struggled a little with how to navigate and communicate my emotions, but Dad helped me.” He pauses and contemplates what to say next. “ What are your parents like?”
When he asked about where I was raised a couple of weeks ago, I shut down, hating that my years in San Diego were ever part of my timeline. Not all childhoods are happy, and it doesn’t make me jealous of Graham —it makes me grateful for the life I have now.
My head falls back, and I follow the path of an airplane. “ I don’t know if you could call them parents. Or parent .” He looks at me in question. “ I didn’t know my dad. I’m not really sure my mom knew him either. If he was one of the lowlifes she associated herself with, it’s probably for the best that I didn’t. You already know I grew up in San Diego , but I left the moment I could; the day I turned eighteen, actually.”
He doesn’t ask why. I think he wants to…or maybe I want to tell him? I haven’t told many people this story, and I usually fill in the gap of my childhood with stories about my travels in my van. It feels safer, but something about Graham makes me feel protected, and I know he won’t pass judgment on my history.
“ My mom wasn’t a nice woman. Probably still isn’t, but I wouldn’t know. We haven’t spoken since I left. I’m not sure she ever wanted to have children, though, if she did, she made it very clear she pulled the short straw in having me. Regret was a common theme in our relationship.” I give him a forced smile. “ I don’t share this for pity, by the way. I trust you and I want you to know. No secrets.”
“ I would never pity you, Quinn . I’m sorry you were dealt that hand of cards.” He turns his torso to face me and shakes his head slowly. “ I don’t know how anyone could have regrets when you’re involved. Maybe regret in not knowing you, but not regret in having you in their lives.”
My hand inches closer to his, our fingers a hair’s breadth apart, but I worry if I take his hand, the tears stinging behind my eyes will be set free. “ I grew up dirt poor, sharing a one-bedroom trailer with a woman who despised me. Simple things like food, clean clothes, and running water weren’t just a necessity, but a privilege. Kids were unkind because my clothes were dirty, and my shoes were two sizes too small. All of that would have been okay if I’d had a mother who loved and cared for me. As I got older, my mom found more ways to poison my mind with her insults. Comments about my weight, having no friends, calling me out on my failures. I could have survived the poverty, but I knew I wouldn’t survive her. The plan was to finish high school, get my diploma, and leave town at the beginning of the summer. Plans fall through, though, and the day before my eighteenth birthday, her slaps turned to punches.”
Graham sucks in a sharp breath, and his limbs go rigid at my admission, but he remains quiet.
“ She’d slap me around now and again, but she preferred to use words. I’m not even sure she knew my birthday was coming up, thanks to the liquor. I’d forgotten to clean the dishes or something—whatever it was apparently warranted her fist to the side of my face.” Graham laces our fingers together, the point of contact helping me find the courage to continue. My voice trembles as I retell the worst day of my life out loud for the first time in years. “ She knocked me unconscious. I don’t know how long I was out for, but she left me on the dirty kitchen floor and must have wasted half a bottle of gin pouring it over me. My ribs were bruised and there were scratches on my face when I woke up. After that, I knew I had to leave. I didn’t want her to have any power over me anymore. So I left. The money I had been saving got me as far as Salem —where I stayed for a couple of years, before buying Nelly and hitting the open road.”
His fingers run over my knuckles, silently comforting me.
Most people look at me differently when I share that side of my life. But without those pages to my story, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. And maybe I wouldn’t be here, upon this rock, with Graham .
“ Quinn ,” he says softly.
I turn my head, and despite my painful retelling, the smile I give him is genuine. “ Mm -hm?”
Graham’s presence is like a balm to my soul. Without speaking, he soothes and settles, though his next words warm me from the inside out, starting deep in my chest. “ I can’t begin to imagine how hard that would have been for you, and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The fact you’ve come out the other side as this beautiful, incredible, vibrant woman, never letting those memories tear you down, is… I’m in awe of you, Quinn Jackson . I hope you know that.”
“ I do now.” I squeeze his hand.
With a squeeze in return, he smiles. The golden hour paints him like the ember leaves below. Nice doesn’t begin to cover what this day means to me. I never would have guessed that a simple arrangement like ours could bring us together like this.
As I rest my head on his shoulder, I like to imagine that even without it, our lives still would have crossed, and that we would have found ourselves on this path regardless.
And something tells me this is only the start of our journey together.