Chapter 5 Father-Son Confessional #2
“Nope. No one really caught my eye.” A flash of long, damp hair and green eyes crossed his mind, then he mentally swatted it away.
“When I met Jess, she seemed nice. We had a lot of things in common, so I thought maybe I’d take her out.
See what happened. But there just wasn’t any chemistry there, so we decided not to continue dating. ”
“But you still hang out together. You obviously like each other a lot.”
“Yes, we do, but there are no romantic feelings there. Not that I guess there has to be for a marriage to work, but it’s usually preferable.
It’s not like we need arranged marriages for property, or political connections, or to fill the family’s bank accounts much in this day and age.
And since you seem to feel like I should be touching people”—Ezra threw a napkin at him, both of them laughing at the joke—“chemistry seems to be what you think I’m needing when you leave the house. ”
“I’m not stupid. Everything we do is always about me. I just think it’s time you lived for you, Dad. I want to see you happy.”
“Do you think I’m unhappy?”
“Let’s just say I think you’re content. Settled. You’re always telling me that isn’t enough. That I need to find what makes me happy. Why wouldn’t the same be true for you?”
“And what if Jess is what made me happy?” She wasn’t, but he wanted to know what his son truly thought.
“I wouldn’t have to live with her, so if she makes you happy, then go for it. You certainly don’t need my approval.”
“Maybe not, but she’d still be a significant part of your life. I wouldn’t bring someone into it that was distasteful to you, no matter how much I might like her.”
“I appreciate that. Most parents wouldn’t give a sh—a darn whether their kid liked their significant other.”
“I know it’s easy to say, kiddo, but don’t worry about me, okay?
Yes, when you leave, it’s going to be an adjustment.
No doubt about it. But I’m not going to date someone just to date someone.
There isn’t anyone I’m interested in taking out right now, which is probably a good thing because the new job is going to suck up a lot of my time.
I want to do it right, and that means total focus right now. ”
Puzzled, Ezra asked, “Why couldn’t you date and have a new job? Lots of people do that.”
“Being the principal of a school is an enormous job. The responsibilities are immense, and right now, I’m still trying to get a handle on things.
There aren’t even any kids in the building.
Well… other than for registration and sports.
But in a few days, the staff return in full force, and then a week later, all the students return.
It’s going to be chaos for a bit. Juggling that and still having time to spend with you will be challenging enough.
“And besides that, as the principal, people are going to watch me very closely, probably for a while. People might see me dating as being a bad influence or something.”
Ezra scowled. “Well, that’s a load of horseshit.”
Lucas bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. The kid was so incensed for him that he swore and didn’t even realize it.
“You’re a human being like everyone else. If someone else can date casually, you should be able to also. It’s none of their business.”
And again, he wasn’t wrong.
“You’re absolutely right. It’s hypocritical. However, certain professions carry much more weight with the public, and while it might not be fair, it’s the reality of the situation.”
“So stupid,” Ezra muttered. “So rather than find someone who makes you happy, you’re just going to grow old and moldy? Alone? That’s no way to live.”
“Old and moldy? Seriously?” He laughed. “You’re killing me, kid.
I don’t know, Ez. Maybe. Maybe someday I’ll feel like I could make a go of it with someone, but right now, things are too complicated with work.
I wouldn’t be able to give her the time she deserves, the same as with your mom.
When there’s another person in your life like that, they deserve to have someone who can put all of their attention on them, and that’s just not me right now. ”
“Your happiness matters too, Dad. We had this conversation not too long ago when we talked about college, remember? You told me that when it was time to make my final choice on what school to attend, I had to make the decision for myself. What was going to make me the happiest. Not what you wanted, necessarily, but where I could see myself thriving. Growing. Making a path for myself. If I did what was expected of me by other people, I might end up miserable in the end and resent my choice.”
Lucas wondered if he hadn’t done too good a job parenting his child. He shouldn’t be worrying about things like this just yet.
“Yes, I remember.”
Earlier this summer, Ezra had filled out numerous applications.
When clicking on the schools he wanted to allow access to his application, the very last one he hovered over on the computer was Lucas’ alma mater.
When Lucas asked him why he was hesitating, there was a lot of hemming and hawing through the explanation.
It took a while, but eventually Ezra told him that it wasn’t really a place he saw himself at, but he didn’t want to disappoint his dad.
The speech he just gave him was how Lucas had explained and reassured him that there would be no disappointment.
“Isn’t this kind of the same thing?” Ezra pointed out.
“Hmm.”
What else could he say? The boy wasn’t wrong.