Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
Jazz
Rumor has it that our girl is headed back to town and maybe even has a story or two of her own to tell. Watch out Jazz, we are watching you.
After a long emotional day followed by a night of passionate lovemaking, Jazz woke up early as she always did, never one to sleep late no matter the situation. She got up and looked out the window, watching the sun start to peek over the mountains in the distance.
There was something about the early morning that brought clarity to her thoughts when she allowed herself to calm down and let it come. Today was one of those mornings.
Michael was right. The truth was she’d spent her entire life hiding. As a child she’d hidden what was going on in her home knowing things could get so much worse. As an adult, she’d hidden not only her past, but the person she was inside. When that reporter had started in with questions about her love life, it wasn’t about people knowing that she was kinky that had set her off. Now that she was thinking about it, she wasn’t sure what it had been that had triggered her, but she needed to get control of her life back, and that started with listening to Michael because he was right.
Jazz glanced in the corner of the room where her guitar sat as if it were calling her, begging to take it out to play. This was how it always started, and she could hear the melody in her head, a song that started slow, soft. But as it built, it became stronger and edgier. The music was strength personified.
She quickly threw on some clothes and grabbed a pad and pen and wrote a quick note for Michael, leaving it on the dresser where he was sure to find it, before grabbing her guitar and walking out of the room. She was feeling inspired this morning and wanted to get it down on paper before she lost it. She hoped Michael didn’t get upset she was gone before finding her note.
Once she was out in the main area, she sat down by the double-sided fireplace. It was cozy and inviting. And since she was out so early, there was nobody around, so maybe she would finish before everyone was out and about to start their days.
She drew her guitar from the case, stroking it gently as she always did. This guitar was an extension of her, and it knew her and her process. They were a songwriting team. She started by closing her eyes and playing the melody she’d been hearing in her mind throughout the early morning hours.
After she was sure she had the melody right, she took out one of the music sheets and wrote it out. The melody was the part that always came most naturally to her in her songwriting process. It was as if the music was a part of who she was, just needing the proper time and attention to find its way out.
She picked the guitar back up and lost herself in the song. Words flowed about a girl lost to those around her, invisible because people refused to see what was right in front of their faces. As the melody grew, the words morphed into a woman growing into herself. This woman knew that she was worthy to live in her own skin and owed no explanation to anyone about how she chose to do so.
She ended the lyrics with a promise that she would never spend her time trying to justify herself to anyone else again. She would stand on her own two feet with the man she loved standing beside her. He would hold her hand but allow her to be strong.
When she completed the song, Jazz opened her eyes, her chest feeling like the weight of the world had been carried away from it. The clapping started so quietly she almost didn’t notice it but grew in volume very quickly.
Sounds around the room drew her from the moment. When she’d started, she was the only one out here, but that was no longer the case. There were people who were milling around to get to where they wanted to be, some who had stopped to watch her, it seemed.
The sub she’d seen talking to Michael in the Dungeon walked straight over to her from the other side of the room. Jazz stood not wanting to be rude and saw tears in her eyes.
“Excuse me. I’m so sorry to intrude. I’m Cherry, and I wanted to tell you I’m a fan of all of your music. But that song is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”
Jazz put her hand on her heart, touched by the other woman’s heartfelt words. “Thank you so much. I didn’t realize how much time had passed while I was sitting there writing, but I should’ve known. It always happens that way when I’m writing my music.”
“Well, I for one am glad you didn’t notice the people because if you had, then you might have stopped, and that would’ve been a real shame. Are you saying that you just wrote that song this morning while you were sitting there?”
“I did. I’m glad you liked it. There was a melody stuck in my head this morning and I just had to get it down. Michael was still asleep, and I didn’t want to bother him, so I decided to try to find a place I could go and ended up here in front of the fireplace.”
“I know you retired from performing, but are you going to record that song? I need to have it.”
“I really am glad you liked it. Honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead. It was just something that came to me this morning, so I wanted to get it down on paper before I lost it.”
“I know you have had a tough time of it, but I wanted to tell you that you’re not alone. I think we all come here for different reasons, but we stay because we’re drawn to this place where we feel safe and loved.” She shrugged and looked away. Jazz could see in her some of the same things that she herself had felt over the years.
“How about this, as soon as I figure out what I’m going to do, I will send you a copy of the recording? You are here long term, correct?” Jazz asked.
“Yes, if they let me stay,” Cherry joked. “You don’t have to do that though. I wouldn’t want to do anything that makes things harder on you.”
“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it. I will send it here and make sure it gets to you.” That was if she still had a career at the end of all this. Even if she didn’t, then she would just do a simple recording for Cherry and send it. It was worth it to see the smile on this sweet woman’s face.
“There you are. Glad to see you aren’t off making mischief this morning.” Michael approached from her right.
“I left you a note. I had a song, it needed to be let out or I would’ve gone crazy. I didn’t want to wake you up since you didn’t get much sleep last night.” Neither did she for that matter, but that wasn’t important to this conversation.
“I got the note. Thank you for leaving it so I didn’t have to hunt your sweet little ass down again. If I’d had to, the soreness you’re feeling leftover from yesterday’s punishment would feel like a tickle with a feather compared to what I would do.”
A shiver chased down her spine. Dammit when he used his Dom voice on her, she went weak in the knees. “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” she giggled.
In a split second, he had her sweats down and swatted her ass right where she stood. “Do you really think it is a good idea to tease your Dom first thing in the morning, my Pixie girl?” he asked and continued to swat; he didn’t even seem to feel the need to bend her over.
“You know I was just teasing. I didn’t mean any of it. Please stop.” If he didn’t, she might embarrass herself by coming right there in the middle of the common area.
Three more swats and he stopped before bending to help her bring her sweatpants back up. “That’s my girl. Now I want you to play the song for me. If it was so important you had to leave me alone in the bed for yet another day, then sit that pretty ass down and sing for me.”
“But people will think I’m pretentious and just want to be the center of attention. You know everyone goes through this space to come and go, and it’s not empty like it was when I came down to work earlier.”
“That’s all well and good, but I want to hear the song, so sit that pretty ass down, pick up your guitar and sing for me. In this moment, nobody else matters. Do you understand?”
She thought about the lyrics she had just written. She didn’t owe anyone an apology or justification for being in the space and being herself. If her Dom asked her to do something, her only job was to comply. She trusted him to take care of whatever else needed doing.
She did what he asked and sat with her guitar in her lap and started to play the melody followed by the lyrics that remained fresh in her mind, they were, after all, about her. This was her anthem to the world and her final “fuck you” to her mother, so she would sing it proudly.
When she finished the last note, Michael took the guitar from her hands, and after setting it back in its case, he helped Jazz to her feet and pulling her into his arms, he kissed her before speaking again.
“Pixie, that song, it’s your song,” he struggled with his words as he pulled back from the kiss. “I can feel you in every word and note.”
“You’re right. Like the lyrics of the song, I don’t have to prove myself, defend myself, or justify myself to anyone else. As long as I’m with you, that’s all that matters. And I thought about the situation with my mother, and your suggestions on how to handle it.”
“And did you come to any conclusion?”
“I did. She can fuck all the way off before she gets a single dime from me. Let’s go home and tell the world what really happened. If they don’t believe me, then that is a bridge I will cross when the time comes. I’ve given too much of my life worrying about them, and that stops today.”
“I’m glad to hear that, because you have other things you need to worry about today.”
The grin on his face unnerved her. What was he talking about?
“What’s going on? I don’t understand.”
“Well, it seems to me that you owe me. Before we left the house, I gave you one very specific instruction, and I left no room for confusion. What was that instruction?”
Oh shit, she knew exactly where he was going with this. She looked down, unable to hold his gaze. “You told me to leave my phone at home.”
“That’s right. And did you follow my instructions?” he asked, knowing damn well that she hadn’t.
“No, Michael, I didn’t. I brought it with me.”
“You brought it with you and checked the internet knowing what it would do to your anxiety and look what happened. I have one more question for you. Have you spoken with Jamie about everything?”
“I did about the article because he was the one who found it first. But I have not spoken to him since everything went down at the diner.” She knew why he was asking. Michael and Dom were always saying that she and Jamie got each other into more trouble than they helped each other out of.
“I know that you are still sore from yesterday, so I will not spank you again today. But rest assured, it is coming, and you know I never forget.”
“I understand,” she answered, knowing that he would find the worst possible time to punish her, and the wait was part of it. He knew that reminding her of it but making her wait would be torture in itself.
“Now, you have an apology to make, and I think it is a good time for that, don’t you?”
“I do.” She nodded. “I want to make things right.”
“You know it is over and done between you and me, right? After you apologize to Master Derek, we will never bring it up again.”
Michael was a man of his word. If he said it wouldn’t be brought up again, then it wouldn’t. He picked up her guitar case and with his other hand led her to Master Derek’s office around the corner.
The door was open and the man in question was sitting behind his desk which was so large it dominated the space. He lifted his head at their approach. “Good morning, you two. Jazz, you look more relaxed than the last time I saw you.”
She looked at Michael in question, not knowing what Master Derek meant but trying to be polite.
“He saw you during your exchange at the diner,” Michael explained.
“Yes, it appeared you were in the middle of an unpleasant exchange.”
She glanced at Michael who nodded his approval to speak with the other man. Though it was not normally a part of their dynamic, she wasn’t sure about how she should approach him here at the Ranch and deferred to Michael in the moment.
“Yes, sir. You could say that to say the least. I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am that I took your truck without asking. I know this is not an excuse, but more of an explanation, I was in the middle of a panic attack and felt the need to run. But I never should have done what I did.”
“Thank you for coming to see me. I know that you and your Dom have handled the situation and nothing like this will happen again.” He used that voice that she’d heard so many times when Michael was making a point; the one she’d always referred to as his “Dom voice” and she felt a chill when she heard it.
“No, sir. Never again.”
“Good then. We don’t need to talk about this any further.”
“Thank you. We will leave you to get back to your work,” Michael said as he led her out the door.