Chapter 13
Kaden had never been more confused in his life.
There was obviously something he wasn’t getting and he wasn’t sure that regaining his memory was going to make things clearer in a way he’d feel happy about.
He could also sense Jalis’ increasing desperation.
Well, they had that in common. Half of him wanted to tell the guy to fuck off, but the other half of him… didn’t.
“You like Crunchy Nut Flakes,” Jalis said. “Harris didn’t like you taking handfuls out of the packet to eat. Unhygienic. He’s not a kind guy. He hurt you the night you came back from Lixian. He beat you up very badly.”
Kaden tensed. He remembered Harris had hurt him before but he didn’t remember that night.
Jalis released a shaky breath. “It might be best not remembered. Sorry. He came to see you a second time and you hit him. Broke his nose.”
That was why his face was bruised? Kaden couldn’t imagine himself doing that. It didn’t feel right.
“You keep change in your pocket to buy chocolate bars as a treat and you let it run through your fingers while you’re making up your mind what to buy.
You like doing stand-up comedy. You think about your mum when you do it.
In your last gig you talked about your stick insect, Sticky, and sea monkeys.
Next time you’re going to talk about your hamster and how you used to sit in the bath and let it crawl over you. ”
What the fuck? But it proved nothing if he couldn’t remember. Except the part about the money was true. He did do that. And he had sat in the bath with his hamster.
“Mars bars are your favourite.”
They are. Kaden could feel his anxiety rising.
“You like going to bed. It’s the highlight of your day.
You like the feeling of the day being done and the opportunity to lose yourself in your other life, which fuels your writing.
Your dreams are bright, colourful and exciting.
You sometimes dream of magical worlds. You’re always the hero.
You love cats but don’t own one. You’d like to.
You enjoy dark thrillers. You hate suits and ties.
You don’t like jazz but you like the saxophone. ”
Kaden knew he’d been staring with his mouth open.
He couldn’t help it. How could anyone possibly know all of that?
Some parts, maybe. Jalis could have been at his last gig, though Kaden didn’t remember what material he’d used.
But mostly, he had no explanation for some of that knowledge.
The only way he could possibly know was if I told him.
And he hadn’t even told Harris about wanting a cat or his love of going to bed.
“I don’t want to make you anxious,” Jalis said quietly. “I know this is a lot to deal with.”
“You’re the one who’s shivering.”
“I’m cold and nervous and a bit afraid.”
You’re not the only one. Kaden needed to think.
“Would you like a bath or a shower? I’ll find you some dry things to put on. When did you last eat?”
“Last night in hospital. The food isn’t…”
“No, it’s not. I’ll show you where everything is upstairs and when you come down, I’ll make you something to eat.”
“Thank you.”
He was worried about the way Jalis was shivering but getting him to have a shower was a way for Kaden to grab a few moments to pull himself together.
He left him in the bathroom with a towel and clothes, and carried his wet stuff downstairs to wash and dry.
Everything that Jalis had been wearing had been Kaden’s.
Including underwear and trainers. He put it all in the washing machine.
Jalis was the key to remembering, so Kaden had to keep him close. He wished he’d just tell him what he’d forgotten but if he wouldn’t, then Kaden would have to be patient. And he understood why Jalis wasn’t telling him, because how would he know if he was lying?
The guy had a little colour in his cheeks when he came down, but he didn’t look well. He was very thin.
“Better?” Kaden asked.
“Yes, thank you. Warmer. I’ve not felt rain… I’ve not been out in rain for ages.”
Kaden sensed some lie in there. But it was raining and Jalis had arrived soaked, so… “How about some toast. What do you want on it? Like to try Marmite?”
“No!”
That was a strong reaction. “Have you ever had it?”
“I didn’t like it. It’s very dangerous.”
Kaden frowned. “It’s love or hate but I wouldn’t call it very dangerous. Marmalade then.” He spread some thinly on one buttered slice and slid the plate across the granite.
Jalis bit into it. “It’s nice. Thank you.”
You are so cute. Too thin, too mysterious but cute. It wasn’t the right time to be having these sorts of thoughts but another time and place and Kaden would have wanted to get to know him, maybe ask him out.
“Another drink?” Kaden asked.
“No, thank you.”
“Why were you in hospital? Were you in the toilet with me?”
“I went in there with you.”
“But that’s not what the cameras showed.”
“No, but I was there. I pulled the cord to get you help. Then I collapsed in a different stall.”
“You knew me?”
“Yes. I was in Brighton with you.”
“Where do you live?”
“I don’t have a home.”
“Where did you used to live?”
Jalis bit his lip before he answered. “A long way from here.”
“Which country?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“I used to be in…personal protection.”
“Like a bodyguard?”
“Sort of.”
“But not now?”
“Not now.”
Kaden felt as though he was interrogating him.
“It’s fine to ask questions. I’ll answer as best I can.” Jalis spoke as if he’d understood what Kaden was thinking.
“More toast?”
“No thank you.”
“What about family? Friends?”
“My parents are dead. I had no siblings that I knew of. No friends. Only you.”
Kaden swallowed. “How did I meet you? You said it was at Lixian, but how?”
“You did something very kind. You saved my life. I was trying to escape from somewhere, there were others after me, and you helped me get away.”
Kaden closed his eyes. How could Jalis be trying to escape from Lixian? That made no sense. Was there something shady about the lab? Had Jalis been experimented on? He opened his eyes and tried a different tack. “So…the name Jalis.”
“Our construct. I came up with it. I have no papers, no passport, no ID that would enable me to stay in the UK and work. You had the idea of me pretending to have come over the Channel in a small boat. I’m not from Afghanistan but that was where we decided I should come from.
I’m gay, like you, and it’s dangerous to be gay there.
That’s the basis for my claim for asylum. ”
That explained the letter Kaden had written and signed, and the utility bill Jalis had shown him. Proof that Kaden was offering him a place to live while his claim was considered.
“I can’t ask for asylum before you remember,” Jalis said quietly.
“Well, I could but I don’t want to. If you don’t remember offering to help me, I’ll be transported to the north of this country to be detained in accommodation provided by the government.
I want to be with you. You wanted me to be with you. You told me you wanted to remember.”
The last few words were whispered but Kaden heard them.
“Have… Have we fucked?”
Jalis’ eyes widened and his cheeks reddened. He floundered for a moment. “Well… We’ve… We’ve messed around a bit.”
“Oh God, I wish I could remember.”
“I think the more time we spend together, the better the chance of you remembering.”
“Or you just need somewhere to stay.”
“That’s true but if at any time you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”
Kaden nodded.
“It’s stopped raining. Can we go for a walk? I’d like to walk in the countryside.”
“Okay. You can wear a pair of my dad’s boots and his anorak. We could head towards the next village and have lunch in the pub.”
Jalis looked more excited than he should have been. The pub was okay but nothing special.
As Kaden fastened his boots, he sensed Jalis watching him. When Jalis tried to tie his own, he messed up. Something clicked in Kaden’s head.
“I can’t tie them,” Jalis said.
Kaden bent to help him. What adult couldn’t tie a shoelace?
As they walked, Kaden had the feeling that much of this was new to Jalis. He seemed to want to touch everything, and yet knew to avoid nettles.
“You fell in a patch of nettles when you were nine,” Jalis said. “You were running to catch a ball and tripped. The stings leave little raised white bumps on your skin. They hurt. Your dad washed them with soap and water.”
Kaden couldn’t remember the last time he’d thought about that. And why would he have told Jalis?
Jalis bent down and picked a buttercup. “Do you like butter?” He held it under Kaden’s chin.
Kaden chuckled. “That never made sense to me. Everyone gets a yellow shadow from a buttercup. I used to think it was a ruse by the butter marketing people.”
“The buttercup’s this lovely colour because of the petal structure.
The epidermal layer of cells has not one but two extremely flat surfaces from which light is reflected.
One is the top of the cells, the other exists because the epidermis is separated from the lower layers of the petal by an air gap. ”
Kaden stared at him. He knew this. He remembered reading it.
“Reflection of light by the smooth surface of the cells and by the air layer doubles the gloss of the petal, so buttercups are much better at reflecting light under your chin than any other flower.” Jalis walked on. “Plants are so interesting.”
“They are.” Though most people didn’t know that scientific detail about buttercups, and most people didn’t say it as if they were reading an extract from a reference book.
The stile into the next field was coming up and when Jalis put his hand on the top and jumped over it in the way that Kaden always did, the breath caught in his throat.
“Oh cows,” Jalis said. “They’re bigger than I— You could talk about cows in your comedy routine. How everyone always seems to point out a cow when they see one. I mean they’re not rare, are they?”