CHAPTER FORTY
RAINA
Bella and Reaper leave, and suddenly I’m alone with Kage.
“Let’s get you something to eat,” he says.
“I’m not hungry.”
He folds his arms over his chest with a narrowed gaze.
“You will eat. If not for you, for our child. Athena said soup with some crackers would be good, with ginger ale.”
I give up the fight and agree, because I know he’s right. For the baby, I need to eat. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m not only having a child, but with Kage. My captor, my tormentor, and the love of my life. I’m angry with the things he did to me, the words he spoke, but because I’m an idiot, my feelings haven’t changed for him. He doesn’t need to know that, though.
Following him into the kitchen, I stand near the island as he opens a can of soup, and heats it on the stove.
“I’ll have the chef make you homemade soup tomorrow.”
He motions to the chair, and I take a seat while he opens the refrigerator, grabs a ginger ale, and hands it to me after opening it.
“Thank you.”
Kage goes over to the stove, pours my soup into a bowl and brings it to me, and I take a mouthful.
“Crackers,” he says out loud to himself, and brings them over to me.
Taking a seat across from me, he watches me, like me eating is somehow fascinating.
“Raina, I’m fucked up, okay, but I’m sorry for what I did to you. It wasn’t right and I know that. Fuck, I knew it while I was doing it, but I couldn’t control myself. The rage took hold of me, like it did the day with your friend, and I did and said things I can’t take back. Somehow, I’m going to fix this.”
I swallow a bite of my cracker and glance at him. His face shows that he means what he says, but I don’t trust it. I don’t trust him.
“And the next time I make you angry? Will it be the cage or the chains? Or will you just hold me down while you rape me?”
Kage flinches like I hit him, but recovers quickly.
“I deserve that.”
Taking a spoonful of my soup, I swallow, and say, “So I’m supposed to believe you’re a good guy now?”
He chuckles, with amusement dancing in his eyes, and I hate how much I like it.
“No, Firecracker. I’m not a good guy. I never have been and never will be, but I want to be good to you. I don’t want to lose you. I’ll be what you need me to be.”
Setting my spoon in the bowl, I flash him a sad look as I shake my head. This is impossible, and he has to know that deep down.
“You are who you are, Kage. A tiger can’t change its stripes. You can’t lose me, when I’m not allowed to leave.”
He bristles at my words, but doesn’t say anything because he knows I’m right. I’m not completely blind, I know I brought the anger on myself. He had every right to be upset, but he went too far. His actions were not what a man does when he loves a woman. It reminded me far too much of my family, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to erase those memories from my mind.
“Let’s get you up to bed.”
I rise from the chair, and he moves to put his arm around me, and then quickly retracts it. We walk to the bedroom in heavy silence. I’m heartbroken by what he did, but I can also feel his pain. I know he regrets it, but why should his feelings matter more than mine? I’m tired of being second rate to everyone around me. That’s what hurts the most because, before this, Kage gave me something I had never had. He looked at me like I mattered. Then, suddenly, I was downgraded to a whore. It’s not that he had sex with me, because I would’ve given it to him willingly. It was the way he took it. The way he took me from behind, so he didn’t have to look at me. The way he called me by my family’s last name. The disgust, the hatred. No, I can’t forget that.
I get into bed, and of course he gets in beside me, so I turn to my side, giving him my back.
“This is not going to work, Kage. I’ll never forgive you. I don’t want to. Find somebody else to fuck, and leave me alone.”
He leans his head down and inhales the scent of my neck, coming close but not touching me.
“I don’t want anyone else, Firecracker. You’re still mine, and I’m still yours. If it takes a thousand years, I’ll fix this.”
I roll my eyes and snort laugh.
“Are you a vampire now? If not, I don’t think you’ll be alive in a thousand years.”
He strokes his fingers down my arm as I freeze.
“I’m not going to fuck you, but I need to touch you.”
“I hate you.”
His last words before I fall asleep crash into my chest, and I feel like I’ve been shot all over again.
“Not as much as I hate myself. There is no way you could hate me that much.”
I fall asleep with Kage on the other side of the bed, but somehow, I wake up in his arms. My face is pressed to his chest, with his arms around me, holding me close. Trying to push him away makes him hold me tighter, and I hit his chest.
“Let me go, or I’ll puke all over you.”
His smirk is far more annoying than delicious, as my stomach rumbles.
He lets me go and says, “Exchanging bodily fluids with you is one of my favorite activities.”
“Don’t be gross.”
I jump off the bed and race to the bathroom, to get rid of the small amount of food in my system.
As I’m kneeling in front of the toilet, Kage kneels beside me and pulls my hair back.
“Kage, go away. You don’t need to watch this.”
He kisses the side of my head sweetly.
“I’m going to be here for everything, Firecracker.”
I vomit until there’s nothing left.
Wiping my mouth with the towel, that somehow appeared out of nowhere, I ask, “Yeah? Are you coming to see the gynecologist too?”
He presses his hand to the side of my face with a gentle touch.
“Yes, Bones is scheduling an appointment with Athena’s doctor since she’s a female.”
“A female?”
He chuckles like it’s obvious why, and lifts me off the floor.
“Yes, Firecracker, because I don’t want to kill our baby’s doctor.”
I’m almost glad to hear him say that, because it’s the first true Kage comment since he found out I was pregnant. He has been nice, which is simply confusing, because that’s not the man I know.