Chapter 11
Two weeks had passed since everything happened at my father’s house. The bikers were back at war, and now everyone knew the real reason. I no longer affiliated myself with anything Savage Saints. My mother lost her life because of a Savage Saint, and I felt I was dishonoring her still being affiliated with that club.
For two weeks I had been staying at the lake house. After finding everything out, I needed to feel my mother. I needed to smell her. The only thing I had was the lake house. At first it was overwhelming being back inside the house. After an hour of grieving my mother, I went back to grieving the death of my relationship with my father.
My father had been calling nonstop, but I didn’t bother to answer. There was an all-out war now between the bikers and I didn’t care to engage. My father was the reason so many lives were lost. He was the virus that spread across these clubs, and I could no longer associate with him. My father lost all the respect he had in the motorcycle gang. Junior was the only person I spoke with. He hurt just as bad as me.
He looked up to my father. He had goals to run the Savage Saints once my father stepped down, but Junior always needed our mama. He was a mama’s boy to his core. When she died, he mourned her but was okay knowing that he still had our father. That wasn’t the case anymore, and he was back mourning the death of both parents.
After everything that happened at my fathers’ house that night, I jumped on my bike after balling my eyes out and headed to the warehouse. I grabbed my mother’s bike and left, leaving all the others there. I didn’t want them. All of them reminded me of my father and what type of man he was. As far as I was concerned, my father no longer existed. After having time to reflect, I understood why my mother was seeing another man. My father was self-centered. He only cared about himself and made demands without even asking. He was a selfish person. Our relationship was dead.
I rose from the couch and stared outside. It was dark and quiet. My mind went back to the person I was trying my hardest not to think about. Kairo invaded my mind more than the situation with my father. My heart ached for him. His father was killed with no motive. Kairo’s time on earth with his father was cut short because of my dad. It wasn’t fair to him. I should’ve raised hell because Kairo had a gun aimed at my father’s head and because this entire time he was an undercover. I couldn’t find it in my heart to hate him, though.
I wanted him to know that I knew nothing about what my father had done. I didn’t even know his father died by the hands of the Savage Saints. I was skeptical because I didn’t know where Kairo stood. Just because I looked at the situation one way didn’t mean that Kairo did. All I knew was that I wanted to apologize to him and offer my prayers. I sat here for days, practicing repeatedly in my head what I would say. I didn’t know if I should call, send a text, or a letter. All I knew was that I didn’t want Kairo to hate me. My eyes watered every time I thought about not speaking to him or seeing him again.
I didn’t blame him if he cut off everyone around him. His uncle was just as guilty. My spirit and my body missed him so much. I could still feel his touch on certain parts of my body. My heart wanted me to believe that our happy ending would happen, so we could ride into the distance together, leaving all the biker shit behind us. I knew there was no such thing as a fairytale ending, though.
My phone rang, pulling me from my thoughts. It was Junior. I hadn’t heard from him for a couple of days, and I sent him a text to call me whenever he was up to it.
“Hey, Junior,” I said, answering the phone.
“Sup, sis?” His voice was low and filled with sadness.
“How you doing?”
He sighed. “Managing. I just been sitting here for the past couple of days, trying to figure out my next move.”
“Same. I get that.”
We sat silent for a while before Junior spoke.
“He still calling?”
“Yep, but as I said before, the relationship is dead. I’m mourning the loss of two parents. It’s just harder when one is physically here.”
“Think we should report it the police?” Junior asked.
That was a question that constantly ran through my mind. Should I snitch and tell the police my father accidentally murdered my mother? Or did I let karma take its course? Everything was heavy.
“I’m not sure yet, Junior.” I sighed.
“I’m leaving town for a few, Junebug,” Junior said. “I don’t know if I can sit around here while he’s still walking around as a free man. The shit with the Iron Knights and the Savage Saints is going to get worse. I don’t care to defend either club. Them motherfuckers is dirty on both ends.”
I nodded as if he could see me. “I feel that. Belt has been texting me, but I know his loyalty lies with dad. I haven’t told him where I was. Just that I was okay.”
Junior scoffed. “Nigga been texting and calling but he’s just as bad as dad. He knew this whole time but didn’t do anything about it. He upheld dad in a lot of his shit.”
I understood Junior’s frustration, but I also understood loyalty and that was who Belt was. Loyal to the end. He was dad’s best friend since they were kids. It all made sense why he stood by him, but I wouldn’t tell Junior that.
“Where are you going?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. Somewhere far. I was going to take my bike and just ride ’til I get tired. Wherever I end that’s where I’m staying.”
My heart hurt for my brother. He was suffering but didn’t know what to do.
“Share your location with me. I won’t call and bother you, but I find peace in knowing you’re okay. We all each other got now.” I felt myself getting choked up.
“I got you, sis. Doing it now.” Seconds later, he returned to the phone. “You should be able to see it now.”
“Thank you.”
We sat quiet for a few more seconds before he spoke again. “Have you heard from Conqueror yet?”
I felt the tears surfacing again. “No. I want to reach out, but I know there won’t be a reply. He probably hates us now. I’m sure if he sees either one of us, he will kill us. If I know Kairo, I know he’s probably thinking I knew this the entire time.”
“You want my honest opinion?”
“I know what you’re going to say, fuck him. He the opp, blah blah. I don’t want to hear that,” I fussed.
“Nah, that’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say reach out to him. I’m sure he wants to hear from you. I’m sure he’s hurting just as bad. You might not know… You calling is probably what he’s waiting on. And if it ain’t, oh well. Clear your heart and mind, sis.”
I took in everything he said. He was right. I didn’t need to go in thinking that Kairo would forgive me, but I needed to apologize and let him know I wasn’t mad at him. I understood his motive.
Junior and I talked for a bit longer before we ended the call with I love yous.
Twenty minutes had passed, and I rehearsed everything I was going to say if Kairo answered the phone. I took a shot of tequila and dialed his number. Between each ring, I took deep breaths. I had prepared myself to leave a voicemail because I knew there was a slim chance he would answer. The phone stopped ringing, and I waited for the voicemail, but it never came. I looked at the screen and saw that it had been answered.
“He-hello? Kairo?”
“Yeah?”
“Um—it’s Junebug. J-Junie,” I said, stuttering over my words. I didn’t realize how nervous I was until I heard his voice.
“I know who it is.”
His voice lacked any expression. I couldn’t get a read on him, which wasn’t unusual, but this time I needed more from him. If I was in front of him, I could read him. I could study his body language, but here I was, left trying to figure out his temperature.
“How are you?” Internally I cursed at asking him such a dumb question. Of course he wasn’t doing good. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked that. Of course you’re not doing good. How could you be? We both went through a lot. You more than me. I am so sorry for everything. You didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that. My father ain’t shit. Your uncle aint’ shit. No one in those gangs is shit. I hate them all. I understand why you went undercover. I would’ve done the same?—”
“Junie—” he said, stopping me mid-rant.
I didn’t realize how I was rambling out of anxiety. My mouth ran a mile a minute because my heart was on the verge of leaping out of my chest. I took a couple of deep breaths.
“Sorry for rambling, Kairo. I just really want to apologize for everything. I didn’t know anything. Please know that if I had access to any of this information I wouldn’t have continued to associate with my father. My mother didn’t deserve that and neither did yours. I’m not asking you to forgive my family. What I’m asking is that you find it in your heart to accept my apology on behalf of what my father did.”
I paused, waiting for him to reply. After thirty seconds, he didn’t say whether he accepted my apology. My heart fell out of my chest and tears fell. It hurt knowing that I no longer would get to be with Kairo again. Everything about Kairo was what I needed. I was falling in love for the first time in my life, but thanks to my dad, it was ripped apart.
I sniffled before speaking. “Kairo, again, I’m sorry. If I could turn back the hands of time I would. I pray that you find peace eventually after all of this. Um… yeah. Hopefully I talk to you soon. I love you.”
I froze. I knew I was rambling, but I didn’t expect those three words to spew out of my mouth the way it did. It felt natural. It felt right. He needed to know that he was loved, regardless of everything. I hung up the phone and shut it off. So many emotions ran through me that I could barely think straight. I poured two more shots of tequila then sat on the chair. I contemplated my life, but every time I thought about it without Kairo, I cried harder until I cried myself into a deep sleep.
There was hard knocking at the door. It caused me to jump out of my sleep in a panic. No one besides Junior knew I was here. I reached for the gun that we kept in the drawer in the living room. It was dark out and all the lights were off. Slowly, I made my way to the window, peeking to make sure whoever it was at the door didn’t see me. The knocking continued. I scanned the yard and saw a motorcycle. I couldn’t make out the color or correct shape of it, which only caused my heart rate to speed up.
There was a war going on, plus my father probably thought I was going to snitch on him. It could be anybody. All I knew was I was in danger, and I wasn’t going down without a fight.
I made my way to the door, gun drawn, my finger on the trigger. I was prepared to fire and empty the clip in whoever was out there. I counted to five mentally and swung the door open. I fired a shot, not even giving the person the opportunity to shoot me first. They moved out of the way just in time before the bullet struck them in the chest.
“Junie…” I stopped my finger from pulling the trigger. It was Kairo. He wore a black hoodie and black sweats. He had the hood over his head, so I wasn’t able to see his face. My heart beat out of my chest. My hands shook and my knees knocked. It was impossible for me to form a sentence. “Junie, it’s me Kairo.”
“No shit! I almost fucking killed you.”
He stepped over the threshold and reached for the gun before placing it in his back pocket. If he was here to kill me, I had lost all will power to protect myself. He shut the door behind him and scanned the room. After he found the light switch, he turned it on. While he looked around the room, I kept my eyes on him. I was scared but happy to see him. His skin looked smooth, and his hair cut was fresh. Instead of trying to find an escape route, I thought about how it would feel for my body to be wrapped in his. He paced around the house, and I still couldn’t move from this one spot.
“Kairo, what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?” I asked, finally turning to see him still walking around the house.
“You know what’s funny? I had been wanting to hear from you. After that night, I made a vow to myself that when I saw you or your brother, I was going to kill y’all. There was nothing you could say to me to change my mind. It was made.” I swallowed. I repented in my head and hoped to make it to heaven. I closed my eyes, preparing my body for the pain it was about to feel. He continued. “But when I saw your number pop up on my phone, the pain and anger I felt washed away.” My head darted up. He let out a chuckle. “I kept telling myself I was confused. I wasn’t thinking straight. There was no way my heart and feelings for you outweighed the betrayal and pain I had been feeling, but when I got on my bike and rode all the way out here, I knew…”
I took a deep breath. “You knew what?”
“You meant more to me than any of that shit.”
“Kairo…”
He moved toward me. He was inches away from me as he lifted his hands and placed one on each side of my face, looking me in my eyes.
“Junebug, I don’t know what the fuck you did, and I don’t know how you did it, but I’m sick behind you. These past two weeks been hard as fuck without you. I wanted to call and make sure you were good. I no longer cared about my pain but was more concerned about you.” Tears fell from my eyes, but I didn’t dare look away from Kairo. I wanted to make sure I heard and received everything he said. “Never thought I would be here, letting my heart win. I couldn’t go another two weeks, two days, two hours, or minutes without letting you know I love you too.”
Kairo placed his lips on mine. He backed up everything he said by pouring it into this kiss. My feet left the floor as Kairo lifted me up. On instinct, my legs wrapped around his waist, and I had the upper hand on the kiss. I kissed Kairo so he could know that I received everything he said, and I loved him more.
Kairo pulled away and placed me on my feet.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He grabbed my hands and placed a kiss on each one. “Junie, are you okay?”
It felt as if a weight I didn’t realize I carried was lifted off my shoulders. I fell into Kairo’s chest and sobbed. Everything that happened came rushing back to me.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I sobbed into his chest. “All I have now is my brother. The people I thought I could trust all lied to me.”
“Let me carry that weight for you. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. We start our own lives now. Fuck the Iron Knights. Fuck the Savage Saints. We all we need.”
I pulled away from Kairo and stared into his eyes through my wet ones. “Are you sure?”
He nodded. “Yep, somehow, some way, you took over my heart, and I ain’t never letting you go. Let them motherfuckers kill each other. I got what I want in the end.”
He kissed my lips and wiped my tears.
“And what’s that?”
“You.”