Chapter Eighteen
Kari
Kari paced the bedroom, occasionally glancing at the closed door, trying to stop himself going back into the kitchen where he’d left Bowie baking, desperate not to crowd him.
Two days had passed, and Bowie hadn’t mentioned their conversation.
Kari couldn’t decide if it was good or bad.
What he did know was how wearing it was, and not because he was worried about disclosing what he liked.
No, it was all to do with Bowie’s confession of having—how had he put it—‘researched’ the lifestyle, but hadn’t explained why.
Kari’s mind had spiralled into the reasons for this when he recalled Bowie’s trip to a sex club with the other PAs.
There was nothing in the information he’d read about Rex to suggest he lived a kink lifestyle.
Except Kari understood not everyone took their lifestyle beyond their home, which had him worrying about if Rex had fucked this up for Bowie.
Being vulnerable—submissive—to someone took trust, and Rex had obliterated any that Bowie had when he’d hit him.
Was it all connected somehow? Bowie was most definitely submissive.
Had he known from the beginning why Kari acted the way he did?
What worried Kari was if that was true, had Bowie somehow thought Kari might manipulate him in some way.
This left Kari feeling disconcerted when he didn’t have the answer.
Every hour that passed while Bowie took time to ‘think’, the feeling increased.
Kari wasn’t surprised, not really, when Bowie was a reflector.
Bowie had kept his distance, not obviously so, but Kari respected the need for space and willingly gave it, regardless of how it made him feel.
At work, it was easier to cope because that gave him something to think about other than Bowie.
But when they returned to Bowie’s apartment, it was difficult to distance himself.
Habits he’d developed were hard to stop when he wanted to take care of Bowie the way he had been doing. Until Bowie decided what he wanted, Kari literally had to sit on his hands to stop himself. Whatever Bowie’s decision was, Kari would respect it.
For now though, Kari worked fucking hard to keep things light between them, no heavy conversations.
No pushing. And no acting like a daddy. This was the toughest when Kari had slipped into the role, his heart leading the way.
This was why he was hiding out. Pitiful but true, when he had little restraint.
A gentle tap at the door had him whisk around and dart to it far too eagerly. He tried not to get his hopes up as he opened it, finding Bowie on the other side, hopping from foot to foot, his gaze somewhere around Kari’s chest.
“Hey, Baby—you. Is everything okay?”
The blush riding up Bowie’s neck came with him peeking up from under his inky eyelashes. “Would it be alright if… if… we talked now about… what… about you… and me?”
Kari stepped aside, opening the door wider. “Absolutely,” he answered with a calmness he did not feel.
Had Bowie decided he wasn’t interested, was that why the nerves?
Stop doubting what we both know.
We know nothing until Bowie tells us. His wolf always figured he knew best. He didn’t.
Look at him and tell me we aren’t what he wants? I can smell his attraction to us.
Kari had to shut out his wolf to concentrate on the man who seemed to be avoiding looking him in the eye as he walked into the room and then stood, as if undecided what to do next, in the middle of the carpeted floor.
“Why don’t you sit in the chair and tell me what’s on your mind?”
Bowie went to the chair and sank down, looking grateful, making Kari’s stomach jolt unpleasantly.
Kari moved slower, giving himself a moment, going to the side of the bed next to the chair and sitting, ensuring they weren’t touching. Inhaling a deep breath, hoping it would resolve the flutter of nerves taking flight inside him, he released it and waited for Bowie to speak.
“I… you… see I…” Bowie ran his hands through his hair and gave him a beseeching look.
“Take a deep breath, see if that helps. I promise I won’t be mad at whatever you want to talk about.”
Bowie did as he was told. “I know you won’t.”
Those quiet words helped to ease Kari’s anxiety, but it still didn’t explain what Bowie wanted. “You’re right. I’ll never be cross with you, baby—Bowie.” Kari resisted rolling his eyes at the ease with which he forgot himself.
“I like babycakes… a lot.” Bowie looked at his hands in his lap, fingers twisting together. “You… I’ve been thinking about you being a ‘daddy’,”—he peeked up at him—“the way you are with me… all the time… you were being a daddy to me, weren’t you?”
He didn’t sound sure, but, fuck, he was brave.
“Yes. Yes, I was. It comes naturally when I’m with you. I hope it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. I would really hate that.”
Bowie shook his head, color perfusing his cheeks until they were bright rosy-red, like two apples.
“No… it never felt bad. I… I’ve been thinking over everything.
About all the things you do for me. Even before you moved in here.
But since then, there’s all the things I like you doing for me…
with me… things I liked before… before you made them seem normal.
Am I a little?” he whispered, his eyes dipping away before coming back a second later, full of uncertainty.
Normal. It was hard to hear him say it like he wasn’t. Clearly Bowie considered his behavior could be considered ‘not normal’.
“Would it be too much to lift you and put you on my knee? I could really do with a cuddle while we discuss this.”
One-two-three seconds later, Bowie nodded, lifting his arms with hesitation. “I’m heavy.”
“You are such a good boy.” Kari couldn’t stop himself from saying it as he rose and put his hands under Bowie’s arms, lifting him clear off the chair.
He swung around. “You’re not too heavy for me to lift, Babycakes.
Why don’t you tuck your legs around my middle, cross your ankles and sling your arms around my neck? ”
When he did, Kari sat back on the edge of the bed. Face to face, Kari resisted the urge to kiss the trembly lips as Bowie moved his bottom, scooting closer. There was the scent of bubble-gum shampoo and something sweet.
“Want to snuggle while we talk?” Kari asked softly.
Bowie leaned in to rest his head on Kari’s shoulder, his face pressing into the curve of Kari’s neck.
Kari ran a hand up and down his back until Bowie’s breathing steadied.
“I want to start by saying that what you believe about yourself is what’s important here.
There doesn’t need to be a label attached to it.
You can just do things that make you feel good.
The reason I brought up about me being a daddy was so that there would be no misconceptions between us if you agreed to dating.
That you know what a daddy-boy relationship is helps.
I do not want to push you into something that doesn’t feel right for you.
I need you to understand that I’ll never pressure you because I like a certain thing.
That’s why maybe labelling yourself right now isn’t important. ”
Head up, Bowie stared at him with worry. “I don’t think you’re pushing me. I read up some more and… and you are a nurturer. I see that.” He released a shuddery breath. “And I think… I might be a boy who enjoys being little.”
Bowie buried his face in Kari’s neck, so Kari hugged him closer, continuing the soothing back rubbing until he relaxed fully against him.
“You’re being so brave right now.” Kari needed to be as well. “Would you like to explore what this means to you… with me?”
The nod was immediate.
“I need the words, Babycakes. Communication is important in these types of relationships, so there is no misunderstanding. You need to know that if something doesn’t feel good to you, that you can confidently say it aloud. I need to know you can do that for me.”
A put-upon sigh had Kari struggling to contain a smile.
“Yes, I want to explore this with you. But…”
“Talk to me,” Kari prompted when Bowie didn’t say more and fidgeted on his lap.
“Can we do this…” Kari tweaked Bowie’s chin to get him to lift so he could see him when there was such uncertainty, and he could assess why. “And not tell anyone while I figure out if this is what I want?”
“I just need you to be honest with me. Is this because of something that happened between you and Rex? I sense there is more to what went down than what you’ve mentioned.”
Bowie released a noisy exhale, a look of resignation and pain causing Kari to stiffen.
“He ridiculed me. Said I was a pathetic baby. That he didn’t know how he faked liking me for so long.
He was cheating on me and that his actual boyfriend was gorgeous and not a ridiculous person with teddy bears hidden in the bedroom.
He said I made him sick,” he finished on a sob, tears coursing down his cheeks.
“Like I was sick for having and liking bears.”
Kari wiped the tears as they fell, giving himself a moment to stop the anger burning in his gut from spilling out. Bowie didn’t need his anger. What Kari held on to was that Rex hadn’t spoiled the opportunity for Bowie to explore a different side of himself.
Kari kissed Bowie’s drenched eyes. First one, then the other, tasting the saltiness of his tears on his eyelashes.
“He’s a stupid man when he can’t see what a treasure you are.
In fact, I’m glad he’s blinded by his own bigotry because it means I get the chance to show you just how special you are.
” He kissed the tip of his rosy nose, continuing to wipe away the tears.
“We’ll go at your pace, and just know if you are never comfortable being open about what happens between us, then that’s alright.
This isn’t anyone's business but ours. But if you decide you want to share, then just let me know. There is no wrong answer here Bowie, just whatever you want.”
Dewy eyes that consumed his face swept over Kari, seconds ticking by before he hiccuped. “O-okay.”
The tug was real in Kari’s chest. He brushed a kiss against tear soft lips. “What about going to watch a movie, and you can snuggle with Boo-Boo while I make some hot chocolate?”
“Please… Daddy,” Bowie murmured, like he was trying to figure out how to get his lips to work.
There was a wealth of uncertainty in his voice, yet that one word formed on those beautiful lips was a hammer blow, and Kari was down and out.
His heart lay there between them, no longer his. It belonged to Bowie.
One thing he was certain of, if this didn’t work out, Kari would never recover. It was a sobering thought, one he didn’t hide from.
He’s ours. His wolf was sure.
Kari would not count his heifers just yet, but he could hope, and that’s what he’d do because there was no harm in that.