Karma

Chapter 37

Imanage to avoid Bexley the entire next day. When I was going to sleep the night before, what I did and how she helped me all came back to me.

I can’t let it go.

It was the best night of my life, or at least it should have been.

She’s everything I’ve wanted with a woman, and yet she was forced.

She had no choice, and I almost took something I wasn’t supposed to.

I know enough about her past to understand that’s something she would never forgive.

I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, so I lock myself in the guesthouse after telling Kane.

He tried to talk me out of it and told me just to speak to her, but I can’t.

I’m so ashamed of myself.

She’ll leave once we catch the mole. I won’t make her even more uncomfortable until then, and I don’t think I can look at her without wanting to vomit.

I took what she didn’t offer. I’m no better than the men before me.

I always thought I was a good guy deep down.

Yes, I’m involved in shady shit with my family and I’m happy to kill people, but they always deserve it.

I don’t hurt women, and I don’t take what’s not offered, but I was wrong, and I can’t live with it.

What I didn’t expect was for her to hunt me down. I sit upright on the lounge chair in my swim shorts as she stops in front of me. “This shit stops now. Why are you hiding? Are you embarrassed about being drugged?”

“How did you—”

“I’m a hunter, Zayn. It’s my job. Now spill,” she demands, sitting on the edge of the lounger. She’s so close, my foot touches her leg. I lift it and spin around, putting space between us. Even now, I want to kiss her so I can taste her without drugs in my system. I’m a sick bastard.

“I just wanted some space,” I mutter and stand when she reaches for me. I don’t deserve her touch or comfort. Stalking over to the water, I stare down into the still blue depths, wishing it could swallow me whole. How could she stand to be near me?

Why did she come?

“Zayn.” I feel her at my side. “Talk to me.” When I don’t, she sighs. “Look at me.” I can’t. I stare at the water until she yanks me around, but I quickly look away, feeling sick to my core.

Before that night, we could tease and flirt. It was fun, but now it is a reminder of what I did to her. The drugs took away my consent, but they also took hers.

“Zayn, what’s wrong?” She won’t let me escape, so I meet her eyes, allowing myself one last look. Even if she doesn’t hate me, I hate me. “Zayn, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. Whatever it is, I can solve it. You know I can.”

“You can’t fix this, Bexley. No one can. You stand for justice, your name is literally Karma,” I scoff bitterly, “and yet I forced you.”

“Forced me?” She frowns. “What do you mean—” Her eyes widen. “Oh, you think you made me help you when you were drugged.”

“Of course I did! You didn’t want to, but you had no choice. I didn’t remember until last night, but when I did . . . God, I feel sick. I’m so sorry, Bexley, so fucking sorry. I know that doesn’t change anything.”

“Zayn.” She stops my rant, touching my arm, and I look at it, hating and loving it at the same time. I wish she would never let go, but I know she should. “You were drugged. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Even if you don’t blame me, I blame me,” I admit, turning away and plunging into the pool, sinking to the bottom in punishment.

She appears in front of me, fully dressed, and yanks me up, but I fight her off so she sinks with me.

When she continues to sit there, I panic and yank her to the surface.

“What are you thinking?” I roar in her face as I cup her cheeks. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she answers, slicking her hair back, so I let go and swim backwards.

When I can touch the bottom, I turn and start to walk away, needing space.

If I’m close to her, everything gets hazy and all my good intentions turn to dust. I want her so badly, even now.

I want to believe her and remind her how good we could be together, so I walk away, but I should have known Bexley would follow.

“Zayn, I wanted it too. It’s fine. Besides, we didn’t have sex,” she reasons, splashing water as she follows me.

“They had to hold me back!” I roar, and she stops. The water splashes as I hit it with my hands, my heart clenching. “They had to pin me down.”

“Zayn, you were drugged—”

“You said no. I remember you saying no.” I sink to my knees, looking up at her as a tear falls. “You said no because of me.”

She sinks to hers before me and cups my face, wiping away my tears as I break. “I said no, and you stopped, even when you were drugged out of your mind. I said no, and you stopped because you’re a good man, Zayn.”

“I forced you,” I croak.

“Damn it, Zayn. I know what force feels like. I know what it means to have my choice taken away. What we did wasn’t rape.

I wanted it. You don’t think I feel guilty about wanting you, even in that state?

Because I do. If you’re a bad person, then I’m even worse.

You didn’t take advantage of me. I took advantage of you because I care about you and couldn’t stand to see you suffer.

You didn’t hold me down until I choked and passed out.

You didn’t chain me up and send all of your men in.

You didn’t set up a camera and laugh while I was crying and screaming.

You are nothing like those men who hurt me.

Even in the heightened state of being drugged, with no thoughts and impulse control, you stopped.

You are a good man, Zayn, and I don’t blame you. ”

“Please forgive me,” I whisper, tears falling from my eyes. I want to find all those men and kill them, but right now, I need her absolution.

“Only if you forgive me,” she replies gently, softly wiping my tears away.

Pressing my head to hers, I close my eyes. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

“Not for me either, so stop overthinking,” she says, sliding her hand into my hair. I copy her movement, gripping her hair and pressing her tighter against me.

When I open my eyes, I find her watching me, and I see something soft in her gaze that makes me melt into her.

Bexley doesn’t look at anyone that way. Ever since we met, she’s been as sharp and unyielding as a blade, but she’s watching me like I’m something special, and my heart races at that one look that tells me everything and nothing all at once.

Does she feel how I do?

This started as fun for us, especially since Kane claimed her, but it turned into so much more. I like having her around. She fits in with my brothers and family. She’s brought joy and happiness into our hard, demanding lives. She plays with me, lightens Kane, and keeps Neo on his toes.

She’s perfect, and I know we all want her as ours.

Does she know? It’s not a game, and when we decide something, it’s done, especially Kane.

“I want you,” she whispers, shocking me to my core. “Do you still want me? Even knowing all this?”

“I’ve always wanted you. I don’t think I can stop wanting you,” I murmur.

Her eyes drop to my lips, and I heat under her gaze. “Then what are you waiting for? Let’s erase the other night and replace it with this, both of us wanting each other.”

Dragging her close, I kiss her, tasting the water as our tongues tangle.

My hand slides into her wet hair and grips it, pulling her closer until I feel her hot body against mine.

As I swallow her small noise of pleasure, I can’t help but feel victorious.

I know she’s had my brothers, but I don’t care.

This isn’t about them. This is about us, always has been.

Kane might have brought her to us, but I’ve wanted her since the first moment she stormed into our party.

I’ve wanted to see her hard eyes melt with desire for me.

This isn’t just sex. I’ve had plenty in the past to fill a need and boredom, but it never meant anything, not like this. We are worth fighting for, and I show her that.

Nobody has ever cared about me or my family as much as she does.

I’ve never met anyone as strong yet pure, and I want to belong to her.

I want her to stay in my arms forever, kissing me like nothing else exists, but desire demands to be fed and she hops up.

The water splashes as I catch her, her giggle making me grin against her lips as she wraps her legs around my waist.

“Fuck me, Zayn,” she whispers. “I need you like you need me.”

Desperation takes hold, but I know I can’t do what I want in the water. I want to taste her skin and have every inch of her.

Her legs tighten around me as I walk from the pool, carrying her.

I open my eyes so we don’t fall and stumble toward a place where I can take my time with her.

She kisses me aggressively, biting and sucking until I’m throbbing and bleeding, and the flames of need only grow.

I look around until I feel the sun change to shade and know I’m there.

I could take her out in the open, but what if someone flies over?

What if there’s someone with a camera watching nearby?

I will never let her be seen like that, not like those assholes from her past. No, this is for us, and I want her to feel safe with me.

The door of the guesthouse crashes open, and neither of us bother to shut it or go farther. She rips at my shorts as I tear at her clothes until we are both naked, dripping and needy.

She tugs me, and before I know it, I’m inside her. Both of us are desperate for this, but the feel of her tight heat makes me drop back with a groan of pleasure.

She feels too good. I want to touch and taste her, but she has other ideas, her body arching below me to take me deeper.

I slow us down. This means something to me, and I hope it means something to her as well.

I want her badly, but this is more than sex.

There’s a bond between us, an understanding, and it’s real and raw, and I show her that. I refuse to let her retreat from it.

It’s not wild fucking, despite us being on the floor and covered in pool water. It’s so much more real. There’s no need for anything else, just our bodies and our lips meeting in desperation that drives us both.

Stroking my hands across her skin, I drop my head as she whines and suck on her nipples. She clenches around me, and feeling her body’s reaction makes me smirk as I take my time.

“Zayn.” She tugs my hair, trying to get me to move, but I stay right where I want to be.

My hand slides between us to pet her wet cunt until she rolls her hips, trying to get off.

“Zayn, fuck, please. I want it hard and fast. Please, fuck.” I bite her nipple as I circle her clit, finding the rhythm she likes.

I don’t like the way her head drops back and hits the floor.

Frowning, I look up, and she uses my distraction to spin us.

She starts to ride me, but I throw her back down so I’m on top, slowing her again as she snarls below me.

“If you want me, then you get me like this,” I tell her. “Look at you . . . You look so damn sexy when you’re angry.” Her eyes flash at me in warning, and her fingernails scratch my chest. The hint of pain makes me harder, but I don’t relent. I fuck her slowly, caressing her skin and teasing her.

I feel the moment right before she comes.

Her thighs tighten, quaking around me, her eyes flare, and her mouth parts, then she cries out loudly and clenches so firmly around me, I grunt.

The pleasure is so strong, I have to turn my head and bite my arm to stop myself from coming, but that pain is what splinters me, and I can’t hold back.

I’ve never lost control before, but with her, I do.

I rise and pull her to her feet, then I bend her over the couch. I place one hand in her hair, the other on her hip, as I snarl and hammer into her. Kicking her legs wider apart, I take her hard and fast like she wanted. Her cries of pleasure mix with my grunts.

“Yes, like that!” she screams, her hand hitting a lamp on the side table, which crashes to the floor.

Neither of us care as I lift her until her toes barely touch the floor, tilting her hips so I can be deeper inside her.

I let her feel the piercings along my cock.

I wanted to show her, but the impatient little thing will see them next time.

Instead, I let her feel them, and if the noises leaving her throat are anything to go by, she likes them a lot.

Something else crashes to the floor, but we are too lost in the hurricane of desire to care.

“Sir, is everything okay? We heard a crash—” Before whoever it is can enter the door, I bend over her without stopping and find the blade hidden between the cushions, then I throw it. There’s a yelp, and I hear him duck. “Sorry, sir!”

“Zayn!” she screams, pressing back. “Fuck, I’m so close.

Please—” She whines as I smack her ass before cuffing her neck.

I press deeper and take it out on her body until she can’t speak.

Pleasure claims us both, rolling through her to me, and her yell matches mine as I explode inside her.

Her pussy clenches so hard on my length, I see stars as she comes.

My legs give out, so I throw myself across her as our slick skin sticks together.

Both of us are lost in the ecstasy, and I swear I’ll never be able to move right again.

When it finally lessens and flows away, I’m left smiling and pressing kisses to her bare shoulder.

“You still alive, Bex?” I tease, but my voice is hoarse.

“Uh-huh, yup, totally fine. Just give me a minute,” she rasps, and that makes me chuckle. “Wait, is your dick pierced?”

I press my softening cock deeper so she can feel it, and she shudders. “I thought you might like that.”

“Perverts, all of you,” she mutters, but she relaxes into me. “When I can walk, we’re going for a swim, or maybe a nap or food.”

“Whatever you want, Bex,” I murmur, kissing her again as I cuddle closer. “In five minutes.”

“Maybe ten,” she says. Only she can take it all away and leave me truly happy. For the first time in my life, my smile is real.

I’m so happy that it scares me.

Does it scare her?