30. Chapter 30
Chapter 30
GRAY
I begged off leading worship at church this morning, as I was in no state to lead anyone. Full disclosure: I was mad at God for letting me experience the pain of betrayal yet again. But I would attend church. Long ago, I’d committed to that discipline, no matter my mood. No need to break that commitment today.
The entire drive to church, I prepared myself to face Elle. I built up walls around my heart by reliving the look of guilt on her face. All night I’d stared at the ceiling, thinking back to all her actions over the last two weeks. It all made sense now. That day she ran from me on the beach. She must have seen my email address on the flyer. How could I be such an idiot ?
It was anticlimactic to find Elle had skipped church altogether. My walls were heavy, especially when they weren’t necessary.
“How’re you holding up, man?” Weston asked after the service.
“Fine. I knew it was a risk. I just need a day to cool off. The mountain bike trails at Sea Pines Forest Reserve will do the trick. I’m hoping to clear my head and pray. I should’ve done more of that before getting involved with Elle. You were right.”
“Want company?”
“Not today, but thanks, bro.”
I left church and hit the mountain bike trails. As I pedaled through the rugged paths, I tried to pray about my frustrations with Elle. However, it felt as though my words were lost in the wind. I wanted to experience the same justice I felt when Kayley’s lies were exposed. But no sense of justice settled over me.
I knew I had done the right thing. Lies were unacceptable. God even listed them as a sin in the Bible. I was right. Or was I? Was I applying scripture correctly here? Was this situation as black and white as it was in my mind? I didn’t know, but one thing I was certain of; I could never repeat what I went through with Kayley. Period.