31. Chapter 31
Chapter 31
ELLE
I ’d opted to not attend church yesterday as I didn’t want to cause trouble for Gray. So I’d spent my Sunday praying and reconnecting with God.
The cool, dewy air of Monday morning hung around us as all the leaders walked to the beach to start the summer camp. I never saw Gray during breakfast, but I counted that as a small mercy. It might have been too awkward. He was my co-leader, so I knew I’d see him in a matter of minutes. My heart raced as I made my way to the activity field, clutching a clipboard that suddenly felt like a shield in a battle for which I wasn’t prepared. I stood with our normal group of kids and waited. I expected Gray to join us as he usually did, but instead, I was greeted by the familiar, albeit unexpected, face of Weston.
“Morning, Elle,” Weston’s voice was casual, but his eyes held a flicker of something unreadable. “Gray asked Amy if he could be on admin for the rest of the week. So, I’m your new co-leader. He thought it would be... easier.”
Easier. The word echoed in my mind, a polite way of saying that Gray couldn’t bear to be near me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodding in understanding while a part of me crumbled inside.
As we led the children through various games, Weston’s initially light conversation gradually took on a probing quality. Each question, each casual remark, felt like a small test, a way to peel back the layers of the situation.
“You know, Elle,” he said as we set up for tug-of-war, “I warned Gray not to get involved with you. I thought you’d be in and out of his life the way Kayley was. But I gotta admit, I never thought you’d stay after what went down on Saturday. I’m starting to wonder if you’re the real deal.”
“Thank you, I think.”
“And I am sorry about Saturday. I never for a second thought that email address would lead to you. ”
“No worries, I was being a coward in not talking to Gray about it. I kept finding excuses. As much as I hated Saturday, I’m kinda glad it’s out in the open now. I just wish I could talk to Gray about it.”
“I hope for your sake he comes around. He’s just really upset right now. Gray’s not a bad guy, just... he’s been burned before. Takes things to heart.”
I paused, the rope in my hands momentarily forgotten. “I know,” I admitted, the weight of my guilt heavy in my voice. “It just... got complicated. I never meant to hurt him.”
Weston regarded me thoughtfully. “Life’s messy, Elle. We’re all just trying to do our best, learn from our mistakes.”
I nodded, feeling my human-ness strongly today. I sent a quick prayer to God, thanking Him for Weston’s kindness and understanding. Who would’ve thought that he, of all people, would have been so quick to extend forgiveness toward me?
I ended the day in my kayak, watching the sunset paint the sky in hues of orange and purple. In the quiet, I whispered a prayer, seeking guidance. This situation was giving me ample chances to put into practice what I’d read in Thessalonians. It was far from easy, but I knew it was necessary. In the face of judgment and heartache, I was learning to embrace responsibility, to seek forgiveness, and to trust in a plan greater than my own.
After dinner that evening, I wrote a letter of apology to Gray. I figured if he didn’t want to talk, maybe he would read my letter. I asked Weston to leave it on Gray’s bed, along with his hoodie.
The rest of the week, I co-led with Weston and gave my all to ensure the kids had a great time and learned of God’s truths. Throughout the week, I found myself looking for Gray, hoping for a glimpse, a chance to explain, to apologize. But he remained elusive, his absence a constant reminder of the discord between us. He was there, but he wasn’t. He always sat far away from me. If I came near, he moved back. He also managed to help with dinner prep when I wasn’t around.
The summer camp drew to a close, and nothing had changed between us. I’d apologized as much as he’d let me. What more could I do? I couldn’t pester him indefinitely. I had to respect his choices. After much prayer, I decided it would be best to continue with my road trip. There was no longer a reason for me to stay. After all, that was my original plan, and I could absolutely continue to live out God’s will for my life as I traveled. On the Friday afternoon, as soon as camp ended, I packed up my things.
I found Brenda in the reception room. “No makeup today, Brenda?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light.
“No, Dave and I are attending a birthday party tomorrow, so I am letting my face rest today. I’m going to be glowing tomorrow.”
“Ooh, sounds fun,” I said. “I just came by to tell you I’ve decided its time for me to continue with my road trip.”
“You’re leaving so soon?”
“Yes, I’m all packed up already. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome now that the camp is finished,” I said as I blinked back tears.
“You could never overstay your welcome. I hope you aren’t leaving because of Gray,” Brenda said indignantly, and a small part of me loved that she was on my side.
“No. I’m the one at fault. It’s for the better, though. I should finish my road trip. It’ll be good for me,” I said, hoping to convince myself more than anything.
“Oh, honey, I hate to see you go. You’re like the daughter I never had. Are you sure you must go? I can just kick Gray out of town?” Her sweet loyalty caused me to smile .
“I’m sure. My things are already packed up. I just wanted to thank you and say goodbye. You’ll never know how much I will treasure my time here.”
“We’ve loved having you. But you’re only allowed to leave if you promise to visit?” Brenda said as she crushed me in a hearty hug.
“Oh, I’ll try my best. But I will promise to call,” I replied through tears.
I said my goodbyes to Jenny, Rick, Weston, and the other leaders that had become like family over the last few weeks.
I arrived at a campsite on St. Helena Island after about an hour’s drive. It wasn’t very far from Hilton Head, but I was losing daylight and finding a safe space to settle was more important than distance at this point. What now, God?