Chapter 17
Chapter
Seventeen
Aria
Red. Red. Red.
I need the thoughts to stop. I need the voices quieted. I need the shouting to end.
“Daddy.” My voice soft, but it's all I can muster. “Red.”
Theo stops mid-sentence and immediately puts all his focus on me.
My hands gripped tightly together at my chest. Our eyes meet as a tear slides down my cheek.
“Get her out of here,” he shouts to security, who has had a front row seat to my family drama. “If she puts up a fight, call the cops. Have her arrested for trespassing and assault. Maybe she will add resisting arrest and do us all a favor." His eyes never leave mine.
The door slams behind him. He slowly walks over to me.
“Aria.” His voice is gentle. “How can I help?” His blue eyes soften as he reaches out and places his hands on my shoulders.
“I-It's too much.” My voice hitches mid-sentence. My lungs still won't let me breathe. My short and shallow breaths are the only thing keeping me from passing out, but that doesn’t seem too far away.
Theo places his hands on either side of my face, keeping my eyes locked on his.
“Aria, I need you to listen to me and me alone.” His voice commanding, like when he is instructing me in the bedroom. These are words he expects to be obeyed. I focus on trying to only hear his voice. I close my eyes, trying to get the warring thoughts inside my head to quiet.
“Eye contact. You will look at me.” My eyes snap open and find his eyes unwavering, just staring into mine. I flick back and forth between his eyes as he starts giving me more instructions. My hands begin to tremble, and Theo gently lowers his to wrap around my fists.
“Try to take a deep breath. In for four, out for four.”
In—One. Two. Three. Four.
Out—One. Two. Three. Four.
The numbers chant inside my head. Theo takes deep breaths with me, leading by example.
“Again.”
We continue this pattern until I can take an uninterrupted breath. My lungs have opened, and I am no longer inching closer to passing out.
My hands stop shaking.
“What do you need, baby?”
My eyes drop to my hands. “I-I don't know.” I close my eyes and drop my head.
“Can you tell me what happened?” He doesn't force me to look at him. He isn't commanding me to tell him. He is asking.
“There were things you didn't deny,” I whisper. “I want to trust you, but?—”
The accusations my mother made they can't be true. I am sure some things lined up, but if you draw enough lines anywhere, they will eventually form a picture. The thoughts begin to gain traction again.
He's lying. You can't trust him. What if your mom is right?
My breaths start to get shorter. The air around me gets thicker.
“What can I do?”
“I nee-need the thoughts to stop. I need to know I can trust you,” I practically beg. Another tear falls from my eye.
Theo pulls me into his chest, placing one arm around my back and his other hand cradling my neck. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest as he holds me against him.
“Come here, I have an idea.” He lifts me into his arms. I wrap my arms over his shoulders and my legs around his waist, a position we find ourselves in often. The familiarity is comforting, but the worry that I can't trust him doesn't settle.
He leads us to his room. He closes the door behind him, something he doesn't do often.
When the only people in the house are us, there isn't really a need for privacy.
He wants to shut out everything but right here and right now, with him.
There is nothing beyond that door worth a second thought right now.
He sits me on the side of the bed. Kneeling before me, he slides my robe off.
“I want to help you turn those thoughts off. Is that ok?”
I want them off. I want it all to stop. I want Theo to take control and put me in a space where the only thing I hear is him.
I only nod, giving him permission.
“Lay back, hands up.” I slide further into the bed and do as I am told. I watch as Theo pulls a set of soft restraints from the bedside table. Once he secures my wrists in the cuffs, he attaches the cuffs to the bedframe.
“Do you remember the first night I restrained you?” He walks to the couch at the end of the bed, giving him a perfect view of me.
“Yes.” I immediately flash back to the night in Texas, when he used a tie to bind my hands.
“Tell me about it.” He leans forward, putting his elbows on his knees. He isn't sitting back and watching. He is holding himself back, making sure he is giving me what I need.
“I had just had your cock in my mouth.” I swallow. “You fucked my face until you came and then wanted to watch me touch myself.” My core tightens at the memory, and all the times we have been in a similar position begin flashing through my mind. I swallow, trying to find words to describe it.
“Then?” he asks, encouraging me to continue.
“I did as I was told. You were watching me and I wanted to gi-give you a show, so I started playing with my nipple.” Warmth rises in my core.
He lifts his gaze to me, watching me again, but this time it's different.
That time it was fun and new. This time, there's so much more behind it.
“You told me to stop, or there would be consequences.”
“Did you stop?”
“No. I pulled harder. So you took away my hands.”
“And?”
“You used me how you wanted.”
“Why did you let me do that?”
“I wanted it.” I did, I wanted him to find his pleasure however he wanted to with me. I wanted to be a tool for him to use.
“And you trusted me?”
“I did.” Theo drops his head again at my wording.
“Do you still trust me?”
“Yes.” The word comes out of my mouth before I could even think about it. Even with the worry and fears, my body knows I am safe with Theo.
He stands and walks to the head of the bed. I follow his movement as he pulls something else out of the nightstand. He dangles a black silk blindfold next to me.
“Still trust me?” I look from the blind fold to him, and nod my head. I take a deep breath as he gently places it over my eyes. In a moment, the room goes black. Nerves rise within me. I wiggle my wrists, testing the cuffs, proving they are secure.
“Deep breath,” Theo instructs. I do as I am told, hoping it will calm the anxiety. It works momentarily, but now, not being able to see Theo and focus on the things around me, the thoughts I am trying to escape from grow louder.
He is using you. He doesn't care about you. He's going to leave you.
I hear a door open. I can't tell if it was the bedroom door or the closet door, but my heart begins to race.
“Theo,” I whimper, begging for something to prove he is still there. But he doesn't answer. I try to take another deep breath, but it keeps getting caught in my throat.
I pull harder on the cuffs, but they still don't budge. My heart begins to beat out of my chest.
I try again, “Theo,” this time louder. I can't hear any movement. I want to trust him, but this is becoming too much. He left. I am alone. I'm tied up and vulnerable, and he left me alone. I can't free myself. I can't protect myself. I’m helpless.
You're helpless, he left. He's going to do this over and over again, leaving you with nothing.
“Yellow.” I hear things hit the floor as Theo walks closer to the bed.