Chapter 24 #2
Nash slowly moved to the side, which seemed to be the permission Tex needed to approach the bed. She shook his hand, studying the unassuming man who was apparently capable of hacking just about any kind of electronic out there.
“Thanks again for donating money to the school down in Guyana.”
Tex nodded.
“And for finding the connection between Blair and the rebels.”
He nodded again.
“And for identifying Bibi.”
He nodded a third time.
The air was thick with tension, and Amanda didn’t like it. Not one bit. “And for finding the cure to cancer.”
Tex began to nod, then stopped himself and gave her a questioning look.
“Just making sure you’re paying attention and not just nodding to agree with me. What’s going on? Nash, why are you acting so strange? What don’t I know?” she asked.
Tex looked at Nash, then back at her. “It’s my fault you were attacked.”
Amanda couldn’t help it. She laughed.
Both men looked a little shocked at her reaction.
“I mean, I don’t remember what happened, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t you who sprang out of the darkness and bashed me over the head with a crowbar.”
Her words were probably a little crude, but she wasn’t going to tiptoe around the details of the attack. What was done was done. She was alive and well, and she planned on staying that way.
“It wasn’t. But I failed in finding Blair. In making sure she could be detained so she wasn’t a threat to you.”
Amanda sighed. These men and their God complexes.
Their desire to be protectors at all times, even when doing so simply wasn’t possible.
“It’s not your fault,” she said sternly.
“It’s not Nash’s fault. It’s not the bar’s fault.
It’s not my fault. It’s her fault. Blair’s.
You said it yourself, she was mentally unstable.
Something clicked in her brain and she snapped.
Even if you had found her, and she was taken into custody, she probably still would’ve found a way to hurt me. ”
“If she was apprehended, she would’ve been in jail for killing Bibi,” Nash retorted. “She wouldn’t have been in that parking lot, and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
“You want to throw blame around? Fine. It was my fault, and my fault alone. I was the one who accepted that job in Guyana, where Blair met me in the first place. I was the one who didn’t fight tooth and nail to get away, when I was grabbed along with the kids when they were kidnapped.
I was the one who told Blair I wanted to adopt Bibi and Michael.
If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have kidnapped Bibi at all…
wouldn’t have neglected her to the point she died.
If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have been in Virginia, waiting in the Anchor Point parking lot. ”
“That’s ridiculous,” Nash growled.
At the same time Tex said, “That’s going a bit far.”
“It’s not ridiculous, and it’s not going too far.
As much as you might like to think so, Tex, you aren’t God.
You aren’t the supreme ruler of everyone’s actions.
There’s this thing called free will. And you might be good at what you do, damn good, but sometimes shit just happens.
Blair was under the radar. No electronic trail.
No phone, no credit cards, nothing. She was a ghost. And you can’t track a ghost.”
“I can damn well try,” he muttered.
“Try,” Amanda emphasized. “And you did try. Extremely hard, if what I was told is correct. Give it up. Stewing about this isn’t helping.
Maybe use whatever you’ve learned from this to help someone else.
You aren’t doing anyone any good wallowing in guilt.
And the same goes for you, Nash. Don’t think I don’t know you’re beating yourself up for what happened every single time you look at me.
As much as I love your protective instincts, you can’t be with me every second of every day. ”
“I was with you that night. Right next to you, in fact,” he said.
“Whatever!” Amanda said with a dramatic flail of her arm.
“So you aren’t Superman. Big deal! How do you think I would’ve felt if it was you who got hit in the head?
You think I wouldn’t have felt guilty that you were hurt, when I was the one Blair was after?
It would’ve destroyed me. It’s bad enough that Bibi is dead because of me. ”
“No, she’s not.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
Again, both men spoke at the same time. Both sounded distraught that she believed that.
“Look. Nothing about the last few months has been great. But other parts—like meeting Nash, falling in love, meeting his friends—have been life-changingly awesome for me. We have to take the ups with the downs in life. You can’t have one without the other.
If you two don’t figure your shit out and become friends, or acquaintances, or whatever you are again, I’m not going to be happy. ”
It was a lame ending for her little speech, but Amanda was done. She’d said what she wanted to say, and she just hoped it was enough to get through to both stubborn, uber-protective military men facing off beside her bed.
“I’m sorry,” Tex told Nash.
Her man took a deep breath, then nodded. “I appreciate everything you were able to do to help us.”
The tension in the room lessened a tad. It wasn’t gone, but Amanda didn’t figure it would be that easy for either man to let go of their guilt and frustration over what had transpired.
“I did come with other news. It’s both good and bad,” Tex said.
Amanda braced. Nash sat back down in the chair and took her hand in his once more. Having him there, unconditionally, went a long way toward giving her the courage to say, “Let’s have it.”
“Michael has been adopted. I know you wanted to bring him here to the States, but there was a childless couple in Guyana that was interested in adoption. They contacted Desmond, he had a background check done, and when they came to visit the children, they bonded with James and Patricia right away. Apparently, Michael was protective of the little ones and always around when they visited with the prospective parents. In the end, they fell for him too. All three children will be staying in their home country with their new parents. Who have plenty of money to care for three kids, by the way.”
“Oh,” Amanda said. “That’s good.”
“It is, but I know you bonded with Michael yourself.”
“I did. But you know what? Him staying in Guyana, amongst his own culture, is a good thing. And he was always protective. Of me and the other kids. I’m glad he found a family of his own.”
Tex stared at her for a beat. “You’re good people, Amanda. Some people would be upset they weren’t able to adopt the child they had their heart set on.”
“There are lots of kids in the world who need loving homes,” she said quietly.
“Yes, I’m a little sad that the life I envisioned giving Michael won’t come to fruition, but that doesn’t mean he still won’t have a great life, do great things.
As we were just saying, life has its twists and turns.
But every action points us on a different path.
Just as my path led me to Nash, Michael’s will hopefully lead him to equally wonderful things. ”
“Smart too,” Tex said. He looked at Nash. “I hope you know that I’m always around if you need me. I realize you probably have second thoughts now about coming to me in a crisis, but I’ll be there if you, or any of your friends, need help regardless.”
“Thanks, Tex. I appreciate it.”
Amanda figured that was as close to accepting Tex’s unnecessary apology for not finding Blair as the man would get.
“I’ll see myself out. Glad you’re feeling better.
Oh, and that long-term sub job? It’s still yours when you’re ready.
I reached out to the principal and he’s aware of your situation.
They have another sub working in the classroom, but she’s not willing to stay for the amount of time needed.
She’ll be happy to concede the classroom to you when you’re back on your feet.
And when that teacher comes back from maternity leave, there’s another going on leave to have her baby, so he’s hoping you can just transition over to that class. ”
“Oh! Wow, thanks.”
Tex nodded, then turned and headed for the door. He was gone a moment later.
Amanda turned to Nash. “Did that just happen?”
He nodded. “Yup.”
“Are you really okay with him now? Or were you just lying to get him to leave?”
Nash sighed. “It’ll take me a bit, but him coming here…it helped. I don’t blame him for what happened anymore. And I’m trying to forgive myself too.”
“Good. Because I’m gonna be upset if you continue to beat yourself up about this. It’s over. Done. We’re moving on. Okay?”
“Sounds good to me. You want kids?”
Amanda was taken aback at the abrupt shift in conversation. “What?”
“Children. I assume you do, since you were ready to adopt Bibi and Michael. Are you dead set on adoption? How would you feel about biological children? Yours and mine, that is.”
Happiness bloomed hard and fast. And right on the heels of that emotion was arousal. It had been a long time since she’d felt even remotely sexual, but sitting here, feeling pretty damn healthy, and hearing Nash talk about children—their children—had her ready to start making them immediately.
“Uh, yes. I’d love my own biological kids.”
“Good. Me too.”
“Um…now?”
He chuckled. “No. I think we can wait a bit. Get settled. Get married. Buy a house. That kind of thing.”
“Wait, was that a proposal?” Amanda asked.