Chapter 18 #2
I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry, unlike my unruly pussy.
Downstairs Lennon was team Tell the Truth.
Upstairs Lennon, however, was firmly team Make the Prick Pay.
But I was a modern girl, and I refused to choose.
I could have it all. “Yes,” I admitted with a whimper.
“I was thinking of you.” I slid my toy between my thighs, eyes trained on Santi as I sighed in relief when it entered me. “I always do.”
Santiago swore under his breath and took two steps toward my bed before he caught himself.
He jerked to a stop, eyes dark and smoldering.
I moaned and writhed, waves of pleasure running through me every place his eyes lingered, eventually pooling at the apex of my thighs.
Santi bit his fist in frustration, not even attempting to hide his erection.
I felt validated at that moment. He wanted me too, I knew it, no matter how much he said he didn’t. Well, at least a part of him did.
“Pinch your nipple for me, gatita,” he murmured huskily.
I huffed a bit, annoyed that he felt the need to boss me around, even now.
I mean, I did what he said, my fingers kneading my breast and pinching the tight bud.
But it wasn’t because he told me to. It was because I wanted to.
My breaths came faster and faster as my toy began to hit the spot I liked, until I was panting and Santi looked like he was experiencing the most exquisite form of torture.
Our eyes locked, and the pressure that had been steadily building finally pushed me over the edge, and I fell.
Hard. Santiago swore again as I came, the desire in his voice palpable, but he never once moved to touch me.
“Now get out,” I panted, turning my toy off and dropping it on the bed beside me.
“Lennon—”
I interrupted in a cold tone. “No. You were right. I do think of you when I need to get off. Well, I’m done now. You’re no longer required.” I’d be damned if I let this man jerk me around anymore.
“I did you a favor with that cabrón, Lennon!” he snarled in frustration. “He’s a fucking coward. You deserve better than someone who could be scared away with one simple threat.”
“Oh, I deserve better?” I snarked. “Who would you deem worthy? Because every time I try to get into a relationship, something mysteriously happens almost overnight, and then the guy won’t have anything to do with me.
What about the hottie from the rodeo, the one who hit on me but refused to talk to me after coming to the clubhouse?
Or the guys I danced with at Reid’s party? Or hell, even my date to the prom!”
“That last one wasn’t me, actually,” he said with a strained chuckle. “That was all your dad. I could tell that little shit never had a chance to keep up with a woman like you, anyway.”
“Don’t change the subject,” I snapped. “Just because you don’t want me, doesn’t mean no one else will.”
“You don’t understand,” he gritted out. “You don’t know what you’re talking about right now. Lennon, you deserve someone so much better for your first time.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s assuming I’m still a virgin.”
Physically speaking, I had beaten everyone else to the punch a few years earlier with a silicone sex toy I’d ordered online.
I’d never slept with a man, but I wasn’t quite as virginal as I had been two years ago, either.
Santi didn’t need to know that, though. My body count, or lack thereof, was no one’s business but mine.
Bones’s expression was stormy as he glared at me. I raised an eyebrow.
“What? I’ve seen you hook up with the girls downstairs, and you thought I wasn’t having my own fun? You’re a fucking hypocrite.” When he didn’t even try to apologize or explain his reaction, I huffed out an irritated sigh and pulled my shorts back up.
I ignored Santi as I got under the covers and rolled away from where he stood by the door.
I closed my eyes, but it didn’t prevent a tear or two from squeezing through and trailing down my cheek.
I heard Bones speak from the door, my Santiago having been shoved down and silenced by his colder side.
I could tell by his voice that I wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“You deserve better than some jack-off like David, but you also deserve better than I could give you. This life is dangerous, gatita, and I will not allow you to put yourself in the middle of it. You need to finish school and go live your dream. Your dad and the Crows will help you with seed money for your business. Nothing is stopping you from chasing your dreams and living a safe, normal life.” His voice pleaded for understanding, but that was the one thing he’d never get from me on this subject.
If anyone got to decide what I deserved, it was me.
A cold chill gripped me, and I clenched my blanket around my shoulders as I bit out in a hard voice, “Stop telling me what I deserve, and give me what I need.” I lifted my head and looked over my shoulder where Bones stood facing the door, knob in hand.
“Until then, get the fuck out of my life.” Bones’s shoulders tensed, and he yanked the door open, slamming it behind him.
I heard him leave the clubhouse, and that was when I finally stopped trying to hold back my tears.
It wasn’t until a few hours later that the electricity on the compound shut off. Then I learned I had a brand-new reason to cry over Santiago Rodríguez. He was missing.
Bones
My gatita could have died today. The very idea made my muscles tense, my body at war with the thought of Lennon in harm’s way.
I’d followed her and Sticks back to the clubhouse, unable to resist her siren call today.
I’d tried ignoring her, pushing her away, pretending to be interested in other women…
none of it worked, and today, I didn’t have the energy or fortitude to deny myself.
I had to make sure she was alright. I knew what it was to take a life, even in self-defense, and I knew that no matter how strong my girl was, she was suffering right now.
Her father took her up to her room and stomped back down a few moments later.
I waited until Sticks was in a huddle with Bear and a tired-looking Ratched, conversing tersely about the Iron Raiders, to stalk out of the room and upstairs to the bedrooms. Lennon had left her door unlocked as if she knew I’d come, and I slipped into her room to find her sitting cross-legged on her bed and chewing on her thumbnail.
Lennon took great care in her appearance, so chewing on her manicure meant she was dealing with more stress than she knew how to handle.
Instead of greeting me with a coy smile or riling me up just to get a reaction, my girl raised tired, red-rimmed eyes to meet mine and sighed. “Why are you here?” she asked as if I’d be anywhere else.
“I needed to make sure you were okay,” I murmured, running my eyes over her exposed skin to check for any scratches or bruises I might have missed when she arrived back in Los Cuervos land.
“I’m fine. You’ve done your duty, so you can go.
” She waved me away like a fly and stalked to her bathroom, slamming the door.
Like hell. I stayed exactly where I was while my eyes roved over her room.
I’d only been in here a handful of times.
Being in her room, breathing in her scent and seeing the place she let her guard down and was her most uninhibited self was a heady thing, and I made a point to avoid it.
The temptation was too great when all my senses were overwhelmed by my kitten, which I knew with absolute certainty after my last visit to her bedroom.
Lennon took her time showering away the day and her hangover.
She’d gotten completely smashed last night, dancing with some townie fuck and carrying on at Rook’s party.
All night, my palm had been itching to smack some sense into her bratty little ass for flaunting herself around the room, but I knew I had no right to touch her.
I’d crossed that line too many times; once more might break me.
The bathroom door opened, and a humid puff of steam filled the room with the mouthwatering citrus scent of Lennon’s body wash.
The woman herself emerged a few moments later, dressed in a tiny pair of shorts and a Rusty’s Garage T-shirt, her curly mane tied up in a microfiber towel.
“Why are you still here?” she asked over her shoulder as she walked over to her bedside.
She rifled around in the drawer above the one I knew held all her naughty toys and sat down with a bottle of lotion.
I watched her as she began applying lotion to her legs and arms, noting that she refused to look at me.
“Like I said, I needed to make sure you’re okay, gatita.”
Lennon’s head snapped up at that. “I said I was fucking fine, Santiago.” I relished the lick of fire in her eye, knowing if my girl could be feisty with me, she’d be alright.
“Maybe I’m not fine, Lennon. Have you ever thought of that?” I raised my eyebrow. “Maybe I need to be here, to see for myself that you’re alive and those motherfuckers didn’t hurt you.”
“I gave up trying to understand how you felt a long time ago, Santi,” Lennon murmured, eyes downcast on her bronzed legs.
“I’ve tried to make sense of how you feel about me since I was eighteen years old.
I’ve spent more hours than I’d like to admit puzzling through your expressions, your coldness, your restraint.
” She set her lotion down and walked over to a dresser and gazed into the mirror on the wall behind it.
She stared at her reflection blankly for a few beats before Lennon removed her hair towel and scrunched some kind of product into her long curls.
She turned on a complicated-looking hair dryer and draped her hair over it in sections until it was dry.
When she was finished taking care of her hair and mulling over whatever was on her mind, Lennon finally turned and gave me one hundred percent of her attention with a weary sigh. “Are you okay, Santiago?”
I shook my head. “No.” My dark eyes bored into the depths of her honey-colored ones.
“I’m not okay, Lennon. I’m two seconds away from snapping and razing the Iron Raiders to the ground.
I’m fucking furious that you had to defend yourself, and I wasn’t there to do it for you.
I’m angry someone thought they could lay a finger on the woman that—” I choked on the words I love, but Lennon was across the room in an instant, hugging me tightly around the middle.
“I’m okay,” she murmured into my chest, squeezing me so tight that the fist gripping my stomach relaxed, and I felt the red tinge of madness seep away from my vision.
My arms banded around the woman I loved, but emotionally, I still held her at arm’s length.
Tonight just proved that I was right. This life was too dangerous for Lennon.
I was right to hold myself back and encourage her to pursue a career and relationship separate from the club.
I was weak, though, and I couldn’t stop myself from coming to her tonight.
Wordlessly, Lennon held my hand and towed me to her bed.
It was still early, but she slid the covers back and tugged me down beside her.
I pulled back from the closest I’d probably ever be to heaven, only for my kitten to surprise me by yanking me down with more force than I knew she contained.
“Just tonight, Santi. Just to sleep. You need to know I’m okay, and I…
” She swallowed and looked away, refusing to meet my eyes when she laid herself bare. “I need to feel safe.”
There was nothing left to say. I toed my boots off, and Lennon turned out the lamp.
I crawled into bed with my gatita, and she immediately burrowed into my side.
Her hand fell on my chest right as her bent leg snaked over my thigh.
Comfort like I had never known washed over me, and the moment felt infinitely precious and fleeting.
I may never get to hold Lennon like this again, so I pressed her closer to me and took a deep breath and filled my lungs with her scent.
This moment in the twilight gloom of her room may be stolen, but if I lived a thousand years, I never would regret it.
I pressed my lips gently to Lennon’s forehead and wished that there could be a future where she could be mine.
It was a fantasy, one I didn’t indulge in often, but I couldn’t help it when her palm rested over my beating heart.
If she cared to listen, she’d hear that it only continued beating for her.
Lennon
I’d gotten forehead kisses from the two most important men in my life tonight. Hangover from hell, unsuccessful abduction attempt, and accidental homicide aside, I went to bed in the arms of the man I’d pined for since I was a girl. I guess today wasn’t that bad of a day, after all.