Chapter 32
HANNAH
“That went really well,” Kinsley says as we walk out of the gym to my Jeep.
“Mhmm.” I nod. It did, but my mind is anywhere but on gymnastics or bar skills.
I thought by the time we were heading back to Moonshot, I’d have worked out my feelings on Travis, the inheritance, and everything else.
The only thing I’ve worked out is that I miss him almost as badly as I want to yell at him some more.
We toss our bags in the back and get in. It’s a two-hour drive back. Two hours to figure out what I’m going to say to him.
“And if they open up the age range for the next one, like they said, then it’ll be twice as many girls and twice as much money for me and you,” Kinsley continues talking about the seminar as I start the engine and turn up the heat.
“Yep.” The math works out.
I pull on my seat belt and plug in my phone for navigation. When I’m done, Kinsley is silent and turned in her seat staring at me.
“What?”
“Yep? That’s all I get?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t stop obsessing over this thing with Travis. I know I’ve been shit company this whole trip.”
“Yes.”
“I can’t help it. I’m so mad I can’t think about anything else. Did you see my first dismount this morning? I almost landed on my face.”
She lets out a small laugh. “I did, yeah. It was tough to watch. Almost as tough as this.” She waves a hand in front of my face. “I know you’re spinning about the fight with Travis, but you two will work it out.”
“Will we?” I ask and I really want to know. I can’t see through it, but I trust her. “Because I can’t see myself just forgetting about this and moving on like nothing happened.”
“He fucked up. He should have told you, yes. And he should have listened to you.”
“I sense a but.” I narrow my gaze in warning.
“Not a but, just…honestly, I would have done the same thing in his shoes. If Skylar needed something and I could give it to her, I would.”
“Even if she told you not to do it?”
She shrugs. “It depends on the situation, of course, but if it were money, then yeah, I’d be tempted.”
“It isn’t the same. You two have been together for longer. You’re solid.”
“And you and Travis aren’t? I’ve seen you together.
I’m not trying to minimize his actions or how they made you feel, but I’ve had to watch you struggle too, and if it was hard for me to watch, then I know it had to be for Travis.
He adores you and you let him take care of you in a way you don’t let a lot of other people. ”
“And look where that got us.” I throw up both hands in the air.
My friend gives me a small, pitying smile. “I’m going to say something you’re not going to like very much.”
I glare at her as my body stiffens in preparation for this awful thing she’s going to say.
“Your parents died when you were young, and you took on a lot of responsibility for yourself and for Wren.”
That was not what I expected. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Her smile goes slack. “Do you think there’s any chance you’re reacting this way because you’re worried you’ll get used to Travis taking care of you and then he’ll leave?”
My brows pinch together. “No. Travis has been great. He’s always telling me how much he likes me and how he wants to be with me. And more than that, he shows me.”
“But people don’t always leave because they want to.”
Her words dig their way into my chest. My throat tightens because yes, sometimes people leave for other reasons. Like my parents.
“Look. I can’t pretend to know what it was like for you, but I can speculate that because your parents died when you were young and depended on them, that it’s scary to let someone in and let them take care of you.
And Travis has taken damn good care of you, almost against your will.
You had to deal with it because of the situation, but I think along the way you started to like it more and more.
It’s okay to be freaked out about losing that or him.
I panic at least once a week that Skylar is going to get struck by lightning or decide she can’t live with a person who waits until we’re out of milk to buy more. Relationships are scary.”
Hot tears prick my eyes.
“He still should have told me,” I say, angrily as my eyes leak. I’m not sad. I’m mad, dammit. Okay, maybe a little sad.
And if I’m scared, it isn’t that he’ll leave. It’s that if things end, for whatever reason, I’ll never recover. I’m already changed forever by knowing him. In another month or year, how much worse will it feel to lose him then?
“He should have,” she agrees. “He messed up. And he probably will again. No, I take that back. He definitely will again. So will you.”
“And I’m supposed to just have faith that we won’t fuck each other up irrevocably along the way?”
She laughs and for the first time all day, the weight releases from my shoulders.
“We’re all already fucked up, babe. The only question you have to ask yourself is: Do you want to take the risk with him?
It’s okay to say no. But if the answer is yes, you need to make peace with the uncertainty.
You’re strong and capable. Letting him help doesn’t diminish that.
And if he leaves or gets run over by a truck, you won’t crumble.
I know it because I know you. You’re the strongest person I know. ”
My lip quivers as I reach over and hug her across the console. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She rubs my back and lets me cling to her until I feel a little braver and a little less mad.
When I pull back, she smiles.
“Still want to stop for dinner on the way home?” she asks and arches one brow. “Or are we hurrying back to make up with your hottie husband?”
We do stop for dinner but we’re quick. As soon as I drop off Kinsley at her apartment, I go home to talk to Travis.
Only he isn’t there. I check MVP next, then drive by the arena.
His Range Rover isn’t in the parking lot, but Conrad is walking to his truck.
I pull up beside him and roll down the window.
“Is he in there?”
“No. He rushed out as soon as practice was over.”
“Any idea where he is?”
He looks uncomfortable, like maybe he doesn’t want to tell me, then says, “Whisky Roots.”
“The restaurant and bar we went to?” I ask, confirming I have the right place.
He nods.
“Okay. Thank you. Is he with the rest of the guys?”
He pauses and now he really looks uncomfortable. “No. They’re all still inside.”
“Then, who is he with?”
Conrad shrugs and his mouth pulls into a small, worrying smile. “I don’t know but it isn’t what you think. He was really torn up about what happened and trying to figure out how to make it up to you.”
“So he hurried off to a restaurant for dinner?” It’s a question I’m mostly asking myself but Conrad answers.
“Like I said, he was really beating himself up last night and today. All he could talk about was how he was going to prove to you that he’s the kind of guy who can have lasting relationships and work through problems when they arise.”
“The kind of guy who can have lasting relationships?” I parrot back. That feels like an odd phrase for Conrad to pick out from the fight Travis and I had.
“Yeah, you know because of his family situation. He doesn’t want you to think less of him because he doesn’t have a relationship with them.”
I play back everything we said last night for the millionth time and then add Conrad’s words about Travis wanting to prove to me that he can work through relationship problems.
“Oh, Travis.” I sigh. My heart shatters as I realize exactly what he’s done and why.
Conrad nods like yeah, he feels the same pain for his buddy. “I’m sorry I don’t know more.”
“No, it’s okay. I think I know who he’s with.”
Conrad’s brows rise. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” And I wish he were on a date instead.
At Whisky Roots, I bypass the hostess and circle around the restaurant looking for Travis. He’s usually easy to spot with his tall frame and dark hair, but I can’t find him anywhere. I know he’s here because his Range Rover is outside.
I’m about to give up and call him, when I find a nook on one side of the restaurant with two more private tables.
My lips pull into a smile when Travis’ familiar head of messy brown hair comes into view.
And I know. I know that no matter how mad I am about what he did or how scared that I’m going to get hurt, I don’t want to walk away from him for good.
Whatever we’re doing, this confusing dating / marriage situation that we’ve gotten ourselves into, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
He’s sitting with his profile to me, but Travis’s expression of annoyance and anguish is clear even without getting a good look at him.
The man that’s with him is older, maybe fifty-five or so.
He’s dressed in a suit, hair slicked back, taking up room in the space not only with his large frame but the air of importance that clouds around him.
He looks like a man that’s used to getting what he wants and doesn’t care who he tramples in the process.
I know it’s his father the same way I knew that Travis was meeting up with him from Conrad’s cryptic words. I see his wounds maybe better than I see my own.
I approach slowly, pulse increasing with every step. They’re talking low enough I can’t make out the words, but even without hearing them I can tell the conversation is stilted.
The two men notice my presence at the same time. Travis wears a myriad of expressions when he realizes it’s me: surprise, happiness, regret.
“Hi,” I say without a trace of yesterday’s anger. Seeing him here, the lengths he’ll go to for me, makes it hard to feel anything but love.
“Hannah.” Travis stands next to the table. He hugs me, clings to me actually. His voice is barely above a whisper as he asks, “What are you doing here?”
“I stopped by the rink and Conrad said you were here.”
“You were looking for me?” A flash of hope crosses his face.
“Of course.”
“But you weren’t answering my calls or texts.”
“I was mad.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”