Chapter 10
We were seated on a bench in the park. There was no one close to us.
People were in the park, but farther from where we settled.
Fiona sat there with her arms crossed, glaring at me.
She made sure there was enough room between us that we weren’t touching.
She said nothing for a good twenty seconds, so I got the conversation rolling.
“I know you want to say something. Go ahead, get it off your chest.”
“We should get our conversation over with so I can go,” she responded.
“I understand that you’re upset with me. I’m here to apologize for how yesterday went. I was out of line with what I said. I let my feelings lead to reacting without making myself clear.”
“I don’t believe that. I think the words you said were how you really feel. It’s how you treat women. We’re here to be objects to you. We’re interchangeable fuck toys that you use until you’re bored, then you move on.”
Her words slammed into me. I opened my mouth to deny it, but she kept talking. I subsided to let her say her fill, then I’d respond.
“I understand that you’re like most shifters. You crave sex, so you take it where you can get it and as often as it’s offered. And if you’re ever to claim a mate, it’s a toss-up whether she’ll be enough to keep your attention. Maybe if you get lucky and find a fated mate, you will.
“It may come as a shock to you, but I don’t want or need the dubious honor of sleeping with you like undoubtedly countless others have.
I want a man who will desire me alone. Your threats of what you could make me do might be true.
I find you very sexually attractive, but even if you forced me to submit, I’d hate it and you. I’d break away as soon as I could.
“And that’s why I don’t want you protecting my family. If the Sentinels feel they must continue to do so, then ask one of the others to replace you. Or leave Gunnar only. As long as he keeps an eye on my family, I can take care of myself. Go home, Keir. There’s nothing here for a man like you.”
My chest hurt with the pain of her words.
The way she saw me shattered me. I wanted to roar out my agony, but I held back.
How had I fucked things up this badly? Was what I said yesterday the sole reason she saw me this way?
Or had I said or done other things that contributed to it?
I was most likely wasting my time, but I had to explain everything to her.
If she still hated me, I’d ask one of the others to replace me.
It would be too painful to see her every day without being with her.
“Despite what I said yesterday, I haven’t and wouldn’t force anyone to submit to me by manipulating their shifter instincts.
I said those things for one reason. I was jealous of you having any connection to Sanchez.
Even being his friend, I perceived it as a threat.
I’m not going to lie and tell you I haven’t been with a lot of women.
I’m almost six hundred years old, Fiona.
But they’ve always been about sex, never deeper emotions.
Sure, some I stuck with for months, but it was always understood that it was about the physical side.
Those women had been shifters and humans. I didn’t discriminate.”
I saw her wince at that, but it was true, so I kept on.
“But I knew deep down that I was searching for my mate. The one whom I would feel more than desire for. The one who would fill in every lonely place in my soul. I hoped she would be a leopard because the chance of having cubs was there. I wanted them if I could have them. But if fate intended me to be with a human, then I wouldn’t pass her up.
“All these centuries I waited, and searched. Never did a woman embody my dream, or hadn’t, until I walked into a stranger’s home in Phoenix.
I was intrigued simply by the scent of a female leopard living there.
However, I wasn’t banking on her being my mate.
Then I met you, and I was hit with so many emotions.
“Yes, the desire part was intense, but it wasn’t everything. I craved to know everything I could. How did you think? What did you dream about? Knowledge of your favorite things and the ones you hated. The list goes on. I was stunned to find what I was seeking in that house.
“You’re reserved. You don’t trust easily.
Accepting help is hard for you. But those made me want you more.
I don’t want easy, simple, submissive, or superficial.
You’re none of those, Fiona. And each day I’ve sunk further under your spell.
The truth is, you’re the one in control, not me.
My compass has become you. All I can do is try to prove that I’m worth your time.
That I can take care of you, love you, and protect you better than anyone else.
“Yeah, I fucked that up with my words, but it was due to the fire in my gut at the thought of you with Sanchez. I spent hours outside his place yesterday, waiting for you. I went home at midnight. Not knowing if you spent the night with him is killing me. I didn’t smell sex in his apartment, but if it happened hours ago, it would’ve been gone.
Please tell me that I didn’t force you into his bed with my stupidity. ”
By the end, I was fully pleading. Dread lived inside of me. My stomach churned. Rogue was alert and waiting for her to respond. A thought popped into my head. I got it out before she responded to all that information I just dumped on her.
“You want me to leave. I have a request. Before I do, would you allow Rogue to meet your leopard? He’s been anticipating it. He won’t try to force a claim on her, I promise. But I’d like him to have the memory of her as I’ll have yours.”
Her face showed disbelief. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before anything came out.
“Y-you, that doesn’t make…” she trailed off.
“What can I do to make the way I acted up to you? Besides leave? I know you desire me, but I want more from you than that. It was fine from every other woman, but not with you. I want your love, trust, and more. I can’t keep secrets from my mate.
Whatever your past boyfriends or lovers did to end up without you, I want to avoid those, even though it seems I messed up before we even got started.
Again, I’m so goddamn sorry for being such a prick to you, Fiona.
I deserved what you did to me, though at the time, I didn’t think so. ”
I gave her a rueful grin. My face still bore the claw marks, though they were faded to barely there. My balls were still a tad sore. Guilt flickered in her expression. Then, to my surprise, she lifted her hand to touch the marks on my cheek.
“I’m sorry for these. I didn’t mean to do it. I hadn’t known my hand had shifted until after I clawed you. That, and kneeing you was an automatic response. I’m glad they’re almost gone,” Fiona confessed.
“You had every right to do those things. I was being a complete asshole. But I do want you to know that no matter what I said or how much of a bastard I was, I would’ve never forced you to submit to me, Fiona. It’s not in me to do such a horrific thing, no matter how much I yearn for you.”
Her skin on mine, even as casual as it was, made my nerve endings come alive.
To my amazement, she kept it there. She was studying my face and kept coming back to stare into my eyes.
I never looked away. The time ticked by, but it was as if we were the only ones here.
Her alluring scent filled my nose. My hands tingle with the need to touch her, even innocently, but I resisted.
There was no fury or hate on her face. I held my breath at times, waiting.
I wasn’t sure how long we sat that way before she broke the silence.
“Keir, what you just said is what I’ve always wanted someone to feel about me.
And for me to feel about him. You don’t know how much I want to believe what you say.
It makes me feel stupid to hope that yesterday was all jealousy talking, and that you don’t actually feel or think that way.
What if I give us a chance and it blows up in my face?
You turn out to be that other kind of man.
One who only wants sex, and as soon as your work here is done, you’ll disappear. ”
“I won’t. I swear on the god Apollo that I won’t do that to you. I want you as my mate. Rogue wants your leopard as his mate. Betraying our mate bond would tear my heart out. If I should do that, which I won’t, but if I did, then may Apollo smite me on the spot,” I vowed. I meant every word.
“Shh, you shouldn’t swear to the gods jokingly,” she hissed.
“It’s not a joke. It’s the truth. I wish you could feel what I feel and read my mind so you know it’s the truth,” I muttered.
A bright flash of light blinded both of us and caused Fiona to cry out. When my vision cleared, I saw what I expected to see. The light had announced the arrival of the one and only Apollo. He had a thing about popping in randomly. He wore a solemn expression.
Fiona stared at him with wide eyes, terror on her face, and no words. I stood and bowed to him. As I did, I scanned the vicinity to see if any of the humans had caught sight of the light show. Apollo noticed what I was doing.
“No worries, Sentinel Keir, I have placed a barrier between the humans and us. They see and hear nothing.”
“Greetings, Apollo, Great Healer, Prophecy Bringer, and Wisest One, you honor us with your presence,” I recited.
He waved his hand dismissively. “You are one of my Sentinels, no need for all the extolling of how wonderful I am that others must do. I know of your devotion. It is in everything you and your fellow Sentinels do. I heard myself mentioned in a vow. I came to see what caused such a serious thing to be avowed.”
His gaze went from me to Fiona. He gave her a small smile and a slight bow.