XXXIV
Alex roused in the night, a rustle pulling him from his sleep; it was a noise that was unlike the whispering of the leaves of the trees.
?Dazed, his senses returned to him. The monstrous fire in his dreams had kept him warm but now, back in the real world, the cold steady ground was hard and real. The deafening screams that had gored his ears had dissipated into gentle wind.
?Despite the arrival of a muggy spring, the air and ground fell into an uncomfortable coolness at night.
Even though Alex had wrapped himself in blankets, the cold had still touched him.
His back felt like it was missing an anchoring warm pressure, feeling blue and untethered. The rustle of clothes continued.
?James.
?In the night, James had pressed their backs together to keep them both warm, but now he was absent.
?Turning his head and squinting in the early morning dark, he saw James walking away from the camp.
?Unease pricking under his skin, he sat up.
The others slept still; Fletcher and Thomas huddled together and Riley resting on his own, snoring lightly.
He wasn't too worried though, James hadn't taken the opportunity to run away at the Moira Temple and he didn't think James was carrying any of his belongings with him now.
?After a moment of hesitation, he pulled himself up, the blankets sliding off him. He shivered in the humid mist as his skin was exposed to the air.
?He followed James from a distance, wondering where the man was going so early in the morning.
James was a dark silhouette as he slowly shuffled over the rocky path, surrounded by a dark grey glow of fog that bled into all else, outlined by the trees that fringed either side, standing tall and solid like walls built to confine him in the centre.
A few times, James stumbled, seemingly tripping over the easily avoidable.
It was strange considering James was so sure-footed that you couldn't hear the man walk.
There was something ethereal about the picture.
?Eventually, James stopped and stared up at the sky.
Alex watched on, waiting; but James never moved on from the spot.
As the minutes dragged on, Alex debated turning back but instead moved off the path and sat on a log, too curious for his own good.
It must've been uncomfortable standing for so long but it didn't seem to bother James.
?Gradually, the mist became paler and the path was awash with a greyish blue, the sun breathing a cold colour into the world.
James watched on, waiting, as the horizon above the trees became a pale brown, an orange orb vaguely pushing through the thick wet barrier.
James stood in the centre of it, the tan haze wrapping around him in an embrace.
?Alex got a weird feeling in his chest, feeling like James could be devoured by it at any moment like air, disappearing from the world like he'd never stepped on it.
?He wondered what was going through James' head at that moment. James wasn't the sentimental type but it felt oddly intrusive to watch him just then. For some reason, Alex got the sense that James was a solitary soul, with no connection to the land of living.
?Realistically, it couldn't be true, there were so many people in this kingdom; yet, James never felt like a part of that crowd. He never felt permanent and perhaps that was why Alex felt like he could vanish into the fog.
?He would have told James that it wasn't the case, that there were so many souls living at once that it was impossible to feel like the only one alive.
But, he wasn't sure it was the truth. This image that he was seeing in front of him, James standing alone, might have felt no different to James than every other second.
?Feeling oddly empty, Alex stood up and left to go back to the camp, leaving James alone.
? ? ? ?
"We're lost."
?James quietly hummed to himself, bored and aching from being stuck on a horse for a second day.
The overcast sky was unpleasant and slightly chilly but the fog had cleared, at least. As the time passed, his thoughts had become more and more violent, desperate to feel something or see something that wasn't a cloud, a horse or a tree.
?His hums became louder, resembling a marching song, as he thought about making a rope with the horse hair and then strangling Riley with it.
He grinned as he imagined it, wondering if it would be strong enough or if he would have to weave it in a different way.
Seeing those snake eyes gradually lose the life in them would be satisfying.
?Alex groaned. "We're not lost," he claimed in response to Riley, "in about five or ten minutes we should see a stone marker."
?Ten, fifteen, then twenty minutes passed and there was no sign of this stone marker that Alex had talked about.
?"Let me see the map," Riley grumbled.
?"No!"
?James had only been vaguely paying attention but he had suspicions about where they could be.
Whilst James had a very good mental map of the East in his head, he had never dared to set foot towards Korcaster since he'd run away, so he wasn't certain.
That place was swarming with visiting nobles and military, it was dangerous.
?"We could try asking someone for directions," Fletcher suggested, in all his adorable naivety.
?This time, Thomas had taken responsibility for Fletcher's bag, freeing James from the burden. The knight still stuck close to the younger man but Fletcher seemed much more confident on the horse now, his tone was more cheerful.
?"That's a great idea, Fletcher," Riley responded, smiling like an arsehole. "Let me just ask— oh, I don't see anyone. I would've thought the deep forest would be crawling with people, how strange."
?"It's not a bad idea," Thomas tried harmlessly, defending the scholar. "We might come across a village soon, we could ask them."
?James watched them in amusement. Alex said nothing, staring at the map like the answer might suddenly appear on it like magic.
?"Fuck. We're lost," Alex finally conceded. "Forget coming across a village, we should probably turn back."
?Fletcher frowned. "But we've come this far! We can't be that lost. How many junctions have we passed? We might be going in the same direction still. I've mapped this trip with Ino so she can send me messages, if we turn back I'll miss the bird. Give it to me, I'll try."
?James had actually been keeping track of their location himself. Although he hadn't been the one to map the route, he'd seen it on paper and he wasn't worried at all. He'd enjoyed the entertainment but now he needed to give a hint before they made this journey even longer.
?"Anyone else smell smoke?" he asked.
?"If this is a joke about how you find Alex hot, I don't want to listen to the punchline," Thomas stated, deadpan. Fletcher was used to such banter but Riley didn't hide his confusion, turning to look between James and Alex suspiciously. James smiled brightly and presented his middle finger.
?Alex's brows furrowed in concentration. "You're right," he concluded, "it's faint, but it's there."
?James looked behind him, glaring at Thomas. "You call me out on my flirting so often that I'm beginning to think you're jealous."
?"You can't even be considered competition to my wife," Thomas insisted, "no one's more beautiful than her. And, unlike you, she's sweet and caring. I feel sorry for whatever woman gets tied to you in the future."
?"Not true, Alex says I'm as sweet as a cherry," James announced proudly, stretching the truth till it almost tore.
?As always, Alex studiously ignored any discussion that involved the topic of homosexuality or marriage and focused on the more practical. "If there's smoke, it means there's people. We'll keep going," he concluded.
?"I don't smell smoke," Fletcher said, then looked at James. "Actually, I was wondering something, James."
?He rolled his eyes. "Forever the philosopher."
?"Do you actually like men or are you joking?"
?James was careful not to look at Alex, knowing the other man was probably nervous.
?"Why you wanna know?"
?Fletcher shrugged. "Just curious, I suppose. I can't understand it at all, but my oldest brother never got married and just plays with men. I don't see the appeal."
?James grinned slowly. "Perhaps he just got tired of Thomas' wife. I reckon I'd be scared off women too."
?"James," Alex warned in a low tone. Riley snorted in amusement in the background.
?A glance at Thomas proved that James had stepped a little far off the cliff's edge. The knight was not happy with that comment.
?"He shouldn't have made fun of me flirting with my wife if he can't take me doing it back," James huffed, pissing two men off at once like it was an art. Alex and Thomes clearly weren't impressed with that justification.
?"I don't know, I reckon James would make the better wife." Riley joked, cocky and smug. "He's a whiny bitch like that."
?James smiled at him, itching for the knife at his wrist so he could trim his horse's mane and start weaving. Riley smiled back, just as wide.
?"I noticed you never answered Fletcher's question, by the way," Riley went on. "If you're still chasing men at your age you seriously need to grow up. Get married already, the kingdom needs soldiers."
?It implied that Riley was a married man, which was a disturbing thought.
He couldn't imagine any woman agreeing to a proposal from the frigid snob, nor could he imagine Riley ever loving another soul.
It was more likely an arranged marriage, considering his distant royal blood.
It was possible they didn't even live together and were a couple on paper only, he didn't seem emotionally impacted when he talked about marriage in the same way that Thomas was.
?It reminded James that he had been engaged once, unofficially. He did sometimes wonder what had happened to his ex-fiancé over the years as a passing thought. Hopefully she had been allowed to pick the next partner for herself, someone kinder than him.
?"I kill people for a living, do you think I care about your typical conservative opinion about the duty of marriage? Get an original thought, snake. Or, better yet, don't think at all."
?Riley held his palms up in mock surrender, keeping the reins hooked over his thumbs. "Just saying, it's weird you avoided the question, that's all."
?"I didn't avoid it," James lied, "I'm perfectly happy to admit I haven't always discriminated in the past, like thousands of others. I'm more confused why you care so much."
?Riley's eyes shifted slowly from James to Alex and James bristled, prepared for a fight.
?"Alex, you've been very quiet about all this. You're not married, are you?"
?James' protectiveness of Alex had been intensified after the man had turned up to the paddock in a panic with a split lip and nasty bruise on his cheek.
The only thing that was stopping James from drawing his knives was the suspicion that it would cause Alex, seeing that everyone knew James only cared about himself.
He didn't want to light a difficult narrative that would do more harm than good for Alex in the long-term.
?So, he had to pretend that he didn't care.
?Even if it was frustrating, Alex was a competent man; more capable than James in some ways thanks to the extra six years of life under his belt.
?"I'm not, no. Women don't find me very attractive. Though, I wish I was. Thomas' relationship with his wife is something to envy. He's the lucky man."
?"You met her?" James asked in surprise, helping Alex steer away.
?Thomas answered before Alex could. "He has, only once.
She's recently found enjoyment in foreign pastries and she wanted to treat some of my co-workers to them, so I brought Alex.
Out of all my colleagues, I thought Alex would be the least judgemental, I didn't want one of the others to degrade her hobby.
Many of them lack tact. That being said, it was a. .. strange experience."
?Alex snorted. "I swear I can still feel those biscuits sitting in my stomach like a rock."
?Thomas grimaced in agreement but smiled nonetheless. "It made her happy."
?"Happier than Riley's wife," James mumbled, smirking to himself. He wasn't sure how many people had heard his snide comment since he was turning his attention to his environment, looking out for smoke trails.
?Fletcher sighed. "I want to get married but it's hard because I'm short and weak. I've got a kingdom of tall buff soldiers to compete against."
?"You'll find someone," Thomas assured him, "you have something valuable that the rest of those pig men don't have."
?"Money?"
?"A personality," Thomas said, then paused. "Well, yes, money would help too."
?"We ought to start giving inheritance priority to sons over wives," Riley remarked.
?"Women risk their lives in childbirth in the same way we risk our lives in battle," Thomas argued. "Don't insult them. They're the mothers of our children. They deserve priority."
?"I wasn't saying otherwise—"
?"There." James announced, pointing above the trees. "Smoke."
?It was difficult to see the grey smoke rising within the grey overcast sky but James had just about noticed the darker shade. When colours weren't involved, he could be perceptive. It came from the general direction that they were headed.
?"I don't see anything." Fletcher said.
?Alex stared at the horizon, his eyes narrowed and scanning. "I think I see it." He looked to James in surprise, "how on Earth did you manage to spot that?"
?James shrugged. "Sharp eyes."
?A ghost of a smirk tugged on Alex's lips, his gaze steady. "Indeed, Cherry."
?Thomas sighed. "Don't entertain him, Alex. He'll only get worse."
?"Told you I'm sweet," James boasted playfully.
Like Hell would he let Riley's presence or Thomas' disapproval prevent him from flirting a little, he didn't care how judgemental and conservative the knights were about it.
James would hopefully be gone within weeks after he ran away so it didn't matter to him anyway.
He hadn't expected Alex to play along, though.
?"We can keep on this path for a little longer," Alex said. "The smoke seems to be along the pathway so we can ask them."
?James was pleased with Alex's judgement, even if he had given a few hints.
?"Are you military?" Riley suddenly asked James, surprising him with the question.
?James tilted his head, observing the man cautiously. The knight had that blank mask back on, looking bored and unaffected in a way that James was also able to imitate. "No, I skipped mandatory service."
?"You're not?" Fletcher exclaimed.
?James regarded him. "Why? Is that surprising? You can just not turn up if you don't want to do it."
?"Yeah, well, that's illegal. But you're really capable, so I kind of just assumed..."
?"I didn't think so," Riley mused, "he fights too dirty. There's no honour in the way he spars, though it's too organised to be called street fighting. I reckon you were taught by a knight, you just didn't inherit the civility."
?James' hands tightened around his reins, his horse bucked its head in annoyance, clearly feeling James' tension and not liking it. James gave its neck a soothing pat and relaxed his body, silently apologising.
?"It's not a matter of dirt. It's just more effective.
There's no honour in life and death, even though you knights try to insist otherwise.
Honour is simply a way of handicapping the capable so the nobles don't keep losing and feeling bad about it.
No easier way to win than make up your own rules. "
?He hoped his words would carry to Alex, he meant all of them. If you're about to die, honour meant nothing, it was only another borrowed enemy to contend with. Alex should be focusing on the opponent in front of him, not the one in his head.
?"And that, gentlemen, is how you know James was never in the military," Riley announced.
?"And that, ladies, is how you know that, if you need backup, you'll want me instead of Riley. He'll get you killed."
?"Huh," Alex said suddenly, "I suppose you really are like night and day. I was wrong."
?"Damn right."
?Riley gaped, offended and disgusted. "You thought we were similar?"
?"Oh! I smell it now!" Fletcher exclaimed. "How did you smell it so early, James? That's amazing."
?James got the sense that Fletcher was being genuine in his compliment so he softened his voice.
?He shrugged. "Sharp nose," he answered vaguely, smiling.
?Truthfully, anyone would have been capable of smelling it but most people relied on their sight so heavily that it neglected their other senses. James had been forced to explore his other options as his own had deteriorated and he became more familiar with them thanks to it. It was simply a skill.
?Alex hadn't responded to James and he frowned.
?"No compliments about my nose?" he enquired.
?Alex huffed, clearly deciding to humour him. "It's a nice nose, I guess. Strong." Alex grasped at the air like words were failing him. "But, I mean, what else can you really say about it? It's a pokey-out thing on your face."
?"Okay," James drawled, "but is it a handsome pokey-out bit?"
?Alex rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, very handsome."
?"Good." James smiled and began humming happily.
?"For the love of Adeia, just tell him it's hideous next time," Thomas demanded, losing patience. "Take pity on the rest of us."
?"I think it's funny," Fletcher said, "better than Riley and James fighting."
?Alex chuckled at the antics. "What? And get my own nose cut off in revenge? No thank you."
?"If I was going to cut anything of you, it would be your head," James corrected, not wanting to be slandered.
"That way, you can keep your own beauty even in death.
It would be a savage disservice to cut parts of it off.
Gruesome, and not nice at all." He paused.
"Actually, no, I like your neck too. Oh, damn.
What would I cut, in that case?" It was a difficult dilemma, he would need to consider it more.
?The expedition didn't seem too impressed with James' defence of himself, even Alex seemed taken aback.
?An awkward moment passed.
?"Glad it's you, Alex, and not me," Thomas muttered in a low voice, horrified.
?"This is what happens when you have no honour," Riley said, like it gave evidence to his previous point.
?"I'll happily cut Riley's face up right now, since he keeps asking for it," James snapped back.
?"No one is cutting up any part of anyone," Alex declared. "Is that clear?" He nodded curtly when no one objected. "That's that, then."
?"This is like when I teach teenagers." Fletcher told Thomas quietly.
?James put the men's conversation on the background, thinking. There was a lot he had to plan in his head. In days, they would be in Korcaster and James would need to decide whether to escape after getting those documents, or hold out a little longer.
?As long as he survived, no one's death would be in vain.