LXXV
Something was off.
?James was doing his utmost to hide it behind that bland hollow smile of his but there was an intense and disturbed air about him. Hidden in the depths of his facade, his unwillingness to be honest about what deranged him unnerved Alex.
?"What did you change your mind about?" Alex insisted on asking.
?They stood in a common room by the entrance of the Curia, watching members of the Royal Committee gradually arrive from a window.
Independent soldiers were posted in their generous numbers, patrolling each chamber, checking the identities as they passed.
They scrutinised James warily from a distance, his clothes splattered in blood and his colouring clear to see.
?If it hadn't been for King William's explicit pardon, they would've tried to arrest him.
?"This isn't the best time to talk about it," James replied. "Your father is waiting for you, still."
?"I'm already late. Whether I turn up now or in an hour, the result is the same."
?It was only delaying the inevitable, Alex knew that.
?"Want me to come with you?"
?The question surprised Alex. James wasn't one to involve himself in other people's business unasked.
?"It's my battle to fight," Alex replied. "But, thank you."
?James nodded. "I thought you'd say that."
?"I'm that predictable, huh?"
?James' lip quirked. "Why read it that way? Maybe I just watch you a lot."
?"From anyone else, that would've sounded romantic."
?"And not me?"
?"James, you stalk and kill people for pay."
?James rocked on his heels, a playfulness alighting, his eyes dancing. "We've lots in common then, ey?"
?"You insult me," he accused, but he was smiling. He couldn't find offence in the statement where he would have a couple of months prior. James now knew Alex wasn't like that whilst Alex could no longer deny the reality that many of his colleagues were.
?Finally, the deadline had come. The guards began their routines to lock the building down, bolting the entrance shut and boarding up the windows from the outside, cutting off all access from the outside world.
Slowly, the Curia fell into secretive darkness, lamps dimly skulking with dark orange glows.
Nothing could go in or out, not people, not words, nor meaning.
?It wouldn't be until the end of the inquest that it would reopen.
?"Fletcher will be upset he missed this," James remarked.
?"He's alive, though," Alex iterated. "He'll be alive to complain about it."
?Unlike Riley.
?As if thinking the same thing, James said: "I told Mererid I would kill Prince Maurice for her."
?"I won't disapprove," Alex murmured. "But, I doubt it's just for her."
?"No. It's for all of us— and for him." James twirled Nau around his thumb, flashing the blade.
?"You shouldn't have weapons."
?James held Eris' hilt. "I was granted an exception. Eris is evidence."
?"Of your identity," Alex quietly clarified. His chest pulled uncomfortably.
?James' smile was unconvincing. "Yes. This is the end for me, Alex." He gazed at the black windows wistfully, the only view was his own dim reflection staring back, its expression obscured by shadow. "Everything I've done up until now... my life— it'll all end. Tomorrow. I'll be a different man."
?The weight of James' words was crushing.
?"It's not death," Alex tried.
?"Isn't it?"
?Was it?
?James had been confident in the identity he had crafted for himself; a lone traveller, twisting his morals to help others in the soulfully dirtiest of ways.
It had been his own. Now, he was shedding that preciously considered skin, returning to a shaky foundation he was half convinced didn't belong to him.
?All of the running away, the lost time, the damage to his eyes— it had ultimately been for nothing.
?"I'm sorry."
?James' eyes were kind, his voice soft and gentle. It was unlike him; accepting and forgiving. "No," he smiled. "You're not."
?After all, despite his remorse, Alex had been the one to bring James here. He'd been the one to imprison him. It was clear that, in James' view, Alex didn't have the licence to be sorry when it was his fault.
?James stared at his palms, stroking the tips of his fingers.
?"I'll survive, though," James went on, shrugging the weight off his shoulders. "For some reason, I always do."
?There was nothing Alex could possibly say.
?"And you'll be by my side," James added.
?Alex shot him a doubtful look. "That's hardly important."
?"No, Alex," James insisted. "That is everything. You'll know who I am. I will still exist in your memories even if I, myself, forget. Just like I did before. Don't belittle that. Don't you understand?"
?His mind's sickness was slipping out. It was just a drip from the container within, a mere glimpse, but it was enough to put Alex on edge. It wasn't like James' usual under-the-breath ramblings, this kind of belief had bite. And James was hiding so much more within.
?"Oh, Adeia. I finally found you," a voice wheezed.
?Thomas wiped the sweat from his face as he approached Alex. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
?"What's wrong?"
?"I think Duke Chamberlain is out to kill you," Thomas got out in a rush. "I provoked him and I'm sorry for that. But, you need to be careful."
?"Provoked him?" James asked.
?"I quit."
?Alex was taken aback. "You quit? But—"
?"I already told Harrison all this," Thomas hastily explained. "I'll stay on this mission until the end. But, after that, I'm a free agent. This isn't the important part. The duke is murderous, right now. I'm worried for you."
?"He can't kill me until Kalou."
?"I'm not sure he cares," Thomas warned. "He can still hurt you regardless, anyway. Just... be careful, okay? Please?"
?Alex was warmed by the realisation of Thomas' genuine anxiety over his well-being.
Even James' concern was colder than this.
Beyond them, only the duchess and Colby ever demonstrated worry and it was because they viewed him along the same vein as a family pet.
Yes, there was love, but Alex had to sit and heel on command else be discarded.
?Thomas had begun as an impersonal stranger, apathetic towards Alex just as any other human being, not defending Alex's honour but not condescending him either. Eventually, as time passed, Thomas lifted his head and involved himself, and now friendship and mutual respect hung between them.
?"You're lucky, though," Thomas continued. "Harrison seems tied to the duke for the time being..."
?James took a step forward, inserting himself in front of Alex and an obstacle in Thomas' line of sight. "Was that your doing?"
?Alex got shivers.
?Thomas wasn't deterred, not beyond a slight wince. "I... told him I was worried for Alex. That was all. I swear it. As for his interest, there were many, well, public spectacles that I'm sure Harrison would've witnessed in the past."
?Alex didn't fancy the reminder.
?Laying a hand on James' shoulder, he felt the other man pass judgement, deciding Thomas' explanation was acceptable.
?Whilst the sentiment was sweet, Alex felt severely uncomfortable with James behaving so defensively on his behalf. It was emasculating. Alex could defend himself. Even so, he understood why James did it.
?"That's enough," he requested. "Things are different now. This is my honour to defend, not yours, and I won't remain quiet anymore."
?James looked over his shoulder, assessing him. It took a long moment but, ultimately, James nodded, stepping away.
?"Retaliate," he reminded Alex, pointing at him. "You're kind so you're allowed to be mean and scare others because you inherently won't go too far. Get angry and be horrible, give others a reason to fear you. Promise me that."
?"Is that how that works?" Thomas muttered, unconvinced.
?Alex wanted to believe in the logic of James' words— the freedom for Alex to act on his feelings and acknowledge they exist— even if his anger was unproductive that his kindness may redeem his destructive outcomes when weighed.
It made too much sense to not be true. And, if Alex was indeed kind, even if he was blinded by rage, surely his natural state would prevent him from going too far?
This was what James had convinced him and Alex didn't identify fault in the argument.
?Something unspoken and tense passed between Thomas and James, with James cocking his head to the side with a friendly disposition. Thomas broke eye contact, mumbling vaguely about James' cruelty.
?"Go, now," James said.
?Alex sighed, little twinges of anxiety pricking at his fingertips.
The time he'd spent away from his father had been the most freeing of his life.
The last time he'd felt like this— like his wings were stretched out, his muscles stretching after years of cramping containment— was when he'd killed those knights as a young boy.
He'd looked out at the horizon, the sun rising and the sky cast in a beautiful fever of coral and orange, the skyline set on fire.
?He'd been trapped again shortly after but he'd never forgotten how it had felt in that moment. The victory had burnt like he'd been a God.
?"Don't follow me," he warned James. "I'll lose all trust in you."
?James kissed his teeth, agitated.
? ? ? ?
"You humiliated Caelan and disobeyed my orders— ruining everything I'd prepared! What kind of mental retardation compelled you to do that?"
?Alex masked his expression, cooling his emotions. Confusion niggled him, though.
?"Don't stay silent with me, boy," the duke growled. "Caelan told me how you assaulted him so you could steal his expedition."
?It came out suddenly, a bark of laughter. Alex held his mouth, surprised at his own outburst. Caelan had lied about the situation because he'd been scared of James; not that the real events made Alex any less guilty of the duke's charges.
?His father sat back in his desk chair, gobsmacked at Alex's audacity to show such mockery in this situation. It had been a severe impulsive mistake.
?The scrawl of a quill continued. Harrison was writing at another desk, a distance away from the duke's. There were only the three of them in the room and Harrison was mostly ignoring them, sorting through his papers.
?The duke stood, his chair scratching the floor, jolting Alex's attention back to him.
?"Hey, now," Harrison told the duke. "There's no need for that."
?"Stay out of this," Duke Chamberlain snapped.
?"You're interrupting my work."
?"Then, leave!"
?Harrison smiled. It was chilling. "Excuse me?"
?His father bit his tongue, realising his blunder. Forcibly swallowing down his anger, he reseated himself, pushing his ashy hair out of his face. Harrison resumed working.
?"I'd intentionally prepared Caelan for that expedition so that he could win Prince Julian's favour." The duke's barely restrained aggression coarsened his voice. "It had been necessary for us to get a hold on him. I have no need for a dog that doesn't listen, Alexander."
?Alex nodded along like he always did.
?"Who's going to pay for that mistake, do you think?"
?"I'm sorry. I've always been a little stupid. It must be because of my barbaric nature," he replied.
?Harrison cleared his throat.
?The duke's eye twitched. "You've always got a quip waiting, haven't you? You just can't help yourself!" His barely-kept self-control failed, rising into a shout. "First you backstab your own brother, cosy up to the man we want to control, and now you're poaching my men!"
?"Poaching?" Alex was aware Thomas wanted to quit but nothing more than that.
?The duke's lips curled in disgust. "How revolting, seducing married men and compromising King William's goals for your own self-satisfaction. You should be ashamed of yourself! You are a vulgar and repulsive creature."
?Harrison's wide eyes surveyed the scene, astonished by the contents of the duke's accusations. No more surprised than Alex, however. Whilst Duke Chamberlain knew of Alex's inclinations, it wasn't a topic that was ever brought up, especially not in front of others.
?"I did no such thing," Alex denied.
?"You would say that."
?It was clear to Alex that the duke was itching to hurt him, to punish his disobedience just to take the edge off his own wrath. Harrison's stubborn presence was an obstacle in his way and the resentment of that fact was slipping out in the duke's regard of the advisor.
?Even so, Harrison remained.
?"King William has instructed me to stay with you," Harrison answered the unasked question.
?"No," the duke said. "He hasn't."
?"I am an extension of His Majesty," Harrison cheerfully explained. "There is no separating our identities."
?It dawned on the duke, realisation slapping him in the face. "You... knew about this, didn't you? All of this."
?Alex became curious, too.
?Harrison's smile widened, a slither of sadism sweetening it.
"Thomas has already explained the situation to me, Duke Chamberlain.
We have already come to a new agreement in terms of his employment and, might I add, his reasons to do so had little to do with Alexander.
I do not believe he would appreciate you misrepresenting his circumstances as a simple matter of 'seduction'. "
?An agreement? What kind of agreement? Harrison didn't get involved with anything that wasn't directly relevant to his king; so, why was he here, interfering with the duke for Alex's benefit?
?Suspicious still, Harrison winked at Alex as he pondered these things as if reading his mind.
?"Perhaps you should leave, Alexander," Harrison suggested. "It seems your father is carrying some rather outdated information. I do not see what benefit he has to talk to you on that basis."
?"Don't you dare," the duke snarled.
?Alex stiffened, feeling out of place where he stood. Whose orders did he follow: his father's or Harrison's?
?"I have leverage over you, Alex," the duke took delight in reminding him.
?The slave compound.
?Kalou was in a matter of months, at the height of summer, and the duke would have the legal right to kill them— and he would. Even if Alex disobeyed him now, and their value became redundant, he would still kill them, just to torment him.
?"I see now," Harrison mused.
?His green gaze dismantled Alex entirely, cataloguing every strand of hair, every little mark on the skin, it was more piercing than normal and Alex felt it physically.
?Harrison continued to be cryptic, tutting whilst grinning. "Sneaky little prince tried to scam me."
?"What are you blathering on about," the duke spat.
?Harrison's response was cold. "Nothing of your concern, Duke. You seem to not understand the situation, at all."
?"What?"
?"Alexander." Harrison stood, walking towards the door. "I'll see you out."
?Alex obliged, the insistence stubborn enough to justify his departure.
?"Why did you do that? Alex asked, point blank, the moment the door shut behind them.
?He followed Harrison down the long corridor, guided by lamps hung from the walls. It was dim and hard to read Harrison's face.
?"You've truly become more confident," Harrison pleasantly observed. "Well, you were always tough. It's nice to see you so vocal, though."
?Alex trampled his flare of annoyance. "What kind of deals did you make with those two?"
?"I won't say. You'll have to hear from them."
?"You said James tried to scam you..."
?Harrison guffawed, the vibrations filling the hot air. "That, he did. Thankfully, I'm a careful man."
?"Was it..." Alex hesitated. "Was the deal related to me?"
?Harrison said nothing.
?"Break your deal with James and make one with me, instead."
?"You have no value," Harrison stated.
?Alex was about to protest.
?"All of your value is attached to Prince Julian," Harrison harshly continued. "You would have nothing to offer me. And I know you wouldn't spy on him for us; you have no loyalty to the Drykas crown. A deal with you would be useless."
?Alex couldn't argue otherwise. He wouldn't pass information about James along, not even if James permitted him to do so— which he probably would. The result would be that James would further close himself off from him and keep more secrets.
?He wouldn't dare risk that, not after the progress he'd painstakingly made.
?Realising his own uselessness, Alex clenched his fists. Nothing Harrison said was incorrect, even if it had been scathingly brutal. At the moment, Alex's only worth was James' unpredictable fixation on him.
?Such an obsession could end at any given moment and James could one day wake up and no longer find him interesting. Alex needed to establish himself before such a reality arrived.
?Harrison showed Alex to his room, having been allocated his own individual space in the large expanses of the Curia.
?"You're next to Thomas and Prince Julian. A small hearing will be held tonight with King William prefacing the inquest. It's up to you whether you wish to attend. I've instructed the prince not to. Official proceedings will begin tomorrow— where we'll reveal Prince Julian's existence."
?Alex absentmindedly nodded. "Thank you."
?"Get some rest," was Harrison's parting remark.
?Perhaps it was the darkness of the lockdown, but Alex was feeling stuffy and claustrophobic as he stood at his door, key in hand. The knob tentatively reached out to him but Alex couldn't bring himself to open it, feeling sick.
?Muffled laughter rumbled. Alex jerked his head up, looking at the room next to his. After a beat of hesitation, he approached it, hearing quiet and unintelligible conversation slipping through the oak.
?He knocked.
?"Come in!" someone shouted.
?This door was less intimidating and Alex opened it with ease, a surprising sight awaiting him on the other side.
?The scent of lavender and pine gently wafted over to him, carried by a slight steam murking the firelights.
Both men were freshly washed, donning clean, noble, clothes.
James sat in a chair, facing away from the entryway, with Thomas leaning down behind him, scissors in hand.
Despite the mirror available on the other side of the room, they were far away from it.
?"What are you two doing?" he asked.
?"Are we done?" James quietly asked Thomas.
?"Yep."
?James stood, turning to scan Alex for injuries and Alex held his breath.
The scruff had been shaved, his face smooth.
The messy long bangs were gone entirely, sitting no longer than James' eyebrows, and pushed out of the way.
Although Alex had seen James with his hair in a similar way before, all the mess and damage had been chopped away and was silky enough for a bronze shine to radiate from his golden locks, his blonde eyelashes catching the light and crowning his cherry-coloured gaze.
?He was so beautiful.
?"I couldn't let him walk around like that any longer," Thomas explained in the background. "His appearance was an eyesore, it was embarrassing walking around with someone who looked homeless."
?"Must be shit having to look horrendous without a way to fix it like I can then, ey?" James retorted.
?"I've got scissors in my hands."
?"And I have a razor-sharp jawline."
?"Cunt."
?"It's beautiful," Alex admitted, quietly.
?There must've been something strange in his tone of voice because the other two men stopped bickering and watching him heavily, rendered silent.
?Alex wasn't sure what it was that they heard.
?"I'll get going," Thomas suddenly announced, collecting up his belongings. "I'm tired, anyway."
?James nodded. "Thanks for the help."
?"It's no worries."
?Thomas spared one last lingering glance at Alex, as if about to say something, but he stopped himself and left. "Goodnight."
?The door snicked shut behind him, leaving Alex and James alone.