LXXVI
Alex looked pathetic.
Tired sunken eyes and a perpetually slumped posture dragged him by his feet, a heavy exhaustion bearing down on him. Thankfully, he seemed uninjured, but his mind hadn't come away unscathed.
"When was the last time you slept?" James asked.
Alex rubbed his face, burying it in his hands as he strained his brain to remember. Words weren't necessary.
He was still wearing those grimy garments, the dried blood crusting and browning, dirt sticking to him like sap. It couldn't have been comfortable for him to wear the filth of the men he'd killed.
Slowly approaching him, James stopped only a step away, waiting to see what would happen.
Alex didn't move.
Awkwardly, James gave in to the urge to pull Alex into his arms, stealing his weight as their bodies came together.
Alex was still at first but James was persistent, if not deathly unsure of himself. He didn't have the experience of comforting people through touch. Alex might not like it, perhaps finding it emasculating, and these sorts of concerns twisted him.
Eventually, Alex melted, resting his forehead against James' shoulder and leaning against his chest, his breaths shallow in the stretching silence. James held him tighter, his fingers stroking the hem of his untucked shirt whilst Alex began to cling to him, squeezing around his abdomen.
James was conscious of the grime that was pressing up against him but he couldn't summon the ability to care. It felt like he was initiating a precious event that he may not have the twist of fate experience again.
Alex was so delicate at that moment that James' heart welled up.
"Nothing lasts forever," James whispered. Alex's struggle would soon end and he'll be given the space to breathe. James would make sure of that.
Alex said nothing.
"Go wash up," James continued, his hand shifting up to delve into the back of Alex's hair, tangling up in the curls.
"I don't want to think anymore."
It was so quiet that James nearly thought he imagined it. But, before he could think to respond, Alex pulled away, leaving the embrace and breaking the moment, rendering it into shatters as if it had only been an illusion.
James grieved deeply, wanting desperately for the moment to return, his hands left bare.
Alex left and James had no idea if Alex was going to come back or return to his own room. Hell, he may decide to watch the pre-hearing in the Senate.
It wouldn't hurt to prepare the room for him, just in case.
James felt a little silly collecting up the lamps and candles and lighting them all, spreading them across the room to chase out the darkness as much as possible.
He even prepared some blankets and pillows on the sofa in the event that Alex wanted to sleep alone tonight.
He'd learned over time that the worst thing to do to Alex was to assume.
Alex liked having the choices available to him, even if the outcomes were predictable.
After he'd finished, with nothing left to do, he sat on the edge of his bed, looking at the wall. Peaceful oblivion continued, not a noise nor a sight developing, not a thought arising. James sank into the feeling as if his consciousness was slipping away. The only thing that existed was waiting.
His mind jolted back to life at the rattle of the doorknob, Alex closing it behind him.
It felt deceptively domestic and peaceful, watching Alex stroll in with a towel hanging loose on his hips.
Too peaceful. There was no bickering in the background, no laughter, and there was no place they needed to be.
They'd already long since arrived and now there was only a gut-twisting tranquillity.
Was this the calm before the storm?
"You're staring."
James narrowed his eyes. He didn't know how Alex knew that when his back was turned. He'd found the fresh nightwear James had laid out for him on the sofa, dropping the towel to the ground.
Even nicer than Alex's arse was Alex's newfound nonchalance about the whip marks on his back.
He made no attempt to hide them from James anymore, revealing everything to him.
James' body stirred in sexual interest at the same time his heart throbbed with bloodlust. It was an interesting mix of feelings to experience.
He pinched his lower lip, his body warming.
"Do you want to have sex?" He came out with it.
Alex paused what he was doing. James was patient but, eventually, he took the nonresponse as a no.
It was a shame since this was probably the only peaceful night they'd have until the civil war both started and ended but James wasn't one to find pleasure in pestering a hesitant party for sex. For him, the issue was always clear-cut; one wanted it or they didn't.
He let himself fall backwards, laying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling, his knees still bent over the edge.
To be in the mood whilst Alex clearly wasn't... maybe he was more deviant than he'd thought.
Perhaps the atmosphere was horrifically wrong but James sometimes struggled to read the room when it came to anything other than hostility and danger.
Closing his eyes, he basked in Alex's mere proximity. His company was offensively relaxing. His dick would naturally lose interest soon if he left it alone.
He heard Alex's inactivity stretch on, there was no soft rustle of clothing, no shift in the air. Then, slow footsteps padded over to the bed and James pretended to be unaware. Alex stood, probably watching him, for a moment.
The bed creaked as Alex pushed his weight on his hand, leaning over James' body.
"You're putting yourself in danger," James warned, opening his eyes. James wouldn't appreciate being teased by someone who was less than sure.
Alex's face was sternly masked, a struggle active behind his dark gaze which was too predictable to James to not know what the other man was thinking— his reservations.
Whilst James had no qualms about receiving sex, he refused to make it a one-sided habit, knowing Alex's prejudices would begin to twist his perception of James into something unrealistically soft and the result would be frustrating for the both of them.
That was not James and it never would be; he was a cruel, dominant and unyielding murderer and he would not treat Alex kindly if the man ever deluded himself into forgetting that.
Except, even if he thought that, having a naked man crawl on top of him so pathetically was such an arousing sight that it became difficult to remain still. He was itching to pull him down and feel his weight.
And, when Alex dragged his lips up James' chest to kiss his collarbone, James found it just a little harder to breathe, his spine and skin tingling as goosebumps spread from the sensitivity.
Alex was making a grievously compelling argument.
But, then, Alex dug his hands behind James' shoulders and gently rolled them over, pulling James on top of him. James didn't get ahead of himself but the development delighted him. With a sudden surge of confidence, Alex grabbed James' forearm and guided his hand up to his throat.
"I want you to fuck me like this," Alex said, pulling James grip tighter.
James throbbed with the idea, excitement muddling his stomach. He clenched harder, his fingers pressing into that strong corded warmth, each squeeze of Alex's pulse pushing back against him. Alex was entirely at his mercy, biting down on his lower lip.
James loved this. He loved the sight of him, how such a strong soldier could wilfully be moulded into putty with strong enough hands.
It thrilled him.
"Why?" he asked. Alex's prejudices had gotten in the way the last time.
Alex held onto James' wrists, grounding himself. "Because I don't want to think about anything right now. Please, stop it for me."
James was willing to accept such a reason, especially when Alex was pleading.
Slowly, he smiled. James was going to absolutely ravish him.
James weighed down on Alex from above, the other man's back sinking into the mattress.
James stroked his knuckles along Alex's jawline, stopping at his chin.
The scruff looked scratchy. He tilted Alex's head up and crushed their mouths together in a brutish kiss.
Alex groaned slightly in his throat, his body relaxing.
James liked it. His lips were soft, but there was a prick to the action, the coarse hair of his beard scratching him in retaliation.
"I like this," he uttered, pushing his palm along one side of Alex's jaw. "It bites back. I bet it would feel great on my thighs."
Alex frowned. "It looks scary."
James rubbed his cheek against it, letting it burn. He moved his face downwards, nipping at Alex's jaw and trailing down to his throat, enjoying each twitch it elicited from the other man. Alex was sensitive.
He breathed in deeply. His skin had a baked wooded scent and mint soap. "You smell good."
"Stop talking," Alex grumbled.
Pushing himself up slightly, he rubbed his thumb along Alex's lower lip, drinking in the sight as Alex took it between his teeth.
Heavy-lidded eyes gazing up through his lashes with hunger, cheeks flushed and darkened, lips plump and wet.
He pushed it in further, letting it sink into Alex's mouth, holding his chin.
Alex took it between his molars, stroking it with his tongue.
James shivered. It was a sight to behold.
"You're too much," he accused.
Alex grinned and it was filthy. Provoked, James stopped playing.
"I want to see you as we do this," James insisted, sliding his hand up his back, feeling the thick ridges. Alex jolted slightly, repressing his reaction.
"I'm unsightly."
"Not even remotely."
James wasn't feeling patient this time, desire was thrumming through him, painfully so. It needed an outlet. If Alex didn't want to think anymore, James wouldn't give him the opportunity.
Under him, Alex's heavy brows scrunched uncertainty, his head falling to the side in shyness, but his blown eyes trained on James. With his wide shoulders and stone-chiselled pecs, such a bashful nervousness went straight to James' groin.
He chuckled, marvelling. "My Gods, you're a gorgeous thing. Look at you."
It was criminal to keep such physique a secret. This was the body of a warrior, bearing the scars of his determination. It was solid. Such a man was submitting to him.
He leaned down, pressing his forehead against Alex's.
"I'm going to blow your mind, Alex," he whispered, his grin wicked.
Alex snapped, biting James' lower lip. It stung. "Why don't you stop yapping and blow something else."
James thumbed the soreness. The pain triggered a burn of adrenaline and the agitation sunk into the lust. "That was real cute."
"Quit fucking around or I'm going to pin you down."
"Oh, you are, are you?"
James liked a challenge. Before Alex tried to make good of his threat, James nipped at Alex's neck, feeling it with his tongue, tasting the little feathered ticks.
As he trailed down with his mouth, he slid his hands over Alex's pecs, over his pebbled nipples and down his abdomen, enjoying the ridges of his abs.
It was nothing like a woman's body, no soft curves. James liked this better, though. The tightly restrained violence made his heart pound. Alex could kill James, he had the strength to do so. Instinctively, James registered the other man as a physical threat.
The combination of lust and aggression was thrilling.
Gripping Alex's waist, James didn't need his hands. Without warning, he licked up Alex's shaft before swallowing it all the way down.
Alex jerked in surprise, his thighs tensing.
For what James lacked in experience, he made up for in enthusiasm and high pain tolerance. With little regard for his throat or the discomfort it brought, he dragged his lips up, tonguing Alex's slit before descending again, taking it down to the base.
"Ah, fuck."
Alex's legs widened as James stroked the sensitive juncture of his groin. Alex was vocal with his pleasure, groaning. It stirred James on like compliments, knowing that he was causing them.
He looked up and noticed Alex's hands hesitating.
"Hold my hair," James said.
Alex pulled so tightly it hurt, tangling his fingers into James' locks before moving one hand down to touch the corner of James' lip as it once again stretched over his cock.
He maintained his pace, despite the undignified slobber that covered the lower half of his face, and uncorked the vial he'd hopefully made a habit of carrying with him, coating his fingers in oil.
With Alex distracted, James rubbed down Alex's taint, slowly warming him up to it. Alex hesitated once he'd felt it, but he quickly relaxed again, enjoying the sensation of James' mouth.
James slowly pushed the limits, rubbing small circles on Alex's hole. Somehow, something felt strange.
He pulled off, earning him a whimper of complaint. "You feel loose," he said, pleasantly suspicious.
Alex eyed him from the side again, a telltale display of his nervousness. He licked his lips, before replying: "I tried myself."
Keeping his hand where it was, James crawled upwards, blanketing over Alex's body and hovering his face over Alex's. Alex turned it away to the other side and James chased it with a smile. Alex's embarrassment was so endearing.
"Stop that," Alex snapped, finally facing him.
James kissed him and Alex returned it. He was a little dazed when James stopped.
"I like you so much," James was aware the words came out in a desperate breathy rush. "So so much. I really like you."
"You're annoying." Alex hesitated before quietly adding: "It didn't feel like much. I have no idea what to do with that when it's me. I've always..."
James had already been aware. If it had been up to James, he would've already ravished and wrecked Alex to the point of uselessness, leaving him a panting, fading mess on this bed, unable to walk with weak trembling legs.
Such a delicious and tempting thought. But, not the time.
"I'll stop that mind of yours," James promised, trying to keep the violent sadistic desire out of his voice. Alex wouldn't accept such a thing. Not yet.
Before Alex could string together his next sentence, James pushed his finger in, where Alex had forgotten his hand had still been.
Despite Alex's modesty, he had already done most of the heavy lifting for James. James occupied him with another kiss as a second digit eased in. A noise, not pleasured or pained, rumbled from Alex.
"Blow me, again."
"No way." James smiled. "If I'm going to suck something I want your tongue."
"I just don't think it's going to feel good for me."
James was aching for release and Alex's brain was once again getting in his way. He could only retain patience for so long. With his fingers inside Alex and his own cock untouched and begging, James could hardly pretend to be gentle in that moment. It was torturous.
He ground his lower half against Alex's leg, trying to take the edge off his desperation, grunting. It felt good but it wasn't nearly enough. He needed more than this.
Rather than argue with Alex, he instead began to move his fingers, slowly sinking them to the knuckle. He crooked them, searching, despite Alex's erection waning. Then, a sharp gasp.
He'd found it.
"Shit. That—?"
"It's intense, isn't it?" James replied, pleased. And Alex seemed to like intense pleasures.
He pressed again and Alex threw his head back, groaning, his hands shaking as they covered his face.
"James," he complained, breathless. By the time James could fit three fingers in, Alex was squirming underneath him, biting into his own palm.
"One moment, honey."
After lathering himself up he reached for a pillow and shoved it under Alex's hips. He couldn't wait a moment longer. He lined himself up, his head pressed against Alex's puckered hole, Alex's legs wrapping around his waist.
Alex hesitated. "Actually..."
James paused, waiting. Alex wasn't sure what he wanted.
Slowly, giving Alex the chance to rebuff him, James held his hand at Alex's neck, the pressure light. Alex swallowed nervously under his palm.
"This will help," James said.
Alex chewed his lip, a battle fighting behind his heavy-lidded eyes.
"You want to stop thinking, don't you?" James asked, tightening his grip. "I will stop at any time if you just say no." Even if it pained him to do so. "I want you to want it, too."
"You're treating me so delicately," Alex complained but the words had no bite. He breathed in deeply. "Do it," he said, firmly.
James smiled and increased the pressure, tensing his fingers around his beautiful throat.
Alex's breath hitched, his pulse tapping rapidly through his skin.
James could feel it, the excitement thrumming through his veins, the knowledge that James could snap it if he wanted.
The lines between sexual lust and bloodlust blurring, bleeding into each other; for Alex it was from fear, for James it was from power.
James pressed his dick in, just slightly, rocking back and forth, easing it inside for Alex's sake, despite anticipation trembling James' hands. Even though he reckoned Alex liked pain, he wasn't sure the other man knew that about himself yet.
A hot and tight pressure hugged his cock, Alex's body slowly giving way. Then, it stopped resisting entirely and James bottomed out, sinking the rest of the way in, the sensation heavenly. His breath wobbled.
"Oh, God."
It was everything he'd imagined and more. He was feverish. He didn't think he'd last long at all.
Even without James' attention, Alex's body remained more than interested, his dick hard against his abdomen. James pulled on it with his free hand and the pleasure James got from Alex's face was almost as good as he got from his body.
Veins popping in Alex's forehead, his teeth grit and bared, defiance smoking in his blown pupils as tears welled up in them, eyelashes narrowing around it; Alex was a thing to behold.
It wasn't just a small blush on him, the asphyxiation had darkened Alex's face enough for even James to see, and he grinned at this— finally getting to see Alex flush so thoroughly after months of frustration. His heart throbbed with excitement.
"You feel that?" James hummed, giving a small experimental thrust. Alex jolted, his hands tumbling from James' wrist to his own face, unable to cope with the intensity but not wanting it to stop. Delight pooled in James.
He decided he was going to torture him.
James pulled himself out enjoying the pressure dragging against the length of his cock, before snapping his hips forward.
A surprised gasp was forced out of Alex, his body jerking and his hands shaking as they tried to find something to do, something to hold, scrambling. They covered his face again.
"You feel so incredible," James said, watching the way his dick slid almost all the way out and in again, disappearing into Alex.
The sheer resilience of Alex's male body quickly became apparent to James.
He had to pay little regard to it; it was strong enough to inflict whatever he wanted on it.
He tightened his grip on Alex's throat and, finally, he began to earn some noises from the other man: low grunts mixing with quiet curses.
"Does it surprise you?" James asked, leaning forward, muttering in his ear. "That even someone like you could enjoy this?"
"Fuck you," was Alex's response.
James grinned before setting a particularly punishing pace, slamming into him.
Alex threw his head back, lips parted soundlessly, his hands clawing at James' wrist where it held his neck still.
James tightened it and so did Alex, the grip bruising.
The pain flared up his violent instinct, heart pounding.
It felt so good, the carnal animalistic sensations taking over all his senses, everything became about fucking Alex and nothing more. Nothing else mattered; just the feeling of burying his cock in him and the look on his face as he struggled to resist the reality that he enjoyed taking it.
Except, those hands were still getting in his way.
"Touch yourself," James said. His second hand joined his first, bracing himself against that beautiful corded warmth.
"I—" Whatever Alex had been about to say became moot, cries ripping from his throat and making speech impossible. James captured them, kissing Alex and swallowing the noises down, forcibly offering him his tongue. Like before, the scruff on Alex's face burned him in retaliation.
James thrust into him with a pace that showed little regard to prolonging the pleasure, he gave into the urge to sexually maul Alex as quickly and violently as he wanted.
"You like knowing that I could kill you, don't you?" James licked his lips. "I like it, too— having this power over you. I also like knowing you could also kill me."
It was heady.
In this position, Alex couldn't even answer back. He was loud, so loud, it was delightful music to James' ears.
Alex finally lost his mind and pride enough to start touching himself, the rhythm staccatoed and fractured, telltale signs he was close. James chuckled and rewarded him by attacking his chest with his teeth, biting, scraping, kissing, he left as many marks as he could.
Mine. He wasn't drunk on lust enough to make the mistake of saying it out loud. But, it was true. Alex was his.
"James," Alex sobbed.
"I know," James whispered, kissing him on the cheek and rubbing his face against the scratchiness. He got carried away, biting along his jawline.
James wouldn't last much longer himself. He'd set the pace to wreck Alex, not to consider his own limits. That was okay, though. With the feelings that consumed him, rich and intoxicating like wine, James could revisit his newfound addiction as many times as he wanted.
Alex cried out as he came, his hand losing the precious little rhythm it had as he spilt all over his chest and abs, strangled noises coming out of him and he trembled.
Remembering the overstimulated discomfort James felt when he'd done this, he released Alex and pulled out whilst Alex was still riding his high and took himself in hand, frantically jerking himself as he drunk in the sight of a flushed utterly sexed Alexander wrecked on a heap on the bed.
James orgasmed quickly, skin tingling under the surface as his come painted over Alex's on the other man's body, mixing.
It was a primal urge that made the grossness so appealing to him at that moment. He knew that, once they both sobered, it wouldn't be so impressive anymore.
Slowly coming back to reality, his environment reminding him of its existence, their heavy pants filled the air, piercing the silence.
James stroked a comforting hand up and down Alex's thigh, the other man lying limp with exertion.
"I loved that," James said.
Alex hummed something unintelligible.
James wanted a reaction. "I said 'I loved that'."
"That's nice."
James let out a deep breath, trying to calm his heart and steady his breathing. After, he eased back and leaned down to bite Alex's thigh.
"Ow," Alex complained, lifting his head to finally look at him.
"I want attention."
"You just had a lot more than my attention. Why are you so greedy?"
"I said 'I loved that'."
"And I said: 'That's nice'."
James bit him again and this time Alex refused to react, shifting slightly to get comfortable and relax on his back, his breathing evening.
"I think you loved it, too," James prodded. "What do you think?"
"I'm not saying it," Alex murmured. He opened his arms. "Either you can come here and give me a cuddle or you can let me sleep. I'm sleepy."
James blinked. A cuddle? He supposed it made sense, that was probably the default aftermath of sex, wasn't it?
"You're drowning in semen," James deadpanned.
"Then, come save me, or let me die in peace."
James supposed he was being a little juvenile. He accepted Alex's terms, after all, he was the one who'd made the mess. He trod through to the small ensuite which was nothing more than a tap and a toilet. He refreshed himself before soaking a towel in water and returning to the bedroom.
Alex was fast asleep, in the same position James had left him. He didn't stir as James happily cleaned him up, indulging in touching every bit of his body. It wasn't sexual appreciation more than he just liked Alex and wanted to feel him. He did it with a smile on his face.
Normally Alex was a fitful sleeper but tonight his brow was relaxed, his face peaceful, unworried. He didn't move once. It made James happy.
James joined him on the bed after blowing out all the lamps and candles, too warm to get under the covers. Alex sleepily captured him, pulling him easily into his arms and spooning him from the back.
"Com'ere," he murmured.
James remained quiet and Alex quickly fell back asleep, his face snuggling into the nape of James' neck.
James was being cuddled.