Chapter 30 #2
“Mel…” I spoke slowly, praying my words would make her rethink her pushing-me-away act.
“I get it, but this time around, I’m not sure you understand how bad it has gotten.
And also, stop acting as if you’re the only one who gets to decide what’s good for us.
I’m not the boss of you, true, but you’re not the boss of us either. ”
“There is no us—that’s the thing—and there’s never been one. Stop pretending we’re more than what we are to each other…”
“You’re impossible right now. Do you hear yourself?”
Was she hurting me on purpose? Was this her attempt to chase me away? Because it was pretty lame.
“I stand behind what I said. You’re not better than any of them, and if you think I have a problem, then you’re not on my team.”
“Whoa, that’s how you wanna play it? We don’t agree on something and you flush me from your life like I’ve never mattered? Mel, this is how cowards act. I never pictured you to be one.”
“I’m no coward.”
“Then prove it.”
“I don’t have to prove anything to you. I’m banned from training and swimming because people decided so without my consent. How would you feel if football was taken away from you because of your shoulder, huh? Tell me.”
“My shoulder has nothing to do with your health.”
“But it has everything to do with lying, no? Don’t pretend like you’re not doing the same thing I did to protect your future and the sport you love and to get recruited by your dream college next year.”
“It’s not… I’m not…”
“Yes, you are. See? We’re not so different after all. The only difference is that I didn’t judge you for not telling your coach, your parents, or your teammates about your injury. And I didn’t force you to see a doctor right away, because I trusted you would do what’s best for you.”
“I didn’t put my life at risk by playing with a stiff shoulder. You did. You gambled with your health…with your life. Can’t you see it? Our situations aren’t the same.”
“Believe what you want, I’m done with this conversation.”
“I’m not. You once said you hate fighting with me.”
“Well, maybe I lied. After all, haven’t I been lying to you for weeks?”
Her words were cruel. A mixture of fury and pain weighed heavily on my heart.
Melinda didn’t mean any of it, right? She was hurt.
I had to repeat it in my head so I wouldn’t end up with a broken heart.
“You don’t mean it.” I took a big inhale to avoid losing my calm.
“I was there too, you know. All along. What we have is much more than just a friendship. It’s everything…
it’s—” I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, my emotions running high inside me.
“I never asked anything from you other than for you to give me a chance. I’m not the one starving myself, so don’t try to make it all about me to avoid dealing with the real problem. ”
“I can’t. I just can’t do it. You don’t know how it is. It’s—” Instead of finishing her thought, Melinda turned and ran in the opposite direction.
Each time I neared her, she fled further away. Until I stood before her, and she had nowhere to escape anymore.
“Mel, stop running.”
“I don’t need you to save me, Mase. I can save my own self. Go play hero to someone else.”
“I don’t wanna be anyone else’s hero. All I want is to be your everything. I can help you through this. You won’t be alone.”
“Not interested.”
I flinched as if she had slapped me. “You-you don’t mean that.”
“Wanna bet?”
“How can you heal if you’re lying to yourself? Your swimming career isn’t over. All the people who love you just need you to get better first so you can go back to it. How will you be able to swim and beat Emery Mellencamp if you’re”—my throat closed—“if you’re dead?”
A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she wiped it away hastily. “I-I’m…I’m fully capable of taking care of myself.”
“You’ve been repeating that, but are you sure? Because, right now, I’m not convinced. You’re not alone. Just say the word and I’ll—”
Paige arrived, putting a stop to our face-off.
Melinda pointed an accusing finger at her. “Not you. We’re not friends anymore. You stabbed me in the back. You planned this intervention with my parents. I can’t trust you from now on. You’re a hypocrite.”
“Mel...”
“No. Don’t Mel me.” She motioned her finger between Paige and me. “I’m done with all of you. You two can rot in hell, for all I care.”
“I had to do something. I saw it, you know. At State. When we grabbed food and you hid it in a napkin while pretending to eat. I saw it when you measured the circumference of your biceps with your fingers and when you jogged up and down the emergency stairs for over thirty minutes after you failed to join me for breakfast and told me you had lost track of time because you had bumped into Stacey. She wasn’t even at State because her car broke down on the way there.
I’m your friend, and as your friend, I consider it my job to care.
I tried to talk to you about it. Multiple times.
The night you spent at my place and your own night clothes were too big on you or when I brought you cupcakes and you dropped the plate and threw them away so you wouldn’t have to eat any of them.
I’m not stupid. I was there in freshman year when you starved yourself for months before it got out of control.
I was the one you confided to after therapy or when you almost relapsed in sophomore year after Jason Smith said your shoulders were too big for a girl.
I was the one wiping your tears that night because you thought you weren’t pretty enough for boys to notice you. ”
Melinda’s lips trembled. “It-it’s not like that this time around. It’s temporary… I’m…I’m not sick. I have it all… I have it all under control. You guys are making a mountain out of a molehill.”
My heart bled for the girl I loved, who was in denial over the seriousness of the situation. I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms, tears building in my eyes. She kept her back taut, never relaxing against me. “Let me be there for you. Please. Let us be there for you.”
“No. It’s too late. You picked your side. Cut me loose.”
I swallowed the rock down my throat. “I don’t want to.”
“It’s not your call.” Melinda pushed away from my embrace when
Mrs. Shepard neared us. Before I could grab her hand, my girl strode toward the parking lot. I was about to go after her when her mother stopped me.
“Let her go. She needs some space. Please don’t take everything she said personally.
” Her attention traveled between a heartbroken Paige and me.
“I know you both care about my daughter. We all do. She’s having a relapse.
We thought this episode of her life was behind her, but it’s not.
She needs medical help. Give her some time to calm down, okay?
I’m sure she’ll be willing to talk to you both once she’s calmer and realizes we’re doing this for her own good.
Because we love her. She’ll need all the love she can get once her anger diminishes. ”
“Is she...will she be okay?” My voice sounded foreign to my own ears.
“Yes. Eventually. With medical treatment and therapy and support. And time. She did it once, so there’s no reason why she can’t do it again. If she wants to get better. It has to come from her, though.”
“Will she continue to swim?” If someone could understand what her sport meant to her, it was me.
“Since there are no other swim meets before the winter break, we’ll reassess how it goes once school resumes in January.
For now, it’s too soon to tell. Coach Vivien promised it wouldn’t affect her college offers.
She’ll deal with them herself in the meantime to remove as much pressure from Melinda as possible. ”
I nodded. “Good. Do you think I can come over to see her tonight?”
“No idea. We have a doctor’s appointment in an hour. Come knocking after dinner and we’ll see how she’s doing.”
I looked over my shoulder to watch Melinda as she hauled herself onto the backseat of her parents’ car. Mrs. Shepard squeezed a dejected Paige’s hand. “She’s not really mad at you, honey. She’ll understand it once the truth doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”
I draped an arm around Paige’s heaving shoulders and pulled her to me, wishing Melinda was the girl I was comforting right now. “Shhh. It’s okay.”
“I know I…I did the right thing when I shared what was going on. It’s just... I hate the idea Mel hates… that she hates me.” Her sobs shook her body.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Mrs. Shepard said.
“Her ego is hurt and doing all the talking at the moment. Even though it’s hard, don’t take any of her accusations personally.
” Mrs. Shepards patted my shoulder. “I know you love my daughter, Mason. Someone would need to be blind not to catch up with that fact. She’ll need you in her corner.
Don’t lose faith in her.” She turned around and walked to her car.
I turned to Paige. “Babe, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I knew she’d be mad at me, and I didn’t want her to be mad at you too. I thought with you by her side, she would accept help. I’m sorry, Mase.”
“If you had told me first, we could have avoided this.”
She shook her head. “If I had confided in you, you would have tried to deal with it by yourself. It’s not your job. Mel needs doctors. Even though we love her, we can only hold her hand through this.”
With Paige still sobbing in my arms, I watched the Shepards leave, with my bleeding heart in fragments and my spirits sinking.
In my head, only one question remained. How can I help Melinda through this without messing it all up for both of us? Because no matter what Melinda claimed minutes ago, we weren’t done.