Chapter 2
CASSIDY
His warmth and the smell of his masculinity cling to him. He holds me firmly against his bare chest as if terrified I’m going to pull away. I want to, God, do I want to, but as always, I feel the familiar contradiction of wanting him even when I shouldn’t.
We’re naked as the day we were born, but the comforter is tucked beneath my chin like you would a child, and he holds me with such tenderness my heart swells. I know better than to let my guard down around sweet actions that reel you in and spit you out.
I have, after all, learned in the hardest, most heart-wrenching way possible, and it’s not something I want to repeat.
“Noah?” I whimper. My throat is scratchy and raw, making it difficult to speak.
“Stella’s watching over Noah today,” he whispers, then grabs a cup of water from the bedside table and brings it to my lips until I swallow. “She’s going to bring him to meet us later.”
I blink, and visions of the school doctor greeting me as Stella flash in my mind.
“Y-You know Stella?”
“She’s a club member.”
How can a sweet woman like her be an MC club member? I chastise myself for having such negative assumptions, but after my experiences with Killa, I find it hard to believe. “Oh …”
I’ve only recently become accustomed to being apart from Noah, with work and school. I’ve never had the support of friends or family to rely on for care, and I’m not sure how I feel about it now.
“She’ll take good care of him. She’s a doctor.” He repeats what I already know, but it’s like he can see into my mind. But he couldn’t see you were telling the truth, a small voice screams inside me.
“And she’s also my cousin,” he tacks on.
The clock ticks by as I lie in his arms, unprepared for what’s bound to be the onslaught of another argument. “C-Can you look at me?” he mumbles.
I shake my head.
“Jesus, Cass. I’m so sorry, baby.”
I want to believe him, truly, I do. He kisses the top of my head, lingering there and breathing me in with an affection I feel to my bones. “I have no clue what came over me.” He gulps, and there’s a moment of silence.
“That’s a lie. I do.” He says it firmer this time, and I lift my head to finally face him. “It was her birthday.” He clears his throat. “Mine too.”
My heart lurches in my chest. His birthday too...
“She’s my twin sister, Cass. I’m the oldest. I should have protected her, and I let her down.
” His voice is hoarse with emotion. “I shouldn’t have hurt you, and I’m so sorry, Cass.
” He regards me with such stripped-back sincerity my heart squeezes.
She’s his twin, and it’s clear he has a complex level of guilt surrounding her and her disappearance.
He exhales deeply. “It all got to be too much. I wanted answers, ya know.” His tongue swipes his bottom lip. “I wasn’t going to come over; knew I’d be rough and didn’t want you to deal with that. But I wanted answers, and Hunter gave them to me. You lied to me about Gavin.”
I flinch, even though his tone is soft, and although I’ve never lied to him, he believes otherwise, and if I tell him differently, I’ll ruin this moment of him stripped bare with raw honesty. For once, he’s letting me in, and he’s always been so adamant about shutting me out.
The devastation is clear in his expression, and my heart aches for him.
For us.
It’s like we’re destined to fail. To never fulfill the happiness we so desperately crave.
“You say you don’t have answers, but are you lying about that too?
” he whispers, and I want to scream I’m not, but I’m powerless to speak.
“Every time I’m with you, I don’t care about them anymore.
You make me forget.” He places his forehead against mine.
“But I can’t, Cass. I can’t forget her; I just want to know where my little sister is and that she’s not sufferin’.
” A tear slips down his handsome face, and mine follow, each one more excruciating than the last.
He wants to know if she’s still alive and not in a living hell, and I can completely understand that, more than most, and I hope she’s not suffering too. I hope wherever his sister is, she’s safe or at peace.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you. So fuckin’ sorry.”
I believe it, every word of it. But can I forgive him? I want to, I really want to, but he left me, destroyed me from the inside out, and saying the words I long to hear might not be enough.
He left Noah too, and he had to hear me scream and shout, to cry for help, to become that vulnerable person again I fought so hard to come back from.
“Cass, whatever you’re thinking, I need you to let me show you how sorry I am.”
“Noah heard me cry,” I rasp through my sore throat. “He heard me cry because of you!” I punch at his chest, but he refuses to budge.
“I’m sorry.”
My heart beats rapidly, and as he laces my fingers with his, I whimper with emotion.
“Please let me try to make it up to you.” His lip wobbles, and his pain-stricken eyes sear into me.
“You want me to beg? I’ll do it.” He rolls his lip into his mouth.
“You want me to hurt; my brothers will rain down pain on me. I’d do anythin’ for you, darlin’, just let me prove it. ”
Tears stream down my cheeks. “I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to be that person.” He pushes the tears from my eyes with his thumbs. “I can’t live like that.” I want to say “again,” but I don’t want to share my past with him, especially now.
He shakes his head venomously. “I don’t want to live a life without my little demon in it.”
“You think I’m the enemy, Killa.”
“No,” he denies, with another head shake. “I-I don’t want to believe that anymore.”
I’m probably a fool to believe him, but I’m not the enemy, and I need to make things clear.
“Look at me!” I demand. I sit up in his lap and cradle his face in the palms of my hands.
My confidence soars as he looks at me with bewilderment and hope.
“I swear to you—” I sniffle, trying to remain composed.
“On Noah’s life, I know nothing or had anything to do with any men or Alisha.
I never saw any of what the police were investigating. None of it. I never saw a soul.”
Resolve flashes in his eyes, then one of his hands lands on the nape of my neck and his lips descend on mine in an all-consuming kiss that sends a rush of tingles through my body, sparking it back to life.
His tenderness is my undoing, knowing how incredibly difficult he finds it, and as our tongues mingle, a pang in my chest reminds me to always have hope in the darkest of times. In the blink of an eye, everything can change.
For the better.
Or for some, for the worst.