Chapter 33
33
After two weeks of consecutive ten-hour shifts, Flockhart’s B&B looked like something out of a storybook. Fraser hadn’t been certain they would fix it up in time for the launch party, but somehow, they’d managed. It helped that he’d been burying his head in work to avoid thoughts of Harper, but mostly, he’d wanted this. For Andy, of course, but also for himself. He was excited to launch his new business tonight. In ten minutes or so, the town would arrive for Andy’s reopening.
He placed the last of his carved fairies on one of his handmade tables. Andy had convinced him to “soft launch” his furniture, and the gilded vines etched on the oak legs matched the fairy figurines perfectly.
Flockhart’s dining room had been entirely designed to reflect the community’s love of Belbarrow’s greenery, with leafy garlands and string lights twisting over almost every surface. The dining tables were lit with softly scented candles and dotted with seasonal foliage: berries, holly, and a few dahlias saved from the garden out back. A local photographer had provided prints of the woods and loch, bringing life to walls that had once been covered in ancient paper and faded memories. In place of the old worn couch, a pair of armchairs that Fraser had created with recycled tartan and oak now looked over the brand-new brick fireplace, ready to warm guests through the coming winter months.
He couldn’t help but imagine said guests were Harper. He could see her so clearly, socked feet curled underneath her as she balanced her laptop on the arm of the chair, face aglow in the firelight.
Shaking his head, he tore his gaze away. Better not to think of things that would never happen. He hadn’t heard from her once, though he’d lugged that laptop with him everywhere. Just in case. Did she really hate him so much that she wouldn’t come back for it?
Rubbing the ache in his chest, he stood back and tried to admire his handiwork instead of torturing himself. He’d done enough of that recently.
“Not bad, eh?” Andy asked, eyes sparkling. They were happy in a way Fraser hadn’t seen in a while as they scanned the space proudly.
“Not bad at all.” That was an understatement.
Despite it only being ten minutes to six, the place was filling with locals who looked around approvingly at the new decor. But as Eiley, Cam, Mum, and Sorcha entered, Fraser tamped down a wave of nerves.
Andy nudged him now. “Have you heard from her?”
He shook his head, working hard to keep his features neutral. He couldn’t imagine it worked. “Let’s just not talk about that tonight, eh? We’re celebrating.”
They gave him a placating pat on the back. “Fine, but only because I owe you one. You’ve really helped me out, Fraser, even when I was an absolute stress demon about it. Thank you so much. I hope you know I’d do the same. If you need someone to stand in the pouring rain for your wee craft markets and whatnot, I’ll be there.”
Gratitude welled inside him. Since their little heart-to-heart, the stress demon had retired... Mostly. Andy was learning the art of patience, or trying to at least, and he appreciated how careful they’d been not to take out their own problems on him and Jack. “Cheers. It means a lot.”
He’d learned this week that Andy’s advice had been right, though he would never admit it for fear of their ego ballooning to intolerable proportions. His role in life wasn’t just to support everybody. And since his revelation at the autumn festival, they’d all rallied to support him, too – both his friends and the local community. Some of his figurines already decorated the tavern’s bar, and after discovering his hidden talent, the forest reservation team had set up a donations box on the Fairy Trail so that children could take some figurines home and the money could go back towards him making more. Eiley had also taken him out for a beer to get him to open up about Harper, which had ended with him slightly tipsy and very, very sad – but he didn’t like to think about that.
“Here he is. The man of the hour.” Cam rushed over and suffocated Fraser in a tight hug. “Proud of you.”
“Me, too!” said Sorcha, wrapping her arms around them both.
“Me three.” Eiley joined in, then Mum.
He chuckled despite the ever-present, Harper-shaped hole in his chest. “Thank you. I’m glad I decided to take the plunge, in the end.”
Cam gasped, eyeing the drinks and food table. “Are those pigs in blankets?” She dashed away quickly, dragging Sorcha with her.
Fraser rolled his eyes fondly. “How could I compete with party food?”
“You can’t.” Mum poked his chest. “But you come close. It’s their first night without the kids for a while, so you’ll cut them some slack.”
“Aye, I suppose I will.”
“Good lad.”
Mum was soon called away by one of her many friends, and then it was just him and Eiley. Her gaze was overbearing as she folded her arms, waiting. She knew him better than to believe he really was okay, and she clearly wasn’t afraid to make that clear. “Liar.”
“Shut up.” It was almost a plea.
“Say it. You miss her.”
He scratched the back of his neck, which prickled with heat.
This was a celebration she’d planned. Of course he’d wanted her here. Wanted to thank her properly for all she’d given him. Wanted to show her how much he appreciated her unwavering belief in him.
Most of all, he’d just wanted the pleasure of her company. There was none like it, no one else who made him feel so… at home . Like he wasn’t just surviving, but wonderfully, effortlessly alive.
No. He’d just fooled himself into feeling that way. All because he’d wanted to know what rest, belonging, and happiness felt like, after years of trying to run from them.
He brushed a hand across his stinging ribs absently, dipping his head.
“Don’t want to,” he said stubbornly, sounding like a petulant child.
She tutted. “Well, when you stop being a boy about it, I’m here.”
“I know.” He wrapped his arms around her, balancing his chin on her head. It wasn’t nearly enough thanks, but until the lump in his throat cleared, it would have to do. “How are you? And the kids?”
She let out a long sigh. “You know what? I think I’m okay. It’s still hard, but life has been a lot more peaceful since I blocked Finlay’s number, and the kids don’t seem to miss him much. Brook asks about him sometimes, but he’s soon distracted.”
“Good.” He was relieved to find she looked better, too, her complexion rosy and her hair a little glossier with the haircut Cam had given her a few nights ago. She’d even put on makeup, something she rarely had the time or energy for, and he hoped that meant she might be ready for new beginnings, too. She certainly deserved them.
“I think I’m going to take some driving lessons,” she admitted. “It isn’t fair that you’re always running around after us all. I want to be the one to take Mum to her hospital appointments sometimes, or take the kids out on day trips.”
He frowned. Did she think he’d had enough of taking care of them? That could never be true. “You know I don’t mind doing all that stuff.”
“I know, but I would like to, too.” She licked her lips, eyes turning damp. “Fraser, you were never allowed to just be our brother. You had to be our dad, too. I think you’re still holding onto that, and I think it’s part of why you let Harper go.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but she placed a finger over his lips quickly.
“You need to stop, now. I love you so much for caring, but it’s time for you to just be our brother again. Put yourself first. Okay?”
He sagged in defeat. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time he stopped treating his mum and sisters like they were made of glass. He’d seen them go through hell and back in so many ways, and it wasn’t him that had kept them going. It was their own resilience, and the love they shared with Sorcha and the kids.
His gaze fell to his shoes. He’d thought his busy schedule, juggling all the responsibilities he thrust upon himself every day, stopped him being capable of love, but nothing had stopped him from thinking about Harper this week. Not even when Andy had shouted loud enough to shake the new staircase because Jack had scratched the paintwork.
He’d even opened a bloody TikTok account to start promoting his business after all Harper’s social media advice, and it was gaining momentum quickly. He’d done all the things he’d thought would replace the gap in his heart where she’d been… and they hadn’t. It didn’t matter how many responsibilities he had, how busy he was, how many people he tried to support. He still wanted her here. She should have been here. He never should have pushed her away, never should have treated his own love for her like a burden. So what if he didn’t want to be casual? So what if falling was terrifying?
She was worth it. She’d given him a new zest for life, renewed hope, and losing her hadn’t saved him. It had broken him.
“Call her,” Eiley whispered. She picked up one of the figurines from the table: the blonde fairy he’d carved for Harper. She’d left it on her writing desk, and it was just another part of her he’d wanted to bring with him tonight. It didn’t have a price sticker like all the others. He wouldn’t dare let it go. “Better yet, go to Manchester and be with her. If not for you, then for me. I want my friend back.”
He had no response to that, so he didn’t try to come up with one. He couldn’t just go off to Manchester. He didn’t even know where he’d find her.
He could call her, though.
He could tell her, at the very least, how sorry he was.