Chapter 34
34
Harper stepped out of the cab, turning her face to the golden glow of Flockhart’s. Inside, silhouettes danced and weaved, and she allowed herself a smile. The party was going well, then.
She drew a shaky breath, smoothing the creases from her burgundy wrap dress, which she’d hurriedly changed into in the bathroom of Glasgow train station. She was tired and afraid, and still felt like she was walking around in a dream state after such a full, confusing few weeks, but…
She also felt like she was home.
Her heels clicked against the cobblestones as she approached the B&B, heart pounding harder with each step. She paused when a shadow emerged from the arched doorway, tall and broad and instantly recognisable.
Fraser.
Instinct made her stop still as he turned his back to her, in a restless pace back and forth. Before she could even contemplate how she might greet him, he said her name.
“Harper.” Her knees went weak. She had missed that gruff brogue, the way her name sounded new and remade but still so familiar on his tongue. “Hi. I, er… I was thinking about you.”
A glint against his ear caught her eye. His phone. The realisation that he hadn’t seen her, that he was calling her, ricocheted through her. She wasn’t sure whether to be glad that her phone had died forty minutes ago and now sat buried and useless in her purse. This was certainly a conversation she wanted to hear in person, but listening to him leave her a voicemail felt like she was spying, somehow.
Clenching the handle of her suitcase, she couldn’t bring herself to interrupt. What if he realised she was here and no longer had anything to say?
She was too curious to stop him.
He cleared his throat, pressing his head against the wall as though he was too exhausted to hold himself up any longer. “I wanted to tell you… that I miss you.”
Harper held her breath.
“And I’m sorry,” he continued, voice growing gravelly with emotion. “I don’t like how we left things. I was a wrongun , to put it like a Mancunian, and I just wish you were still here so I could thank you. The launch is going well, and everybody is missing you, and… Fuck, Harp. I haven’t been able to breathe properly since you left.”
Tears blurred her vision, turning the street into strobes of watery light. The outline of his solid figure was the only thing she could see clearly.
She tasted copper and realised she’d been biting down on her tongue. Hard.
Here he was, saying everything she’d wanted to hear, and he didn’t even know she was just a few yards away.
Fraser bowed his head, running a hand over his wavy red hair. “I don’t know what happened between us. Whether I was the only one who fell too deep. But I want you to know that I only pushed you away because I was terrified. What I feel for you is terrifying. I’ve realised, though, that you not being here is worse. So if you could just maybe… I don’t know, I can’t ask you to come back, can I? What if I came to you, and we talked, and—”
“I’m already here.” Her voice wavered into fragments on the breeze.
Slowly, Fraser turned around, lowering his phone to his chest. His mouth parted with shock as his eyes locked on hers.
“Harper.”
She shuddered, feeling the intensity of his voice from the arches of her feet to the hinges of her jaw and all the parts in between. Her body seemed to wake all at once, like she’d been plunged into cold water in her sleep. Like she was back in that loch, seeking respite, only it was really here this time.
“Hi,” she said quietly, not quite sure what to do now. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to hear more about how he couldn’t breathe, and about how he wanted to talk to her, and about how he would be willing to be the one to travel to do it.
She wanted to forget they’d ever separated at all.
“I didn’t think you’d come,” he admitted finally, taking a step towards her. “How much of that did you hear?”
“All of it, actually.”
“That’s, er, embarrassing.” He bit down on his lower lip, then sucked in a sharp breath. “Actually, no it’s not. It’s just true. It’s very, very true.”
“That’s two verys,” she pointed out, and felt silly for it. Her mind couldn’t seem to focus fully, with all the electricity surging through her. “Very, squared.”
His laugh fell out of him mangled and hoarse. “Fucking hell, I’ve missed you.” He frowned. “But why are you here?”
“I left my laptop,” she said. “And I have a book to finish.”
Disappointment pulled at his features. “Oh.”
“And I like it here,” she continued. “And I wanted to support Andy. And maybe volunteer at the preschool some more. And get that B&B discount I was promised.”
“Well, I’m sure they’ll be happy to check you in right away.”
She traced the satin belt of her dress absently. “And before you left me an in-person voicemail, I thought maybe I deserved closure.”
“Okay. Yeah.” And then he cocked his head and asked, “And after the in-person voicemail? Did it… change anything?”
“Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t really expecting it.”
“Harper.” He squeezed his eyes closed, lashes damp. When he reached for her hands, she didn’t pull away, although they were clammy. Her body fluttered with his coarse touch, her palms warming against his. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” She lifted her chin stubbornly.
“For everything. For freaking out and pushing you away. For not telling you that I didn’t want you to go, or at least, that I didn’t want to end things between us if you had to.” She couldn’t remember closing the gap between them, but then his back was against the wall and his chest was heaving, brushing hers with every rasp, and it felt the same as it had before all of the bad things happened. Better, even. It felt like she was falling all over again.
She’d come back here to gain control of her own life, but as long as he was here, that was impossible. He left her too wild, too desperate.
“I didn’t want things to end,” he confessed, swallowing. “I never did. You make me feel – everything . You jumped over that bloody fence, and my heart wouldn’t let you go. It couldn’t. And I wouldn’t want it to, because fuck, Harper, I was just getting by before I met you. I was just trying to keep myself upright. But now I know what it’s like to fall into someone and know that they’ll catch me, and I can’t go back.” He cupped her face, eyes burning with desperation. “I’m in love with you. I’m in love with the way you laugh, the way you see the world, the way you are . And when I thought I might lose you that night, I felt like I was dying, too. I’ve never felt a fear that unbearable before. It shut me down. I’m sorry.”
She pulled his hands away when a strange, smooth texture brushed her cheek. A plaster was wrapped around his index finger. “What’s that?”
He choked on another laugh. “Your fault. I nearly cut my bloody finger off for thinking about you.”
Harper trapped down a sob. She believed him, every word, and she felt the same. The only word she could summon was, “ Eejit .”
He softened. “Only for you.”
“Debatable.”
He rolled his eyes. “Did you take in anything I just said, or are you only here to insult me?”
She pretended to ponder for a moment. “Something about how you love me and you’d die without me.”
“That was the general gist, yeah. Any thoughts about that?”
She traced the jut of his stubbled chin. He was so beautiful, and he was hers, and if she ever had to let him go again, she might just die too. Or at the very least, cry about it for a long time, since she was a new and improved version of herself who allowed herself to wallow and then move on.
She laced her fingers through his coyly. “Well, if I was writing a confession of love in my book, I would have included a gift, just to win her over.”
He bowed his head so their noses grazed. She could see his breath, and hear it falling from him, as loud as falling trees and twice as dangerous. She had missed feeling like his. She had missed feeling like herself even more. “I believe I’ve given you several gifts.”
“Something shiny would be nice,” she teased. “I like hammers, as we established last time we were here together. I would settle for flowers, though.”
He let out an irreverent grunt and searched the pocket of his jeans, producing something silver a moment later. A key. “Is this shiny enough?”
“The key to your cabin. That’s forward.” She waggled her brows.
Another roll of his eyes. “Harper. You’re killing me. Please.”
She sighed, deliberately drawing it out for long enough to make him squirm with impatience. Finally, she pulled on his shirt, tugging him closer, then whispered into his mouth, “Obviously, I love you, too, Fraser. You’re the home I’ve been looking for all my life.”
“So that’s why they say you should fall in love with a writer.”
“You might have outdone me with your monologue, though.” She plucked the key from his palm happily, then felt one final shiver of wariness. “Are you sure?”
His features were fixed with intimate resoluteness. “The cabin was yours as soon as you walked through the door, sunshine. So was I.”
Their lips met before she could respond, and she smiled into his kiss until his tongue found hers.
She was right. He felt exactly like home, his strong arms holding her steady, never willing to let her fall.
Already, a new ending for her story began to write itself in her mind.
Flockhart’s teemed with lively chatter as Harper stepped in, Fraser’s hand a warm, steadying pressure on her lower back. He planted a final kiss on her forehead before closing the door to keep out the cold.
“YES!” screamed someone among the sea of familiar faces. Harper should have guessed it would be Cam, who almost knocked over a bewildered elderly man with a walking stick in an effort to reach them. “You came!”
Harper barely had time to take a breath before Cam enveloped her into an aggressively tight squeeze. She felt the weight of many eyes on her as she giggled into Cam’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Fuck, yeah!” a broad voice exclaimed from nearby. Andy, Harper saw when she pulled away. They beamed, and Harper wondered if they’d been possessed. Andy had never beamed before. Not since she’d met them, at least.
Tears filled her eyes as she hugged them. “This place looks amazing, Andy. Congratulations. It’s hard to believe this place was chaos a few weeks ago.”
“Aye, well, your boyfriend works hard when he’s pining after you. You should leave him more often.”
Fraser shot Andy a glare, and they held up two hands shimmering with a dozen rings quickly. “Kidding! Don’t ever leave again. He’s a nightmare when he’s heartsick.”
“So I heard,” Harper said gently, leaning into him again.
Eiley appeared then, sniffling as she took Harper’s hand. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here. I was worried we’d never see you again!”
Harper dipped her head timidly. “I’m sorry I left so suddenly. I meant to say goodbye, I just…”
“You just needed to be dramatic. We get it.” Andy ruffled her hair fondly. “I knew you’d be back, anyway. Saved you a room if you get bored of that dusty old cabin in the woods.” And then they pointed at Fraser. “ You’re not allowed to stay, though. I don’t need to hear you making up tonight.”
“Let’s not talk about that in front of his sisters, please.” Cam faked gagging.
Harper only smiled warmly up at Fraser. “I may not need that room after all. I think the cabin is waiting.”
Cam’s gagging intensified.
Eiley laughed. “So, how long are you back? Did you go to the interview, in the end?”
Harper took a deep breath. “I did. And I got the job.” Against her, Fraser tensed up, and she poked him in the ribs. “Don’t worry. I didn’t take it.”
“You didn’t ?” he repeated incredulously. “But you’re brilliant at it! It’s what you wanted!”
“I didn’t ever want it. You just assumed that.” She wrapped her arms around him, meeting his heated gaze. “What I wanted was to be here. I wanted to finish my book and help you all out and discover more things about myself.”
“Aye? Like what?” Fraser’s voice was so soft, she barely heard it. He tucked her hair behind her ear, face full of a love she didn’t quite know what to do with – because she’d never had it before. Not like this.
“Well, that having a cushy job and lots of jealous Instagram followers isn’t the only version of success. That people can be good and kind and quickly become family.” She smiled coyly at the faces around her. “And that I’m far too fabulous for office life.”
“I could have told you that for free,” said Cam.
“So could I,” agreed Fraser. “You deserve all that and more. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that before you left.”
She shrugged. “It was good for me to go back home. It made me realise that I’d outgrown things that used to mean the world to me.” Wistfully, she thought of Kenzie and the office, and her flat back in Manchester. She’d been mulling over the idea of moving out – to where, she didn’t know yet. She wouldn’t mind moving in with her parents again, even if it felt like a step backward. Nor would she mind if the cabin key in her pocket became a little more permanent until she figured out what was next. If the hot water was fixed, that is.
“I’m ready for a gentler life,” she admitted, “with people who really care about me.”
“Good, because I really need your help with the website,” Andy said, elbowing her wickedly. “And I have something for you in return.”
“Oh, yeah?” Harper leaned forwards, curious.
“I got a new coffee machine,” they said, “and I’ve been learning to brew those pumpkin spice lattes you keep going on about.”
Harper gasped. “You really will do anything to keep me here!”
“Aye, apparently so, because they taste like crap.” Andy wrinkled their nose. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make this a proper party.” They disappeared behind the front desk, connecting their phone to a pair of speakers beside their computer.
Eiley hugged Harper whispering, “I’m so happy for you.”
A tear dripped down Harper’s cheek. She was happy, too. Happier than she’d allowed herself to be for far too long.
Fraser tugged her closer as the music started, and she looped her arms around his neck as they began to sway gently. “You should be tending to your new business.” The locals were admiring his wares nonstop, just as they had at the autumn festival. “Your customers are waiting.”
“They can wait a bit longer. I’ve got some making up for lost time to do.” He drew light circles on her lower back as they moved, sending another shiver through her. As happy as she was to be in a room full of people she admired, people who admired her, she couldn’t wait until they were alone.
He must have had the same thought, because his eyes darkened to a blazing night-sky blue.
Right on cue, an acoustic cover of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” began to play from the speakers. Andy cleared their throat and clapped their hands together to announce, “For the record, this is not my playlist. It’s Cam’s. But tonight is for celebrating, so have a boogie if you fancy it. I won’t judge. Much.”
The little makeshift dance floor of twinkle lights and glossy floorboards was soon bustling. Myra passed them, placing a kiss on the side of Harper’s temple, and then her son’s. “Welcome to the family, love.”
And then it was just the two of them again, and Harper couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever been so happy. He twirled her under his arm suddenly, drawing a loud laugh from her that made him sparkle, too.
His lips grazed her ear lobe as he leaned in close. “How long do you think they expect us to stay?”
She scoffed. “It’s your launch party. I think you’re sort of expected all night.”
He feigned dismay, a soft groan vibrating from his throat. “I want to take you home.”
She wanted that, too. For now, she could only kiss him lightly: a promise, one she hoped they would both keep.
“Take me soon.”