18. Zeth #3
Millie poked my leg, and I looked around to see I was still standing while the rest of the chapel was now sitting and staring at me. When did the song end?
I sat swiftly.
It was too late; the service was over. Everyone stood again.
The aisles filled with people while the organist played something fancy with dramatic leaps that matched my stomach trying to lodge in my throat.
Yesterday, Amby sent me a note for us to talk.
He gave me his trust, and I showed up at Chapel with Anna and gave him nothing but embarrassment and pain.
I hoped to keep Amby in my life, but I chased him away.
I had to make this right. We really needed to talk.
When Amby entered the middle aisle, I sprang up to join him. I didn’t give him a chance to move away and grabbed his arm to tug him along with the exiting crowd until we reached an empty pew. There, I claimed my chance to pull him behind me so we could flee through a side door.
As soon as we slipped outside, Amby pulled out of my grip and glared at me. “What are you doing?” he huffed.
“Hoping to apologize,” I replied as heartfelt as I could manage. “I got your note. I’m here for you, Rosie.”
His face contorted in pain as he took a step back. It was like a chasm opened between us as Amby questioned, “With Annabelle on your arm and sitting in her pew? Are you mocking me?” He choked on his words. “Am I just a cheap fuck for you to use?”
“No… It’s not like that at all. I arrived with Anna because she tried to run me over with her car.”
“What?”
“It’s true, and then she took my arm, and Millie sat in her pew, and I felt like I had to follow along, even though I knew how it would look. I’m so sorry. I’d feel better if you called me an ass.”
Amby straightened, his face souring as he said, “You’re an ass.”
“Thank you. Now can we pretend that I came in late and sat in the back as planned?” I laughed nervously and raked a hand through my hair.
When he only raised an eyebrow in reply, I sent him a pleading glance.
I wanted to embrace him, but he was holding himself out of reach.
That didn’t bode well. I asked anyway, “Please, will you tell me why you wrote your note?”
Amby’s jaw drew taut. “Because… I need to tell you something, before it’s too late.” He paused for a long moment, his eyes intense, serious.
I took a step forward. “Rosie, what is it?”
“Annabelle doesn’t have to be your only choice, you know,” Amby shot out. “I’m perfectly capable of being someone to you.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. Being someone to me? That sounded like he wanted to have an affair with me, just as I hoped. Strangely, I wasn’t happy to hear it.
Maybe Amby wasn’t happy either, because his face grew red.
Then he reclaimed his step, drawing closer as he searched for his next words, “Annabelle doesn’t have our inside jokes, she’s never…
dared you to do things. You don’t have a whole history with her.
She doesn’t know how you relate real life to equations, or that you worked so hard as a boy to help your family get by.
She hasn’t laid with you and counted each star in the sky until you’ve fallen asleep, or kissed you until you’re breathless… I hope.”
He was right and saw me so clearly. I’d not done any of those things with Anna, so I shook my head in answer. Amby’s lovely sentiments completely stole the air from my lungs.
He looked at me as if he might cry. “You asked me not long ago, the reason why I let you go if I was so heartbroken. The truth is, I let my father scare me. I just wanted him to be proud of me, so I chose him.” He took a deep breath.
“But I chose wrong, because each day without you has been nothing but empty. It doesn’t matter to me if you don’t have money, or if you’re not one of the elite.
Zeth, I’ve wanted to be with you since the moment I dared you to kiss me.
I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that.
” His voice cracked. “But I didn’t realize how much you made my life whole until you came back into it, and now I know I can’t live without you.
And I’m afraid if I don’t tell you how I feel now, I’ll lose you again, forever. ”
“I…” My mind was adding up his sentences into neat columns for my brain to calculate. It sounded like… “Are you saying you’re choosing me? You want to be with just me?”
“Yes,” he got out. “All of you. You and me. Our whole hearts. Ahh, I sound so stupid.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “If… you want me, that is. If you haven’t already given a kiss to—”
“No, fuck no. That woman has too many fucking tea sets,” I said with a crazy little laugh. “I never kissed Anna. I couldn’t bring myself to, and I don’t want to either.”
Amby blinked at me with glossy eyes, and also with a visible look of relief. Letting out a breath, he stated, “You didn’t…” His lips twitched as he let out a nervous breath. “Now it’s my turn to tell you to call me an ass, for misunderstanding what happened today.”
“You have a nice ass,” I said to lighten the mood. “Oh wait, did I say that wrong?”
Amby laughed and looked away timidly. I felt the air shifting, no longer pushing us apart, so I closed the gap between us and used the back of my hand to caress his cheek.
Then I tucked two fingers under his chin to bring his gaze up to mine.
I was so grateful to see tenderness shining there once again.
There was so much to tell him about my past, and I had so many doubts and fears about the future, but there was one thing I knew for sure. “You’re the one I want, Rosie. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted. Shall we take a walk and figure this out together?”
His dimple showed, and I let go of his chin to offer him my hand. Maybe we could find a spot away from the chapel to talk.
Amby appeared as tentatively hopeful as I felt as he slid his bruised and calloused fingers into mine. “I’d like that.”