Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Sasha
I do as Ryker suggested and put on clothes and then make myself a cappuccino. But as I sip the frothy drink, I correct the accounting ledger that Ryker left.
It’s done in no time, and I lift my head, feeling antsy.
I make another coffee, but as I sip, I fidget with the hem of my shirt. That’s when I realize I’m tapping the hem with the same rhythm I use to calm myself.
I’m not sure what has me on such high alert.
Sver. That’s the most likely choice.
But I think it’s more Ryker’s behavior. After last night, he seems on edge. Is he worried about my father’s hitman?
I tap faster.
If Ryker isn’t confident, I’m not either. Is that fair to him? Does he need to be the strength for both of us?
I’m tapping faster. Clenching my fingers, I grab up the ledger.
With a deep breath, I carry it into his office. He said he had a second one that needed to be done. Surely, he won’t mind if I check it over for him.
Setting the book down, I pick up the other ledger, ready to take it back to the kitchen. But that’s when Katarina’s name on one of the documents catches my attention.
Logically I know this isn’t strange. They were supposed to marry. But it still feels wrong, and I pause. My eyes scanning down the document.
Three words pop out at me: Bill of Sale.
I start, reading more as my heart begins to hammer in my chest. What would my sister have that she could sell to Ryker?
I start at the top, reading deeper. My stomach churns as the details become clear.
My sister had a casino until the day before the wedding when she sold it to Ryker. My mind can’t even process what this might mean. But then I flip to the page below, finding another document.
This one is decorated with my signature.
My heart stops in my chest. Snatching up the documents, I race toward the elevator. I don’t even bother to put on shoes as I press the button on Ryker’s phone to open the elevator.
I don’t pay any mind to the fact that I’m in leggings and a tank top as the elevator opens on the floor below.
I’m mindless, making my way to the conference room with the documents in hand. I have no idea what I’m going to say or do, or why I’ve come down, other than I need answers.
I need him to tell me this isn’t true. What I think he’s done isn’t…
“You can’t be fucking serious, Ryker,” Triston’s booming voice carries down the hall. “You stole a fucking casino from your bride and another from her sister?”
I stop dead, choking on the bile that rises in my throat.
“I bought the one property off Katarina. It was a business deal. She wanted out and I wanted—”
The words hit me square in the chest, knocking the wind from my lungs. My stomach churns again and I know I’m going to throw up.
I spin around, darting back in the elevator.
I don’t even press a button as I slide to the floor, placing my head between my legs as I try to keep from vomiting.
Somehow, I hold it in as the elevator begins to move.
The doors open and I crawl out, Ryker’s phone and the documents still in my hand. I look up and realize, I’m back in the penthouse.
I can’t keep my stomach calm and suddenly, my stomach pitches again, the contents landing on the kitchen floor.
My head swims and I know I’m going to be sick again. Pushing up, I move toward the bathroom half hunched, tears leaking from my eyes.
I barely make it to the bathroom before I’m sick again. When I’m done, I slump against the toilet, the reality of what I just learned sinking deep.
Ryker has been using me the entire time.
I mean nothing.
I’ve never meant anything to him. I put myself all the way out on a limb, shared my feelings, gave him my heart, but I’m…
The truth hits me like a punch in the stomach. My sister and my husband worked together to betray me. Use me.
No one loves me. No one.
I push up from the toilet, catching my reflection in the mirror. Pale, snotty, vomit dripping down my chin, I’m the picture of disgusting.
I’ve never been anything.
The weight of how little others value me makes me sick all over again, but I don’t bend to the toilet.
I keep my eyes locked on the woman in the mirror. Manipulated. Used.
The woman not even her father loves.
Suddenly it’s too much. Pitching Ryker’s phone, it hits the mirror with a force I didn’t even know I possessed, cracking the mirror in a spider web pattern, a few jagged pieces falling to the marble countertop.
My reflection is now fractured into a hundred hideous segments, but I only give them the briefest glance as I step closer to the sink.
My bare foot crunches on a glass shard but I barely notice as I pick up a large shard.
It sparkles in my hand, catching the sunlight as I turn it in my fingers, cutting the pad of my pointer finger.
Blood drips down on the documents on the counter. Fitting. I pierce another hole in my skin letting more blood decorate the white of the paper.
Then I softly start to tap the glass against my palm in the familiar pattern, each time drawing blood.
Deeper into my skin the glass sinks as I move closer to my wrist.
I’ve never been loved. All around me, I’ve tried to reach out. Maybe I’ve always just been a sheep surrounded by wolves.
Or maybe, I’m too broken for anyone…
The glass pierces the skin just where my hand gives way to the wrist, the pain finally registering.
But rather than frighten me, it calms me.
Pain, I know. Pain I can tolerate.
It’s life that I can’t seem to manage.
One sweep of the glass, maybe two, and it could all be over.
I could be done and then…
“Sasha.”
I don’t look back. Instead, I tap the glass lower.