Chapter 2
Dreamtime
I stumble into my apartment, exhausted and ready to face-plant in my bed. I need sleep. I crave it. Working two jobs and going to school part time is wearing me out.
However, I have no choice. At thirty, I thought I’d have my own place to go home to and have some peace. Nope, no such luck there. I’m dragging my butt into an apartment I share with three roommates.
It’s what I can afford living single in New York City. Not the ideal situation as I grew up in foster care and have always been painfully shy. I wish I could at least say I’ve made friends with these women, but I have not.
I could disappear tomorrow, and no one here would care. They probably wouldn’t even bother to report me missing. To be honest, I’m too tired to care either way.
I’ll be happy not to find anyone passed out in my room. Angel has a habit of bringing randoms home who end up in my bedroom for some reason. I’m not in the mood for that.
My feet feel like lead—my soles are on fire. I can do little more than drag them as I make my way to my room. My lids feel like sandpaper. I’m struggling to complete a thought at this point.
“You look like shit,” Tangy says as I drag by her on the couch.
I barely lift a hand to wave at her as I pass by. I feel like shit, so there’s no need to respond to her words. Eight hours on my feet as a medical assistant and then a five-hour shift cranking out coffee will have anyone dead on their feet and unable to string together a sentence.
Add to that the fact that for the last two months, I haven’t been sleeping through the night because I’ve been having these weird dreams that feel so real it’s no wonder I’m a walking zombie. Those dreams are so haunting. They feel more like memories that are resurfacing after being suppressed for years.
“I hope you have your earplugs,” Tangy calls after me.
Right as she says the words, music begins to play from Leona’s bedroom. I’m too tired to even groan as I hear music blasting from behind her door. It’s well after the hours we agreed upon for noise and entertainment.
One more semester and I can leave this all behind—working two jobs, having to live with roommates, studying until my eyes feel like they’re going to bleed. I’ll be able to say goodbye to it all in four and a half more months. My roommates have no respect for me.
I’ve asked politely plenty of times for them to respect my space, my time, and my things, but they never do. I don’t have the energy to knock and ask for Leona to turn that crap down. Knowing her, she’ll turn it up and make sure it plays until tomorrow morning.
I hate it here.
All I want is a good, full night’s sleep. No dreams, no weird memories, nothing but sleep. The kind of sleep when your body and mind get a full rest.
I make it to my room and sigh in relief to find my bed empty. I shrug my backpack off my shoulders and toss it in my desk chair. Kicking off my sneakers, I then strip from my clothes with the little energy I have left. Stumbling to my bed, I fall face-first into it.
I’m out before I can register that I’ve landed on my bed safely. However, I know as soon as sleep takes over, I’m falling into one of those dreams again. I want to fight to keep my eyes open, to keep the dreamworld out, but it’s no use.
Immediately, I notice this time is a bit different. The surroundings have an ancient feel to them. I feel like I’m in a time so far from my own as I stand in a field.
Looking down at my clothes, I find myself in gladiator sandals and a shirt made of leather strips. Leather also molds to my chest.
“You don’t need superpowers to have heart, Annaniah,” someone with a deep rumbling voice says from behind me.
I startle but relax quickly. His voice makes me feel like I know him. There’s this deep sense of trust I feel with him. Almost like he’s my big brother.
I know he’s speaking to me, and I’m this Annaniah in the dream. Glancing down, I find a chakram in each hand. Zena, the warrior princess, comes to mind. However, in this dream, it feels as if I know them well.
“Annaniah, I know you feel as if your sisters are all stronger than you. The fact that you asked me for more training says you have what it takes to get better, stronger, faster. I only need you to believe in yourself.”
I go to turn to see the face of the man speaking to me, but the dream shifts as soon as I do. I’m confused because I know I knew him. I remember the day he said those words to me, but it seems like a time so long ago—how can that be possible?
As the dream changes, I’m now sitting at a bonfire as I have so many times before in these dreams. I feel small, not so much in size, but as if I’m young. A little girl.
I know I’m a girl because I look down and see my small hands with pink nail polish on them. I have long dark hair that’s in two braids on each side of my head, hanging down over my shoulders.
“Api Kecil.” I raise my head, recognizing the name for my own.
There’s a figure on the other side of the fire, but I’m too small to see them over it. The voice of the speaker is deep and almost ethereal. Yet, it brings with it so much comfort.
“You have been named Little Fire for the gift you have been given and will carry with you from this life into the next. The blessing that was once blocked has now been given. Guard this gift well, Api Kecil. It will serve you well when the time comes.”
It’s the same dream as before and I still don’t understand what’s going on. Always this place, always the same voice. I look around me, trying to find anything new to explain what this all means and why I keep returning to the same dream.
Nothing, there’s nothing to help. I go to speak to see if I can this time. Usually, I can’t. However, as soon as I open my mouth, everything changes.
This is new. Instead of sitting before the fire, I’m now surrounded by flames. I’m myself this time, that much I can feel. I’m on my knees and I’m naked. I can feel the heat of the flames, but I’m not panicked.
I’m more so confused. That’s when I look into the flames as a figure begins to form behind them. I squint, trying to see who or what’s on the other side.
I lift my hand as I begin to feel a pull toward the figure moving toward me. My brows knit as the air feels thick around me. My heart is racing, but I feel safe.
“I’m not going to keep putting up with this shit.”
I pop up out of my sleep looking around wildly as shouting starts in the apartment. I growl and push a hand through my sweat-soaked hair. I’m already bone tired. I’m not in the mood for this crap.
“Six a.m.,” I mutter as I look at the clock.
Damn, I’ve barely gotten any sleep. I fling the covers off and stumble out of bed. The yelling continues as I find some sweats and a T-shirt to tug on. I roll my eyes and groan as I make it to the door of my room and tug it open.
Tangy is shouting in Angel’s face as she has her hands on her hips. This is nothing new. Angel stays getting on everyone’s nerves.
“I’m not trying to hear that shit. Where’s the fucking rent?” Tangy snarls.
“I told you I need a few more days.”
“ Angel ,” Tangy drags out. “You’ve been living here rent-free for the past three months. Leona and Taylor may give you a pass and cover for you, but I’ve had it. If you don’t pay up, you can pack up.”
“Is that my romper?” I gasp as I look Angel over.
“Well, yeah. You said you didn’t think it looked good on you because your tits are so small. I have a date, I think it looks good on me,” Angel says nonchalantly.
I throw my hands in the air. This is beyond ridiculous. I’m tired of it.
Yeah, I didn’t like the fit, but I planned to wear it anyway. I bought it for myself. She’s out of her mind if she thinks she can just take my shit because she wants.
I know I’m exhausted because I can feel my anger rise and rush through me like the heat of a flame. I’m usually too shy to speak up, but enough is enough.
“Stop taking my things,” I bite out. “As a matter of fact, stay out of my room.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. If she doesn’t cough up some rent, she’s out on her ass and won’t be in anyone’s room. Have that money by tonight, Angel. I’m not playing.”
“Would you all shut the fuck up,” Leona snaps as she opens her bedroom door.
She has a lot of nerve. She’s always the one making the most noise. Done with this scene, I turn to head back to my room.
I know I’m not going to get any sleep, so I grab my things to go take a shower before someone else hogs the bathroom and the last of the hot water.
I might as well head to the diner and get some studying in. I’m certainly not going to get any more sleep. Angel and Leona begin to argue.
Yup, I’m getting the hell out of here before I rip my own hair out. People always mistake my kindness for a weakness. One of these days, everyone will think twice before stepping all over me.
Maybe if I had a person, I wouldn’t feel so alone and voiceless. I think of my sisters. I can’t help wondering what our lives would have been like if we had been raised together.
I would hope it would have been nothing like this. Ray, Billy, and Lee have been a lifeline for me since I found them.
“It’s going to get better,” I mutter to myself as I think of my life. “It has to get better.”