King of My Heart

Chapter 19

DARWYNN

My heart was pounding as I held my phone to my ear, waiting for the person I had called to pick up. I had thought about calling Julian for a while now, and this morning, I had gathered enough courage to do it.

Caspian was outside, working on his car, and I figured that if I didn’t do it now, I never would. Caspian and my relationship was getting more serious, and I just couldn’t keep on dealing with this tension inside of me.

And I hated how hurt Caspian was about this whole situation with Julian. I wanted them to talk. To clear things up. For them to just accept each other again.

“Babe?”

Babe?

I frowned. That was a weird way to greet me after all these months. And after very obviously breaking up the last time we saw each other.

“Uh, hey, Julian,” I greeted him back. My voice was shaky. “How are you?”

“Relieved, now that you called. I thought you had forgotten about me.”

Damn , he wasn’t making this easy for me.

There was a hint of hope in his voice, and I needed to stop him right there.

“Julian…” I sighed, covering my forehead with my free hand. “I’m calling for a reason, and I need you to listen to me, okay?”

There was a pause on the other end, a long enough silence that made my stomach twist. Then, his voice came back, filled with worry. “Are you hurt? Where are you?”

I let out a slow breath. “I’m okay, Jule. I’m in Hilton Beach.”

“Where’s that?”

So he never cared to find out where his father lived now.

“Canada. About twelve hours from Burlington,” I told him.

“So you’re still on your trip? You’ve been gone for so long.”

Did he think I was someday going back to him?

Shit …was he waiting on me?

No, why would he? And why wouldn’t he text if he missed me?

It didn’t matter, anyway. I didn’t want him back.

I broke up with him, but he clearly didn’t fully accept it.

“I uh…” I stopped to find the right words. I needed to move this conversation into a different direction. “Hilton Beach is where your father lives.”

Silence.

Again.

And though I couldn’t see his face, I just knew there was shock and disappointment written all over his face.

“What the fuck, Darwynn!”

Aaaand he’s back.

“Let me explain,” I said, biting my lower lip.

“What. The. Fuck!”

Apparently, he was still trying to swallow the news of me being at his father’s place.

“Look, I didn’t call to fight. I just…I wanted to talk.”

“About what?” He sounded wary now, like he already knew where this conversation was headed.

I hesitated, gripping the edge of the couch cushion beside me. “About your past.”

He scoffed immediately. “Of course.”

“Julian—”

“You’re fucking insane. Do you even realize what you’ve done? First, you break up with me. Then, you go on a months-long trip without ever calling or texting. And now you’re with my father ? What the actual fuck is going on, Darwynn?”

Oh, he was angry .

I clenched my jaw and gripped my phone tighter.

I swallowed. I needed to keep calm. “I will explain it to you. Just give me a moment. And, please, hear me out.”

“Hear you out?” He let out a bitter laugh. “You’re being crazy. God, Darwynn, how dare you insert yourself into this? This isn’t about you. It’s about me and him.”

This time, I laughed.

Dryly.

“I never inserted myself into this. You did. When you kept talking about what a “horrible man” Caspian is. For six long months, you talked badly about him in front of me. So, yes, Julian, it’s about me, too.”

“What, are you trying to make up for something? Trying to be a heroine? For what?” He muttered a curse. “What the fuck!”

If he said that one more time, I would riot.

He was quiet again, but I could hear his breathing. He was annoyed.

“Please, hear me out,” I said, keeping my voice soft. I truly didn’t want to fight with him.

“You can’t convince me to talk to him.”

“I’m not trying to convince you of anything. I just thought I would try. Because I know how much you’re hurting, and after getting to know Caspian—”

“How long have you been there?” he asked, interrupting me.

“A few weeks.”

“Shit.” He sighed heavily. “I bet he’s been lying to you all this time. Whatever he said is not true. He’s an asshole.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered, my heart clenching with pain. I hated how he talked about Caspian.

“Whatever,” he muttered, falling silent once more.

I pressed my lips into a thin line and looked up when a creak from the door caught my attention. Caz walked in, wiping grease off his hands with an old towel.

“Julian,” I said, letting Caspian know who I was on the phone with. His brows raised, but he didn’t say anything. He just watched me, waiting for me to continue. “I talked to Caspian about this already. He told me his side of the story, and I already knew yours. Some things just don’t add up. And…your father would like to talk to you. Clear things up.”

“You’re fucking insane if you think I will talk to him. He’s never been in my life and I don’t need him to be now.”

My heart ached, and I was glad Caspian couldn’t hear what his son was saying about him.

I stayed calm. “Julian, he’s not who you think he is. And what you think is the truth is far from what actually happened.”

“Oh, right,” he snapped. “Because you know him so much better than I do, huh?”

“I know a different side of him. A side you refuse to see.”

I was scared that I would give away too much. I didn’t want him to know that Caspian and I were…dating.

I could hear him breathing louder now, like he was trying to hold himself back from saying something cruel.

I kept my tone soft. “I wouldn’t be asking you this if I didn’t think it was important. And I know, deep down, it’s important to you too.”

He exhaled sharply. “So, what? You want me to just forget everything? Sit there and forget that he abandoned me?”

“He didn’t abandon you,” I said firmly. “He tried. He really did, Julian. And you know it. He told me about all the calls you missed, and all the messages you responded to in a rather rude manner.”

He didn’t say anything, and I sensed he felt caught.

I hesitated for a second, then took a deep breath. “Caspian would like to come visit you.”

His reaction was immediate. “What?”

“He wants to visit you,” I repeated. “He wants to sit down with you and talk. In person.”

“Darwynn…” He groaned in frustration. “Come on, that’s stupid.”

“Please, Julian.” I was pleading now. “You have nothing to lose by just talking to him. But if you don’t, you might regret it one day. I just know it will be good. For both of you.”

I could feel him wrestling with himself through the silence. He wasn’t hanging up, which I took as a major win.

After a long moment, he let out a defeated sigh. “I’ll think about it.”

Hope sparked in my chest.

My eyes flicked back to Caspian. “That’s all I’m asking.” For now .

“Yeah, yeah.” He sounded exhausted, like I had just asked him to move mountains. “I’ll let you know.”

I smiled a little. “Okay.”

We were still a long way from fixing things. But maybe—just maybe—this was a start.

“All right,” he said, letting another wave of quiet wash over us. “I’ll text, or something.”

“Okay, yes. Thank you, Jule.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he murmured. “Bye.”

“Bye.” I waited for him to hung up, and as I lowered the phone from my ear, I looked up at Caspian and smiled gently. “He said he’ll think about it. About meeting you.”

He exhaled slowly, his expression unreadable. His hands, which were now clean, clenched into fists for a brief moment before relaxing.

“That’s…something,” he said at last, his voice careful, measured. “It’s better than nothing.”

I nodded, searching his face. “It is. It’s a step.”

He gave me a faint smile. “You’re persistent, you know that?”

I let out a soft laugh. “I’ve been told.”

He took a step closer and placed his right hand on my hip, pulling me to him. “I just don’t know what I’d even say to him. Where to start. It’s been so long.”

I pushed my phone into my back pocket and rested my hands on his chest, gently picking at his shirt’s fabric. “You don’t have to figure that out right now. Just be open when the time comes.”

He glanced down at me, his lips pressing together. “I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“I know.” And I did. Hope was dangerous. But it was also the only way forward. “You’re not alone. I’m here.”

Caspian sighed again, heavier this time, but not in frustration. “I know. And I’m thankful for you.”

He leaned down to kiss me, and I savored the moment.

When he pulled away, his forehead rested against mine, his breath warm and steady. For a few precious seconds, we stayed like that—silent, connected, caught in the fragile space between uncertainty and hope.

Then, with a final exhale, Caspian straightened. “I’ll make us dinner.”

I nodded, threading my fingers through his. “I’ll help.”

***

It took Julian exactly eight hours to agree to that meet-up.

Eight hours, and it was the middle of the night when he had texted.

I saw his message the next morning, and without giving him a chance to change his mind, I told him that Caspian and I would be on our way the same afternoon.

It was a twelve-hour drive to Burlington, and Caspian decided to stop halfway into the drive to sleep in a small town motel, then we’d get back on the road the next morning.

Caspian had been quiet throughout most of the drive. It wasn’t unlike him to keep to himself, but most times, he didn’t have a reason to. This trip made him nervous, though. Hell, I was nervous too. This wasn’t just a visit. It was a reckoning.

My mind raced with possibilities. Would Julian admit what he had done or keep pretending? Would he even give Caspian a chance to speak? Anything could happen, but Caspian wasn’t alone. He had me right by his side.

By the time we pulled into the apartment complex’s parking lot, my hands felt clammy. But in a way, it felt good to be back. Even if a part of my life I didn’t want to pursue was here.

I looked over at Caspian and smiled tightly, reaching for his hand to squeeze it. “I’m right here. If he’s not able to have a mature conversation, we’ll just leave.”

Which would be counterproductive. But at least we tried.

He studied our hands, turning his around so his palm was facing mine. I slid my fingers through his, interlocking them. He gave a quick nod before meeting my gaze. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

I squeezed his hand once more before we both stepped out of the car. With one more glance at Caspian, we stepped forward to get to the entrance.

It was open, so we headed up to the second floor where Julian’s apartment was located.

I rang the doorbell, and the door swung open shortly after. Julian stood in the entryway, his eyes never meeting Caspian’s as he took me in. There was a hint of relief on his face, but uncertainty was the emotion that took over most of his expression.

“Hey, Jule,” I said with a small smile.

“Hey.”

I glanced up at Caspian, then at Julian again, wanting for him to acknowledge his father. I raised a brow with expectancy, but it was Caspian who took the first step.

“Hey, Julian. It’s good to finally see you.” His words were filled with so much love and pain. I couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. He hadn’t seen his son in years.

Julian looked up at him, swallowing hard with a clenched jaw. “Hello, Dad .”

Well, at least he didn’t fully disown him.

Julian stepped aside then, gesturing for us to go inside. “Come in.”

I went ahead, walking straight toward the living room. Julian motioned toward the couches, and we sat down after taking off our jackets while he went to grab us something to drink.

How considerate.

I didn’t think he would be.

I glanced at Caspian, smiling gently to reassure him that everything will be okay. He gave a nod, then moved his eyes to Julian when he reappeared and sat down on the other couch opposite of us.

“How have you been, Jule?” I asked, trying to ease the tension.

“Fine. Work has been stressful. I’ve been alone for a couple of months now. Toby moved out.”

“Oh. How so?”

That came as a surprise. Toby and Julian were such good friends, and I always thought that they’d keep living together forever.

“Believe it or not…” he started, letting out a harsh laugh. “He got a girlfriend and moved in with her.”

I did, in fact, not believe it. “Really?”

He nodded. “Couldn’t believe it either. But he’s totally whipped.”

I smiled tightly. “That’s…sweet. Toby’s a good guy.” Even if he was a walking cannabis plant.

“Yeah. But since he left, I’ve been gaming way less, and reading a lot more. I finally finished the book you got me for my birthday.”

I smiled at him. “That’s nice. Did you like it?”

He hesitated, then glanced at Caspian briefly before answering. “Yeah, it was good.”

Caspian gave a small, polite nod but said nothing. He was letting him set the tone, letting him ease into the conversation. I appreciated that, but I also knew we couldn’t dance around the real reason we were here forever.

Silence stretched between us, thick with unspoken words. I didn’t want to push him or urge him to come clean, but I couldn’t wait any longer, either. I wanted them to clear the things that kept them apart for years. The reason for Caspian’s pain that he just couldn’t shake.

I cleared my throat as the silence became unbearable. “Julian, you know why we came.”

His face tensed, his fingers tightening around the glass in his hands. “I know. Although…this is still fucking strange. You went looking for him.”

I couldn’t deny that.

I did go looking for him, and, personally, it paid off.

“Yes, to do you a favor,” I told him. “Can we talk about it?”

He inhaled sharply but didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he placed his glass down on the coffee table and folded his hands in his lap. “I still don’t understand how this is important to you, but, truthfully, I’m too exhausted to find out. And I don’t know what he has told you, but—”

“He told me the truth, Jule,” I interrupted softly. “That he tried. That he wanted to be there for you, but you wouldn’t let him.”

His lips parted, but no words came out. Caspian, still quiet, sat with his hands clasped between his knees, his gaze never leaving him. He wasn’t here to fight or argue. He was here to closure.

Finally, Julian exhaled and looked down. “I hated him,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “He…” He stopped and looked at Caspian, wanting to address him directly. “You weren’t around much. Hell, I was little, but I knew you tried. But I was just so angry. You were busy with your acting, and I thought that…if I cut you off like Mom wanted me to, you wouldn’t get the chance to leave me, and it wouldn’t have hurt as much.”

Caspian let out a breath through his nose, rubbing his palms together. “Julian,” he said, his voice low and filled with so many emotions. This was hard for him, too.

“I get it. I really do. I wasn’t always there, but I always made time for you until your mother wouldn’t allow it anymore. And when you got older, you never gave me the chance to prove that I could be there for you.”

And he would’ve been an amazing father to Julian. I was sure of that.

Julian swallowed hard, and for the first time, he looked truly regretful. “At the time, I thought I was doing what was best for Mom and me. She did a damn good job at raising me. So why would I have needed a father who wasn’t around all the time?”

Caspian leaned forward slightly, his eyes softening. “You did need me, Julian. You needed a father, even if it wasn’t in the way you thought. And I wasn’t perfect. I should’ve fought harder, I should’ve tried harder. But you also needed to know that I never stopped loving you.”

Julian shifted uncomfortably, his eyes moving to the coffee table as if he were trying to process everything that was being said. The silence stretched again, but this time, it wasn’t as suffocating. There was something fragile, like a thread about to snap, but it was still holding them together.

“I know,” Julian murmured, his voice small. “I know that now. but when you were gone, I didn’t know what to think. I was angry, and I didn’t know how to make sense of any of it. I saw you on TV all the time. On billboards. On the damn news. It hurt so much seeing you everywhere and not having you close. It was easier blaming you. Easier to think you didn’t care.”

Caspian’s throat tightened, and he reached out, resting his hand on the arm of the couch. “I never stopped caring. And I’m sorry I didn’t fought even harder to be in your life. Your mother truly made it hard for me. But I’m here now. we’re both here, and I want to make this right, if you’ll let me.”

The words hung in the air, and Julian seemed to be contemplating them, torn between the years of hurt and the possibility of healing. He wiped his hand across his face, taking a shaky breath before meeting Caspian’s gaze for the first time fully.

“I’ve been so fucking scared,” he admitted quietly, his voice breaking slightly. “Scared to forgive you, scared to let myself trust again. But I can’t keep holding on to the past. It’s not helping either of us.”

Julian kept on surprising me with his words. But the more he said, the cleared it was to me that Julian had truly struggled with this. He had felt the same pain as Caspian—only Julian had inflicted it himself.

Caspian’s eyes softened even more, and I could see the weight he’d been carrying for so many years begin to lift. It wasn’t a quick fix. This wasn’t a moment where everything would be magically repaired, but it was a start.

“I never wanted you to carry that burden alone,” Caspian said, his voice rough but sincere. “If you would’ve let me be there for you, I would’ve been. I’m here now, and I won’t stop trying to show you that.”

Julian swallowed hard, his eyes glossy now. “I’m not perfect either. I’ve…I’ve said a lot of things I regret not. To you, to Mom…and to myself. But maybe we can start over. I don’t know how, but I want to try.”

There it was—the first step toward something new. Something that had been impossible for years, but now, it was there…and there was still a big secret between us that couldn’t come out just yet.

Shit …I was ruining this.

I managed to get them to talk, and now I was the one thing standing between them.

I turned my head and looked at Caspian, wondering if he thought the same.

When his eyes met mine, he immediately understood why I looked so worried.

His jaw tightened, and it took him a moment to figure out what he would say next.

I didn’t expect him to keep this thing between us a secret, but I wasn’t sure he would open up about it just yet.

He cleared his throat and looked at Julian again, smiling tightly. “We don’t have to have it all figured out right now. We’ll just take it one step at a time.”

There was so much hope in his eyes and voice.

“Yeah,” Julian said, his smile as tight as Caspian’s. “One step at a time.”

The conversation was far from over, and there would be more hard talks, more moments of tension for them. But it felt like the beginning of something real. Something worth fighting for.

As Julian stood, walking to the kitchen to refill our glasses, I looked at Caspian once more. His gaze met mine, and he reached for my hand, squeezing it. “I know what you’re thinking. But I need this now. With Julian. I need this to work.”

I quickly nodded. “I understand.”

Although, I didn’t understand what that meant for us.

Did he want to break up?

Keep it a secret?

Whatever he chose—and however much it would hurt—I would support his decision.

Julian came back, and Caspian pulled his hand away from mine.

“So…how long are you staying in Burlington?” he asked, looking between us as he sat back down on the other couch.

“We got two rooms at a nearby hotel. I booked it for one night, but if you would like for me to stay a while longer, I can extend our stay,” Caspian suggested.

Julian shook his head, although his eyes flashed with hope. “I don’t want to sound rude but I think I need some time to let everything sink in first. I know it was a long drive for you…but I need some time and space. We got phones, though. We can text and call until I’m ready to, you know, have you around for more than a day.”

Julian’s decision was one I could comprehend, and Caspian too.

“I fully understand,” he told his son. “That’s okay, Julian.”

“Great. Thanks.” His eyes flicked to me, and the corner of his mouth curled up slightly. “And you? Are you staying here this time? Your trip has to end someday.”

I smiled gently, agreeing with his last statement. “I…am going back to Hilton Beach, too.”

“Why?” Julian’s brows furrowed, and he tilted his head like a puppy.

“Because…” I looked at Caspian, biting my cheek. I wasn’t going to mess this up. I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to. “I’ve been enjoying my time in Hilton Beach, and I’ve totally fallen in love with that place.” I didn’t say more. I wanted him to interpret the rest.

“Just like that?” he asked, his frown deepening.

“Yes, kind of. I don’t really have a plan yet, and I haven’t told my parents yet—because that’s where I was hoping to head next—but if nothing gets in the way, I want to move there.”

Caspian’s body eased next to mine, and when I glanced at him, I saw a pleased gleam in his eyes. I hadn’t told him all of that yet. But by saying it out loud now, I was letting him know that I wanted to keep being with him.

“You’ve always followed your heart,” Julian said, his smile gentle and sad in a way. “You’ll definitely have good company.”

I laughed softly, knowing he meant his dead. But my laugh faded when I realized how oblivious he was. It would break him finding out that Caspian and I were dating.

He would probably change his mind about his father, too.

Or…we would let enough time pass and act like this happened over time.

“So…” Julian said, his smile tightening. “How about dinner? I don’t want to kick you out just yet. And, by the way, you can stay here for the night. It’s not like you’ve not lived here for over six months,” he told me before moving his gaze to Caspian. “And it’s not like you’re not my dad. We’ll figure out a sleeping arrangement later. Toby’s bedroom still has a bed in it, and the couch is an option too.”

“Dinner sounds nice,” Caspian said, ignoring the sleeping over part.

I felt bad about not being able to tell Julian the truth about us but I knew that if I told him today, things would end up differently.

I didn’t want to risk it.

So I let it be.

For now.