Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
“Goddess,” I sighed. “What’s a female to do?”
“What’s that?” Jax replied, a frown in his voice.
“Ah...” I snapped my spine upright. “Did I say that out loud?”
We hadn’t even been riding ten minutes, and already I was aware of every single breath Jax took. It seemed even my humiliation couldn’t stop the fact that I desired this male. And I had no clue how to stop it.
“You did,” he replied, and if I didn’t know better, a smile had slid into his voice. “Care to share why?”
“Not really,” I replied too quickly.
“Are you sure?”
I huffed a laugh, thankful that he was beginning to sound more like he had previously and was no longer irritable, but I still changed subjects. “So where is it we’re going? And please don’t say north again. ”
He took a long, deep breath. The blurred void around us continued, and it felt as though we were the only fae in the realm. “To the capital.”
My eyes bulged. “Stonewild Kingdom’s capital? As in Jaggedston? But why there?” It didn’t seem like a safe place to venture. So many fae lived there, and the kingsfae were strong in their numbers, making it seem like a place Jax would avoid.
Another heartbeat of silence passed. “Because that’s where I live.”
My breath stopped. Stunned, I couldn’t reply.
“And I’m assuming you know that’s not information I generally share freely,” he added.
My insides curled. Of course it wasn’t something he would share easily. I was certain his enemies would kill for that information. But he’d told me.
Warmth spread through me, and it hit me that even though he didn’t desire me, we’d still called a truce between us. I could even consider him a friend, because despite the fact that he’d abducted me, he was going to free me to the best of his ability. If that didn’t deserve a tentative friendship, I didn’t know what did.
I sat up straighter. “As your lorafin, I take the responsibility of guarding that knowledge very seriously.”
His fingers played with the hem of my shirt, his movements quick and agitated. “You’re not my lorafin, Elowen,” he said softly.
“I’m not? ”
“No, you’re your own. Nobody owns you. Not unless you willingly give yourself to someone.” He added the last bit so quietly I strained to decipher it.
I ran my fingers along my collar. My pulse spiked, but not from its magic. “This would speak otherwise. Only someone who’s owned would wear something like this.”
“Stars Above. I hate that thing.” He cursed softly under his breath.
I angled my head up to see him better, and my pulse leaped. He was so close I could see the individual stubble hairs on the underside of his jaw, barely visible beneath his mask.
My entire body thrummed, and I wondered how I was going to go an entire day like this. It felt as if every second that passed, my awareness of him increased. His scent, his feel, his voice... For one crazy moment, I considered asking him to rob me of my senses just so my mind could realign, and I could force my budding attraction into submission. Just so my stupid virgin body would stop wondering what it would be like for this male to take me.
But I couldn’t, not without raising questions from him and thoroughly embarrassing myself in the process, so to distract myself, I launched into a discussion about books, the places I’d traveled with Guardian Alleron, and the wildlings I’d met over the seasons.
Jax listened attentively, asking questions as well, as though he truly was interested to learn all of those mundane details. Or perhaps he was just being polite .
But surprisingly, when I asked questions of him—his favorite hobbies, favorite foods, favorite entertainment venues—he answered, but more evasively, so I couldn’t know where he enjoyed those things, just that he did.
Still, I had a feeling that what he revealed to me wasn’t how he usually interacted with captives. He had told me where he lived after all. The actual city, nonetheless.
But at least my plan worked. As the hours wore on, and my chattering continued, I wasn’t completely aware of his every movement.
Just mostly aware.
We traveled through the morning and into the afternoon, and I perpetually wondered when we would reach Jaggedston. Jax had us stop once, to give everyone a chance to drink and grab something to eat. Supplies were low, so it was only dried meat and a few apples, but I didn’t complain. Come tomorrow, I would perform Jax’s calling, and then...he would free me to the best of his ability.
Each time that thought struck me, my internal magic warmed, heating and igniting as though knowing that it was the last time I would ever have to perform a calling outside of my own choosing. And that warmth infused life into me, especially since the temperature had cooled as the terrain around us turned into rolling hills with vast mountainous peaks looming on the horizon.
And as the day wore on, the scent of the sea grew in the air. Salt kissed my senses, and I tried to remember what I’d learned of Stonewild Kingdom’s capital. It sat near the sea on the northeast side of our continent. Like all of the continent’s kingdoms, ten noble Houses ruled the land, yet the king was the supreme ruler of them all. It was also the largest city in the north, over two million fae calling it home.
Beyond that, there wasn’t much I knew, but in a population that big, it would be easy to blend in. Perhaps that was why Jax had chosen to call the capital his home despite the numerous kingsfae who heralded there as well.
“Did you grow up in Jaggedston?” I asked, the land once again a blur around us as Phillen ran at his full pace.
“I did,” Jax replied.
I perked up. So he hadn’t chosen the city. The city had chosen him . “Do you have family there?”
He stiffened. “I do.”
“Tell me about them and about how you ended up being the Dark Raider.” The bold statement left my lips, like a whisper on the breeze, but his comments from last night still sat with me, the hints he’d given about also being abused. And since he’d answered some of my questions today about his hobbies and favorite foods, I figured he might answer more.
Jax’s hand shifted, his fingers curling around the hem of my shirt. “There’s not much to tell. ”
“We both know that’s a lie.”
He inhaled, and his fingers rubbed my shirt more. “I’ve been the Dark Raider for more summers than I can remember.”
“Did someone teach you how to do what you do?”
He smirked, the telltale sound of his scoff giving that gesture away. “No, Little Lorafin, nobody taught me.”
“But you obviously learned how to fight. Someone must have taught you that.”
“You’re right in that aspect. I’ve been trained in combat since I was young. It was expected of me.”
“Expected? By who?”
“My father.”
My heart jolted. “Your father? Is he still alive?”
A grinding noise came, and I knew he was clenching his jaw. “He is.”
“Oh, I see.” I didn’t press him for more information about his family. The aura strumming off Jax increased, and I had a feeling it was a sensitive subject, so instead I asked, “What ultimately made you decide to be the Dark Raider? You mentioned last night it was because of things you also suffered, but did something specific happen?”
He shifted again, and his throat rolled in a swallow. “There was something that set it off, but it was also an accumulation of things. Too many injustices were happening in our realm, and not enough was being done about it, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.”
My fingers entwined through Phillen’s mane more. “Have you ever come close to being caught?”
“Come close?” He chuckled. “I have been caught.”
It felt as if my heart stopped. “You were? When?”
“When I first created this role. I wasn’t as practiced in evading the kingsfae then.”
“How did you get away?”
He leaned closer, and a smile entered his voice. “Haven’t you learned a thing or two about my magic, Little Lorafin? I can be rather persuasive .”
My eyes bulged when his meaning hit me. “You commanded them to free you?”
“I did, but in the process I also revealed that about myself. Most of the kingsfae now think I herald from Mistvale, so most of their efforts to find me are focused there, which has actually been a blessing. But, because of what I revealed, they also know what I’m capable of. I’ve heard they wear devices in their ears now to resist a Mistvale fairy’s influence.”
“Even though most fae from Mistvale aren’t strong enough to command as you do?”
“Yes, even though most fae can’t do what I can, they still wear them, so if I’m caught again, I may not be as lucky to escape twice.”
Fingers tangling more in Phillen’s mane, I tried to ignore the turning of my stomach that thought provoked. “Do they not know that you command magic from all of the kingdoms?”
“No, they don’t. They believe I only hold Mistvale magic. ”
“Then how come I know that?”
For a heartbeat, he was quiet, and his fingers rubbed on my shirt again. “I don’t know, Elowen. I normally don’t reveal as much with captives as I have with you, so...” His fingers fiddled with my shirt more. “I don’t know.”
When late afternoon arrived, the stags slowed to a canter, moving at a natural pace. My head spun at the abrupt shift in speed, but Jax held me steady.
I sniffed. The scent of thick salt filled the breeze, and when we crested a large hill, the outskirts of a huge city waited just across the valley, and the rolling waves of the sea waited just beyond.
I gasped. “Is that Jaggedston?”
“It is.”
Crashing waves from the Adriastic Sea curled like white blankets along the cliff’s shore as the capital glimmered just west of the vast ocean. Soaring buildings made of stone, brick, and steel stretched for miles, and the Wildland Mountains rose in the distance like sharp sentries just north of it.
“It’s so big,” I murmured. “And beautiful.”
Hundreds of zigzagging streets could be seen from this high up, and at the top of the highest hill, stood the palace. Black stone walls and an onyx roof held true to the whisperings I’d heard throughout the kingdoms about the Stonewild royal’s residence. It looked dark. Sinister. But captivating too.
Beyond the capital, the jagged peaks of the Wildland Mountains gave a hint to what had inspired the capital’s name. Their frosty tips, still covered in snow despite it being end of summer, promised to chill one’s skin. North of those peaks lay Silventine Wood, one of the deadliest forests on the continent, yet I wasn’t able to see a single tree given the height of the mountain peaks.
And that was when it fully hit me—that my former life was forever behind me. Fosterton was so many miles south, Faewood Kingdom even farther. And seeing Jaggedston now reminded me of how far we’d come. I was well and truly a captive of Stonewild Kingdom until Jax said otherwise.
“As you can see...we’re here,” Jax said softly, his chest pressed to my back.
“Are we going to your home now?” I asked warily. No fae were about, but there were small houses ahead. They dotted the valley and rolling hills that led up to the capital.
“We are.”
“Will I be staying in your home for the calling you want me to do tonight?”
“You will be.”
“And tomorrow, when I’m free, will you show me the city?” I knew it was a long shot. While a part of me had begun to hope for friendship with the Dark Raider, the other part of me knew that Jax had a life outside of me. He likely had little time for someone like myself after he took what he needed.
Tensing, I waited, hoping he would prove me wrong, but all he said was, “No more questions, Little Lorafin.”
A stinging pain clenched my heart. Perhaps hoping for friendship from anyone who wasn’t paid to be in my company was asking too much. Dipping my chin, I did my best to ignore how much his reply had hurt and instead continued to gaze at our surroundings as Phillen broke into a canter.
Picking up his pace, Phillen galloped down the steep hill, the other stags keeping pace behind him. The closer we got to the capital, the more Jax’s aura grew. With every step, his aura pulsed and swirled around me, like a magical cloak settling over my skin, and I was reminded of the epic power he wielded.
But when the homes I’d seen from afar grew closer, the stags abruptly slowed and stepped off the road before dipping into a patch of trees. Bird song trilled in the air, and the breeze was even thicker with salt, but despite being closer to the capital, I still hadn’t seen a single fairy anywhere.
“What are we doing?” I asked Jax when Phillen ground to a halt.
Jax’s arm tightened around my waist. Blazing sapphire eyes met mine when I glanced up questionably at him.
“I’m sorry, but I have to do this. Forgive me, Elowen.”
Just as his words registered, the realm around me plunged into darkness. I swallowed a scream. Nothing . I could see absolutely nothing . Blackness, as dark as the semelees themselves, coated my vision. Behind me, Guardian Alleron let out a sound of fury, and I could only guess his sight had been taken too.
“Jax?” I gripped for him, but his touch disappeared along with his presence behind me, and then the sound of boots hitting the ground came.
A cold breeze billowed against my back, and it hit me how cold I would have been during this journey without Jax’s warmth pressed into me.
“Jax?” I said again, my voice rising. I hated the fear that shook it, but I couldn’t stop it.
“Just sit quietly, Elowen. All will be well.”
The sound of fabric being shifted and rustling sounds came. Before I could cry out again, Jax swung back onto Phillen again, and his solid chest pressed against my back once more.
I trembled, my breaths speeding up. “What’s happening? Why did you take my sight? And why did you get off Phillen?”
“I’m sorry,” he said so quietly it was a whisper against my ear. “But blinding you is necessary.”
“Why?” I demanded. Terror had darkness stirring within me, and my collar released a sting in warning.
“I must keep my identity a secret. This is safer for you.” His voice ached, and some foolish part of me thought blinding me had actually pained him.
But if it did, he wouldn’t have done it .
My hands flew upward. I would stab his eyeballs, take away his sight too, just so he could know how absolutely terrifying this was, but the second my hands reached his face, I stopped.
His mask was gone.
He truly was exposed, and perhaps he was hiding his true identity from me. My fingers encountered stubbly cheeks, firm lips, and?—
He growled and forced my hands down. “Don’t, Elowen.”
“Where’s your mask? Why did you take it off? And why is everyone else allowed to see you but not me?” Sooner or later, fae would be on this road. They would see Jax, but he didn’t want me to.
Instead of replying, Phillen trotted forward, and we were moving again.
Jax’s arm locked around my waist to keep me in place, but I rubbed against him, something, anything to give me a clue as to what was happening.
And the second I came in contact with his clothing, I felt the difference.
The smooth dark shirt he’d been wearing since we’d met was gone. In its place was something thicker and rougher.
“You’ve changed your clothes too.”
“Elowen,” he said in a low warning tone.
Something in me snapped. Any hope that had been building within me that the Dark Raider actually cared for me and perhaps wouldn’t deceive me broke. Lies . Everything with him had been a lie. He was hiding things from me. Possibly many things. And to think I’d desired this male and had even hoped of possibly being considered his friend.
Stupid, so stupid, Elowen. Did you actually think he cared for you? Nobody cares for you. He’s just using you like every other male, and you fell for it.
“Elowen,” he said more quietly as we rode on. His tone turned lower, rougher. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Then what is it?” I hated that my voice broke.
“Please, just trust me on this. You can’t see or—” His throat bobbed in a swallow. I could feel it since he was sitting so close. “Or hear when we get closer to the capital.”
“You’re going to take away my hearing too?” Panic tightened my throat.
“Only for a short while.”
A moment of silence passed, and the only sound that carried on the breeze was the clopping of the stags’ hooves. Everywhere I looked was darkness so black that terror tightened my chest anew.
The age-old feeling of betrayal and knowing that there was nobody in this realm who I could trust or count on sank in.
“Why, Jax?” my voice sounded broken, pleading. “Why are you doing this to me?”
His breath caught, and his arm tightened even more at my waist. “I’m sorry, Elowen. It’s truly necessary. Please forgive me.”