Chapter 14 Solana
SOLANA
My heart pounds as I stand at Silver’s door.
This is insane. What am I doing here at nine o’ clock at night? But the house was so empty, so quiet with Unc and Moses gone, and tomorrow Kel comes back to campus, and I can’t stop shaking at the thought.
I need to not be alone. I need to be near someone who makes me feel safe.
The door opens and Silver’s there in sweatpants and a ribbed tank, clearly winding down for the night. His eyes widen in shock.
“Surprise,” I chirp, forcing a nervous smile.
He stares at me, this long, uncertain moment stretching between us. I can see him trying to process why I’m here and what this means. His brows furrow and mouth opens then closes, no words coming out.
My stomach plummets. This was stupid. So, so stupid!
I’m behaving like the clingy, needy girlfriends Moses always complains about. Not that I’m Silver’s girlfriend.
We’re just friends.
Even if he’s obviously a very attractive older man who makes my pulse race and gives me flutters in my stomach. Even if speaking to him has quickly become the highlight of my day.
“Sorry, this was stupid, I shouldn’t have—” I start turning away but his hand shoots out, catching my arm.
“Wait,” he says. “Don’t go. It’s fine. You just surprised me, that’s all. It’s not every night you turn up like this. Or ever, actually.”
“I wanted to talk to you,” I say as he guides me inside, the warmth of his house wrapping around me. The door clicks shut, and suddenly we’re alone together in his private space.
If it were any other man, I’d probably be on the edge right now. I’d be overwhelmed by the blurry memories from the Saturday night that changed my life forever.
But with Silver, I don’t feel afraid at all. I’m nervous, that’s true, but it’s due to how good I feel around him. How much I like being with him. Not because he makes me fearful. I’ve never felt safer around a man before.
“I wanted to talk to you too,” he admits as I sit down on his couch and he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.
“Do you think maybe…” I pull my script from my bag. “Maybe we could practice for Friday? My final audition’s coming up, and I thought we could run lines in person this time?”
“Uh, alright. Sure, if it’ll help. You want something to drink first? Coke? Water?”
I smirk, trying to break the tension. “I’ll take some whiskey.”
He stops midstep toward the kitchen, then pins me with a stare that’s pure dad-mode disapproval, brows raised and mouth set in a line.
I can’t help but laugh, the sound bubbling out of me. “Kidding! God, I’m kidding, Silver. Don’t worry, I’ve learned my lesson. I probably won’t be drinking again for a long time... if ever.”
The memory of that night, the ketamine, Kel’s weight on me, the burning pain—it flashes through my head, and I have to swallow hard to keep from breaking apart.
Silver’s noticed, sympathy and protectiveness flashing across his stern face. I quickly seek to change the subject back to something light.
“Water would be nice though,” I say. “Thanks.”
He disappears into the kitchen while I glance around his living room, taking in the details. His place is nice but not in a try-hard way.
Leather couches fill the space along with end tables that have framed photos of his kids, Jack and Tabby. There’s a massive flat screen TV that has bachelor written all over it. Hardwood floors he’s half covered with an area rug.
It’s clean and simple and relaxed.
“I like your house,” I call out. “Very homey vibe for a bachelor pad.”
He comes back with two glasses of water, his lips spread in a half grin. “Did my best to put it together. I was so used to Rachel handling that kinda stuff for the twenty years we were married, took me forever to figure out what’s minimalist style versus farmhouse and all the other crap.”
I laugh, genuinely this time. “I don’t even know the difference.”
He sits across from me, maintaining noticeable distance. His eyes search my face and provoke another flutter of nerves out of me.
“So you said something about practicing for your audition?”
“Yeah, it’s this Friday,” I say, clutching the script like a lifeline. “Would you mind practicing with me? It’s for a scene between Moonshine and Magnolia.”
“Alright, but not sure I’ll be a convincing Magnolia,” he says, then he winks at me, a hint of amusement in his blue-eyed gaze.
I smirk back at him. “Then I’ll go easy on you and let you be Moonshine. You know, the male part.”
“Either way, not everybody’s a big-time talented actress like you. So keep your expectations low.”
My cheeks warm at the compliment.
We start the scene—it’s one of the most intense moments in the play. Moonshine’s leaving for the army, having never told Magnolia he enlisted.
It’s a scene full of deep betrayal and hurt, but most of all, the burning love and passion between them.
I slip into Magnolia’s Southern accent, immersing myself in the pain she feels. “You didn’t think to tell me? All this time, planning to leave, and you couldn’t say a single word?”
“Uh… where are we? Right, found it,” he says, looking down at the script. His eyes shift as he reads the lines, then he clears his throat and gives his best Moonshine. “Magnolia, it ain’t like that—”
“Then what’s it like?” I ask with a waver to my voice. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you made your choice without thinking of me at all.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“Do I? You might not’ve thought of me first, but I always put you first. Always.” I follow the instruction on the script, which is for Magnolia to turn as if she’s about to walk away.
Silver’s hand snaps shut on my arm.
It’s not on the script. Moonshine’s only supposed to call after her. But his choice feels right for the moment. For the intensity between the two characters.
He turns me back toward him, and suddenly we’re close. So close I can smell his woodsy cologne and feel the body heat he radiates.
…so close I can make out the little silver flecks in his blue eyes and the rough stubble on his jaw. I can study how the muscle there tightens as he peers down at me like he’s never seen anything like me before. Like he can’t imagine possibly letting me go now that he has.
It’s how we both feel.
I realize this distantly as the air around us changes, becoming more charged, and we hover in tense uncertainty.
“I always put you first,” he says, still as Moonshine despite how real it feels. “There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t put you first before everything.”
I forget the next line, my breath catching in my throat. My heart’s hammering like a hummingbird trapped in my chest, fluttering so fast I’m dizzy.
Neither of us make any attempt to move away. Instead, we drift closer as if being pulled by invisible strings. His hand comes up so slowly you’d think time was slowed, cupping my cheek. His palm is calloused from years of working on bikes, yet his touch is infinitely gentle.
It’s hesitant like he’s cradling something precious and valuable.
Me.
I lean up toward him, craving more of this feeling he gives me. Craving more of him and the safety net he’s become.
Our eyes hold each other’s the entire time, a question and answer we discover together.
Then… as slowly as we’ve gravitated toward each other, our lips finally meet.
The kiss is everything I didn’t know a kiss could be. Warm and safe and thrilling all at once. Silver kisses me with purpose. His lips seal over mine, both firm and fierce at the same time. Gentle and soft but claiming and assertive.
It’s intentional. It’s considerate, like he recognizes how pivotal this one moment between us is.
His hand slides along my cheek, thumb stroking the curve, while his other finds my waist, pulling me closer against him.
I’m left melting into the heat of his kiss. The pleasant warmth he offers me as he presses his lips to mine and we discover each other in a whole new way.
In a way that feels forbidden and inappropriate and probably wrong to most people.
The kiss deepens ’til I feel it everywhere. A warmth spreads through my chest, and the butterflies ripple in my stomach and other parts of me awaken.
Parts I had begun to forget existed after that horrible night.
With Silver, I’m not broken. I’m not a victim. I’m the woman he notices. The one he makes feel special.
Reality crashes back over us with the force of a tidal wave.
We break apart, both breathing hard. Silver stumbles back, running a hand through his hair, looking more dazed and lost than I’ve ever seen him.
“What the hell are we doing?” he rasps. “That… that’s wrong... that’s not right. That… that can never happen again.”
The rejection stings. I’m still tingling from the kiss, still buzzing from the aftereffects, and he’s already regretting it.
“That’s enough practicing,” he says, avoiding my gaze. “We’re done.”
My mouth drops open, the dreamy tingling vanishing. “You’re acting like I planned this!”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just... this isn’t appropriate.”
“Why?” I demand, stepping toward him.
He seems completely thrown I’d be so direct. “Because you’re... you’re too young for me. Way too young.”
“I’m an adult!”
“You’re half my age, Solana. You’re a just a girl.”
As if the sting of rejection couldn’t get any worse.
A girl.
After everything we’ve shared. After the deep conversations we’ve had and the way he kissed me—I’m just a girl to him?
“A girl?” I repeat, fast tears burning my eyes. “Is that what this has all been about? You helping me because you see me as some poor little defenseless girl?”
“No, that’s not what I meant—”
“That’s exactly what it sounds like! I… I thought you were my friend. I thought you actually cared about me. That you saw me as an equal!”
“I do see you as an equal—”